was it my fault that i felt disrespected? was i the bad person here?

[Only Gal]

In addition to the fb matter ( of my last thread)

 

i'm always more afraid to ask him things that bothered me coz he would be so mad and accused things of being controling and jealous. how could i be controling? he could ask me anything he likes and i put attention to it. and things with his female frenz i always be the last he cared about. means that i felt n treated to be the last priority under all his female frens.

 

1. his ex gf (initial G) was pregnant, her husband wasn't at home, n she was expecting him to come to look after her. the next day he did the journey of 8 hours bus just to see her, at the same day he was already promised me to have a cam chat with me. i would allowed him to go visit her, but i was sad coz he didnt tell me anything n just forgot wat he promised me like it was nothing to him.

 

one day i met this girl (the only fren ive met when i went to his hometown in europe), she ran to him and hugged him n kisssed him too much not like a fren. and then the 1st time met her, she suddenly cried n told him wat was going on in her life in PORTUGUESE! a language i dnt understand at all. they started to talk in that language and left me out of the conversation for quite long, leaving me carrying her crying 4 months baby. when i told him how i felt about it, he went so mad and defended her bahaviour.

 

when i asked him wat wat's wrong with her n why did she cry (trying to be concern n know his fren), he said: "she is been so stressed with her life as mother of two plus career at the same time n whining about how kids will trouble u and stuffs".

 

can u imagine she said that thing in front of her 5.5 yo son (whom i guess already understand wat it meant) and the baby.

and can u imagine she said that to my bf who would freak him out if one day we want to have kids (we already mentioned of having kids). n my guess was true, he doesnt have interest in having kids anymore after we’ve been talking about getting married!

 

this is the same girl (ex) who called him "baby" which is our "own nickname to each other" till it made me uncomfortable. 1st i thought she said it randomly, but no, it's all the time instead. i told him how i felt bout this - in a very nice way - n asked him if he could tell (G) to stop calling him that (it's awkward if we go out with or meet her again -me the gf calling him "baby" and at the same time his ex (G) also calls him "baby", n he calls "baby' to both of us-

 

i asked him nicely to ask (G) that, but he got so mad n yelling at me, accusing me that i was trying to break his frenship. then i said "if she's really your fren, name of "baby" wont be a matter to her n instead the she wants is to cause her fren relationship shaky". he didnt answer me but kept on accusing me and but calling me "*******", i was crying like a baby, telling him my culture "*******" is the rudest u cud say to someone n stop it. but he got up, looking at me crying and called me "you *******" again.

was it my fault?

 

when he visited me, i introduced him to all my frenz, not only one! and i was mad to my frens when they didnt talk in english in front of him not to make him feel uncomfortable. even my frens' english were so poor, but they tried coz i pushed them to. he's more important to me than my frens n luckily they do understand. i always put him the first in everything, not the last as he did to me.

 

was i wrong to expect the same treat from him as i do to him?

my motto is to demand something what u give. and i always be nice to anybody i guess. if ppl are happy, im gonna be happy too for making them succesfully happy right?

and this girl was the first of all the girls he puts his priority above me.

 

2. another girl is inital (S) his colleague at new hospital he works at (abroad). a girl he barely know (less than 8 months), a girl in the group he went to amsterdam for holiday. he told me she's just a girl he knows, not his fren. he showed the pics of his holiday in Amsterdam, n i saw so many pics of (S) alone in his camera. i hate to be jealous, but i couldnt help it, he's far away from me, and i never had lots pics of my male fren alone n only pics of us in group, plus i dont know this girl. i asked him NICELY why he took so many pics of her alone so much, he said "it's my decisions to take pics of whoever i want, it's my camera" with his killing look reminding me. again, his reactions hurted me.

 

still the same girl (S): she called her at 1am, means it was 9am at my place. we were on cam, he was doing n rushing on his research that needed to be done in 2 days, he told me to sleep more coz i didnt sleep enough. so i went to bed, but i woke up again after 20 mins to toilet) n i saw he wasnt in his room. he put a msg in skype chat saying "i go to helder's place to do reasearch together with him". ok. i slept more for around 2 or 3 hours. i woke up n he was still not there. i called him several times to ask if he wants the video on or off (dont wanna get him amd). but he didnt pick up at all. i got so worried!! i felt cold in my body coz i was so scared to death something bad happened to him.

 

so i called helder (didnt care wat time it was). he picked it up n informed me the last time he saw my bf was in the afternoon at hospital.

HE LIED! n i felt so stupid for being worried. but my feelings changed so fast from worry to suspicious. i still felt the cold. my connection went down, n the cam was off.

 

in minutes he sms me, "oh im sorry sweetie i left my phone in the room". but i didnt hear any ringtone of his phone when i was calling n the cam was still on. then i asked him to go ol for skype. he did.

 

i told him "i called your fren “H” coz i was so worried, but he said ur not with him, infact he was sleeping". he accused me of being too suspicious n dnt trust him. later on he told me the truth. i was mad with the fact he lied to me to met other girl when he asked me to sleep (maybe i was bothering him or he was getting ready to go). he said (S) called after i went to bed to talk to him n needed someone to talk bout she being unfaitful to her bf n needed my advice so she asked me to meet her at the closest bar. i said "u told me u barely know her, n dont u think it's a too private topic to talk about to someone u barely know, plus didnt u say she got a close male fren for years who knows her very well".

 

if i was her, i would rather keep that secret for myself or go talk to my female frens instead of my-barely-know-colleague. and he went out at 1am like a puppy to her, left his research behind for her, lied to me for her, went to a bar drinking with her when he rarely drink with me in time whre he needed to wake up early. he got so mad, n sms me: "i just want to protect ppl i know from someone like u n help them". that sms hurts me alot, untill now.

 

what about protecting MY feelings n help me overcome my jealoucy after the way he defended his ex (G) over me?

is it my fault if im losing my trust on him slowly?

am i really possesive n jealous?

am i wrong expecting my own bf to defend n protect me n my feelings?

am i weird for being jealous after all these things?

how could i trust a girl who is unfaithful to her own bf to be around my bf when he's far away from me?

 

3. one day we had out intimacy time through msg. he was telling me a story of his fantasy that involves another girl named (SA).

i liked it when he shared his fantasies to me, i felt like i'm important for him but after a month i found out that this SA is his 2nd last ex name. they broke up around 7-8 months before he met me. in his defense, he said he totally forgot. WHAT? he forgot the girl's name he dated for than a year n just broke up 7 months ago?? ridicolous!

 

i was sad n felt so down coz the fact my bf put his ex name in our intimacy fantasies. i felt betrayed.

BUT, he was mad at ME, telling me that im too imaginative (am i?), control freak, and over possesive for my jealoucy and he said that i have too imaginative illussion comes from a sick mind"

and, months after that, real (SA) -not fanatsy- called him n asked if he's free to accompany her during her holiday abroad to my bf place (country of his residence at the moment).

and he said: "yes". AFTER the probs im telling u above of (SA). and she would be staying at his place. coz he said "that's wat frens are for, to help each other."

i know what frens are for, but this is the "fren" he slept with, the "fren" whom he put inside our intimacy story, and the "fren" whom he defended over my feelings.

 

how could he said "yes" after what happened? he knows i was already jealous at this girl, but he didn't help me to overcome it at all.

i told him im not comfortable with this idea looking back of wat happened n try to change his desicion in a very long time. he finally he said ok.

how could he needed so much time to think about it?

Am i wrong to be mad for this case?

 

then he told her that he cant do it coz im as his gf is not comfortable with it. and she said to him that he has a spoild brat gf. he said he did defend me in front of her, but i dont believe him, coz i found out he lied again, coz he said he deleted her phone number, her fb, her Hi5. just for me to found out he still have her phone number in his contact, her email, she still called him.

 

i dont mind if he didnt do those, but i do mind if what he said is lie. i didnt ask him to do those things to remove her from his life. never.

how could someone said bad thing about other ppl when they obviously dont know that person?

 

there are more of those things happened. but i rarely confronted him, coz i have to becareful when i ask him things or telling him whats bothering him, otherwise he would be mad. so i chose (most of the time) to keep it for myself, while i'm definitely not kinda person. sometimes i felt maybe i was too hard on him and expect too much from him. but i never ask him not to be frens with someone, but he did cut off my friendships with 5 male frens of mine. and i did for him.

 

i broke up with him 4 days ago. it was a bad broke up. i just dont want to feel worthless for someone anymore i love anymore. i dont want to feel useless like this. i dont want to be in this situation for next relationships.

if i'm really sick then i need to know it and ask for help to a professional in this field. i have ZERO confident after this break up.

 

so, please help me by giving me advice and your comments to my situation.

am i a bad person and a control freak?

do i have a sick mind like he said i do?

am i worth being treated with respect?

was i wrong to ask him things that bothers me and be comfortable to speak my mind with my own bf?

 

(I know I’m needing some advices and comments due to my lack of experience in dating, but please, to all of you, if u’r experiencing one of the things like this, run. Run away. Far. Before it affects u too deep or harm u)