Is my uncle crazy?? Read!

[Shaun-Dro]

A little background on my uncle. He's in his late 40s and we have known each other since the mid 1980s, back when I was a little kid. He's always treated me and my brother well but he has this way of thinking that's disturbing to all in the family and others beyond.

 

He's single, never married, no kids, and hasn't been with a woman in at least 10 years, I think. He has issues with every race, even our own, the Black race, and he also has serious issues with the women as well.

 

Here's some of the breakdown: he says everybody is no good and everyone is a wolf in sheep clothing. He claims that everyone in our family are phonies except for me, although we don't agree on much, but he admires my honesty, nonetheless.

 

He says my mother (his sister) is a flake because she's afraid of conflicts and wants to get along with everyone.

 

He says that my father is a worthless conman because he has asked the family to lend him money sometimes when things get tight, but hasn't been able to pay them back.

 

My uncle says all of my cousins are pieces of garbage just for wanting to go to college and get good careers. He says that he despises their choices because they're only trying to help the evil American society by doing that.

 

When I told him about the girl at Target, he got annoyed and said to leave that little "cock tease" alone and go get a black girl for a change, even though he says they're no better than the Latin woman, the White woman, the Asian woman, the Indian woman, etc. because they're all just IN THE WAY and how I'm pissing him off by wanting to get with attractive women. He never quite elaborated on why he felt this way even when I asked him about it.

 

And lastly, he says he can't wait for sh*t to hit the fan in America because this world is 95% full of wicked people, and that a natural disaster needs to hurry up and sweep us out of here so nothing can be left of us because we're the most unappreciative nation of people in the world.

 

And to top this off, when I argued with him about these matters, he got angry with me and said that me, his only honest nephew, is severely disappointing him now.

 

I don't know what to do about him because everyone inside the family keeps asking me what's his problem and how he should be checked out by a professional. I try not to talk about my uncle to anyone else because it's upsetting but now I need strangers here on Love Shack to pitch in, so I can maybe find a way to get my uncle off this negative way of thinking/feeling.

 

I love the guy and trying to better myself professionally and personally is harder to do with him hitting me over the head with more jabs on how I shouldn't be doing this and I shouldn't be interested in this kind of woman and that kind. I really need all the help I can get from you guys in here to calm him. Thanks

[LuckyCharm]

not really sure about it in the terms of crazy but he sure does sound like he has some mental issues, the fact that he has something bad to say about every race and thinks the rest of the family is worthless says alot about him there.

[Woggle]

It sounds like he just has a low opinion of humans in general. I don't agree with it but I very much sympathize with where this mentality comes from. It's really hard to find good and genuine people these days and while I don't want things to collapse in America if this nation doesn't pull it's collective head out of it's ass that is what will probably happen.

[bentnotbroken]

Has he been checked out by a doctor? An annual physical? It could be a lot of things, but a doctor could best get to the root cause. He seems really paranoid.

[Shaun-Dro]

Has he been checked out by a doctor? An annual physical? It could be a lot of things, but a doctor could best get to the root cause. He seems really paranoid.

 

He won't see a psyche doc. He says they're all quacks! He'll only go for physical checkups, nothing more.

 

And he wants America to collapse badly. He won't stop his ranting and raving about America this, America that, and all the women are entwined in its tentacles.

 

While I do agree that there are lots of bad people out here, I also know there are lots of great people too. I believe it's a balance. Life is all about balance, I think? If not, we would've definitely titled over by now.

[alethean]

Have you ever asked him why he feels this way? I don't see people forming opinions like this for no reason, except for one of my relatives...I have a youngish uncle that I've known since he came to the States for college eleven years ago. He was never a fan of people, but as he grew older his opinions became worse until he essentially seemed paranoid. (And it turned out he was, as he tried to jump off a balcony to escape the people out to get him...turns out he's schizophrenic. )

 

Anyway, as for how to change the negative thinking patterns--I don't think you can. People like that tend to be stuck in their ways unless they want to change themselves. I think the only way for you to handle that if you are trying to change your personal outlook on life is to see him/talk to him less often. Sorry for saying that as it sounds like you guys really love each other.

[Tayla]

UNless we each physically appear in front of this man, I fear your request cannot be collectively granted. This Gent is closed minded and needs a jackhammer to open his heart and his mind. Short of that, the best you can do is be consistent in carrying a postive outlook in life and in your actions. Even pollen eventually settles on weeds so it may flourish.

 

No one here can make a medical diagnosis without a license or years of medical training on this gent.

 

Even a negative person can speak some elements of truth, validate even the smallest of his truths while expounding on it, Such as Yup, Dad did borrow money and true that he has on occassions not paid them back, why just last week he "gave" me twenty dollars to help with my bus fare and said I didnt need to pay him back...so it balances out. (Heck even make up a story if ya must) Point is to validate and expand on the thought....

A jar with a lid that has been stuck is best to ease open then jolt open

[whichwayisup]

He is an opinionated, unhappy, bitter man. He has his beliefs and some of them he needs to keep to himself.

 

Don't argue with him anymore. You know in your heart he's wrong and it's not worth the energy to deal with him.. Laugh it off on the inside and let him have his say.. You don't have to agree or disagree with him, just hear him out (maybe to shut him up, lol) so he won't get on your case.

 

Unless he is acting out physically, doing malcious things too, I wouldn't say he is mentally ill.. He seems to have had a rough childhood, and/or has been in some situations that have led him down the bitter hateful path. He sees the bad all around him only and no happiness or goodness inside others. That is very unhealthy but it doesn't mean he's crazy.

 

Keep your distance (emotionally) and don't allow him to make you feel bad or change who you are, your beliefs or who you like when it comes to girls.

[Downtown]

My uncle says everybody is no good and everyone is a wolf in sheep clothing. He claims that everyone in our family are phonies except for me.

Shaun, you are describing black-white thinking, which is one of the classic hallmarks of a person suffering from strong traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). It occurs when a person categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad." In theory, this "all-or-nothing" thinking originates at about age 3 or 4, when the person experiences a trauma that prevents him from integrating the good and bad aspects of his own personality. Because his self image is left fragile and fragmented, he becomes very uncomfortable with mixed feelings and ambiguities. That is, he is extremely uncomfortable with thinking of another person -- or himself -- as "an essentially good guy who sometimes does bad things."

 

He therefore refuses to see the gray areas, i.e., people being a mixture of good and bad. Moreover, he likely will recategorize a person from one polar extreme (adoring her) to the other (hating her) in about ten seconds -- based solely on a minor infraction or misperceived comment. Not surprisingly, the folks who view other people in this distorted manner rarely have any LTRs with close friends or loved ones (unless they live a long distance apart). Sadly, such a man drives nearly everyone away.

 

Significantly, this black-white thinking is only one of the nine BPD traits. So, although your uncle seems to exhibit this one trait at a very strong level, you cannot conclude that he exhibits a "pattern" of strong BPD traits. To conclude that, you would have to spot at least 5 of the 9 traits at a strong level. Doing that is relatively easy, however, for an uncle you have known well for many years. There is nothing subtle or nuanced about traits such as black-white thinking, verbal abuse, inappropriate anger, lack of impulse control, low self esteem, fear of intimacy and abandonment, constant blaming, jealousy, and inability to trust other people.

 

If this discussion is sounding familiar, I suggest that you read my description of typical BPDer behavior in GreenEyedRebel's thread. My four posts there start at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3398735#post3398735. I caution that, even if you do find that your uncle exhibits at least five of the BPD traits at a strong level, you still cannot conclude that he "has BPD." Only a professional can determine whether the traits are sufficiently strong to meet the diagnostic criteria. (I am not a professional but, rather, only a man who lived with a BPDer exW for 15 years and have read about it for the past 5 years.)

 

Yet, even when the traits fall well below the diagnostic level, they can easily undermine friendships and marriages. Hence, given that your uncle has already driven nearly everyone in the family away except you, it would be of little comfort to learn that he has strong BPD traits falling short of the diagnostic level, implying "he does not have BPD." What is important is whether he has most of these traits at a strong level, regardless of whether they meet the diagnostic criteria.

I need to ... find a way to get my uncle off this negative way of thinking/feeling.

If your uncle has strong BPD traits, his negative way of thinking constitutes a "thought disorder" that has been firmly entrenched since he was about four years old. Moreover, this disordered way of thinking has been such a natural part of his entire life that it is said to be "ego-syntonic," i.e., invisible to him. This means that it is impossible for you or any other laymen to improve his way of thinking. What is required, if he has strong BPD traits, is several years of intensive therapy provided on a weekly basis by a clinical psychologist having the specialized skills for treating BPDers (many, if not most, psychologists lack such skills and therefore refer clients to colleagues who do). Excellent treatment programs are available. Yet, it is rare for a man having strong BPD traits to have the self awareness and ego strength to stay in a treatment program long enough to make a difference. Indeed, most of them will not even seek therapy to begin with unless they are so low functioning they are miserable.

I love the guy.

Generally, BPDers (i.e., those having strong BPD traits) have a child-like warmth and a purity of expression that makes it very easy to love them, at least initially. Caregivers like me (and you too, apparently) are willing to spend a lifetime trying to restore that loving side of them after the temper tantrums and hissy fits start occurring. Attempting to do so, however, is a big mistake. Only the BPDer can change himself. You and I cannot possibly do it. We cannot even make a dent on the dysfunctional traits. I say this after spending over $200,000 on my exW's weekly visits with six different psychologists over a 15 year period -- all to no avail.

I really need all the help I can get from you guys in here to calm him.

Another hallmark of BPDers is the inability to do self calming (i.e., "self soothing") -- a skill that the rest of us learned in early childhood. If you decide to become your uncle's "soothing object" -- my role for 15 years with my exW -- you will harm the guy by enabling him to continue acting like a four year old (i.e., throwing tantrums and bullying people). And he will permit you to play that role only if you continue doing what you've done for years when around the guy: walking on eggshells. This is why the biggest selling BPD book (targeted to partners and family members like you) is called Stop Walking on Eggshells.

 

To be truly helpful to him, there is very little you can do. But two things come to mind. First, establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them quickly and consistently. This means you must stop walking on eggshells around him. It is extremely important that a BPDer be allowed to suffer the logical consequences of his destructive and abusive actions. Doing so is his only chance of confronting his issues and learning how to control them.

 

Second, it will be helpful -- but only a little bit, I'm afraid -- to learn how to validate his feelings. This is important, if he is a BPDer, because BPDers felt all the way through childhood that their feelings were invalidated and ignored. This is one reason why an untreated BPDer is convinced -- throughout his whole life -- that he is "a victim," always a victim. Validation techniques are discussed in the book I mentioned above. Essentially, they involve stating that you realize his feelings are very real -- without necessarily agreeing that they accurately reflect reality. If your uncle is a BPDer, one of the first things he would be taught in a treatment program is how to intellectually challenge his intense feelings -- instead of accepting them (as a young child does) as "truths."

 

Shaun, if this discussion (and my posts at the link above) ring a bell, I would be glad to try to answer any questions you have -- or point you to online resources that can. Take care, Caregiver.

Edited June 15, 2011 by Downtown

[ProjekctionMan]

It sounds like he has a personality disorder.

 

I can't diagnose him, I'm not a therapist. But it definitely sounds like has some "issues."

[Ouroboros]

A little background on my uncle. He's in his late 40s and we have known each other since the mid 1980s, back when I was a little kid. He's always treated me and my brother well but he has this way of thinking that's disturbing to all in the family and others beyond.

 

He's single, never married, no kids, and hasn't been with a woman in at least 10 years, I think. He has issues with every race, even our own, the Black race, and he also has serious issues with the women as well.

 

Here's some of the breakdown: he says everybody is no good and everyone is a wolf in sheep clothing. He claims that everyone in our family are phonies except for me, although we don't agree on much, but he admires my honesty, nonetheless.

 

He says my mother (his sister) is a flake because she's afraid of conflicts and wants to get along with everyone.

 

He says that my father is a worthless conman because he has asked the family to lend him money sometimes when things get tight, but hasn't been able to pay them back.

 

My uncle says all of my cousins are pieces of garbage just for wanting to go to college and get good careers. He says that he despises their choices because they're only trying to help the evil American society by doing that.

 

When I told him about the girl at Target, he got annoyed and said to leave that little "cock tease" alone and go get a black girl for a change, even though he says they're no better than the Latin woman, the White woman, the Asian woman, the Indian woman, etc. because they're all just IN THE WAY and how I'm pissing him off by wanting to get with attractive women. He never quite elaborated on why he felt this way even when I asked him about it.

 

And lastly, he says he can't wait for sh*t to hit the fan in America because this world is 95% full of wicked people, and that a natural disaster needs to hurry up and sweep us out of here so nothing can be left of us because we're the most unappreciative nation of people in the world.

 

And to top this off, when I argued with him about these matters, he got angry with me and said that me, his only honest nephew, is severely disappointing him now.

 

I don't know what to do about him because everyone inside the family keeps asking me what's his problem and how he should be checked out by a professional. I try not to talk about my uncle to anyone else because it's upsetting but now I need strangers here on Love Shack to pitch in, so I can maybe find a way to get my uncle off this negative way of thinking/feeling.

 

I love the guy and trying to better myself professionally and personally is harder to do with him hitting me over the head with more jabs on how I shouldn't be doing this and I shouldn't be interested in this kind of woman and that kind. I really need all the help I can get from you guys in here to calm him. Thanks

He sounds pretty levelheaded.

[carhill]

Yep, living alone will do that to you.

 

Wait, I need to discharge a few more rounds into that black helicopter that keeps circling....

 

 

Seriously, only a medical professional can determine if he's crazy.

[spiderowl]

Your uncle is incredibly negative and critical. What right has he to be so critical of so many other people, who are probably basically well-meaning? I know you care about him and up until now it sounds as if he's treated you as if you are not one of the bad ones in the family. I'm afraid that someone who is so critical of others is bound to start doing the same to you eventually. There are some important things to to remember:

 

- He's not God, he doesn't know everything and understand everyone better than anyone else. In other words, take what he says with a pinch of salt.

- A constantly critical person has a problem. Criticism is a way of ensuring that whatever is bothering him also makes life difficult for everyone else. In other words, he is spreading his own misery around.

- Because he is criticising just about everyone does not make them wrong or bad - it does mean he is negative and hyper-critical.

- Think about the good things about your relatives that your uncle is omitting to mention. How kind they have been, thoughtful, caring, fun. See how one-sided your uncle's view is.

- You may have to be prepared to displease him and be flung on the heap with the rest of them, otherwise you could end up being manipulated by him. The general theme of such manipultion is 'you are OK and on my side, but the rest are crap - don't we agree?' You don't have to agree, but yes, he might fall out with you. If you take an independent, honest view of what he's doing, would you be agreeing with him?

- He probably does need some sort of therapy to try to help him. He sounds very depressed and his unkindness to others is not going to make them act favourably towards him, which will compound the depression. All you can do is to suggest that he get counselling or something because he has such a negative view of everyone. He may not thank you for this, mind you.

- It sounds like mixed up with the depression is a lot of aggression which is coming out in this verbal, critical fashion. He is being abusive about many people. If he won't go for therapy, there's not a lot you can do except maybe ask him why he feels so angry towards so many different people. You don't have to put up with it. Being with such a negative person can't be having a good effect on you. Try to make sure you take time away from him and spend it with people who make you feel good about yourself and others.

- There might be contributing factors to your uncle's depression: does he drink a lot of alcohol? Is he unemployed and struggling financially?

- Perhaps you can steer him towards activities that make him feel better? You could find out what he enjoys doing (apart from complaining) and encourage him to get involved in these things.

 

Seriously though, the guy has a lot of underlying aggression and this is coming out all the time in this critical attitude. He does need to seek therapy rather than constantly blaming others and the world around him.

 

As long as you take a step back and review things objectively yourself, you shouldn't get dragged into his world view. He's probably trying to influence you to see things like him so that he can feel justified in his excesses but there is absolutely no reason why you should do this for him. Be yourself and remember the kind person you are, the sort of guy who wants to help his uncle not become like him.

Edited June 15, 2011 by spiderowl

[JHS]

I think of words like control freak...energy vampire...jaded...cynical...

[Shaun-Dro]

Your uncle is incredibly negative and critical. What right has he to be so critical of so many other people, who are probably basically well-meaning? I know you care about him and up until now it sounds as if he's treated you as if you are not one of the bad ones in the family. I'm afraid that someone who is so critical of others is bound to start doing the same to you eventually. There are some important things to to remember:

 

- He's not God, he doesn't know everything and understand everyone better than anyone else. In other words, take what he says with a pinch of salt.

- A constantly critical person has a problem. Criticism is a way of ensuring that whatever is bothering him also makes life difficult for everyone else. In other words, he is spreading his own misery around.

- Because he is criticising just about everyone does not make them wrong or bad - it does mean he is negative and hyper-critical.

- Think about the good things about your relatives that your uncle is omitting to mention. How kind they have been, thoughtful, caring, fun. See how one-sided your uncle's view is.

- You may have to be prepared to displease him and be flung on the heap with the rest of them, otherwise you could end up being manipulated by him. The general theme of such manipultion is 'you are OK and on my side, but the rest are crap - don't we agree?' You don't have to agree, but yes, he might fall out with you. If you take an independent, honest view of what he's doing, would you be agreeing with him?

- He probably does need some sort of therapy to try to help him. He sounds very depressed and his unkindness to others is not going to make them act favourably towards him, which will compound the depression. All you can do is to suggest that he get counselling or something because he has such a negative view of everyone. He may not thank you for this, mind you.

- It sounds like mixed up with the depression is a lot of aggression which is coming out in this verbal, critical fashion. He is being abusive about many people. If he won't go for therapy, there's not a lot you can do except maybe ask him why he feels so angry towards so many different people. You don't have to put up with it. Being with such a negative person can't be having a good effect on you. Try to make sure you take time away from him and spend it with people who make you feel good about yourself and others.

- There might be contributing factors to your uncle's depression: does he drink a lot of alcohol? Is he unemployed and struggling financially?

- Perhaps you can steer him towards activities that make him feel better? You could find out what he enjoys doing (apart from complaining) and encourage him to get involved in these things.

 

Seriously though, the guy has a lot of underlying aggression and this is coming out all the time in this critical attitude. He does need to seek therapy rather than constantly blaming others and the world around him.

 

As long as you take a step back and review things objectively yourself, you shouldn't get dragged into his world view. He's probably trying to influence you to see things like him so that he can feel justified in his excesses but there is absolutely no reason why you should do this for him. Be yourself and remember the kind person you are, the sort of guy who wants to help his uncle not become like him.

 

I agree with most of the things you've said. I called him 2 hours ago and we chatted for a while. He sounded okay, telling me how he was watching the Yankees and how he felt like throwing his bowl of ice cream at the TV because the Yankees won?

 

Then he said he's gonna order a whole pizza pie and just sit there have at it while listening to the radio because he is so sick of looking at people be "phony" on television.

 

I asked him why he doesn't eat fruits or vegetables for a change, and he laughed harshly and said he'll never eat a vegetable because it has no flavor and fruits bore him.

 

He then asked me about the Target girl again. I told him I haven't spoken to her and I'm not concentrating on just her because there lots of young women out here, then he rebounded and said I don't need no damn women and I need to stay alone because life would be much better that way in the long run.

 

He asks why I changed my mind about women and why I'm becoming Mr. Nice Guy again. I told him I'm not Mr. Nice Guy. I'm just being me...the real me finally.

 

Then, all of a sudden, he tells me how angry he is with one of his sisters for going on a cruise with a lowlife when she should be home paying the bills.

 

I really don't know what else to do with this guy, but I do appreciate everyone's input. It's been very helpful.

[ProjekctionMan]

He is an angry manchild.

[Eve]

OP, I am not sure this man is crazy. I think he sounds lonely and is projecting his views on you because you represent his youth. Try and get him to go to a Community Centre or something. It will break the week up a bit. He needs things familiar to him from a time when the felt somewhat more sure of his surroundings. A Community Centre with people his own age could offer just that. Please look into this.

 

Being lonely is a killer.

 

.. but I may be wrong. At least once there the staff would be able to keep an eye on him. I hope this type of thing is available where you live.

 

I know someone JUST like him! Mainly he has regrets that bother him and is saddened by society at large. He isn't crazy at all, just opinionated. Back in the day the worst people could do was to chat. Now people head straight into actions. Hence I would say he is probably in line with his era. If he were doing things unlike his era I would be more concerned.

 

Only a select few can argue with the person who I am thinking about and they do so mainly with love for him, so it doesn't sting him. But he had to be forced into going out more but now has a group of like minded mates and has calmed down.

 

Hope it works out.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Crusoe]

I wouldn't say he's crazy either. I know quite a few fella's like your Uncle. It's a hard knock life, and some eventually let the b*st*rds grind them down. Spend so long licking their wounds that they get a taste for their own blood, then spend the rest of their lives eating themselves up.

 

You should use him as an example of how not to be. Then, later in life, when you take some of those knocks yourself, remember your Uncle, and even though you may find yourself agreeing with some of the things he said, remind yourself not to end up like him.

[Ouroboros]

Being lonely is a killer.

But pure seething hatred can make you live forever or almost.

[WhisperinnWinds]

Yeah, I was going to suggest BPD too. The good thing is that it's the most responsive of all of the personality disorders to treatment, and it typically gets better with age. Although...your uncle's in his forties and a misery to be around...so maybe his was MUCH stronger when he was younger.

 

He's very critical...but what underlies this? Is there an innate fear of the people he hates (i.e., beautiful women)? It almost strikes me that he has touches of paranoia. I wouldn't quite call it paranoid schizophrenia, but I can see some elements there.

 

And at the very bottom of that all, he's got to be depressed.

[JHS]

Is there an innate fear of the people he hates (i.e., beautiful women)? It almost strikes me that he has touches of paranoia. I wouldn't quite call it paranoid schizophrenia, but I can see some elements there.

 

And at the very bottom of that all, he's got to be depressed.

 

Not that I know a hill of beans about this stuff but people can be paranoid w/out being schizophrenic. People with big egos tend to think things happen because of them when in reality the event is completely unrelated to them. For example, a friend of an ex GF the other day posted something on a Facebook event. I posted something later and now the comment and her profile are gone. If I were paranoid, I could say that she removed it because of me but in reality, I am sure it has nothing to do with me.

 

To explain why he has fear or animosity towards beautiful women, read, The Fox and the Grapes.

[Eve]

Yeah, I was going to suggest BPD too. The good thing is that it's the most responsive of all of the personality disorders to treatment, and it typically gets better with age. Although...your uncle's in his forties and a misery to be around...so maybe his was MUCH stronger when he was younger.

 

He's very critical...but what underlies this? Is there an innate fear of the people he hates (i.e., beautiful women)? It almost strikes me that he has touches of paranoia. I wouldn't quite call it paranoid schizophrenia, but I can see some elements there.

 

And at the very bottom of that all, he's got to be depressed.

 

Thanks for this whisperinnwinds, for some reason I thought the Uncle was older than being in his 40's. The OP did in fact make this clear in his opening post.

 

Sorry for my misread. He sounded so much older! Therefore a community centre isn't going to be a good idea in this regard. Still, maybe encourage him to go out more.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Shaun-Dro]

Thanks for this whisperinnwinds, for some reason I thought the Uncle was older than being in his 40's. The OP did in fact make this clear in his opening post.

 

Sorry for my misread. He sounded so much older! Therefore a community centre isn't going to be a good idea in this regard. Still, maybe encourage him to go out more.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Thanks for your help and input. I tried talking to him again last night, but he's firm on not trying anything new. He says he's not gonna waste any of his time on fake people and getting to know them.

 

See, that's the thing: he keeps thinking and saying that everyone is fake! I can't reason with him on that narrowed perception.

 

Then he asks me if I had sex with the Target girl?

 

This is ridiculous because the girl and I had just started getting to know each other, exchanged emails, etc. We haven't even dated yet and here my uncle is asking me this nonsense. Plus, he wants to know more freaky things about the girl (like her body) and he hasn't even see her!

 

When I asked him about ever feeling depressed (desperately needing to change the subject from the girl) he said not since the 1970s back when he was in high school. I tried to probe him on the high school days but he shut down and said he's not getting into it.

 

Should I keep plowing?

[Eve]

Thanks for your help and input. I tried talking to him again last night, but he's firm on not trying anything new. He says he's not gonna waste any of his time on fake people and getting to know them.

 

See, that's the thing: he keeps thinking and saying that everyone is fake! I can't reason with him on that narrowed perception.

 

Then he asks me if I had sex with the Target girl?

 

This is ridiculous because the girl and I had just started getting to know each other, exchanged emails, etc. We haven't even dated yet and here my uncle is asking me this nonsense. Plus, he wants to know more freaky things about the girl (like her body) and he hasn't even see her!

 

When I asked him about ever feeling depressed (desperately needing to change the subject from the girl) he said not since the 1970s back when he was in high school. I tried to probe him on the high school days but he shut down and said he's not getting into it.

 

Should I keep plowing?

 

I don't know.. I suppose the key is to find out if he has actually changed. Sometimes people really are just miserable people.

 

I do think that our thought processes can age us prematurely and his are not too too healthy. So, I still go with the idea of him trying to live through you, hence wanting to know about your sex life. Overall, people who blame everyone else tend to have an odd perception of just about everything.. Don't let him drain the life out of you or live through you though.

 

He doesn't sound much fun! Probe deeper if you want. He could be wounded, or he could be a wounder who is getting his just deserts. Personally, I would be somewhat intrigued but wouldn't put up with too much of his verbal nonsense.

 

It would be good to get him assessed but I am sure that he will fight this.

 

Take care,

Eve x