markita Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 maybe i'm writing this because it's therapeutic... i just started a long-term internship at a state agency where i might like to ultimately get a job. (they have multiple offices across our state, so having to work at this office in particular is not necessarily an issue). suffice to say i'll be here for at least several months, though. there are numerous investigators and part of our work is accompanying them on investigations. there is one who just about my age. he is very kind and sweet, but there is also a definite attraction between us. every morning, he comes to my office to talk to me (initially about work, but we usually end up talking about other things -- he is genuinely interested in my life & learning about the things i enjoy), he always seeks me out to accompany him on trips, and we generally get caught up in conversations about life and our mutual interests. he often comes to my office with no purpose at all, "to check a name on a file," and the like, seemingly for a reason to come see me (my office is on the other end of the building than his). he can be a little shy around me and i've observed that when we're in groups, he tends to be less intimate and less playful, but is always looking over my way and giving me knowing eyes to get an opinion about something. people in the office began picking up on our interactions & teasing him about it. another one of the interns has also teased me about it in private. eventually, i decided that if i want to make sure that everything goes smoothly at the internship, i should invite other interns along on our trips. leaving the office and spending 4-5 hours alone can get a bit intense. granted, we've had hours of conversation and alone time, but i finally got it out of him today (with another intern present) that he actually has a fiance. they aren't living together right now because he said he's not ready to and they don't have any plans of marrying in the immediate future. from what i gathered, they've been dating for about a year. my take on this is that either a. there was something brewing there of which i am no part and i should just wait it out and see if anything changes (although not bank on it) or b. he's a jerk looking for something purely sexual. i decided to have no reaction & not treat him any differently. i have no entitlement to him and within reason, at this point, no right to get angry that he kept it from me (especially in the setting today, which was public), so i tried to act with grace. the issue really has become how to interact with him in private. i really enjoy spending time with him, but there is also a strong sexual tension. this is only made more intense by the conversations we have, coupled with our mutual playfulness. i am not looking to be told how awful any of this is. i have boundaries and will not pursue anything physical with him until/if he is single. however, i (perhaps naively) feel that there is something more and deeper to our interactions & that i should wait it out & see how things develop over the next few months. i am not necessarily looking for advice on how to win him over, but insight and support. thank you all in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hi Markita:) Welcome to LS...You spoke of this in your post, although I want reinforce the fact that your job is wayyyyyy more important at this point...people can be horrible gossips, up in everyones business but their own...I have seen some major back stabbers in the workplace, and I bet it's worse now. Please be very careful...lol....I told God one time if it was a choice between the guy or the job, I'd take the job in a heartbeat:D Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I think it's a good idea to leave it alone.....if and when he sorts his life out, then you can see where things can go between you guys but while he is engaged and also is your coworker (and it's an internship where you're hoping to be made permanent), it's too much. If someone's life is "complicated" that is fine and dandy but being an outsider we have the choice to get involved or not, and right now you're not involved so I'd keep it that way.Why complicate your life now if you don't have to? I also think you may be jumping the gun with the whole "in love" thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author markita Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 of course, agreed. i have no illusion i'm "in love," just interested. i was focused more on making a title line that might get me some responses. thanks for your insight. best, xoxo. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 of course, agreed. i have no illusion i'm "in love," just interested. i was focused more on making a title line that might get me some responses. thanks for your insight. best, xoxo. Good. Some people come here when it's too little too late, you still have time not to get too deep in a potentially messssy situation both personally and professionally. Best of luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Wait - just to be clear, you said you've spent hours and hours of "alone time" with this guy, talking about "life" and "each other's interests," etc. etc. etc. And in ALL these hours and hours and hours and hours of talking and being "playful" with one another and enjoying your "sexual tension," he never ONCE informed you that he had a fiancee??? In fact, you claim you had to drag it out of him? Well, here's my insight and advice (since you asked for it in your post). The guy's a lowdown scumbag. You say you're not angry at him for his blatant LYING to you, day after day, about his fiancee? Well, you damned well should be. You should be angry that he was actively deceiving you and manipulating you in the hopes of having a little fun with you on the side. You should be damned angry that he disrespected you enough not to CARE about the fact that he's been TOYING with your feelings by lying right to your face every single day - in order to get what he wanted. Why in the world would you hang around this creep in the hopes of 'maybe' something developing in the future with this lying con man? Find your pride, for god's sakes. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Ditto Woman in Blue. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Wait - just to be clear, you said you've spent hours and hours of "alone time" with this guy, talking about "life" and "each other's interests," etc. etc. etc. And in ALL these hours and hours and hours and hours of talking and being "playful" with one another and enjoying your "sexual tension," he never ONCE informed you that he had a fiancee??? In fact, you claim you had to drag it out of him? Well, here's my insight and advice (since you asked for it in your post). The guy's a lowdown scumbag. You say you're not angry at him for his blatant LYING to you, day after day, about his fiancee? Well, you damned well should be. You should be angry that he was actively deceiving you and manipulating you in the hopes of having a little fun with you on the side. You should be damned angry that he disrespected you enough not to CARE about the fact that he's been TOYING with your feelings by lying right to your face every single day - in order to get what he wanted. Why in the world would you hang around this creep in the hopes of 'maybe' something developing in the future with this lying con man? Find your pride, for god's sakes. ^^^ YEP! Everything she said. Don't be a bonehead sweety - this one sounds like a nut. And to boot - he's engaged but not ready to move in with her? But ready to marry her? Or not ready to marry her because they don't have plans in the immediate future? What kind of f*cking engagement situation is that? Obligation? Boo. Sounds like a loser. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 of course, agreed. i have no illusion i'm "in love," just interested. i was focused more on making a title line that might get me some responses. thanks for your insight. best, xoxo. I really hope so...Because if not, you're wasting your precious love and energy and hopes on someone who is using you for an ego stroke and enjoying the flirting for what it is. DO NOT mistake this for him falling for you or being interested. The guy omitted the fact he was engaged.. Let me ask..When you found out he was, how did you feel inside your heart? The gossiping at work has already started, so watch out. Even more so now since you now know he's engaged. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 And to boot - he's engaged but not ready to move in with her? But ready to marry her? Or not ready to marry her because they don't have plans in the immediate future? What kind of f*cking engagement situation is that? Obligation? Boo. Sounds like a loser. I'm calling bullcrap on that. This guy is smooth and I highly doubt he got engaged with the intent of no marriage in the near future.. I'm sure his fiance would say otherwise. The guy is a player and has a huge ego. Sounds like a real prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author markita Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 took me not even 24 hours & i'm over it. you're all precisely right. thanks for all the support. i deserve better than this kind of nonsense. best, xoxo. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 took me not even 24 hours & i'm over it. you're all precisely right. thanks for all the support. i deserve better than this kind of nonsense. best, xoxo. Yaaay! Link to post Share on other sites
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