Hoping for some advice...

[wondering]

Hi all.

 

When I was a senior in high school I met and started dating a really great girl. We've now been dating for about 2 and a half years. We love each other very much and have been doing quite well. The problem is that she is my first major romantic relationship of any sort.

 

Throught high school I hadn't really dated at all (I was not exactly the popular type...icky, icky times.) I had had several rather major infatuations, but they never went anywhere at all.

 

We met and fell for each other pretty quickly. We were both on the rebound (that is, for me, a rejection from one of my one-sided infatuations) which concerned me at the time, but I don't think it is really an issue now, but doubt is still gnawing at me.

 

We have now been dating for a while, and I feel that our relationship is doing very well, and that there is a whole lot of love between us. The problem is, I often find myself fantasizing about other women. This really bothers me for two contradictory reasons; I don't want to start fantasizing about other women in a sort of 'virtual cheating' on my girlfriend, meanwhile another part of me really wants to find out what dating other women is like. What is really bothering me, I guess, is whether my romantic inexperiance is leading me to the right choice.

 

She is very committment oriented, which I don't really have a problem with. She somewqhat frequently mentions marrage, however. Granted, she is talking in the far off future, ie approx 3 years, but whenever she says it warning bells start going off in my brain. The image that keeps poping into my head is myself as a 60 year old, regretting that I didn't try out more things when I was a late teen/20something. If we stay as we are now, and eventually get married, she will have been the only girl I every really dated in my life.

 

I just don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend and really don't want to seperate. On the other hand, I want to find out what else is out there, and enjoy more dating before marrage.

 

Anywho, I've babbled enough. Any opinions/advise would be really great. Thanks.

[Nina]

Well, only you can really answer that question.

 

Firstly understand that you can't "take a vacation" from your relationship. You can't break up, date other women, then get back together. Unless you really want a WHOLE lot of doubts, insecurity, mistrust and confusion. Everyone always say, well that won't happen to me. Wrong.

 

It's a big decision to make. It's hard for me to say. I've had a few relationships in my life, but once I met the one, I knew I didn't need anything else. My fiance, on the other hand, has dated casually but I am the first serious relationship he ever had. He has no doubts, either.

 

So if you have doubts, maybe this isn't the relationship you're meant to be in. You have to sit down and weigh the consequences of your actions with the benefits.

 

But then again, the grass is always greener on the other side. Have you been on the dating scene? It Sucks. First dates are always awkward, bars are crowded and noisy, college students are all about anonymous hook-ups. I mean, know what you're getting into.

 

Remember that the problem with American relationships is that people think everything should be perfect. Well, that's never, ever, never never never the case. You'll always have conflicts, you'll always disagree and sometimes you'll want other women. That's fine. It's normal. The idea behind committment is that you don't act on the impulse. I always say to my fiance, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

 

You are the one who makes the final decision.