Establishing trust

[Evanescence]

Hi

At the end of January, my bf of 5 1/2 years broke up with me. We never had any issuse, just that we had been together since we were 16 and he wanted to make sure that this was it. He always told me that we'd be together forever and if we were to break up it would be me with him, he'd never leave me... well that was complete bs. He made me believe that nothing bad would ever happen to us. We were best friends. But **** happens.

 

About a month ago a friend of mine started to become more than just a friend. I've known him for about a year and a half. We started "seeing" each other a few weeks ago, and yesterday we became "exclusive". Anyway, i'm having trouble trusting him. I want to trust him, but from the whole break up thing a few months ago, i'm having trouble believing that someone can be completely honest with me. My bf now is GREAT, much better than my ex. Has all the qualities that i had always wished my ex had. But sometimes i get suspicious. He says and does some things that just make me wonder. I don't know if it's just me looking too much into things, or if i do have a reason to be suspicious. This morning we were talking about previous sexual partners (i've had one, he's had 5). He told me a while ago that he's had a one night stand, but when we were talking this morning he told me that he never slept with that girl. Then i reminded him that he told me he did.. and he thought about it, and was like "wait. oh ya.. ya i did.. sorry"... hmm??? he's only been with 5 girls and yet he can't remember that he slept with that girl. Maybe he was thinking of something else?? a different situation? Then there is also the fact that we both just recently started smoking again (we were both smokers a few years ago). We decided that neither of us wanted to date a smoker, and that today we were going to quit together. We both had half full packs of cigarettes still, but i decided i'd just give them both to my friend who smokes the same type of cigarettes. Anyway, this morning before he left he told me that he left his pack at my place. I looked around after he left, and they aren't anywhere to be found. I opened my pack, and i only have 3 left.. i know i had more than that earlier. I asked him about it and he didn't say anything, just started joking with me about how i was looking for them to go have a smoke.

 

Anyway, does it look like i'm reading too much into it, or should i really be concerned? how can i get myself to fully trust again and stop being so suspicious. This guy is everything i could hope for, i don't want to start this off like this!

 

Thanks for ur help!

[krbshappy71]

Obviously I wasn't there to hear the tone of voice, etc, but it does sound a little "iffy" to me. Bascially, go with your gut. Then decide if you can handle this or not. Even if people posted that you were crazy to doubt him, the doubt would be there, you know? I am thinking you need more "alone" time before jumping into this guy. Time to build yourself up, date a bit, enjoy being single awhile so the hurt of the 5 yr relationship can work itself out. Someone once told me it takes 1/2 the time of a relationship to fully get over it. Example: together 4 years, takes 2 years to get over the breakup. Not that you can't date during that time, just that it takes time to heal and not carry things into the next relationship.

 

My two cents.

[hurtingandconfused]

Eva I remember reading your thread when you ex broke up with you. s*** I remember every post I've read.

 

I agree with krbshappy. :

I am thinking you need more "alone" time before jumping into this guy.

 

However, if you want to be with this new guy YOU HAVE to live at the moment. From what it seems like, you are ready to settle down with him.

 

he told me that he never slept with that girl.

He lied and you caught him. Simple as that.

 

We decided that neither of us wanted to date a smoker, and that today we were going to quit together.

If you were missing some cigs, then he smoked them. Would that be lie number 2? Or is that a freebie because he didn't answer you.

 

Anyway, does it look like i'm reading too much into it, or should i really be concerned?

It can be an either or. If you are looking for a long term relationship with him then you should be concerned. And if he's just another b/f and want to "try" him, nope just a test.

 

This guy is everything i could hope for, i don't want to start this off like this!

One word: oxymoron

 

Someone once told me it takes 1/2 the time of a relationship to fully get over it.

dolphinsunshyn said it. But she also said that it was a general statement. It does not apply to all.