luvflower Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) Hi loveshack.I broke up with my ex a few months ago. Since then he continued to find reasons to keep contacting me. Once I think I have eliminated all reasons to communicate he finds another. Btw, I broke up with him for very good reasons and the reasons started about a year or two ago. Please give feedback on what to do on car issue in next paragraph. Thanks! Long story short, he was calling everyday morning and night up until about a month ago.so I'm like ok, he finally gets it. Then recently we decided to transfer a vehicle under both our names.There is no longer a need for both our names on the title so I suggest transferring it over to him. He says he wants to give the car to his brother. No prob, so I thought. I meet him to take care of it at the DMV. the first time we met for no reason because he didnt have the right amount of money, second time (this past friday)we completed the transfer by me signing it over to my ex , which is what I chose to do so thathe & his brother could take care of the rest and I could be finally through with him and this car biz.That was friday. He calls me today (monday) saying the title was in his bike and his bike was stolen this weekend &therefore the title was stolen, so he now needs me to go back to the dmv AGAIN. I told him that I didn't believe the story mainly because he was so upset about how I signed the car over to him so fast. I said I would help settlethis one last tim e but when I returned his call 2 minutes later he decided to not pick up. Ts is what he does when he's mad with me. He called back later saying he didn't see my call...So I closed the dialogue by saying I'm done with this car biz.since he wants to play games, I'm done.he seemed unaffected by what I said.so I'm not sure if he gets it.so I told him/texted him telling him to not call me anymore.I said this because I'm so tired of him finding petty reasons to contact me. Edited June 14, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) So I'm trying to figure out why he's acting so unaffected by me saying I'm done with this car stuff, when he's the one who keeps asking me to help transfer the title, like he's so serious about it and saying how anxious his brother is about it... A,lso the car is still out there, since I transferred it over to my exshouldnt he be the one to go to dmv now? I feel like he's trying to be slick and find a way to have me ripping and running back to the dmv simply to get under my skin and manipulate the situation since I told him I would be done with him since the car biz was taken care of... I dont want to deal with him any more under any circumstances. I want to get a restraining order against him. He keeps finding reasons to contact me and I at this point, it's completely unwanted & annoying. Edited June 14, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Just NC him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks.This guy is very manipulative and plots a lot when I ignore him. I wish things were as simple as NCing him, but the thing is now the vehicle may still be in both our names.if so, it has to be taken care of by both of us. He already has negative stuff on his driving records and may not even care if his is messed up further...this is what he keeps trying to do...get me to keep meeting up with him since I won't call him oute respond for any other reason.I'm thinking about just having the car towed away and sold so that no one can drive our and possibly get tickets and need up my driving record. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Okay sounds like you need car advice, rather than "ex" advice! Which part of the world are you in firstly? If you have signed it over to him, then it is in his name now with the DMV. A piece of paper doesn't matter in the slightest. If he needs to prove he owns the car, then he needs to contact the DMV, it's nothing to do with you. Can you contact the DMV and ask whose name the car is in? If they say it's in his name then tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. Is the car paid for, or on finance/loan? Do you need to be removed from the finance also? Has he paid you anything he owes you for taking ownership of the car? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks PEG. the car is paid for. We are in the U.S. UP NORTH.He bought it used at an auction for us both to use to save gas. So we both had our names put on the title. For about a year now, I have wanted to disconnect myself with him so badly , thus want my name off of the title. The dmv said thad my name is still on the title because my ex hadn't retitled it yet. My ex had alway ed not being happy with me signing off so quickly . I just feel like he's going to not comply , just to get under my skin.and theres nothing I can do about it. i just dont want anyone driving the car and messing up my name.the is one of mt biggest regrets in life because this guy has even tried to secretly get me pregnant because he said he felt it would keep me in his life forever... I always knew I would eventually have to remove myself from this relationship. I'm so thankful I benet had kids with him... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 .the is one of mt biggest regrets in life because this guy has even tried to secretly get me pregnant because he said he felt it would keep me in his life forever... I always knew I would eventually have to remove myself from this relationship. I'm so thankful I benet had kids with him... How does one secretly get someone pregnant? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 By putting a whole in the condom....thats how... He told me after I took a pregnancy test & saw how disappointed he was because I was NOT PREGO. thankfully, I didnt get pregnant... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I second. Thank god you didn't get pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Also, pls excuse typos in the previous post. "benet had kids..." Is definitely a mistake. Should have been "didn't have kids”... Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Glad to see you striving toward separating yourself from this guy. Although, don't be surprised if he tries to delay the whole process with the car... My ex sounds so much like yours, i.e. a bit obsessive. It can be challenging to distinguish whether their attention is healthy or abnormal in the beginning, but incidents serve as fred flats. Try not to ignore them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Yes, thanks muse08. I guess my ex is a bit obsessive. His mother has even told me that she didn't think I loved him as much as he loved me. Even more importantly she mentioned how jealous he is jealous he is of certain parts of my life. she told me several things that comfirmed my thoughts of him. He can be very sweet but very crazy as well especially when I dont/didn't do what he wants me to . He knows now how much I want ts io be done with him. This is mainly why I'm concerned about finalizing this issue with the vehicle. Edited June 16, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Yes, thanks muse08. I guess my ex is a bit obsessive. His mother has even told me that she didn't think I loved him as much as he loved me. Even more importantly she mentioned how jealous he is jealous he is of certain parts of my life. she told me several things that comfirmed my thoughts of him. He can be very sweet but very crazy as well especially when I dont/didn't do what he wants me to . He knows now how much I want ts io be done with him. This is mainly why I'm concerned about finalizing this issue with the vehicle. you're welcome. I truly understand how it is breaking up with someone who is emotionally draining, manipulative and never wanted to accept the breakup. You need to stand by you're word with him time. in reading some of your previous posts about this guy (assuming he's the same one from your other threads this year) , you two have broken up before or you've tried letting him go several times but he wouldn't accept it . I know this thread seems mainly related to the car issue but, to me it's a control issue. Your ex is controlling and pitches a fit when you dont give him his way. His mother mentioned things to you that you may want to keep in mind as well. Stand firm after this car situation if you really want to be done with him . You may wanna consider blocking his number after the car issue is resolved... Just my thought. Anyone else care to chime in? Edited June 16, 2011 by muse08 Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) As Pete says, get rid. If you have signed over the title and DMV have registered that, you have no more reason to give a monkey's about it. If it hasn't been registered with DMV, contact them direct, explain the situation and ask their advice as to how to get your name off the title. Any other practical or financial matters, treat as though you're dealing with a particularly incompetent business and just get the business deal completed and take them off your list of preferred suppliers. And change your phone number. Most providers will do it for free if you tell them it's because of nuisance calls. Edited June 16, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) As Pete says, get rid. If you have signed over the title and DMV have registered that, you have no more reason to give a monkey's about it. If it hasn't been registered with DMV, contact them direct, explain the situation and ask their advice as to how to get your name off the title. Any other practical or financial matters, treat as though you're dealing with a particularly incompetent business and just get the business deal completed and take them off your list of preferred suppliers. And change your phone number. Most providers will do it for free if you tell them it's because of nuisance calls. Thanks betterdeal. I have called the dmv and they said my name is still on the title.I was confused at first because I thought to myself, I did my part &theres nothing else for me to do. But I was wrong. My ex called me a month ago saying he lost the title so I had to be present in order to get a duplicate title. mind you this is like the second time he has supposedly lost this title. And since he didn't take this last duplicate title to be RETITLED yet because it was stolen with his bike(so he says), my name is still on that freaking title. Once this is resolved, I will definitely be done with him and I think he knows that. I have not initiated any communication with him since I broke up with him. Still he keeps finding reasons to contact me. When we were together he complained about me not calling him enough. So he probably figures i will literally become a stranger now that we are no longer together. It seems like he doesn't let 2 days go by without contacting me. When I say he tried getting me pregnant to have a life long connection with me, I'm very serious... I dont think I'll change my number though.I will block his number, but I've changed my number because of another ex before. I don't feel like the hassle again of notifying certain people of my number, etc. Trust me, I well block him tho. Another reason he's frustrated with me of because I refused to tell him where I moved to.never invited him over or anything. This is how serious I am about removing him & his drama from my life. Edited June 16, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 He phones because he's bored and lonely. The lines, "You're bored" and, "I'm not your girlfriend" had good effect on me when I was a bit of a dick like he's being. Did you ask DMV how you can rescind your claim to title in the vehicle, without having to deal with the muppet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) He phones because he's bored and lonely. The lines, "You're bored" and, "I'm not your girlfriend" had good effect on me when I was a bit of a dick like he's being. Did you ask DMV how you can rescind your claim to title in the vehicle, without having to deal with the muppet? Lol@"the muppet" Yes I did ask, the lady said thats the only way. Though she sounded kinda lazy like she wasn't as informed as she should be, I think she's right.I've heard of cases where people bought auctioned vehicles and secondary buyers would drive the cars without ever getting the title transferred. it can mess up one's driving record.this is the my main reason for making sure my name is no longer associated with that vehicle ,him, or any other random person. So I have to b there to make sure the title is retitled, right then and there to him and not left on my name... As for telling him I'm no longer his "lady", I've done that.he says he knows but Im going to just have to remind him by ignoring him after I tell him one last time that I dont love him. I should have let him go when he started calling me literally 10-15 times a day within the first 3 months of us going out...while I was at work! Edited June 17, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Furthermore, why does he keep calling at ask when he is most likely seeing some one else, especially after I have been ignoring him so much.. He use to call me every day even after I broke up with him.I rarely picked up and never initiated communication. This car situation has caused more communication. now it's like he tries to wait 2 days then calls or texts for some random reason. I have decided to deal with his brother in this situation, by signingover to his brother.my ex knows this,but He just called twice &didncdt leave a message.... For what, for goodness sakes... Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 He's playing games. sounds like he misses you, but in the back of his mind he knows it's really over between you two. Thats the sick part about men like him, the more you ignore them, the harder they push. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Empty vessels make the most noise. My ex phoned me once a month for a year, for a booty call. I eventually changed my number. I had got tired of being a distraction from her real issues. I swear when we do this sort of crap (I've pined after someone after the breakup too) it's because we know it's over so we know we can be all emotive and gushing at them safe in the knowledge that it won't come to anything. Some times we like unrequited love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Empty vessels make the most noise. My ex phoned me once a month for a year, for a booty call. I eventually changed my number. I had got tired of being a distraction from her real issues. I swear when we do this sort of crap (I've pined after someone after the breakup too) it's because we know it's over so we know we can be all emotive and gushing at them safe in the knowledge that it won't come to anything. Some times we like unrequited love. Perhaps this is just it. Though I'm not sure why people behave like this toward someone who has broken up with them... Whatever the case may be, tel me this betterdeal, is there any way to predict men who will rhythm out like this, i.e. obsessive, controlling lovers of unrequited love...? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Really? Relationships are a series of interactions. If you, and someone else, can turn out more good than bad by those interactions, that's what counts. I've found therapy, hypnotherapy, self-help books, CBT, yoga, assertiveness training, learning about boundaries and the inner self, all very helpful. You have to take risks, it won't be perfect, but if you are both willing to learn and grow, and you have fun together, that's how a relationship thrives. And no-one can control you. Not really. The inner you, your self can never be controlled. It is you. Sometimes, pointing out how you feel, what they do that makes you feel that way, and what you'd like them to do, can make the change you're looking for. I feel pressured by all the texts you keep sending, can you reduce them, please? For instance. Think from a position of power. Be on top of the world. They can hit you, lie to you, try to demean you, but that's just makes them dickheads. If saying stop (verbally, physically) doesn't make them stop, that makes them even bigger dickheads. Be generous when you want to be. Be your own best friend. Edited June 18, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Really? Relationships are a series of interactions. If you, and someone else, can turn out more good than bad by those interactions, that's what counts. I've found therapy, hypnotherapy, self-help books, CBT, yoga, assertiveness training, learning about boundaries and the inner self, all very helpful. You have to take risks, it won't be perfect, but if you are both willing to learn and grow, and you have fun together, that's how a relationship thrives. And no-one can control you. Not really. The inner you, your self can never be controlled. It is you. Sometimes, pointing out how you feel, what they do that makes you feel that way, and what you'd like them to do, can make the change you're looking for. I feel pressured by all the texts you keep sending, can you reduce them, please? For instance. Think from a position of power. Be on top of the world. They can hit you, lie to you, try to demean you, but that's just makes them dickheads. If saying stop (verbally, physically) doesn't make them stop, that makes them even bigger dickheads. Be generous when you want to be. Be your own best friend. I agree with basically all you've said here. some people truly find pleasure in not respecting the requests and/or limits of others. Though, luvflower's ex seems to be a really special case. In reading some of her previous posts about this guy, he is beyond persistent. his mother even gave luvflower a subtle a "warning", if you will, about this guy. Sound like he just won't take no for an answer. In cases like these, I feel like luvflower really should change her number. Thats just an opinion...luvflower, consider that if expect him to continue contacting you. Link to post Share on other sites
stray Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I don't know if there's really any kind of complex control issues here. It just sounds like he doesn't take rejection well and he's very co-dependent. Best thing you can do for him is be straight forward and let him not there's NO HOPE you and him will ever get back together. You can say this nicely. Something like, "it seems like you're having a hard time with this and I completely understand that. However, I'm positive we will never get back together and you need to move on, now." Or something. Let him now if he still keeps contacting you that you'll just have to block his number, for his sake and yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) Thanks. You're on point regarding him not taking rejection well. He acts as if he understands but still contacts me. Now, I have already told him that we are really done...but you know what, with people like him, it's best to show them rather than do a bunch of talkn. Because our relationship did drag on a after the initial breakup, he may think theres a chance we may get back together.I initially broke up with him 6 months in to our relationship because I began noticing how obsessive he was about knowing where I was and how much drama he came with.I realized I could not love him unconditionally. He could not accept this. He never even wanted to stay at his own place when I wanted to stay alone at my spot so that I could get sleep without him waking me up for some "nookie". He wanted me to give him a key to my apartment and all...within the first 4 months of us dating...! And calling me literally like 10 times oute more while I was at work. My job requires me to be engaged with people constantly and he would call for random stuff and getting upset when I didn't answer my phone. I'm sorry, but that is controlling. He is controlling. But I'm done, I don't think I owe him anymore explanations. He will see by my actions that I have no further interest in him... Edited June 19, 2011 by luvflower Link to post Share on other sites
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