Ex keeps finding reasons to contact me.

[betterdeal]

I don't know about controlling, but I do know it would be bloody annoying if someone did that to me.

[luvflower]

So what is considered controlling? I need to know...

 

Would you consider my ex just a pest, jealous, obsessive, possessive, or what? Calling like 10 times in one day & Getting upset when someone doesn't pick up the phone (after you've called "10" times)because they are"working" is not controlling? If not then what is that?

 

Seriously, I'm trying to understand whether or not thats normal behavior and perhaps I'm the one being too cold... ...?

Edited June 22, 2011 by luvflower

[betterdeal]

The way I see it, it can only be controlling if it succeeds in controlling you. It takes two to make it work, as a control mechanism, if you see what I mean?

 

I have a friend who changed her hair colour from blonde to brunette. Her boyfriend moaned at her that he only liked blondes, to which she replied, "better get yourself a blonde girlfriend then." Had she worried about it and died her hair blonde again to please him, that could be described as being controlled by him, but she didn't.

 

Don't worry about normal - it's normal for him in this situation to be a pain is the arse. It's normal for you to be annoyed by all these calls. Saying "I feel pressured / annoyed by all these calls; I'd like you to stop calling so much, especially when I am at work" is enough to get the ball rolling. If he goes gets angry / balls his eyes out / sulks that is his problem, not yours.

 

Similarly, now he's your ex, saying, "I'm not your girlfriend, stop calling me" is your first step to getting the message across. If he is as rude as to ignore you wishes, change your phone number.

 

Think from a position of power. You are going to live your life how you want to. If he lacks the manners to leave you in peace, take steps to maintain your own peace. You be the grown up in your life.