Childish perhaps..but it made me feel better

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Are you prepared for the fallout on this one? If he loses his job it will effect his wife and child (ren). Who exactly are you punnishing here. He treated you like dirt, I agree. You kept allowing it though. Why are you so darn angry at him when you wouldn't cut him off to begin with. He showed you who he was and you accepted it, why make his family pay? I think you need to turn a little of that anger toward yourself and figure out why you allowed yourself to accept that. THEN yuo can start to move on.

[Gentlegirl]

I am not defending MM but I am a school principal and if anybody had done that to me, it would have been professional assassination. I just thank God nobody did.

 

It will not do him anygood for sure, maybe wreck his career and he has a young baby to support now.

 

Gentlegirl

[stillafool]

I haven't read her story but why shouldn't he be around children? Did he molest a child?

[Rooke]

He won't lose his job, albeit I don't know what the protocol is however I doubt it's severe enough to cost him his job, I think at worst she will have a conversation with him probably along the lines of that he needs to conduct himself with more decorum and decency in future at risk of dragging the schools name through the mud.

I do intend to find out where he lives and write to her also.

[MissBee]

Firstly, I'm a bit confused about how his work life has anything to do with your A. Did he somehow use his profession to get into the A with you? From everything I read here the answer is no. If the school reads it objectively they'll see that it's some crazy rant, have their attorney review it, recognize that it opens them to ZERO liability and will most likely throw it in the trash. That's how the real world works in almost every form of business.

 

So, then why did you do it? Because you think he's unfit to be a teacher? No, I don't think that's really what it is. I think you're extremely hurt, angry, and harboring a ton of emotions towards the situation, understandable because he supposedly through you under the bus (I say supposedly because you only have his word and no other evidence that the event occurred). Thing is, you should take all that anger and channel it into other things, projects, life, friends, family, hobbies, etc.... and go through IC. Stop focusing on him, because that's really what your letter says, that you're still absorbed with him, still focused on him, still in love with him, still want him; the vehicle, intent, and words mean nothing, it's the action that speaks which is that you're refusing to let go.

 

Why give your pride and dignity up so readily? And, why escalate beyond his personal life? If you were so angry why not figure out where he lives and mail a letter to his wife.

 

I think you might find this is going to get 100x more uglier before it gets better .

 

Couldn't have said it better....

 

Which is why revenge is better served cold. It's best to wait until your emotions calm down to see if you STILL want to make whatever decision you're trying to (and most often you don't) or else you will most likely be acting out of sheer impulse and regret it later on.

 

No use saying she shouldn't have done it...because she did...but she should brace herself for it becoming even a worst fiasco not only for him but for her own reputation as well.

 

I refuse to give any man the evidence to think I am obsessed with him or crazy over him. If you hurt me deeply, I'd rather channel that hurt somewhere else and pretend you don't exist ...until it becomes a reality that I no longer care, than act out which will lead me to be more entangled in your life and for my pride to go even further out the window as you watch me make a spectacle of myself.

[Carrot2000]

That was childish. Very childish. And probably exactly what I would have done if I were in your situation. I'm not saying your actions were right, but I definitely understand where they came from.

[jwi71]

He won't lose his job, albeit I don't know what the protocol is however I doubt it's severe enough to cost him his job, I think at worst she will have a conversation with him probably along the lines of that he needs to conduct himself with more decorum and decency in future at risk of dragging the schools name through the mud.

I do intend to find out where he lives and write to her also.

 

Let. It. Go.

 

Honestly, you sound unhinged. And I'm being polite there.

 

Stop stalking this guy...its over. He did NOTHING to you that you didn't allow him to do.

 

Is he a creep, jerk, loser, azz, whatsoever...sure. But you knew that the minute he said he was M. And after you found you did what? Exactly...you allowed at, you encouraged it and YOU own it just as much as he did.

 

Let's face it, he had you snookered from day one. He is a far more accomplished liar and manipulator so trying these juvenile games is pointless. You will simply lose AGAIN. He will spin and twist this until YOU look like some crazy stalker chick. And you already look like one.

 

My advice is to quit this and move on. It won't end well for you.

 

(But I bet he comes out relatively clean)

[MissBee]

Are you prepared for the fallout on this one? If he loses his job it will effect his wife and child (ren). Who exactly are you punnishing here. He treated you like dirt, I agree. You kept allowing it though. Why are you so darn angry at him when you wouldn't cut him off to begin with. He showed you who he was and you accepted it, why make his family pay? I think you need to turn a little of that anger toward yourself and figure out why you allowed yourself to accept that. THEN yuo can start to move on.

 

Couldn't agree more!

 

I definitely believe the OP should feel hurt; however, after hurt and all that, we have to take responsibility for ourselves and see exactly where our own choices propelled a situation and scold ourselves for that, learn our lesson and move forward.

 

I spent an inordinate amount of time blaming my ex for my unhappiness and for him hurting me and rehashing every single unscrupulous action he did. I wanted him to feel how I was feeling and although I never actually did anything myself, I kept on watching and waiting for the proverbial biatch called Karma, to ruin his life so I could feel self-righteous and justified. It was quite sick on my part and an obsession. I couldn't get over it! I felt like if he didn't "pay" my life would never move on.....how wrong.

 

I then turned the light on myself and my growth and my own hand in the matter and my immense anger and hurt started to subside and I was able to actually do something and move on. I realized how much time and energy I wasted and directed at him and I will never do that again. It's such a waste.

 

It's like people who break up with exes and only have negative things to say about all their exes, accusing them all of being crazy and the reason for the demise and deeming all men/women as bad instead of perhaps seeing their OWN part in choosing such people and what they can do differently next time. They live stuck in the past and continue to attract the same types of relationships as they have NEVER learned their lesson and kept deflecting the blame....and IME, the Universe continues to send you the same lesson, in maybe a different package until you learn it!

[26pointblue]

This thread makes me so sad. :-( You keep doing things that should be beneath you, because of this MM. It makes you no better than he is, really.

 

Whenever I've felt so much anger and hatred at my xMM, I've come to realize I was mainly mad at myself for letting myself be played. The only way to heal was to get & stay far, far away from him & not contact him or have anything to do with his life in any way shape or form.

 

You have just inserted yourself into his life again by your own free will. I'm sorry but I don't think you have anyone to be mad at but yourself.

 

Many many many xMMs make promises they don't keep, lead us down rosy pathways that end up in a field of cow manure. Does that mean we have no responsibility for following them even when we could smell the stench up ahead? No. Does that mean it's okay to go back and roll around in the mud once we realize they're pigs? No.

 

I really don't know what you're thinking & I feel very sad for you. I hope you can just leave him in your past & become a stronger person.

 

Peace.

[20Seconds]

Rooke, what's done is done.

 

Just one thing I hope may help you. The most positive thing I learned from my A is that it is OK to have feelings, but not always OK to act on them, particularly if doing so is not in MY best interest.

 

Split the feeling out from the action.

 

Allow yourself to FEEL angry, but choose whether to act on it or not. It does not invalidate your feeling by not acting on it, likewise, you do not have to validate your feeling by choosing an action to back it up.

 

Feelings always pass, whether you have acted on them, or not.

[fooled once]

At this point, the action cannot be undone.

 

Instead of criticizing Rooke, let's try to help her move forward.

 

Rooke, you did what you felt you needed to do; just like someone OW stay in an affair for years and years because that is what they feel they need to do. Those OW don't care that a wife and children are being short changed by the affair.

 

Its done.

 

Now, you really have to start to heal.

 

Have you checked into counseling? I honestly think that would be good for you.

 

I am not going to sit here and tell you how inappropriate your actions may or may not be. If more people were willing to NOT engage in an affair OR end an affair by telling the wife, maybe there would be less affairs? I have no idea.

 

Going forward, IMHO, you need to refocus your energy on YOU and on healing. Put the past behind you and close that chapter.

 

Going forward, what are you going to do when faced with the situation to enter an affair? How are you going to handle yourself?

 

I hope you find some peace Rooke, I really do.

[BB07]

Rooke, I'm with FO when she said let's not criticize you anymore, it's one of those things you can't undo and gawd most of us understand that rage oh so well. Some have acted on it and some haven't. Anger has to be burned off until it's clean but in the future don't open yourself up to more hurt by acting on it.

 

 

Hugs Rooke.........it will be alright, you've come far and this is just a slip back, you will come out of it again on the other side.

[whichwayisup]

What is your end result that you're hoping happens? He loses his job, loses respect, from everybody? That his wife kicks him out and divorces him, makes him pay through the nose with child and spousal support? He loses everything and is alone?

 

OK, that happens, hypothecially here..Then he calls you, begs you, says he's really f.,uked in the head and is so sorry... He loves you... Do you take him back? Do you even consider it? Or do you tell him to F.OFF and never contact you again?

 

I just wonder how far you plan on going? To make him completely suffer and ruin his life, he can lose EVERYTHING he's ever worked for as well as his marriage, his baby, his whole life?

 

I just wish that you would turn some of this inward towards yourself because you chose that path and chose to believe him over and over again. This isn't all his fault.

 

All I know is, what you put out there comes back and you taking things to a nasty level, he more than likely is going to come after you so be prepared for a war and revenge from him.

[BB07]

Excuse me, but she doesn't need coddling, she needs a swift kick in the ass. She will never learn anything if she doesn't learn to accept the consequences of her choices and behavior.

 

She's not some poor little naive waif who was deceived by some big masterful powerful manipulator. She knew exactly what she was doing and relished every minute of it. Now she's in a frenzy of jealousy as the "woman scorned" and her acting out sounds like it's going totally out of control.

 

This is not a little child is it? It's an adult. She doesn't need hugs. Stop playing that game, you're not helping her.

 

Consider your previous post with the terrible insulting nastiness reported. You have no credibility.

[Emme]

Rooke, how could you! How could you let him get the best of you. You have stooped way down passed his level. It's one thing to mess with someone's heart. It's an entirely different thing to mess with someone's livelihood. Did you consider the possibilities... that he might loose his job and not be able to provide for his children. When his child is hungry are you going to take money out of your pocket to feed it. Come on man you gotta be kidding me. You just went and destroyed every progress you made the past few months. He's got a hold of you and you are forever destroyed. Be prepared though ... for every action there is a reaction. If he's smart he won't even acknowledge what you did.

[SoMovinOn]

Basically if this had turned out in your favour, this man you are trying to ruin now, would have been your possible husband if he had left his wife, right? So now because of what happened, he's the devil and has to have his life ruined professionally?

 

People have different opinions on this one way or the other. I can respect that. However, I find this particular thought to just be foolish.

 

"Basically, if a rapist had taken you out to dinner and for a few drinks, this might have been consensual sex."

 

"Basically, if he had been kissing you instead of punching you, you might have enjoyed it"

 

"Basically, if he had been honest with you rather than lying to you, you wouldn't have had a problem with him"

 

etc.

 

Of course if you change the circumstances then your feeling about a given incident or the outcome will change. It's just a pointless remark that has no value or meaning.

[Silly_Girl]

Rooke, why do you intend to contact his wife? What do you plan to tell her?

[SoMovinOn]

I just read through all the posts, and, since no one has yet voiced this opinion, allow me to be the first.

 

Revenge rocks. Strike hard. Be brutal. No mercy. Nice guys finish last. The meek shall inherit the earth - one six foot plot at a time.

 

There is no karma. There are people who do bad and evil their whole lives and never suffer a single consequence. There are people who do good their whole lives who constantly suffer negative consequences or have bad things happen to them.

 

The worst part of revenge is going into it unprepared. You may leave the object of your revenge feeling he/she has nothing left to lose. At that point, they may choose to strike back - and they have no fear of any potential consequences. If you can't handle that part, you're in trouble.

 

Whatever. You did what you did. It can't be undone. Good for you. Rock on!

[Rooke]

Oh dear. There's quite alot for me to read there because I'm on different time so I get these all at once.

First and foremost I have also reported the abusive posts from the KC person and do not dare tell me how I think or how I feel. For your information, you idiot, I was the one who ended it and no I am not jealous. So go and crawl back under your rock because as BB says you have no credibility.

Secondly, I didn't do this out of anger or hurt, if that had been the case then I would've sent in back in April, but I didn't take the decision lightly, I wrote it, tore it up, re wrote it and eventually I decided to send it and I'm not lying about my emotions, yes I did it for revenge because he ruined my life and I want to ruin his. Yes I chose to go along in the A but I didn't choose to relocate based on all the facts.

As the bible says, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

Finally, let me say this. If he'd apologised to me, if he hadn't blamed me entirely for this situation then I would've happily walked away but he didn't even have the decency to do that, so berate or criticise as much as you want but I believe he deserved it.

Oh and he isn't going to lose his job, she may have a stern discussion with him, which quite frankly I think needs to be had, but he isn't going to lose his job, so all this talk of losing his livelihood is moot.

[Woman In Blue]

I didn't know he was married when we first got together.

Yet ANOTHER con man lying about his marital status to get a little on the side. And the cowardly weasel didn't even come clean about it until right after your father's death. What a worthless piece of sh*t. If you stayed with this piece of garbage after you found out you'd been conned by him, then that's on you.

 

However, I'd make it my life's work to hunt his wife down and tell her everything. All bets are OFF when a lying con man disrespects a woman and lies about his availability. You owe him ZERO respect.

[Silly_Girl]

Oh dear. There's quite alot for me to read there because I'm on different time so I get these all at once.

First and foremost I have also reported the abusive posts from the KC person and do not dare tell me how I think or how I feel. For your information, you idiot, I was the one who ended it and no I am not jealous. So go and crawl back under your rock because as BB says you have no credibility.

Secondly, I didn't do this out of anger or hurt, if that had been the case then I would've sent in back in April, but I didn't take the decision lightly, I wrote it, tore it up, re wrote it and eventually I decided to send it and I'm not lying about my emotions, yes I did it for revenge because he ruined my life and I want to ruin his. Yes I chose to go along in the A but I didn't choose to relocate based on all the facts.

As the bible says, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

Finally, let me say this. If he'd apologised to me, if he hadn't blamed me entirely for this situation then I would've happily walked away but he didn't even have the decency to do that, so berate or criticise as much as you want but I believe he deserved it.

Oh and he isn't going to lose his job, she may have a stern discussion with him, which quite frankly I think needs to be had, but he isn't going to lose his job, so all this talk of losing his livelihood is moot.

 

So if he'd said 'sorry' you'd let him off, but because he didn't say that to you he's no longer capable of being a teacher or taking responsibilty for students so you stir up a load of *****e.

 

Rooke, listen to yourself for crying out loud! You need to get some proper help with this, not an internet forum!

[Rooke]

So if he'd said 'sorry' you'd let him off, but because he didn't say that to you he's no longer capable of being a teacher or taking responsibilty for students so you stir up a load of *****e.

 

Rooke, listen to yourself for crying out loud! You need to get some proper help with this, not an internet forum!

 

Regardless of whether he'd apologised or not I still would never have thought he was capable of being trusted, professionally or otherwise. If he'd said to me there's some money, go back home, go back to London, but he didn't. He left me here with nothing, no one and not in a financial position to leave, if I had been in a position to leave physically, that would have helped me move on in every other respect also.

And I am getting professional help, and struggling to pay for it, because he left me so much in the crap.

But as long as he's okay and everything works out for him then I'm sure that's all that matters.

[Silly_Girl]

Regardless of whether he'd apologised or not I still would never have thought he was capable of being trusted, professionally or otherwise. If he'd said to me there's some money, go back home, go back to London, but he didn't. He left me here with nothing, no one and not in a financial position to leave, if I had been in a position to leave physically, that would have helped me move on in every other respect also.

And I am getting professional help, and struggling to pay for it, because he left me so much in the crap.

But as long as he's okay and everything works out for him then I'm sure that's all that matters.

 

I only quoted you back. YOU said those things, not me.

 

I said it earlier and I'll say it again, this crap is no good for YOU. I think you're doing yourself a massive disservice.

[Rooke]

You're the one who fails to realise that your opinions are not welcome here.

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. If you don't agree with the A situations stay away from this forum.

[dynastic]

What's done is done. Split milk and all that. Bring it back to you.

 

In the short term, you say you feel better, but what are you going to do if that high doesn't last? What if you are overcome with guilt and remorse for your actions? Do you have a plan to deal with those possible feelings that might surface later?