Childish perhaps..but it made me feel better

[Rooke]

What's done is done. Split milk and all that. Bring it back to you.

 

In the short term, you say you feel better, but what are you going to do if that high doesn't last? What if you are overcome with guilt and remorse for your actions? Do you have a plan to deal with those possible feelings that might surface later?

 

I doubt it will come to anything. He isn't going to lose his job and at worst I dare say all that will happen is a conversation.

I am prepared for it if it does come back and bite me but I doubt it was taken seriously and I don't think I will regret it. He hasn't regretted leaving me in the crap.

[Viscious Vendetta]

Rooke, A woman lied to me about being single. I broke it off with her and sent proof of the wh*re's philandering to her spouse. I thought it was the right thing to do. He believed her lies and she's cheating on him again with someone else who I'm sure doesn't know she's married. I'm not going to clue either one of them in. It's not my deal any more. Be sure you know where your stopping point is ok?

 

Could still show a bit of empathy/understanding. No one is 'better' we're all in the mixing pot one way or another.

It's so hypocritical of you to say this on another thread then be so nasty here. Obviously your empathy/understanding only extends one way so you've no right to critique others.

[Rooke]

Rooke, A woman lied to me about being single. I broke it off with her and sent proof of the wh*re's philandering to her spouse. I thought it was the right thing to do. He believed her lies and she's cheating on him again with someone else who I'm sure doesn't know she's married. I'm not going to clue either one of them in. It's not my deal any more. Be sure you know where your stopping point is ok?

 

It's so hypocritical of you to say this on another thread then be so nasty here. Obviously your empathy/understanding only extends one way so you've no right to critique others.

 

Ooh I like your nickname, that is very cool. Alliteration and everything. You're absolutely right. I know my stopping point will be when I have his address and have written to his wife. Because we both know she won't know the truth.

[Snowflower]

Ooh I like your nickname, that is very cool. Alliteration and everything. You're absolutely right. I know my stopping point will be when I have his address and have written to his wife. Because we both know she won't know the truth.

 

It will be good that the wife will know the truth about what her husband has been doing.

 

However, why do you want to tell the wife now? Is it to cause further problems for the xOM? Why do you want the wife to know? Is it to spread the misery even further? Please examine your motives for telling her before you write that letter.

[Rooke]

I figure his wife didn't have all the facts either when she chose to become pregnant.

 

Actually she did. I spoke to her the last time she found out.

[Rooke]

? how'd you find her b4?

 

Yes, and I wasn't this angry because he'd never promised me he was going to leave and moved me to a new city before

She walked in and he gave the phone to her and said "ok tell her"

So I did.

[Silly_Girl]

Rooke, A woman lied to me about being single. I broke it off with her and sent proof of the wh*re's philandering to her spouse. I thought it was the right thing to do. He believed her lies and she's cheating on him again with someone else who I'm sure doesn't know she's married. I'm not going to clue either one of them in. It's not my deal any more. Be sure you know where your stopping point is ok?

 

It's so hypocritical of you to say this on another thread then be so nasty here. Obviously your empathy/understanding only extends one way so you've no right to critique others.

 

I've not been nasty, I think you should read some other responses! I think Rooke lashed out and might be the one left with consequences to bear. She said she plans to continue by contacting the wife next, and that if he'd apologised she wouldn't have done it... something is very wrong here and I think it could get worse before it gets better. Which would help no one, least of all Rooke.

[donnamaybe]

She walked in and he gave the phone to her and said "ok tell her"

So I did.

Are you absolutely certain that was his W on the other end of the line?

[Rooke]

Are you absolutely certain that was his W on the other end of the line?

 

You know my Mum has said this to me countless times..and she's convinced it wasn't.

I guess I can never be certain, but I did hear the door open and close but she never asked any questions I expected her to like "Has he had you in my house? In my bed" "Did he use protection" "How long has it been going on for" she basically made excuses for him saying he'd only done it because he was depressed, and I remember wow it ain't gonna take much for him to talk his way out of that one, later he said they'd split up for 3 months but she agreed to work it out because they went to Counselling.

But my Mum found it so strange that he just gave her the phone like that..

[bittersweet memories]

I didn't know he was married when we first got together. The moment he chose to tell me he was married was just after my Dad died.

Yes I did sign my name, I expect to take responsibility and I want him to know it was me.

I haven't even had so much as an apology from him.

 

 

All the signs were there but you refuse to ignore them.

 

All I know is karma is a bitch if you're one...

Edited June 15, 2011 by bittersweet memories

[donnamaybe]

she never asked any questions I expected her to like "Has he had you in my house? In my bed" "Did he use protection" "How long has it been going on for" she basically made excuses for him saying he'd only done it because he was depressed

Does that REALLY sound like something a woman would say to the female her husband has been cheating with? Really? Is that what YOU would say if you found out you had been lied to and your H was sneaking around with some other gal behind your back? I bet it wasn't even her.

[Owl]

So...what was really so wrong about what Rooke did? Really?

 

She didn't lie. She sounds as though she tried very hard to make sure that everything she said was provable and the truth.

 

She informed them about actions that are indicators of personality and character so that they could make an informed decision.

 

SHOULD she have? I dunno.

 

I think it would be far better for Rooke if she could work on getting her mind and focus OFF of MM...in any fashion, shape, or form.

 

Far better for her at this point to work on letting go of caring about him in any fashion...positive, or negative.

 

He's no longer your concern...in any way or shape.

 

You've done what you've done...let it go, let him go, and instead focus on WHAT IS NEXT in your life, rather than on what was.

 

Putting time and effort into communicating this to the school board was still giving him some power and influence in your life. Put a stop to that, start focusing on better things.

 

Whatever happens to him at this point...good or bad...doesn't matter to you anymore.

[BB07]

THIS is the post in this thread that should get 10 stars!

 

So many people are giving Rooke hell over this and good grief, she isn't going after him with an ax. She will have to deal with the consequences (if there are any) and I think to keep beating her with the self righteous stick and the outrage is just so wrong. Also.........this jc person who obviously is a previous poster (who probably got banned for being so nasty) should get no credibility because of the nastiness (calling Rooke a cum receptacle and insulting her mother is beyond what anyone should tolerate in this forum, (please report).

 

Rooke as Owl said........look ahead and take steps in that direction.

 

 

 

 

So...what was really so wrong about what Rooke did? Really?

 

She didn't lie. She sounds as though she tried very hard to make sure that everything she said was provable and the truth.

 

She informed them about actions that are indicators of personality and character so that they could make an informed decision.

 

SHOULD she have? I dunno.

 

I think it would be far better for Rooke if she could work on getting her mind and focus OFF of MM...in any fashion, shape, or form.

 

Far better for her at this point to work on letting go of caring about him in any fashion...positive, or negative.

 

He's no longer your concern...in any way or shape.

 

You've done what you've done...let it go, let him go, and instead focus on WHAT IS NEXT in your life, rather than on what was.

 

Putting time and effort into communicating this to the school board was still giving him some power and influence in your life. Put a stop to that, start focusing on better things.

 

Whatever happens to him at this point...good or bad...doesn't matter to you anymore.

[Silly_Girl]

Rook, you don't seem to have an issue with what you've done so far but you don't seem keen to discuss your plan to contact his wife. Is that still what you intend to do? Do you feel the same even after this thread?

[Emme]

If you'd given me a chance to answer the bloody question.

How am I supposed to tell her when I don't know where he lives? Her name, where she works or anything else?!

He said he'd told her but I doubt that's true.

So no it's not 'telling' at all.

 

 

 

HOLD UP... HOLD UP!

 

When you joined LS you said you moved to be closer to him. How can you move to a region without knowing where he's located? You must have some idea or you couldn't MOVE.

[summerdowling87]

I doubt it will come to anything. He isn't going to lose his job and at worst I dare say all that will happen is a conversation.

I am prepared for it if it does come back and bite me but I doubt it was taken seriously and I don't think I will regret it. He hasn't regretted leaving me in the crap.

 

All I can say is teacher can get fired for much less my mother has taught for 27 years and they are trying to fire her for some little crapy reports. If she can get fired for that he surly can be fired for this.

 

Teach have bee fired for less I've seen it.

 

Secodly sure he told or asked you to move but you didn't have to. Even more when ya, found out he was married.

[summerdowling87]

HOLD UP... HOLD UP!

 

When you joined LS you said you moved to be closer to him. How can you move to a region without knowing where he's located? You must have some idea or you couldn't MOVE.

 

Exactly who would follow some one blindly to a place where they had no. Idea where they were goning?.

[bentnotbroken]

All I can say is teacher can get fired for much less my mother has taught for 27 years and they are trying to fire her for some little crapy reports. If she can get fired for that he surly can be fired for this.

 

Teach have bee fired for less I've seen it.

 

Secodly sure he told or asked you to move but you didn't have to. Even more when ya, found out he was married.

 

 

Different countries I believe. Different rules may be in play.

[MissBee]

Regardless of whether he'd apologised or not I still would never have thought he was capable of being trusted, professionally or otherwise. If he'd said to me there's some money, go back home, go back to London, but he didn't. He left me here with nothing, no one and not in a financial position to leave, if I had been in a position to leave physically, that would have helped me move on in every other respect also.

And I am getting professional help, and struggling to pay for it, because he left me so much in the crap.

But as long as he's okay and everything works out for him then I'm sure that's all that matters.

 

 

I'm very sorry for what happened to you....that's insane. Butttt let it be a lesson to others: don't uproot your life for a married man.

 

Don't build sandcastles in the sky with a married man.

 

I mean, people make decisions to move and so on in regular relationships and it turns sour...but esp. if I'm with a man who is obligated financially and otherwise to someone else, I would never dare uproot my life to be with him, no matter what promises he makes. Talk is cheap....it's like writing a check with no money in the bank...you can write all the checks you want and hand them out all over town knowing full well your bank account balance is ZERO! That's what talk means to me without any sustained, legitimate, action and proof.

 

My mom always tells me before I go on a date: "Make sure you have your vex money", meaning, make sure that if things go awry on the date (he disrespects me, is crazy, leaves or some other crazy thing happens) I have my OWN WAY to call a cab or otherwise get out of the situation without depending on him. Best advice! It applies not only to dates but relationships as a whole. Keep your eyes and ears open before diving head first and make sure you have your own independence about you so that IF this man decides to up and leave you're not stuck.

[MissBee]

It will be good that the wife will know the truth about what her husband has been doing.

 

However, why do you want to tell the wife now? Is it to cause further problems for the xOM? Why do you want the wife to know? Is it to spread the misery even further? Please examine your motives for telling her before you write that letter.

 

 

That is what it is....

 

Misery loves company and the OP is making sure to spread her pain and hurt all around.

[26pointblue]

You know my Mum has said this to me countless times..and she's convinced it wasn't.

I guess I can never be certain, but I did hear the door open and close but she never asked any questions I expected her to like "Has he had you in my house? In my bed" "Did he use protection" "How long has it been going on for" she basically made excuses for him saying he'd only done it because he was depressed, and I remember wow it ain't gonna take much for him to talk his way out of that one, later he said they'd split up for 3 months but she agreed to work it out because they went to Counselling.

But my Mum found it so strange that he just gave her the phone like that..

 

My xMM's wife called me & she didn't ask me any of those questions. She too make excuses for him & said he's an alcoholic & addicted to me & is having a mid life crisis etc. All of that was probably true but whatever, it certainly wasn't just me pursuing him . . . it took two to tango. What I don't get is that you're not paying any attention to the 'TWO' part Rooke. It saddens me that you can't look at your own part of this whole thing. You know that if you would have stopped seeing him once you found out he was married you would not be feeling so much grief & misery. If you look at your own actions you won't be so mad at him & you can finally let the whole thing go.

[26pointblue]

Does that REALLY sound like something a woman would say to the female her husband has been cheating with? Really? Is that what YOU would say if you found out you had been lied to and your H was sneaking around with some other gal behind your back? I bet it wasn't even her.

 

Again DonnaMaybe, my xMM's wife said all the same things as Rooke's xMM's wife did. She told me he is too weak to stop contacting me & I have to stop contacting him [i already had by the time she called me but whatever]. She asked me to move away so that the nightmare would be over & said if it wasn't for me they would have the perfect family. But her husband is not strong enough to leave me alone. That is exactly what she said to me so yes it does happen that the wife makes excuses for the husband & blames everything on the OW. Whatever- I blame both of us because we both did it & even when I broke it off with him he kept begging me to come back & saying he was getting divorced etc. [not that I should have listened but I sure wasn't the kidnapper she made me out to be.]

[26pointblue]

So...what was really so wrong about what Rooke did? Really?

 

She didn't lie. She sounds as though she tried very hard to make sure that everything she said was provable and the truth.

 

She informed them about actions that are indicators of personality and character so that they could make an informed decision.

 

SHOULD she have? I dunno.

 

I think it would be far better for Rooke if she could work on getting her mind and focus OFF of MM...in any fashion, shape, or form.

 

Far better for her at this point to work on letting go of caring about him in any fashion...positive, or negative.

 

He's no longer your concern...in any way or shape.

 

You've done what you've done...let it go, let him go, and instead focus on WHAT IS NEXT in your life, rather than on what was.

 

Putting time and effort into communicating this to the school board was still giving him some power and influence in your life. Put a stop to that, start focusing on better things.

 

Whatever happens to him at this point...good or bad...doesn't matter to you anymore.

 

Right. What she did wrong was to focus her anger on him instead of herself.

 

I put my life on hold for my xMM & his promises. That's on me, not him. Someone could come along & tell me I'm winning a million dollars tomorrow but if I sit around & wait for it, especially when I have signs that it's not coming, I have no one to blame for myself.

 

That's the part she doesn't seem to get & I'm not judging her but I'm just saying it's very sad that she continues to focus her anger in all the wrong directions & she will never get better until she stops.

[MissBee]

Right. What she did wrong was to focus her anger on him instead of herself.

 

I put my life on hold for my xMM & his promises. That's on me, not him. Someone could come along & tell me I'm winning a million dollars tomorrow but if I sit around & wait for it, especially when I have signs that it's not coming, I have no one to blame for myself.

 

That's the part she doesn't seem to get & I'm not judging her but I'm just saying it's very sad that she continues to focus her anger in all the wrong directions & she will never get better until she stops.

 

Cosign.

 

People are free to hurt us and lie to us....we can't control that, but we can control choosing to move on from it. It's not to say you need to have no emotions, but it's about grieving and then realizing what is a waste of time and space and being hung up on cashing in empty-promise checks will keep you stuck so much longer than the situation warrants. Half the time people can't get over breakups because THEY keep rehashing, reiterating and perpetuating the situation in their mind when the actual situation is long gone (I did this very thing...smh)

 

I heard this ridiculous story about some woman saying that man who declared the end of the world on May 21st needs to be sued for making people sell their stuff and all this craziness. I was like, are u serious? That man is FREE to declare the end of the world and say whatever he wants, and whosoever believed him is free to as well. He can't be sued because people believed him! No one forced them to change their life for him. They chose to....if he willingly mislead people, that was wrong on his part...the world didn't end though, so you have to move on from that experience. Take the lessons from it, and be careful of what you believe next time and continue your life. But to go on and on about what this man did or didn't do, what he said and didn't say, what did or didn't happen...it won't make any of it occur or rewrite the past and meanwhile he's on with his merry life (which is why I guess the OP is trying not to make not so merry).

[26pointblue]

Cosign.

 

People are free to hurt us and lie to us....we can't control that, but we can control choosing to move on from it. It's not to say you need to have no emotions, but it's about grieving and then realizing what is a waste of time and space and being hung up on cashing in empty-promise checks will keep you stuck so much longer than the situation warrants. Half the time people can't get over breakups because THEY keep rehashing, reiterating and perpetuating the situation in their mind when the actual situation is long gone (I did this very thing...smh)

 

I heard this ridiculous story about some woman saying that man who declared the end of the world on May 21st needs to be sued for making people sell their stuff and all this craziness. I was like, are u serious? That man is FREE to declare the end of the world and say whatever he wants, and whosoever believed him is free to as well. He can't be sued because people believed him! No one forced them to change their life for him. They chose to....if he willingly mislead people, that was wrong on his part...the world didn't end though, so you have to move on from that experience. Take the lessons from it, and be careful of what you believe next time and continue your life. But to go on and on about what this man did or didn't do, what he said and didn't say, what did or didn't happen...it won't make any of it occur or rewrite the past and meanwhile he's on with his merry life (which is why I guess the OP is trying not to make not so merry).

 

Exactly. You are perfectly expressing my frustration with the situation Rooke is putting herself in. She is miserable so she wants him to be miserable too. But at one time-- even after she found out he was married to her, lying to her & stringing her along-- she loved him & wanted to be with him. It is only now that things went sour that she wants to inform his job.

 

She needs to ask herself what it is about a liar & a cheat that she loved. I say this from experience. Why did I want to hook myself up to someone like that? [i am still answering this question]. And why would I waste another minute of my time in his life when I obviously need to fix my own? No thank you.

 

Before anyone accuses me of being a hypocrite. I could have done a lot of things to try to ruin xMM [i even had his wife on the phone with me & could have told her things that would make her so mad at him] but I didn't, because I loved him & I participated in what we did just as much as he did. It would be wrong to turn around & wish him unhappiness or work towards his unhappiness just because I was unhappy with how things turned out.

 

I don't agree with JC's nastiness but I agree with JC that this is self-destructive behavior born out of madness rather than love.

 

Also I'm not sure why Rooke insists she ended things with the MM when the way that I read that it ended was that she showed up at his work to talk to him & he ran away from her. How is that her ending things? I'm just really confused with this whole situation & I wish Rooke would wake up . . .