whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 I am surprised that everyone is telling Rooke how silly she is for doing what she did. Most BS are encouraged to out the MoFo to everyone. They get ^5'd for doing it all the time. Just as Rooke chose to enter the affair so did the MM man. She took the chance that he was full of ****z and he took the chance that his bunny might get boiled. I do think it was not the wisest thing to do. My husband's EW was encouraged to boil my bunny too. She went to where I work and struck out because everyone already knew. The crazy wife story continues today in our office even years later. She did the same thing to my family. The advice I got from everyone was that I needed a restraining order and she looked like a nut. At the end of the day if a MM feels the need to cheat he really should pick a MW because of mutual assured destruction in situations like this. Having an affair with a SW is a crap shot if you plan on staying married. Never risk what you can't afford to lose would appear to be the moral of this story. A person, married or not, can flip out and have emotional outbursts and do things they normally wouldn't do! Affairs bring out plenty of emotions in those participating and when an A ends, again, married or not, it doesn't really make much of a difference. IF one feels scorned or is out for revenge, watch out! Link to post Share on other sites
Loni Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 A person, married or not, can flip out and have emotional outbursts and do things they normally wouldn't do! Affairs bring out plenty of emotions in those participating and when an A ends, again, married or not, it doesn't really make much of a difference. IF one feels scorned or is out for revenge, watch out! We are talking lessening of the risks. Sure a MP can flip out too but most are not willing to risk their own marriage/kids/lifestyle otherwise they would have done so. I see you did not address that when a BS does it, it's all good and when an OW does it suddenly it's not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 All this conversation reminds me of this ... Domestic violence victims are counseled to be calm and concise when reporting their spouses' violence to police. Their natural inclination is to be highly emotional. The perpetrator's inclination is to remain calm and manipulate the police into joining with him/her by calling the spouse "crazy." The truth is that the perpetrator is crazy, not the victim. Hence the need for counseling the victim -- so she/he can find appropriate support in a crazy-making situation with a crazy person who appears normal. Rooke, your feelings are natural. For me, this is not about BS or OW but about being deeply hurt and thinking attacking MM will bring relief. It never does. It usually separates us from the solution that much further. Sometimes we can't see that until we try it out, though. I agree with Fooled Once on this one. Put it in the past. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) This whole thread is a mess of contradictions and honestly it gets under my skin. Here we have Rooke who yes willingly signed up to be an OW...........BUT she was tricked and lied to (as most are in varying degrees) and then she made some extreme decisions (she moved) based upon his lies. So some posters think she deserves what she got and then others sympathize with her but think she shouldn't vent that anger. Then you have some posters who think that because she contacted his employer that it was bunny boiler behavior and frankly I don't see it as that big of a deal, it's not like she went after him with an ax and hey I've got to wonder how much of the protectiveness that OW's feel for the mm come into play when criticizing Rooke for that. Something else to think about.........just pretend for a moment that Rooke was the BS, no one would bat an eye about her outing him to his employers then, now would they? And...........another contradiction is here you have posters saying no, no, don't tell the BS, (let's put aside that she just had a baby, actually I don't recall if she has had the baby or not but anyway.....back to that contradiction. Some BS's say they don't care how or why someone tells them, they just want to KNOW but yet there are plenty of posters telling her NOT to tell. Anyone else as baffled with the responses as I am? The opinions on this thread don't really surprise me. It's one of the few area where posters are not divided on BW/OW lines. I outed the OW to many, including her teenage (but adult) son and her parents in law, after their son (the OW's BH) had died. I remember feeling, when I spoke to his mother, that what I was saying came as no surprise. Also she said some very uncomplimentary things about the OW. Some 18 months later when I discovered that the OW had been having an A with another MM who had already left his BW and 4 children, I realised that the OW's parents in law must have already known she had been cheating on their son. I was just another BW coming out of the woodwork to them. I could have told them there were other BWs too, but didn't. When I posted on LS that I informed the OW parents in law and son I received much criticism from all sides of the triangle (and some support as well). The OW's younger son will also be told when he's old enough. That will be traumatic for him as there's a possibility he is my H's son and therefore my own children's brother. I can only imagine the devastation a BW with a young baby will feel when she finds out, but my opinion is that she needs to know. I always favour that the BW must know. It's nearly always tragic for her but some cases tug at the heartstrings more than others. ETA: It's not the differences of opinions that gets under my skin, it's the personal attacks on Rooke from those who have a different view of what she should have done. Edited June 19, 2011 by SidLyon ETA: It's not the differences of opinions that gets under my skin, it's the personal attacks on Rooke from those who have a d Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 We are talking lessening of the risks. Sure a MP can flip out too but most are not willing to risk their own marriage/kids/lifestyle otherwise they would have done so. I see you did not address that when a BS does it, it's all good and when an OW does it suddenly it's not so much. Maybe you should start a thread about that so it can be addressed since that isn't what this one was about. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Maybe you should start a thread about that so it can be addressed since that isn't what this one was about. Good idea. And thats why I didn't answer as it'll take the thread off topic and that's not fair to the OP to have side discussions going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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