Any advice for someone living with a driven person and an obsessive thinker?

[Thinkalot]

OK..well anyone who's a regular here will know that I am the 'driven person and obsessive thinker'. Currently in the process of overcoming OCD. Doing well. But not making much progress lately. The obsession has centred around my bf's past and his ex-wife. It's been there for a while. BY the bf's estimate I am maybe 50% on the way to being totally over it. Been on meds for around 4-5 months, and they have helped.

 

The issue is, my bf is having trouble coping with my OCD. His fuse is short, he is tense and stressed. He is also working hard, and quite driven to work hard, which doesn't help things.

 

Even before I began to get really bad with the obsessing we were volatile. Neither of us is placid or super easy going. So it's fiesty, passionate and deep...but can be tiring if we don't keep a check on the volatility.

 

Lately, my bf has been yelling and swearing at me when he gets angry, or when I ask another dumb question (I'm really trying people, I am honestly...) or we disagree or whatever. He just sort of explodes. He makes fun of me, and puts me down, called me names and yells.

 

Now, I KNOW this is not the way he usually is. So does he, and he hates that his anger sometimes gets to such boiling point. And I hate that it's my issues which have partly driven him there. In addition to my obsessing, I am also one who tends to push a point, or argue...or trying and keep a conversation going when he says "STOP!". Certainly, I have a role to play here and am far from a saint.

 

So that's the situation. We love each other deeply, we are talking marriage, we have similar values, goals and so on, and we are very committed. But right now I think we need some advice on how my bf can perhaps handle, well me, and my OCD, with less stress on his side.... Because the more stressed he gets, the more insecure and upset I get, and the harder it is for me to keep a lid on the obsessing. It's an awful cycle.

 

So, I'm not saying either one of us is to blame, and we both want to try and calm down ...I'm trying my best to not push a point, and of course, to not ask obsessive questions. I have vowed to try EVEN harder (as I think I may have backslid a little lately...so I'm going to start writing in my question book again...lol). And my guy knows I am trying and that I have these obsessive tendencies, which if I let them, can control me sometimes.

 

But what can my guy do? We thought it might help if he started doing a phsyical activity as an outlet or something.

Or does anyone know of any good links on 'living with someone with OCD" or something like that.

Or has anyone else successfully managed not to let the kind of behaviour I display stress them right out? Or is it virtually impossible not to feel like you are going to explode sometimes?

[Thinkalot]

OK..well I'm looking forward to any replies, but in the meantime I found some info...here is some which I found on an OCD website- it might also help others here:

 

Go here: http://www.thereisocdhope.com/author.html and scroll down to question # 5.

[Papillon]

I know this is going to sound silly, but perhaps you are obsessing about this and trying too hard to make things right. If you try to fix things too hard and often, it's gonna break, like a stripped nut.

 

He's a pig for putting you down, hurting you and yelling and calling you names. That's disgusting. I'm sure that his patience is tried a lot, but that kind of behaviour is unacceptable.

 

I see now why you chose your name. We all have some story behind it

 

Perhaps you both should stop obsessing about your obsessing. I have no idea what kind of person you are, but I would definitely recommend something like art classes or tai-chi. The art requires an obsessive mind, and the tai-chi will help you to center yourself.

[Thinkalot]

Thanks for that.

 

He's not a bad person, he really isn't...but we both know he needs to calm down somehow...as do I.