soapopera Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) My best guy friend likes me... he hasn't all out disclosed it, but it's pretty obvious by the way he's acting. I won't go into the details here, but suffice it to say that I'm 100% positive about his feelings. However, I could never see him as dateable material. I love the friendship we have and i would go to the ends of the earth for him. We can talk about anything and everything and he really understands my feelings, and he's always there for me and I'm always there for him. I want the best for him in everything and I'm happy when he talks about other girls, and I encourage him, because I hope for his happiness... In that sense, I love him very much, I have the inclination to just give and give my kindness to him unconditionally, I love him in a friendship way, but I have never had any romantic interest. Can we still be best friends if he's in love with me? Is it still a wise choice to spend so much time together (we hang out several times a week, sometimes everyday, get dinner together, watch movies, sometimes sleep over at each other's apartments -nothing happens of course)... does hanging out with him make it worse or better for him? I just have no idea what this means for us. Edited June 14, 2011 by soapopera Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I don't know what to tell you, but I have to comment that when I was looking down the list of new posts, I saw yours, "best friend loves me... can we stay friends?" and then at that moment, the next thread right below it was another thread entitled "Glutton for Punishment" and I kinda thought, yeah, sounds about right... Please just be very clear with him when it comes time to discuss it - if there's no chance, then don't give him any ray of hope. You will NOT be doing him any favors by throwing out a bit of hope to "make him feel better." In the long run, that will only make his pain much worse. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Since you are aware of his feelings, it might not hurt to tone down the intensity of your friendship a bit. Not that you can't stay friends, but that you refrain from behavior which could be misconstrued by him as intimacy -- no more sleep overs, no cuddling or flirting (if you do that), not spending every day together or spending most of your time alone. Scale back on the daily visits and contact to just once or twice a week, and keep encouraging him to meet and date women. Unfortunately, your friend possibly feels that your friendship is escalating towards a relationship, so you have to be the one to set boundaries and be completely honest with him when the matter comes up. It will alter your friendship but hopefully it won't end it. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 what kind of a stupid question is this? you spend the night at his house? are you trying to torture him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soapopera Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) He invites himself over almost everyday, I never spend the night at his place (sometimes I'll be hanging out with him at night and he always tries to make me stay but I always leave). Actually I hardly visit him. It's him that initiates - he'll be like, "hey, let's study." (comes over and falls asleep on my couch). "Can I borrow something?" (comes over at 10-11pm, pretends to be tired, falls asleep on the couch, stays all night). "My utilities broke - can I brush my teeth at your place?" I hardly ever invite him, but since he's my best friend, I feel bad saying no when he needs something/ comes over to study. We never cuddled and I never flirt. I've been pretty clear that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but he texts me first thing when he wakes up and/or throughout the day and makes up excuses to hang out. I should ignore him more often, but he complains and gets hurt when I do... he's pretty sensitive. I've just been TRYING to be a good friend by entertaining him but I guess that's going to have to slow down/stop .. anyway thanks for the advice all Edited June 15, 2011 by soapopera Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Why not give it a shot? You never know if a passionate kiss will wake up how you're really feeling or not. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) He invites himself over almost everyday, I never spend the night at his place (sometimes I'll be hanging out with him at night and he always tries to make me stay but I always leave). Actually I hardly visit him. It's him that initiates - he'll be like, "hey, let's study." (comes over and falls asleep on my couch). "Can I borrow something?" (comes over at 10-11pm, pretends to be tired, falls asleep on the couch, stays all night). "My utilities broke - can I brush my teeth at your place?" I hardly ever invite him, but since he's my best friend, I feel bad saying no when he needs something/ comes over to study. We never cuddled and I never flirt. I've been pretty clear that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but he texts me first thing when he wakes up and/or throughout the day and makes up excuses to hang out. I should ignore him more often, but he complains and gets hurt when I do... he's pretty sensitive. I've just been TRYING to be a good friend by entertaining him but I guess that's going to have to slow down/stop .. anyway thanks for the advice all Sounds like you are going to have to step up and tell him to take a long walk in the other direction. You aren't interested in him, he's using your "friendship" as a tool to get closer and you aren't comfortable with that. In the end, you need to protect you. Being a good friend means that you'd stand up for your boundaries that are clearly getting crossed. Learn to say no. And if this guy gets all bitchy, then so be it. He really wasn't your friend to begin with then if he reacts that way. Anyone that tells you that you can keep this friendship is delusional. He's not your friend. He's just using it as the meek man's way into your pants. Rather than just be a man, he's going to be a boy and friend you first. Then when you reject him, he can play the world's biggest victim. I don't blame you for having zero interest in men like that. Edited June 28, 2011 by WTRanger Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts