My journal on trying to improve my life

[worlybear]

looking good Ross and we ARE part of your real life!:):)

[Ross MwcFan]

Sorry ladies, but there's only one woman for me right now.

[Dorie]

Sorry ladies, but there's only one woman for me right now.

 

Making improvements in all areas, I see! Brilliant Ross, brilliant.

[Ross MwcFan]

Woohoo, gonna go and collect my new contacts now.

[Ross MwcFan]

As for the girl I was talking about meeting next year. The hotel has now been booked, we'll be meeting in Febuary. Wow, it looks like it really is going to happen.

Edited June 23, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Dorie]

I'm too late! Thanks loads.

 

Keep me on your dance card, Ross.

[tman666]

As for the girl I was talking about meeting next year. The hotel has now been booked, we'll be meeting in Febuary. Wow, it looks like it really is going to happen.

 

 

Dude, holy ****! Look at big pimpin' Ross!

[thehead]

Do you plan on leaving chicks for the rest of us, Ross?

[Ross MwcFan]

Do you plan on leaving chicks for the rest of us, Ross?

 

I was actually thinking of keeping them all as my own harem.

 

On a serious note though, my next two goals (not sure which to do first), which is getting voluntary work with animals and getting my own place, will have to be put off until after Jul 26th.

 

On the 26th I'll be going to hospital, since there is something wrong with my voice, often when I speak, it goes very croaky, and sometimes I'll even lose it and have to keep clearing my throat. Kinda makes me feel a bit awkward and self concious. So I'd rather wait until I get that sorted.

[tb24]

As for the girl I was talking about meeting next year. The hotel has now been booked, we'll be meeting in Febuary. Wow, it looks like it really is going to happen.

 

 

Congrats!

 

But one thing I feel I should say is: don't bank too much on it. February is a LONG way off.

 

If, in the back of your mind, you're thinking "Oh well, I'm seeing a girl in february, I don't need to bother right now" it will come back and bite you on the ass. I've been there, done that and felt awful for missing opportunities I should have taken. I was thinking it felt like "cheating" seeing someone else despite the fact I was only really casually dating someone else.

 

Hell, I completely disregarded a girl who was interested in me because I was fixated on someone else who wasn't as into me as I was her. Don't make this mistake, please. I regret it.

 

I'm not saying that will happen, of course, but don't let your date in february (which is a long time) mentally block you from taking opportunities that arise or allow it to make you feel like you don't need to try until then. I know when I'm interested in a girl and I think she's interested in me that I get tunnel vision and ignore other girls, it's not great, trust me.

 

Reading this topic though, you've made real progress and you should keep up the pace

 

Again, this is only a warning and I think you're doing really well. Keep us updated!

[Ross MwcFan]

Congrats!

 

But one thing I feel I should say is: don't bank too much on it. February is a LONG way off.

 

If, in the back of your mind, you're thinking "Oh well, I'm seeing a girl in february, I don't need to bother right now" it will come back and bite you on the ass. I've been there, done that and felt awful for missing opportunities I should have taken. I was thinking it felt like "cheating" seeing someone else despite the fact I was only really casually dating someone else.

 

Hell, I completely disregarded a girl who was interested in me because I was fixated on someone else who wasn't as into me as I was her. Don't make this mistake, please. I regret it.

 

I'm not saying that will happen, of course, but don't let your date in february (which is a long time) mentally block you from taking opportunities that arise or allow it to make you feel like you don't need to try until then. I know when I'm interested in a girl and I think she's interested in me that I get tunnel vision and ignore other girls, it's not great, trust me.

 

Reading this topic though, you've made real progress and you should keep up the pace

 

Again, this is only a warning and I think you're doing really well. Keep us updated!

 

I'm really sure it'll happen, we both like each other a lot, and it was even her who booked the hotel.

 

In fact there were times early on, when I wasn't sure if I could do it, but she was still really keen on meeting me.

 

Between now and then, I think it's pretty unlikely that I'll ever get any opportunities, as I've never really had any before in real life.

 

Even if my more positive frame of mind, becoming better from workng on myself, and getting out there more, like getting a job, and whatever, creates some opportunities. I would feel pretty bad taking them, because me and the girl who I've met online, we like each other quite a lot, and she has been really kind to me. If I really wanted to take an opportunity (and the only opportunities I'd be interested in would be non serious ones), I'd talk to online girl first, and ask her what she thinks, if she'd feel genuinley okay about it.

Edited June 24, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[cerridwen]

I was actually thinking of keeping them all as my own harem.

 

On a serious note though, my next two goals (not sure which to do first), which is getting voluntary work with animals and getting my own place, will have to be put off until after Jul 26th.

 

On the 26th I'll be going to hospital, since there is something wrong with my voice, often when I speak, it goes very croaky, and sometimes I'll even lose it and have to keep clearing my throat. Kinda makes me feel a bit awkward and self concious. So I'd rather wait until I get that sorted.

 

How did the contacts work out, Ross? Comfortable?

 

Between the two (voluntary work and getting your own place), I think tackling voluntary work sounds better. You want to keep building on the advancements you've made. So getting into a non-pressure situation that allows you to socialize a bit, meet people,and get out would be a nice next step.

 

Keep us posted on your voice thing, huh? That's a little disconcerting.

[Ross MwcFan]

How did the contacts work out, Ross? Comfortable?

 

Between the two (voluntary work and getting your own place), I think tackling voluntary work sounds better. You want to keep building on the advancements you've made. So getting into a non-pressure situation that allows you to socialize a bit, meet people,and get out would be a nice next step.

 

Keep us posted on your voice thing, huh? That's a little disconcerting.

 

Yeah the contacts are comfortable. They're totally different from the hard contacts, even the way you store them and how you put them

in your eyes and take them out is different too.

 

The ones that I'm wearing right now are trial ones though. I will be going to the opticians on the 27th, so they can see how I'm getting on with these. And if everything's fine I can get the most expensive best quality ones.

 

The plus side is that these type of contacts let more oxygen through. The negative side is that they cover more of the iris, therefore stopping more of the iris from getting as much oxygen as it would do without contacts.

 

I'll keep you guys posted on the voice thing too.

[alethean]

I just want to come out of lurking and say that I love this journal. It's inspiring me!

[Ross MwcFan]

Oops, forgot to say, cerridwen, that doing voluntary work first probably is a good idea.

 

If I was to get my own place first, and then do voluntary work. I'd kinda be having to tackle two things at the same time, since as well as the voluntary work and socialising a bit, I'd also be having to get used to living on my own and more responsibilty.

 

Love your new avvy btw, very hot. (Hopefully online girl wont catch me saying that. )

 

I just want to come out of lurking and say that I love this journal. It's inspiring me!

 

Cool.

[cerridwen]

Oops, forgot to say, cerridwen, that doing voluntary work first probably is a good idea.

 

If I was to get my own place first, and then do voluntary work. I'd kinda be having to tackle two things at the same time, since as well as the voluntary work and socialising a bit, I'd also be having to get used to living on my own and more responsibilty.

 

Love your new avvy btw, very hot. (Hopefully online girl wont catch me saying that. )

 

 

Yes, and I think getting your own place may tempt you to continue to isolate. The space would be completely yours and the novelty of that may make it difficult for you to get out and about.

Best push that socializing edge first.

 

What new avvy?

[Ross MwcFan]

Damn!

 

[betterdeal]

Oops, forgot to say, cerridwen, that doing voluntary work first probably is a good idea.

 

If I was to get my own place first, and then do voluntary work. I'd kinda be having to tackle two things at the same time, since as well as the voluntary work and socialising a bit, I'd also be having to get used to living on my own and more responsibilty.

 

Love your new avvy btw, very hot. (Hopefully online girl wont catch me saying that. )

 

On the living on your own thing, this year is the first that I have lived on my own and, I have to say, I love it! Takes a wee while to get used to, but it's great. Previously lived with family or house mates, and will probably be back in a shared house soon for financial reasons, but I highly recommend independent living.

[Ross MwcFan]

Yeah, I've had a great desire to live on my own for many years now.

 

But anyway, damn, I really wanted to start doing some voluntary work soon. Hate that I've got to wait until the end of next month.

 

However, I think I'll visit that animal sancturay soon that I've been thinking about doing voluntary work at, to check it out.

[cerridwen]

Yeah, I've had a great desire to live on my own for many years now.

 

But anyway, damn, I really wanted to start doing some voluntary work soon. Hate that I've got to wait until the end of next month.

 

However, I think I'll visit that animal sancturay soon that I've been thinking about doing voluntary work at, to check it out.

 

We're coming up on the beginning of July soon.

Just a few weeks until your appointment.

 

In the meantime, there are things you can do to continue progress.

Definitely go check out the shelter and take a look around. Get a feel for the place. Maybe look up some No-Kill shelters in your area too. They usually need help badly.

 

Start putting together a CV/resume. Even for volunteer positions, they sometimes ask for one just to keep on file. Might as well knock it out now.

 

Look for S.A. meetups in your area (as Dorie suggested) or S.A. groups as whole to connect with. Consider going to a workshop for practice. Remember, it's all about pushing your boundaries a little.

 

Best to you, Ross.

[Lortactuarl]

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[Ross MwcFan]

Okay, went on a big journey today, driving for about 2 hours, loads of town driving, multi lane crossings, multiple lanes, roundabouts, all while I didn't even really know where I was going (my sister was directing me. I was helping her with some shopping).

 

Wasn't too bad, was kinda anxious while driving. But there were a couple of things that bothered me a bit.

 

1. Stopped at the traffic lights and thought this would be a good opportunity to get the settings right on the air conditioning. While I was messing around with the dials the lights went green for me to go and the car behind beeped at me.

 

I kind of taken it as though he was being rude at first, as though he beeped because he thought 'come on hurry the **** up', so that kinda bothered me.

 

But afterwards when I thought about it, he may have just thought I hadn't noticed the lights, and it was a friendly beep to just let me know that they've changed.

 

Dunno, what do you guys think?

 

2. Was going around a roundabout (pic of the actual roundabout, http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?ll=53.797736,-2.2523459&z=18&t=h&hl=en), in the right hand lane, about 25 mph (was a bit slower than usual but I was having to think about where I was going), when I was somewhere in the left half of the rounabout in the picture, this taxi close behind me double beeped me, I've got no idea what it was that I could've done wrong, maybe I wasn't indicating, maybe I was going too slow for him. The thing that mainly bothers me about this, is that I don't know what it was that I could've done wrong, so I can't learn from it and avoid doing it the next time.

 

 

Anyone know what I could have done wrong?

 

Anyway, was doing quite a bit of shopping, and I just felt like I lacked social skills, I just kinda felt unlikeable for some reason (I don't usually feel unlikeable), maybe it was because I was out of my comfort zone.

 

To top it off, I bought a pair of trainers which I thought looked pretty cool at the time, but now I think they look crap.

 

The feeling of being unlikable stayed with me even after I got home, so I've been feeling quite down until recently.

 

I know if I keep pushing myself to do stuff like this, it should get easier, and I shouldn't feel as bad.

Edited June 28, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

Okay, went on a big journey today, driving for about 2 hours, loads of town driving, multi lane crossings, multiple lanes, roundabouts, all while I didn't even really know where I was going (my sister was directing me. I was helping her with some shopping).

 

Wasn't too bad, was kinda anxious while driving. But there were a couple of things that bothered me a bit.

 

1. Stopped at the traffic lights and thought this would be a good opportunity to get the settings right on the air conditioning. While I was messing around with the dials the lights went green for me to go and the car behind beeped at me.

 

I kind of taken it as though he was being rude at first, as though he beeped because he thought 'come on hurry the **** up', so that kinda bothered me.

 

But afterwards when I thought about it, he may have just thought I hadn't noticed the lights, and it was a friendly beep to just let me know that they've changed.

 

Dunno, what do you guys think?

 

2. Was going around a roundabout (pic of the actual roundabout, http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?ll=53.797736,-2.2523459&z=18&t=h&hl=en), in the right hand lane, about 25 mph (was a bit slower than usual but I was having to think about where I was going), when I was somewhere in the left half of the rounabout in the picture, this taxi close behind me double beeped me, I've got no idea what it was that I could've done wrong, maybe I wasn't indicating, maybe I was going too slow for him. The thing that mainly bothers me about this, is that I don't know what it was that I could've done wrong, so I can't learn from it and avoid doing it the next time.

 

 

Anyone know what I could have done wrong?

 

Anyway, was doing quite a bit of shopping, and I just felt like I lacked social skills, I just kinda felt unlikeable for some reason (I don't usually feel unlikeable), maybe it was because I was out of my comfort zone.

 

To top it off, I bought a pair of trainers which I thought looked pretty cool at the time, but now I think they look crap.

 

The feeling of being unlikable stayed with me even after I got home, so I've been feeling quite down until recently.

 

I know if I keep pushing myself to do stuff like this, it should get easier, and I shouldn't feel as bad.

 

Well done for doing all that driving. It would have freaked me out, too, I get anxious when I have to drive in general, and especially if I don't know where I'm going.

 

As for 1: really nothing to worry about. People honk all the time when lights are changing and the car in front doesn't move. It can be annoying but nothing worth spending time on.

 

As for 2, I really have no idea - but he might just have been in a bad mood. Be careful not to over analyse. Could you have been in the wrong lane? I sometimes get that wrong in roundabouts.

 

I've spent a lot of time feeling 'unlikable', and I still sometimes have those bouts. But they're much less frequent now than before. Keep going and you'll feel better.

 

Can you take the shoes back to the shop and change them to something you like? If you have the receipts and haven't worn them yet, I think you should give that a try.

Edited June 28, 2011 by denise_xo

[anne1707]

Ross

 

No 1 - it could be either option with the person behind you either just wanting to prompt you or getting annoyed. The way you should look at it is that it was not personal. It just happens. It's happened to me if I have not kept a focus on traffic lights and I have also beeped those in front of me. When I have done it, I have pretty much always done it as the friendly prompt.

 

No 2 - the speed you were doing sounds reasonable. Possibilities - were you in the wrong lane for making the turn off you wanted, was the taxi driver just an ar$e (does happen ). Either way, does it matter now? You would never have done something like this a year ago, how good is it that you are doing this now. Don't beat yourself up.

 

How you felt when shopping - knowing how you worry, you may well have still been out of sorts about the above two incidents and taking things personally when they're not. You're a sensitive guy (which is good IMO) and you want to be liked so you worry about making the right impression. Just remember - most people you meet want to be liked too and have their moments of insecurity and doubt.

 

The trainers? Can you take them back? Maybe to another branch of the same chain so you don't have to travel so far?

[Ross MwcFan]

Well done for doing all that driving. It would have freaked me out, too, I get anxious when I have to drive in general, and especially if I don't know where I'm going.

 

As for 1: really nothing to worry about. People honk all the time when lights are changing and the car in front doesn't move. It can be annoying but nothing worth spending time on.

 

As for 2, I really have no idea - but he might just have been in a bad mood. Be careful not to over analyse. Could you have been in the wrong lane? I sometimes get that wrong in roundabouts.

 

I've spent a lot of time feeling 'unlikable', and I still sometimes have those bouts. But they're much less frequent now than before. Keep going and you'll feel better.

 

Can you take the shoes back to the shop and change them to something you like? If you have the receipts and haven't worn them yet, I think you should give that a try.

 

 

Yeah, I'm gonna take them back, there's a pair of trainers there which I think I prefer.

 

About feeling unlikeable. When I was seeing a CBT therapist, he told me to record any evidence in a note pad, from being out and around people that does not fit in with the beliefs that I'm unlikeable.

 

When I feel unlikeable and read all the experiences that I've written in it which seem to contradict that I'm unlikeable, it actualy makes me feel quite a bit better.