My journal on trying to improve my life

[Dorie]

Journals like this are excellent ways to vent. They also reveal the thought patterns of the writer, the self-talk he engages in. Do you notice how negative yours is? "I just hate...", "I don't know...", "It's so daunting...", so on.

 

Begin catching your self-talk. What we say reveals how we think, and how we think leads to what we do, or don't do. It is your choice to approach this more positively and it will make a difference.

 

If it's a load of confusing information, take a break and go for a walk. Come back to it after a bit with a clearer head. Tackle another small part of it. Continue to do so until your objective is reached. This is how such situations are handled.

 

Tolerating frustration is a part of maturity.

[Yellow_Duck'y]

I just hate doing this kind of stuff, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. There's so much stuff to read, so many links to click on which leads to even more stuff to read. I don't know which direction to go in, I find it all so duanting. And then in the end I just don't seem to get anywhere, and I just feel so depressed. It just feels like trying to climb a slippery mountain and I never get anywhere. I just feel like I don't have the mental energy for it.

 

This is why I hate trying to do stuff like this.

 

Just copy and paste the links I mentioned along with the word "volunteer" in your search engine and it should bring you right where you need to go. They usually have a direct email link to contact for volunteer activities, so compose an email, and send out. That's how I obtained my last volunteer position, you can also find a few shelters near you and just walk in.

 

Carve out an hour each day or every few days in your search, and you're one step closer.

[Ross MwcFan]

You know I think the reason why I reacted to things the way I did before was because of depression.

 

And the reason why I found things daunting and to not know which direction to go in, is probably because I'm not used to doing things like this for myself.

 

I feel like I'm seeing things much more clearly now. I'm going to try again tomorrow, from a more relaxed frame of mind, and if I don't get anywhere after a while, I'll just not worry about it, do something else, and then approach it again the next day. And eventually I'll get there.

 

I need to be able to get used to doing stuff like this, so I'm going to stick at it, and not get bent out of shape.

[Ross MwcFan]

Just copy and paste the links I mentioned along with the word "volunteer" in your search engine and it should bring you right where you need to go. They usually have a direct email link to contact for volunteer activities, so compose an email, and send out. That's how I obtained my last volunteer position, you can also find a few shelters near you and just walk in.

 

Carve out an hour each day or every few days in your search, and you're one step closer.

 

Hey ducky, I've already tried the first one on your list.

 

Saw a few places that were close by, but they either required you to take animals home (and my mum wont allow any pets at our house), or it was dog walking which I'm not interested in.

 

But I'm going to look more tomorrow.

[betterdeal]

You know I think the reason why I reacted to things the way I did before was because of depression.

 

And the reason why I found things daunting and to not know which direction to go in, is probably because I'm not used to doing things like this for myself.

 

I feel like I'm seeing things much more clearly now. I'm going to try again tomorrow, from a more relaxed frame of mind, and if I don't get anywhere after a while, I'll just not worry about it, do something else, and then approach it again the next day. And eventually I'll get there.

 

I need to be able to get used to doing stuff like this, so I'm going to stick at it, and not get bent out of shape.

 

Good stuff! And you know what? It's okay to get miffed when things don't work out as you expected. It can help to let of steam with a "bugger" or a "oh man" here and there. Physically, it helps you reconnect your breathing with your mind (if you expel the air fast). It's a way of shaking off the disappointment, expressing it in a way that's healthy for you.

 

You're doing really well, mate.

[Yellow_Duck'y]

Hey ducky, I've already tried the first one on your list.

 

Saw a few places that were close by, but they either required you to take animals home (and my mum wont allow any pets at our house), or it was dog walking which I'm not interested in.

 

But I'm going to look more tomorrow.

 

Good to hear Ross, keep at it!

[gameslapdiek]

it is submerge right i assume it can be smooth healthier if someone purposefulness cause changes. rn rnthose are great games i always act to nonsense you can into this also

 

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[Ross MwcFan]

Really considering doing voluntary work at the R.S.P.C.A

 

I looked on their webiste about things you can volunteer for, and this really caught my eye,

 

Practical animal care

 

Many volunteers enjoy working alongside the staff completing the day to day tasks such as cleaning, feeding, grooming and exercising of the animals. You will need to be aged 16 years or above and have a real love of animals. You will need to be motivated and reasonably physically fit as the work is strenuous.

Many of our volunteers help just for the pleasure of being around animals whilst others volunteer to gain experience of working within an animal environment. Mornings are spent feeding the animals and cleaning the animal accommodation.

The afternoons are spent socialising and grooming the cats and rabbits etc followed by afternoon feeding and cleaning.

[HeavenOrHell]

Sounds great Ross, go for it! I love working with animals

 

 

 

Really considering doing voluntary work at the R.S.P.C.A

 

I looked on their webiste about things you can volunteer for, and this really caught my eye,

 

Practical animal care

 

Many volunteers enjoy working alongside the staff completing the day to day tasks such as cleaning, feeding, grooming and exercising of the animals. You will need to be aged 16 years or above and have a real love of animals. You will need to be motivated and reasonably physically fit as the work is strenuous.

Many of our volunteers help just for the pleasure of being around animals whilst others volunteer to gain experience of working within an animal environment. Mornings are spent feeding the animals and cleaning the animal accommodation.

The afternoons are spent socialising and grooming the cats and rabbits etc followed by afternoon feeding and cleaning.

[Ross MwcFan]

Okay, long awaited update. All these things have happened very recently.

 

I have an apointment on the 21st of Sept for speech therapy.

 

Not sure if I've explained in here what's wrong with my voice, but sometimes my voice will go really croaky, wobbly, will sound weak, sometimes it'll go a lot higher, and sometimes I wont even be able to get the right tone across when speaking, so for example, if I'm having a laugh with someone, my voice can sometimes sound very flat and make me sound as though I'm serious. Or sometimes because the tone comes out wrong, it can even make me sound as though I'm being sarcastic.

 

Sometimes it'll be so bad that I'll even struggle to get words out.

 

Also, due to the lack of socialising for many years, sometimes I can find it very hard, almost impossible, to find the right words, and explain things properly (when I socialised regulary, I never had this problem). Sometimes I'll even struggle with constructing sentances properly

 

All of this makes me very awkward and self concious when speaking, unless my voice is sounding okay, and I'm not struggling too much with forming sentances/explaining things.

 

**********

 

I've found myself some therapy. Since I believe I do need on going support with sorting my life out and gettng to where I want to be. It's free and is funded by donations. So all though the therapists are professionals (that's what it says on the site), they're volunteerig.

 

I'm on a 13 week waiting list though.

 

**********

 

I had to change my meds, since the ones that I were on were giving me side effects. Strangely the doctor told me to not taper off the meds I was on, and that I should just stop taking them all together and start taking the new ones.

 

So, I've gone straight from the anti depressant Venlafaxine, to one which I think belongs to a completely different family of anti depressants, called Molipaxin (Trazodone Hydrochloride).

 

Suddenly stopping the Venlafaxine, caused me some pretty rough side effects.

 

I was having brain zaps all the time, I felt very sluggish, drained, my balance wasn't that great, I just felt ill, kinda like death warmed up. I was also feeling paranoia when in bed at night, had this really disturbing auditory hallucination and sensation before falling asleep, which really scared me.

 

This when on for several days. Luckily I'm feeling almost back to normal now.

 

******

 

As for me meeting the girl next year, it's 100% on. It's actually been 100% on for a long time now.

 

Because I want to have enough money for our time together, I've been having to really scrimp and save, and I'll have to carry on doing so right up until we meet, so money is always very tight.

 

Sounds great Ross, go for it! I love working with animals

 

What do you do?

Edited September 10, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[thehead]

Sounds great Ross, go for it! I love working with animals

 

 

What do you do?

 

Great progress, Ross. You keep forging ahead and getting somewhere. It's nice to see success on this board.

 

HeavenOrHell, I'm interested too. Did you say you work with birds?

[Ross MwcFan]

Great progress, Ross. You keep forging ahead and getting somewhere. It's nice to see success on this board.

 

HeavenOrHell, I'm interested too. Did you say you work with birds?

 

Thanks mate.

[tb24]

Hey Ross! I haven't been on this site in some time but it's good to see you're still progressing

 

I have the exact problem with finding the right words. Online, IM/message I'm fine because I can spend more time thinking of the best way to word things. Even a couple of seconds on IM makes a HUGE difference to me, I'm working on this too. Let me know if you find any tips.

 

For me, I've been slowing my speech down a little so I can give myself more room to think.

[Ross MwcFan]

****ing great!

 

I take the car in today thinking it'll only cost me about £60 to get fixed and the bill ended up being £220.

 

Also, I have just recieved a letter, telling me I'm going to have to prove I'm not fit enough to work, and I'll have to go to interviews, otherwise my benefits will be stopped. Our government is really trying to push sick/disabled people back into work.

 

You know, before I started saving, I never had money problems, I spent a lot more than I do now, and my money would build up quite nicely in the bank.

 

Ever since I started really saving (because I'm wanting to spend two weeks with a girl next year), I've always been having to make big ****ing payments all the time.

 

So, I've been hardly spending 'anything' at all, like we're talking not spending anymore than around £6 a week. For months I've been doing this, and it's been really hard for me, I've also been selling stuff that I don't want on ebay, and transfering the money that I get for the things that I'm selling, from Paypal to my bank account.

 

Yet it's all barely making any difference to the amount of money I have in the bank. And now this ****ing payment, will have made the money in my account the lowest it's ever been. I'm worse off than what I was when I started scrimping and saving many months ago.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Maybe I should stop saving, and go back to spending my money on stuff like I used to. Maybe somehow it'll make things go back to how they used to be, maybe I should start frittering away loads of money on ebay right now, and just watch those savings go up. Before I know it I'll manage to have more than enough money to see my SO next year.

 

I mean, this is how my ****ed up life seems to work.