zm1 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Hi all, Interested in getting your perspective on this. Been dating shy of 4 months but have been together 24/7, besides work, for about 3 months (a lot, I know. But it's been great). She was engaged previously, broken off before the wedding, by her. Ex saw her when she was out and contacted her via text. This I knew. What I didn't know was that they chatted back and forth for a day and setup dinner plans. She was all ready to go to dinner with him, time and date was set, with the idea in her mind that he wanted to start dating again. She had planned to just tell me that she was going out with a friend for dinner. At the last minute she canceled, telling him she didn't feel well and maybe another time. Bravo, right? Second guessing rekindling an old flame and backing out last minute? She later told me that he asked her to dinner and she said no. We did discuss my feelings and I said that I would be upset, but more hurt than pissed. That was the extent of that. Bravo again for saying anything to me, right? Things have been good and talk of marriage has been floating between us with seriousness. She doesn't know that I know the details of this whole thing and assumes I only know that she said no to plans. The only thing that makes me sad is that she was going into it thinking he wanted to get back together, and I think she was considering it. Guess I'm just curious as to your perspective on this. Should I proceed with caution? Brush it off? Be happy she did the right thing in the end and hope that it isn't rescheduled? Any other insight, things I should think about or talk with her about? Thanks all Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I can understand why you're upset but keep in mind that there's a reason why it's bad to stay in touch with your ex' - for exactly what almost happened to you - old feelings will surface and as such, so can spontaneous actions or decisions - which is why she agreed to meet him in the first place. After she cooled off, she rethought about the whole thing and canceled it. IMO, either brush it off or talk to her about it in a non confrontal (typo?) way - remember, she did cancel him. Though at any rate, you should make it clear to her that she MUST stop all contact with him immediately; She also must understand why it's important for her to do so - if she values your RS she should not risk it by walking to a place where she'll be emotionally weak and more likely to be persuaded into cheating (in case she needs the explanation or if you don't wanna sound to controlling). Link to post Share on other sites
Jetsker Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I don't have a lot of insight into this stuff but the one thing I got from my dad who has been married 40 some years... "Make sure you two are the most important thing in each others lives". If either of you is looking to put "a career" number one then you two are not ready for marriage Oh and if the answer isn't your names for those quotations then it won't work. Both of you will always wonder what if? It's the acting on it and going on dinner dates that makes it wrong Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Well good that she cancelled but bad that she set it up in the first place. And bad that she lied, and still continues to lie about it. She does not sound like marriage material. I would not marry someone who cannot be honest with me. Link to post Share on other sites
WhisperinnWinds Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Reconsider that marriage seriousness pronto. She's already lying about this sort of thing! I agree with X here - I think this is one of the big reasons why exes shouldn't remain friendly. Oftentimes, people don't take the time to let their feelings cool off - they immediately break up and become friends, first and foremost. But if they're good enough to still be friends...obviously the physical attraction aspect is still likely there. Those are two potent combinations for the start of a relationship. Add onto that the problem that caused the break-up. For younger people, sometimes it's just variety and wanting to see what else is out there. Then they realize it's a mistake and go back to the ex. Unfortunately, at times they drag the next guy or gal into it - in this case, you. So soon into your relationship and, knowing her ex might have wanted to be with her, she planned to see him. Then she canceled. Then she keeps lying about it. I see a future in which you are going to be endlessly worried that she's meeting up with him behind your back. She's already proving herself dishonest mere months into the relationship. It's time for a serious talk. And beyond that, very possibly a break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts