How to deal with sexual abuse from the past when having sex

[zlatnapolja]

Allright, well this thread is a difficult one for me. After having spend some time here on loveshack and reading a lot of threads, I decided I wanted to post this.

 

When I was 12 years old I was molested by an older man (about 35 years old), he took me to a place in the woods and touched me in a lot of places he shouldn't have even thought of touching.

 

When I was 13 years old an older guy from my school tried to rape me, fortunately I got away because a woman saw it happening.

 

When I was 14 years old my ex and his friend raped me, this was a horrible experience and I dont want to go into detail.

 

I'm an adult now and I now know how to stick up for myself. However, I still have issues sometimes whenever I am with my BF. Especially in the beginning i had a lot of issues. I just cramp up or cry if he touches me (didnt do the crying in a long time though). I was wondering are there any women that recognize this problem?

 

Please no stupid comments!

[1yearmarriage]

Dear Zlatnapolja,

 

I am familiar with you situation. I managed by myself, but I do regret not getting professional help. Your experience was far more difficult and you may not get over it on your own. I really hope that your current boyfriend is a nice guy and if he really loves you, he should be patient and be with you through your healing journey. I believe you may benefit from a therapist that will guide you in the healing process.

[gaius]

Kudos for being brave enough to talk about it.

 

I knew a woman who had a similar past, and she could never feel comfortable in bed with anything that was similar to what happened. Couldn't manage to work it out on her own but was lucky enough to find boyfriends who were understanding. You certainly aren't alone in your feelings.

[Dust]

Allright, well this thread is a difficult one for me. After having spend some time here on loveshack and reading a lot of threads, I decided I wanted to post this.

 

When I was 12 years old I was molested by an older man (about 35 years old), he took me to a place in the woods and touched me in a lot of places he shouldn't have even thought of touching.

 

When I was 13 years old an older guy from my school tried to rape me, fortunately I got away because a woman saw it happening.

 

When I was 14 years old my ex and his friend raped me, this was a horrible experience and I dont want to go into detail.

 

I'm an adult now and I now know how to stick up for myself. However, I still have issues sometimes whenever I am with my BF. Especially in the beginning i had a lot of issues. I just cramp up or cry if he touches me (didnt do the crying in a long time though). I was wondering are there any women that recognize this problem?

 

Please no stupid comments!

 

Toward the end of your post you wrote you now know how to stick up for yourself. Which says to me you blame yourself for the things that happened. Yeah you might have done things or not done things that might have stopped this. It still doesn’t make it your fault. So I urge you to forgive yourself for what happened. Also I recommend you forgive the monsters in your mind. I’m not saying don’t send these guys to jail or speak out against them if that’s what you want, I’m just saying if you hold hate let it go for your own well being not theirs. Of course do anything available and good for you that may hurt them.

 

I know you said you didn’t want to go into detail but I have to ask. When the ex and his friend raped you was the ex currently at that time of the rape your boy friend? Either way it is common for young girls to get raped in a “date rape” type situation either by a bf or ex. A lot of girls have been through what you have and gone on to do great things and get over the pain and use it to enjoy life and motivate them to help others. That will be you to if you wish it.

 

If I was you’re bf and you told me about these things I’d be angry that some one I cared about had been through such things. It wouldn’t change how I felt about them and if they were willing to move forward with their life it would only make me love them more. The power is yours, you know what to do so do it.

[zlatnapolja]

Thanks guys for your advice! When I was 14 I did see a shrink for this however the first session he told me at least 5 times that he thought 'I was such a pretty girl', ever since I have not been interested in seeing a therapist. However, maybe now is a good time to try again.

 

My BF's reaction wasn't so good when I told him about a year ago. At first he wanted to hurt the people that did this to me, he also wondered a couple of times if I liked it, he almost broke up with me because of this.

He also told me that his best friend said he should break up with me for this...

 

He has sort of mananged to deal with it now. One day he'll say that he love me and feels bad for me, the other day he'll tell me something like it's so terrible for HIM, making me feel its my fault.

[ephedrili]

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[onllneflmmm1]

thanks to everbody

[dreamingoftigers]

EMDR therapy will actually greatly lessen those trauma triggers. It will not bring them to the forefront during sex.

 

I have been for 7 session and it is great!

[tigressA]

Thanks guys for your advice! When I was 14 I did see a shrink for this however the first session he told me at least 5 times that he thought 'I was such a pretty girl', ever since I have not been interested in seeing a therapist. However, maybe now is a good time to try again.

 

My BF's reaction wasn't so good when I told him about a year ago. At first he wanted to hurt the people that did this to me, he also wondered a couple of times if I liked it, he almost broke up with me because of this.

He also told me that his best friend said he should break up with me for this...

 

He has sort of mananged to deal with it now. One day he'll say that he love me and feels bad for me, the other day he'll tell me something like it's so terrible for HIM, making me feel its my fault.

 

What an *******. I remember the thread about him planning a vacation while you're undergoing surgery. I hope you broke up with that guy. He's a POS for making horrible experiences you went through all about himself. The right guy for you will not ever say such low things to you. I have a strong feeling that part of what contributed to your issues with being intimate is that he wasn't understanding of your plight and made you feel bad about it.

 

Like the others here, I do recommend therapy. It must've been even more traumatic to have that creep of a therapist your first time out, but you should really give it another try.

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At the beginning belonging using the century, ugg store were put on merely out of necessity instead than for design - Airmen in World War I would put on uggs in their aircraft to preserve as cozy as feasible inside chilly conditions. And of course, Uggs were originally put on by Australian sheep herders. Uggs are ideally designed for chilly weather as the sheepskin possesses exceptional insulating properties. it absolutely was inside 70s that Uggs gained popularity for design causes instead than practical reasons. They gained huge popularity between surfers in both Australia and America, and inside subsequent many years their popularity has distribute circular the world.My wife recently bought a pair of which she seems intent on wearing until they self destruct. She wanted to know how she could clean then so she set about researching the best ways and also tried a bit of experimentation..this is the article she wrote following the reseach.

 

 

Molly and Cassandra. There are also handy slip onuggs on sale types like Sullivan, Koala and Parker. Ladies mocks and loafers consist of Crawford, Harlow and Thelma. Males near to a single other hand could get satisfaction from this type of shoe types as Hermosa, Chase, Donnelly, Indy and Jones. Footwear arrive in unique casual laid back again once again as shortly as once again shades like white, ember, toast, obsidian, dune and black. There's only a specific place for your most discriminating tastes.The sheepskin insoles are great, I in reality can positioned on these Ugg conventional short devoid of socks, utilizing the guide to that of gentle smooth lining within of your relaxation belonging within of your trail within shoe. Although they are relatively sturdy, the simplicity belonging within of your trail within entrance element belonging within of your trail within boots will make them perfect for practically any celebration from hiking to casual events. As I stated earlier they are relatively cozy to stroll near to and relatively an awesome provide like an athletic or working shoe.

 

 

provides a way highlight for that boot, as well as the assortment of colors incorporates many of UGG's practically all standard ¨C dark, caffeine, proverb and bronze. The UGG Knightsbridge provides a leaner leg in comparison with UGG classic, as well as this could make the UGG Knightsbridge an extraordinary assortment for have on with skirts, sundresses and extra decreased leg showoffs.It is time to do absent with the drab colours of drop and winter months and seem to include a small flair to your UGG selection this spring. The Traditional Limited Fancy Boot retains all of the highest top quality materials and comfort and ease of the Original Classic Brief Boot but adds style with a choice of the hues Chestnut Marbled or Light Grey Marbled. They are not only fashionable but at the exact same time they are intended with terrific top quality elements. They are out there in attractive models and variations as a consequence of which they have develop into enormously preferred not only among females but also amongst women. If you have not attempted out the Ugg sandals however it is large time that you select up a person and check out wearing them.

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[Heart On]

The amount of ads, in this of all threads, is appalling!

MODS! Please BAN those screen names for god's sake!

 

Your B/F should be set free if your victimized past is too much

for him to handle.It's NOT about him!

 

I was sexually abused as a child too.

Tons and tons of long term effects to heal and recover from.

You are far from alone! 1 in 4 females are molested or raped within thier lifetime!

 

http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32315

 

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/effects-of-sexual-assault/adult-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

 

May I suggest some support forums geared for Sexual Abuse Survivors?

 

http://www.aftersilence.org/

 

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/

 

http://www.psychforums.com/sexual-abuse-incest/