Hacking ur ex fb account

[sola]

I haven't been able to confess this to anyone. So, I thought I would do it here. The other night I couldnt sleep thinking about my ex and feeling sad he no longer was with me. I checked fb and while I had posted a sad song "perfect blue sky" to express my sadness (i know cheesy), I noticed he was making plans to go out with the guys, and never posted anything about me or the breakup. I got curious and wanted to find out if he was actually hurt and was just putting up a front or if he had moved on already. So, I did something I'm shamed of: I hacked into his fb account, read all his private messages and now I'm just in shock as I found out he was in love with someone else when he met me I really never meant much to him. That "lucky girl" never wanted him and that's why he started dating me.

Before hacking into his account I was beating myself up thinking I had let a "very good catch" go, now I feel betrayed and even stupid for believing him when he said he loved me, I'm the best hes ever had, etc. When we broke up I even wanted to be friends with him post breakup as I felt we had a deep connection, but maybe we just weren't meant to b together. Now, I'm so dissapointed on him and myself I wish I could scream the info I found out on fb, but I can't . I had to read messages in which he states he likes being single and sleep around and that it would "take a very special and interesting girl" to change that". Reading this after our breakup is a slap in the face, since he told me he was set in hits ways and didnt wanna change ( now that I know what he means, it hurts so much!). Not too mention reading the sweet, kind words used to describe the other girl: sweet, smart, funny, beautiful. He had messages going on and on and on saying how special she was, how much he enjoyed being w her and how much he LOVED her. He just refered to me a "the hottie, cool girl he's dating now". Not once he says he loved me or cared much about me even. Not once he says he's upset about the breakup, he didn't even mention it!

Should I just forget about being friends and eliminate any possibility of being friends in the future by defriending him now while I'm still angry at him or should I wait to cool off?

[Ginger Beer]

Well, this is why they say you shouldn't snoop in other people's stuff; youre likely to end up getting hurt.

 

How did you manage to hack into his account though? If he gave you his password then he is a bit silly leaving that stuff in his private messages.

 

Sounds like you were the rebound, I would just try to move on. Being friends will only hurt you.

[Mack05]

We all do things we regret. I know I have invaded someone's privacy and it's something I will always regret. Firstly, you know you did wrong and hacking someone's account is not the way to go in future. You need to respect people's boundaries and privacy. As I said I made the same mistake and I was disgusted with myself for a long time, so I know what it's like when curiousty gets the better of you. Still doesn't excuse our behaviour and we must never do that again..Not sure if you should confess what you did. That's a personal choice. I confessed as I felt I had to.

 

Obviously you are in a state of shock. It must be very hurtful to read some of that stuff you saw. It's clear your ex is not the man you thought he was. I would disconnect immediately and try move on. I accept that must be very hard for you right now..

[Fufu]

My take on this is...

 

now you know he's not worth to wait around for. Take it as a blessing you see this side of him sooner than later.

 

Whether to be friends with him or not, I don't think it is important to think of it now. Why not use this time to focus on yourself, find ways to be happy and be yourself again.

 

(My personal view, guys like this, don't waste time even being his friend)

[Ginger Beer]

My take on this is...

 

now you know he's not worth to wait around for. Take it as a blessing you see this side of him sooner than later.

 

Whether to be friends with him or not, I don't think it is important to think of it now. Why not use this time to focus on yourself, find ways to be happy and be yourself again.

 

(My personal view, guys like this, don't waste time even being his friend)

 

I agree with everything said here, particularly the last bit.

 

I would also like to add I do sympathise with the OP, I've been in this situation, I didn't invade the privacy but was very tempted.

[sola]

Well, this is why they say you shouldn't snoop in other people's stuff; youre likely to end up getting hurt.

 

How did you manage to hack into his account though? If he gave you his password then he is a bit silly leaving that stuff in his private messages.

 

Sounds like you were the rebound, I would just try to move on. Being friends will only hurt you.

 

Im not proud of invading his privacy. I know its wrong. I was naive to expect him to be heart broken like me, but just putting up a front. Even though what I found was hurtful, it helped me to make sense of things and it really opened my eyes and made me see the real him: someone who's immature and lied to make himself feel better. I think he might have used me to make the girl jealous in the hopes of getting her attention as he more than once invited her to go out with us!

 

He gave me his itunes password, which turned out to be his fb password also. Yeah, at things point can't be friends as I lost all respect for him

[sola]

We all do things we regret. I know I have invaded someone's privacy and it's something I will always regret. Firstly, you know you did wrong and hacking someone's account is not the way to go in future. You need to respect people's boundaries and privacy. As I said I made the same mistake and I was disgusted with myself for a long time, so I know what it's like when curiousty gets the better of you. Still doesn't excuse our behaviour and we must never do that again..Not sure if you should confess what you did. That's a personal choice. I confessed as I felt I had to.

 

Obviously you are in a state of shock. It must be very hurtful to read some of that stuff you saw. It's clear your ex is not the man you thought he was. I would disconnect immediately and try move on. I accept that must be very hard for you right now..

 

Ive never done it before and I'm not planning on ever doing it again. Even though is wrong, part of me is thankful I did it as it allowed me to see the real him. What scares me is how naive I was and how easy it was for him to lie to me. I trusted him with my eyes closed and I couldnt stop telling my friends how lucky I was to have met him! When the relationship took a turn for the worse and we started fighting I immediately blamed myself as he convinced me my insecurities were taking the best of me! Now I just feel like a HUGE MORON. After we broke up I even swallowed my pride and asked him back, to which he very COLDLY replied "i don't think that's a good idea as being together seems like an uphill battle". Now I totally get what he meant by that and feel stupid!

[sola]

My take on this is...

 

now you know he's not worth to wait around for. Take it as a blessing you see this side of him sooner than later.

 

Whether to be friends with him or not, I don't think it is important to think of it now. Why not use this time to focus on yourself, find ways to be happy and be yourself again.

 

(My personal view, guys like this, don't waste time even being his friend)

 

Yeah, frienship is based on trust and now I can't ever trust him. I have defriended him on fb. Did I mention he keeps in touch with his exs and they r still fb friends? Now the part I found disturbing: he seems to have a ritual of breaking up, remaining friends, waiting a while, then he reaches out to the girl and tells her he misses her and she still matters to him, girl ALWAYS replies message saying she feels bad it didn't workout, and his cannned response is "it is not your fault, we just weren't compatible, but I still care a lot about u" (the very same words he used with me!). Then they meet for drinks and then he sends a message saying how nice it was to see her and how surprised he is that things "got so physical"! I'm sure that's why he wanted to remain friends with me How could he be such a jerk and I never saw it? Any advice for learning to identify the red flsgs? I actually thought he was prince chsrming! How could I have been so naive????!

[4NewRoad]

Sola,

 

Despite the mini back-side whopping you got from having checked his e-mail, I think things happen for a reason. I know you feel bad, but as you said, this was a one-time thing, and this really was for the best for you!

 

I had a very, very similar experience. My now ex-BF checked his e-mail in my computer, then he left without logging out, and I checked his messages.

 

Yep, I also felt crappy about doing it, but like you, I found out how much in love he still was w/his ex-wife of 6 years; and while he and I were dating, he was still in touch with her (without telling me) and sort of asking her "why had she left him". Ouch, ouch, ouch.

 

Those messages to his ex-wife, were oozing love. He never ever treated me that way in the 6 or so months we had in the relationship.

 

Unlike you, I "played dumb" I ignored the messages, I thought it was just a matter of time before he fully fell for me and you can guess what happened... I just had what I now call MY imaginary relationship, and after another 6 months or so, he left me without any explanation.

 

So you see, you are definitely not alone on any account 1) On trusting someone who is really not all that invested in the relationship, 2) On having discovered in a sort of shameful way what they were really about, 3) On wanting to know how to avoid this in the future.

 

Sadly, there's no answer on how to avoid cheaters...Bad news? Yep, but that's life, you just have to learn as you go, and forgive yourself for what you've done, forgive yourself for not having paid attention to the warning signs ('cause I'm sure there were at least a few), and concentrate on being nice to yourself okay?

 

Stand tall, heal in time, learn for ever.

[hearttopieces]

Sola,

 

Despite the mini back-side whopping you got from having checked his e-mail, I think things happen for a reason. I know you feel bad, but as you said, this was a one-time thing, and this really was for the best for you!

 

I had a very, very similar experience. My now ex-BF checked his e-mail in my computer, then he left without logging out, and I checked his messages.

 

Yep, I also felt crappy about doing it, but like you, I found out how much in love he still was w/his ex-wife of 6 years; and while he and I were dating, he was still in touch with her (without telling me) and sort of asking her "why had she left him". Ouch, ouch, ouch.

 

Those messages to his ex-wife, were oozing love. He never ever treated me that way in the 6 or so months we had in the relationship.

 

Unlike you, I "played dumb" I ignored the messages, I thought it was just a matter of time before he fully fell for me and you can guess what happened... I just had what I now call MY imaginary relationship, and after another 6 months or so, he left me without any explanation.

 

So you see, you are definitely not alone on any account 1) On trusting someone who is really not all that invested in the relationship, 2) On having discovered in a sort of shameful way what they were really about, 3) On wanting to know how to avoid this in the future.

 

Sadly, there's no answer on how to avoid cheaters...Bad news? Yep, but that's life, you just have to learn as you go, and forgive yourself for what you've done, forgive yourself for not having paid attention to the warning signs ('cause I'm sure there were at least a few), and concentrate on being nice to yourself okay?

 

Stand tall, heal in time, learn for ever.

 

Oh boy. I think I maybe dated your ex's twin brother...

On a serious note, it is extremely hard to understand how can a person pursue a relationship when they don't mean it, and I find it difficult to understand why would they waste time and energy when they are not serious about it... WHY??

And when you find out how little he actually thinks about you... But keeps lying to your face... Perhaps it is hard to understand because you would never be capable of doing it, and assume that all people are honest and straightforward.

 

Anyway, I also found out that my ex had been very much interested in another girl while being in relationship with me. He chased her for weeks and then asked her out. He took her on very very expensive dates and gave her a lot of time, while telling me he was too tired to meet me and go out with me. Oh and I did not hack into anything to learn this, I found it out sort of accidentally from one of his friends...

The main thing is, I also "played dumb" for a while, telling myself they were just friends, like I have male friends too... Although I don't go on dates with them... But I believed that we had something special, since we laughed so much together and had fun together...

It is very hard when one day you realize that you didn't mean much to that person.

Of course there are 2 sides to every story... But leading on one person while you are seeing somebody else... I hope I will never do anything like that to a person.

Edited June 15, 2011 by hearttopieces

[ItsRainingAgain]

Im not proud of invading his privacy. I know its wrong. I was naive to expect him to be heart broken like me, but just putting up a front. Even though what I found was hurtful, it helped me to make sense of things and it really opened my eyes and made me see the real him: someone who's immature and lied to make himself feel better. I think he might have used me to make the girl jealous in the hopes of getting her attention as he more than once invited her to go out with us!

 

He gave me his itunes password, which turned out to be his fb password also. Yeah, at things point can't be friends as I lost all respect for him

 

 

I am not proud also...I will confess...i have done the same with my ex boyfriend's email account...in a way I wanted to find something hurtful..or something to get me angry to help me make sence of things so I can really move on.

 

 

Sola, do you think that he knows that you know his password and he is saying these things to get you jealous. If I gave a password out to my bf and we broke up I would change all my passwords. Did he change the itunes password?

[sola]

I am not proud also...I will confess...i have done the same with my ex boyfriend's email account...in a way I wanted to find something hurtful..or something to get me angry to help me make sence of things so I can really move on.

 

 

Sola, do you think that he knows that you know his password and he is saying these things to get you jealous. If I gave a password out to my bf and we broke up I would change all my passwords. Did he change the itunes password?

 

Funny thing is that I was so naive that i wasn't even looking for something hurtful. I was sure i would find something that would said how much he's hurting and how much he misses me (he said that after we broke up, but still didnt want to get back together...at least now that makes sense). Maybe i have a big ego, but i was certain he was just putting up a front but secretively hurting...I was sooooooooo wrong.

 

The messages I found are old (like from when we WERE TOGETHER). Granted at some point he stopped writing about how much he loved the other girl, but he never said he loved me either. When friends sent him messages telling him how lucky he was to have found a girl like me, his response didn't seem very enthusiastic. It was more like "yeah, she's all right". I just find it ironic because in person he wouldn't stop telling me how much he loved me and adored me, and how much i meant to him, blah, blah, blah but now i see he never meant those things. It was shocking not to find a single message about the breakup or me. It's like it meant absolutely nothing to him. As harsh and hurtful that is, I will use that knowledge as motivation to move forward and find someone better.

 

So, no I don't think he even took the time to put something in there that would make me jealous. That's how little he cares. Don't know if he changed the itunes password. He probably thinks i forgot it because i never wrote it down when he gave it to me, i just typed to download a song one day and that was the extent of my access to his itunes account.

 

I feel so much better confessing what I have done here and knowing I'm not alone... Thank you for the support.

[sola]

Sola,

 

Despite the mini back-side whopping you got from having checked his e-mail, I think things happen for a reason. I know you feel bad, but as you said, this was a one-time thing, and this really was for the best for you!

 

I had a very, very similar experience. My now ex-BF checked his e-mail in my computer, then he left without logging out, and I checked his messages.

 

Yep, I also felt crappy about doing it, but like you, I found out how much in love he still was w/his ex-wife of 6 years; and while he and I were dating, he was still in touch with her (without telling me) and sort of asking her "why had she left him". Ouch, ouch, ouch.

 

Those messages to his ex-wife, were oozing love. He never ever treated me that way in the 6 or so months we had in the relationship.

 

Unlike you, I "played dumb" I ignored the messages, I thought it was just a matter of time before he fully fell for me and you can guess what happened... I just had what I now call MY imaginary relationship, and after another 6 months or so, he left me without any explanation.

 

So you see, you are definitely not alone on any account 1) On trusting someone who is really not all that invested in the relationship, 2) On having discovered in a sort of shameful way what they were really about, 3) On wanting to know how to avoid this in the future.

 

Sadly, there's no answer on how to avoid cheaters...Bad news? Yep, but that's life, you just have to learn as you go, and forgive yourself for what you've done, forgive yourself for not having paid attention to the warning signs ('cause I'm sure there were at least a few), and concentrate on being nice to yourself okay?

 

Stand tall, heal in time, learn for ever.

 

Thank you so much for your message. It really helps to know there are other people that can relate with which i'm going through. Yeah, looking back the warning signs were there: he would rather have group outings (that included the girl he loves so much) than spending one on one time with me, he made me feel like an anti-social and selfish for not wanting to spend every second of our time together with his friends (red flag i ignored), then he insists on going on a two week vacation with another ex and convinced me i was too insecure to accept the trip (i started to believe i was insecure). He basically put his feelings and his needs before mine and you don't do that if you really care about someone. I totally missed that red flag.

The hard part is to understand his motivation behind ALL THE WONDERFUL things he did for me: took me to nice expensive restaurants (the times he accepted a one on one or before a group outing), bought me nice, expensive gifts, called me every day just to hear my voice, texted me to wish me a good night (i wouldnt go to sleep until i got his text - i was that smitten) and then i got a text EVERY morning to wish me a beautiful day, he introduced me to his family only after a month together. He told me non stop how much he loved me, how much i meant to him and we even discussed buying a place for when we got married. He also told me non-stop it has been a very long time since he was so excited about a relation ship (BULL SH%$). Why would he go through all that hassle if he didnt give a sh*t about me in the first place? It's confusing... I might never understand his motivation for doing that ... All those actions made me feel he was such a great catch and it made me ignore all the red flags..

 

At least reading his messages makes me realize i did not let such a great catch go...I did the right thing and that is a big relief...However, it still hurts to find my relationship, just like yours...it was just in my head..

 

I like the last piece of your message "Stand tall, heal in time, learn forever". I'm trying really hard to do that...I have my ups and down, but i feel it has been getting easier every day. Certainly your words have helped me a TON. I can't thank you enough for that...

 

THANKS

[flitzanu]

its tough i know, you want to feel guilty for snooping, but at the same time it feels vindicated since you found what you needed, right?

 

i've done the same. an old ex i suspected from day one...well, after 6 months i got on her myspace she'd left open, and saw emails to her ex about all the sex they were having (while i'm dating her).

 

its nice to have evidence when you know someone is lying, but it hurts just the same to be betrayed.

[AmericanHoney]

I have never wanted to hack into my ex's FB account but I did however want to hack into his GMAIL account but this was after he became I lying cheating scumbag and I was in a revenge mode and wanted to know how long it was happening,etc but in the end I thought you know what?? Soooo not worth it.

[sassybetch]

im guilty of that too haha

[Lilmisus]

This hit home for me, so I definitely feel ya. And I know how guilty you probably feel now.

 

When him and I were together still, he'd use my phone to log onto Facebook all the time. One night, he did it, and didn't log off, and I didn't realize it till a few hours later when I was driving home and went to check my own Facebook account. When I saw he was still on, I remembered a message I sent to him a few days before that I felt guilty over, and I wanted to see if he read it, and if not, then I wanted to delete it. I was shocked to find out that he never read really any of the messages I sent him, and even worse, that he read, replied to, and messaged other girls that he used to know. The messages made me wonder if he was cheating on me, or thinking of doing so. But what hurt the worst was realizing he lied about a few things - mainly things to do with his ex, who he said he made no contact with at all, yet he messaged a couple times.

 

I felt sick to my stomach and had no clue what to do. That was less than a month before he dumped me..and I still feel like he probably cheated on me, though most everyone who knows us says that they couldn't see him doing that. It made me realize a lot about him, and a lot of how much a meant to him, and I wish so much that I could take it back, but I also am thankful that I saw what I did, since it opened my eyes to the truth: he didn't care. Right now, I know it hurts a lot for you, but I think that you should take your new found information and do something about that. Meaning...I think you should delete him, maybe even block him. If you want, shoot him a message on there and say "Hi, just so you know, I think it's best we go no contact, since I don't think we can be friends, especially not now. I don't want to elaborate on my reasoning, but please respect my wishes. All the best, x." And just delete and block him. Why? I dunno..I just know I'd probably do it that way, but it's up to you, of course.

 

Give it time though, and I know you'll look at this as a blessing in disguise. If for no other reason, than as a way to help you move on with your life, and to learn to NEVER accept the knowledge a boyfriend's password in the future again. You'll be okay..the hurt, shock, and pain will go away, just give it time.

[elizabeth26]

Sola,

 

Despite the mini back-side whopping you got from having checked his e-mail, I think things happen for a reason. I know you feel bad, but as you said, this was a one-time thing, and this really was for the best for you!

 

I had a very, very similar experience. My now ex-BF checked his e-mail in my computer, then he left without logging out, and I checked his messages.

 

Yep, I also felt crappy about doing it, but like you, I found out how much in love he still was w/his ex-wife of 6 years; and while he and I were dating, he was still in touch with her (without telling me) and sort of asking her "why had she left him". Ouch, ouch, ouch.

 

Those messages to his ex-wife, were oozing love. He never ever treated me that way in the 6 or so months we had in the relationship.

 

Unlike you, I "played dumb" I ignored the messages, I thought it was just a matter of time before he fully fell for me and you can guess what happened... I just had what I now call MY imaginary relationship, and after another 6 months or so, he left me without any explanation.

 

So you see, you are definitely not alone on any account 1) On trusting someone who is really not all that invested in the relationship, 2) On having discovered in a sort of shameful way what they were really about, 3) On wanting to know how to avoid this in the future.

 

Sadly, there's no answer on how to avoid cheaters...Bad news? Yep, but that's life, you just have to learn as you go, and forgive yourself for what you've done, forgive yourself for not having paid attention to the warning signs ('cause I'm sure there were at least a few), and concentrate on being nice to yourself okay?

 

Stand tall, heal in time, learn for ever.

 

Wow. What a loseriffic jerk. How f-ing pathetic is he that he would date you and pine after his ex wife? Well, you learned big time in that situation how these guys are.

[elizabeth26]

I guess I could come clean about my experiences... I too checked my exes FB account after he broke up with me after dating for 7+ years. I should be ashamed, anyways, he was cheating with his best friend's sister, who is my age knows alot of people I know and such. This bitch had been meeting up with him when I was away! Well, my ex shows up at our place (he wasn't supposed to be there) and gives me a hug. A ****ing awkward hug. He tries to kinda sorta come clean by saying he's interested in someone else. I say, "well you're single". I was still in an emotionally raw state and we ended up screwing around. I was pissed it happened and after he admitted he liked this girl, I emailed the girl and asked if she had ever really been my friend at all and why he would sleep with me, then tell me he liked her and that there was something screwed up with them both. Not proud for sure! NC, NC, NC, and again NC! I can not advise it enough.

[oldguy]

Just incase this has not been said yet; hacking into a fb is a felony.

[flitzanu]

Just incase this has not been said yet; hacking into a fb is a felony.

 

dont think they actually mean HACKING, just using their name and password of their ex.