Dazed, Confused and feeling Rejected in OH

[Forsaken]

This is a very long story so please bear with me, I will try to make it as logical as possible.

 

When I was 16 I met a beautiful young lady, as soon as I saw her, I thought to myself, I want to marry that girl one day. Unfortunately until I had multiple girlfriends for much of the next year (whenever I was single, she was not and vice versa) At any rate, when I was 17 we finally got together and she was everything I wanted in a girlfriend except mature at the time, I've always been driven more by conversation and companionship than by sex, unfortunately at the time she didn't know how to fufill any of those needs.

 

I graduated high school and began attending college while she still attended high school, I moved out on my own. I resided in a little country town and all of my family except one member was over 100 miles away so I had no support network at all being that my nearest family member and I had a falling out. Working full-time and going to school is a very difficult task, especially when you don't really have anyone there for you. My girlfriend was not in a positon to understand the stresses in my life at that time, so as my life went from bad to worse, and my schooling and employment fell apart my relationship followed shortly thereafter. She came over one day and told me she would be moving about 50 miles out of town, I told her I was moving back home and she decided that our relationship was over.

 

I sat around shell shocked the rest of the day wondering why everything was falling apart and was also informed by my landlady that I would be getting evicted (not for non-payment of rent, but because she wanted to convert my apt in a bed and breakfast) Things couldn't get any worse but I still loved my Girl so I wrote her a poem and tried and went to her home and tried to work it out, she had given me back my class ring the previous day, I gave it back to her and told her if she didn't want it to put it in my mailbox.

 

The next day she didn't bother knocking on the door, she just dropped the ring in my mailbox and left. I returned to the city where I was born depressed because I had just started my adult life and lost everything already, my job, my girl, my home and my college education. I worked two jobs for a few months and managed to do pretty good for myself until i returned to the counry town where I lost everything to visit my best (but very unreliable) friend. At that time I met an older woman who was 30 at the time and very attracted to me, given how my last relationship had turned out, I was very cautious about becoming involved with someone again, but alcohol and hormones severely impair judgement and soon I was driving to the country almost every weekend to meet my new love interest. She seemed to be everthing my ex was not, communicative, comfortable with her sexuality, and mature.

 

Slowly but surely I let my guard down and we fell in love, we were together for 4 years and made our mistakes, we both strayed once until the final breakup when after we had purchased a starter home and set a wedding date she told me she didn't love me anymore, and my first love came back into my life, but given that my recent ex the 30 year old and I had purchased a home, me moving out quickly was not an option. As me and my first love began dating again, the 30 year old expressed doubt about what she said and decided she wanted me back. I refused to take her back and was very truly happy with my 1st love as she had matured and had 2 children by some loser who didn't know how wonderful she was.

 

Fast forward a few months later (August I believe) and finances still hadn't permitted me to move out of the home the 30 year old and I purchased together because she was sick and unable to work and had no one to help if I left, now I didn't love her in a romantic sense but as a person I still cared about what happened to her and to a lesser degree I knew if I moved out then she would lose the house so I stayed against my better judgement, I almost had all the bills right so I could move when my father went to jail and I had to borrow against my paycheck to bail him out, (of course I never got the money back) and the hole became deeper again forcing me to stay.

 

In November my father called me in the middle of the night and informed me he had upset some dangerous men, of course because he was my father I took him in, by December he was sleeping with my ex (behind my back of course). Don't misunderstand me, I didn't want her in a romantic sense at that time, but the fact that I had tried to be there for both of them in a time of need and they created a situation where it would be impossible for me to A)have my father in my life B)not have my ex in my life and C)not wonder if they had been sleeping together at various intervals all along definitely added uneeded stress to my life.

 

By December my Ex accused me of things I did not do and ask me to leave, I had my suspicions about what had been going on and given that I just wanted to get as far away from the situation as possible I agreed. Unfortunately due to helping both of them with their lives, my financial situation had not improved and I was forced to ask my new girlfriend if I could live with her and her family. It was either that or moving back to the city and kill our relationship before it started. ( I didn't pose the question that way to her)

 

Things were fine for about the first six weeks or so of this and it all began to go downhill after that, what is it that say, "Familiarity breeds contempt" I worked 12-14 hour days to come home and have her ignore me, Twin 2 year olds are a handful but I certainly helped her more than most men do, We had been together for about 5 months or so and began to talk of the future and decided we were going to get an apartment together. However as our renewed love unfolded my family in the city began to suffer tremendously to the point where i was severely needed there, so I asked my love if there were anyway she could give me a year with my family to help them out and she stated if I left it would proabably be over. After much deliberation I told her I would stay, but her attitude continued to grow worse. She was disinterested in conversation, sex or spending time with me so after about 2 weeks of this treatment I tried to sit down and talk it out with her but she seemed not to care.

 

I cried myself to sleep that night and reluctantly crawled out of bed the next day, I went into work and all hell broke loose, in one moment I decided I had enough of being there for everyone but no one being there for me, I walked out of my job, went home and packed my things, I planned to just take a few days and return to my girlfriend with a renewed sense of commitment to our relationship, she e-mailed me and told me to pick up the rest of my things, when I returned to get them, she had a four page letter waiting for me. Everyone told me she broke up with me because there was someone else, but I thought why would she go to such elaborate lengths to break up with me if it was as simple as she didn't want me anymore? Her letter stated that she is not ready to settle down now and has not felt the same for me for quite some time. I did everything a man should do for this woman, flowers, jewelry, perfumes, clothes for her kids, my time, my heart, my sympathetic ear, I just don't understand where I went wrong and why love seems to be not for me. I miss my most recent ex a lot and I want her back but I don't know if I can't get her to agree to re-commit to me and compromise on living arrangements because I need her, but my family needs me. This is the only woman I've have ever really loved, I just dont' know what to feel or who to care about anymore because I know from the prior to my most recent that family can hurt you just as much as strangers. If anyone out there has any wisdom, advice or insight as to how we can fix things please share it with me. Also anyone who has a family member sleeping with an ex, please post something as a certainly still have trouble dealing with that issue also.

[Tony T]

"I did everything a man should do for this woman, flowers, jewelry, perfumes, clothes for her kids, my time, my heart, my sympathetic ear, I just don't understand where I went wrong and why love seems to be not for me."

 

You just said where you went wrong in the quoted sentence above. You were way too nice to this lady. I mean way way way way too nice. I know it's rather illogical but sometimes being too nice can have the opposite effect. Being too nice can give off vibrations of desperation, low self esteem, trying to buy someone's love, and/or lots more. I have no idea why it works this way and there are some ladys who relish having their butt kissed like this. But my experience is that women prefer to be treated as equals and, while they may find excess generosity personally convenient for them at the time, it does not engender great feelings of love and romance.

 

I think you ought to go handle you family affairs at this time and not spend your energy trying to convince this lady of your love because apparently she really doesn't care...especially given the kindness you have shown her. You can't force somebody to love you or to want to be with you. My personal sense is that this woman is a selfish bxtch and you can't see that because of your feelings. Any woman who would keep you from handling your family problems and not back you and stick by you DOES NOT love you at all.

[Forsaken]

Thanks for reading my long ass story and I'll keep your advice in mind