I cant tell my best friend that I love her

[fildok2]

Hi folks,

This is the first time ive ever done this so forgive the bad typing etc.!

 

I need desperate advice so I stand here ready to be shot to pieces with your comments.

 

My story is like this. Ive worked with a woman for the last five years --- and when I say worked with I mean just us two --- no other staff .

 

Now for four of those years we ve become very close friends .The truth is I suppose I always fancied her on the quiet as we say in England!---maybe because she is attractive and alot younger than me and im a hertosexual guy .

 

Unfortunately her father died a year or so ago ---I was glad I was around for her

at that time ------The problem for me is that during this time I got too close and realised that I was actually head over heals and had been for some time. I just wasnt admitting it

 

Letting her know this is out of the question as I feel Ive been dishonest throughout

 

Now, niether of us has had a relation with the opposite sex since weve known each other ----not that either of us wouldnt if we had the chance --you see work very unsociable hours

 

Its only now that Ive realised that she is currently seeing a guy --She hasnt told me-- Ive found out by chance

Shes actually gone away with him for a week but has told me shes gone to visit her cousin

 

 

 

 

 

I can only think that the reason for not discussing it is that she dosnt want to hurt me .

which means she knows how i feel

 

The crux of the matter is that i cant walk away as we depend on each other for our income

 

And try as I might I cant help but be down and moody when were together.

I always blame some imaginary medical condition for my downers but Im running out of excuses

What would you do?

[Tony T]

You need to get this out in the open immediately. You have waited way too long. Without getting all emotional, just tell her you are aware that she is seeing someone else and that you are happy for her. But let her know that should anything every happen with that relationship that it doesn't proceed further, you would be open to upgrading your friendship with her. Let her know that you have grown to be fond of her. Just leave it at that and say not more. Leave things to her to comment further. See what she says. You'll either get a little hope or you'll be disappointed but either way you'll bring all of this out in the open.

 

It's important for you to understand that when you start having feelings for somebody you've got to let that person know. Otherwise, they just move on as this lady did. You stood a lot better chance with her when she wasn't seeing anybody. Fact is, I seriously wonder if you would have ever announced your feelings had you not learned there was some serious competition out there for you. In other words, this lady is smart to be moving along in her life because waiting for you to announce your feelings would have probably been futile absent her giving you some motivation to do so.

[Fedup&givingup]

I think the proximity and the fact that you two have literally been "isolated" together for this amount of time has allowed these feelings to surmount for you for her.

 

I'm not so sure telling her would be the best thing, because you have to work with her, and you are reliant upon this job at this time. It would make things awkward because the two of you have to coexist.

 

I agree, that she already knows how you feel. She refrained from telling you about her seeing someone, because she was trying to preserve your feelings, as you suggested. No guy wants to hear about another guy, sort of thing. I would take her behavior regarding this (not telling you about him) as your cue that she does know how you feel.

 

Things may not work out with him, and they may progress. For the sake of your heart and your sanity, do your best to try to move on. You've been harboring these feelings for her for a LONG time, and that's pretty powerful. I've had a very similar thing happen to me...something developed over a couple of years, and then one day it just hit me like a ton of bricks...my feelings for him just manifested themselves.

[fildok2]

Thanks to Tony & Fedup&givingup for your comments Iwill certainly take them on board.

As I said its very difficult to just move on when you have to work face to face with the other person---

---theres no escape

 

My next step I suppose, is to get some advice on how to prepare ones self to accept the situation

I know I have to. If I try to act normal at the moment its blatently obvious that I am being false.

 

The truth is I dont want to know that theyve had a great night out!

 

Thanks again for your comments

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by fildok2

Thanks to Tony & Fedup&givingup for your comments Iwill certainly take them on board.

As I said its very difficult to just move on when you have to work face to face with the other person---

---theres no escape

 

My next step I suppose, is to get some advice on how to prepare ones self to accept the situation

I know I have to. If I try to act normal at the moment its blatently obvious that I am being false.

 

The truth is I dont want to know that theyve had a great night out!

 

Thanks again for your comments

 

This is why for the simple reason that you have to work together it makes it more difficult. You are in a situation where you sort of have to keep it hushed, and also have to deal with her on a very regular, consistent basis.

 

It's a tough one to be in, that's for sure. I can certainly understand the nature of what you are going through, including what the circumstances are.

 

Wondering how well her new relationship is going will only be detrimental to yourself. Best try to think of other things, like trying to detach your feelings from her as much as possible, as a defense mechanism. I realize feelings cannot be turned off so easily, but if you alter your thought process, things might be better for you.