Next steps?

[Spark1111]

Owl must have asked for it to be closed, since he was the one who suggested it in that thread.

 

Maybe in the future Owl shouldn't threadjack, then challenge others to start new threads about the subject Owl is threadjacking about, then petition to get the new thread closed when he feels he is getting the worse of the debate.

 

WOW! Personal vendetta against the kind and respected wise OWL!

 

You, and maybe two others:laugh: would be the ONLY posters who would believe that!

 

Taking it personally, huh?

[RepairMinded]

Kidd is free to read my story just as you are. But that's okay....you can be right as we all know how important that is to you.

 

The point is if you are going to be a cheerleader for reconciliation in your posts to kidd, you owe it to him to explain that your reconciliation wasn't possible without imposing much more severe consequences on your spouse than kidd appears to be willing to impose on his spouse.

 

I'm not sure why you believe there's any kind of an "issue" here.

 

If you're going to be a cheerleader for reconciliation, then you need to be fully honest about what is required to accomplish it successfully, and not be resentful when the inconsistency between what YOU did, and the advice you are giving, is pointed out.

 

This is exactly the same sort of situation as with Owl--he keeps banging the reconciliation drum but isn't up front about the fact that his wife's affair didn't involve sexual infidelity, and if it had, he would have immediately divorced her.

[RepairMinded]

WOW! Personal vendetta against the kind and respected wise OWL!

 

Not by me. Owl threadjacked kidd's thread; then when he was challenged on some of the things he wrote in his threadjack, Owl suggested a new thread be started, rather than respond to the legitimate criticisms he received.

 

JMK did exactly that, he started a new thread as suggested by Owl on the subject of Owl's threadjack. When Owl couldn't cogently respond to the debate, he departed the thread implying he would be trying to get it closed down.

 

And he did, evidently, either by directly contacting a moderator or by the very fact that he suggested it needed to be closed within the thread, obviously he knows a moderator's going to be reading it.

 

You, and maybe two others:laugh: would be the ONLY posters who would believe that!

 

Believe what? Owl has a habit of making statement, pronouncements and arguments that he can't back up, instead, he gets "offended" and then leaves the thread or causes it to be closed.

 

If he wants to explain why he wouldn't have tolerated sexual infidelity in his own marriage as allowing reconciliation, but recommends others should tolerate it, including kidd, I'll wait to hear what that explanation might be. If he wants to explain why he participates in threads involving sexual infidelity, when he has previously stated he has no experience with that, and has criticized others for being involved in threads involving situations in which they lack personal experience, I'll be happy to hear his explanation for that, as well.

 

Taking it personally, huh?

 

Stick with the issue which is that you and others need to think twice about not being upfront about how hard it is to reconcile and what types of measures are necessary.

[What_Next]

Good heavens give the personal banter a rest and take it to a PM or somewhere else. The OP doesn't need this garbage, give it a rest .

[RepairMinded]

People... people... all of us are getting off track here.

 

Then let's get it back on track. Kidd needs to know up front that Owl for one would NOT have entertained reconciliation with his own spouse had there been a single instance of sexual infidelity. Sounds pretty "hard core" to me, even more so than John Michael Kane, who actually contemplated remaining with his ex for his child's sake despite her sexual infidelity.

 

So on the issue "Is reconciliation possible if there is sexual infidelity?" by his actions, Owl is in agreement with JMK. No reason for Owl to suggest or imply otherwise.

 

Same thing for Spark. Now she admits that she actually had to kick her husband out multiple times before he took the situation seriously enough to reconcile sincerely. Kidd also needs to know that. In other words serious consequences must be imposed. Not: "Let's all go out to dinner to have a fun time because the kid got a good report card."

 

 

The opinions expressed on this thread were supposed to be for Kidd's benefit... remember.

 

The opinions will not benefit him if they are not being presented with sufficient context to understand them. It's a copout for someone like spark to suggest "Well he is free to read all my posts." Most people are not going to do that to find out the relevant backstory.

 

Owl's opinions about reconciliation have to be read in the context that what he is talking about SOLELY applies to emotional infidelity, only. In the context of sexual infidelity Owl agrees with JMK--take a hard line and kick the cheater out, reconciliation is not possible. At least that's what he said he would have done in his own situation. How is that kind of a backstory NOT relevant?

 

 

 

That some of us are more outspoken than others doesn't make these opinions any less valid. I, for one, can come off a bit vindictive at times. The truth of the matter is that we ALL have an interest in seeing that Kidd isn't "getting played" by his wife, but thats for him to decide, right.

 

I disagree. The people who want to believe they have successfully reconciled but may have lingering doubts about that often come off as biased cheerleaders for reconciliation. Any WSs certainly don't have the same interest in seeing that kidd is not deceived by his spouse. They want to say happy happy joy joy because they want to believe they are living happy happy joy joy.

 

How ridiculous is it that kidd's wife is relying on her OM to set her up in a new job in the same company? What kidd should have done is go to OM's supervisor, demanded that his wife get a transfer (telling the supervisor why), or there would be a lawsuit, and keep the OM out of that decision making process.

 

As it stands, OM's supervisor is involved anyway. That means he's either been told about the affair, or that OM and kidd's wife are actively deceiving the OM's supervisor about the real reason for the transfer request. In other words they are probably conspiring to engage in a cover up for their own benefit.

 

And if so the evil conduct inherent in deceptive affair behavior continues. Kidd's wife participates with her OM in deceiving the employer to get something she wants--a transfer. This is completely inappropriate and acquiescing to continued deceit and lying for her own advantage, will not aid kidd's recovery efforts.

 

Kidd advocated "radical honesty" by giving lip service to it, but is doing little to actually make it happen.

 

 

 

I don't think he should go into hiding either through the use of PM's.

 

That's entirely up to Kidd so there I must disagree. He's perfectly entitled to post or not post or PM as he sees fit. What he's not entitled to do is to publicly post but expect to only get opinions that encourage him in a pattern of behavior that someone else might disagree will be helpful to him.

 

 

He started this thread... he should finish it with whatever decision he ultimately decides on, regardless of how much it might irks some who subscribe to this thread and advocate a "scorched earth" policy. If he has enough testicular fortitude to deal with his wife's infidelity; he has enough to deal with this thread.

 

"Scorched earth"? You mean like when spark kicked her husband out, or perhaps you mean like when owl told his spouse that if she got on the plane to visit her OM, much less have sex with him, she shouldn't bother coming back?

 

That "scorched earth" techniques seems to have worked fine for both spark and owl.

[John Michael Kane]

That's a great idea. Don't get into a debate if ya don't know what you're talking about.

 

Exactly. Owl and Snowflower wanted me to make a thread and I made it. Now that I made it it got closed down because they didn't share my view combined with facts.

 

Kidd I hope you're doing alright kid. Follow your heart but keep your mind.

[Spark1111]

Then let's get it back on track. Kidd needs to know up front that Owl for one would NOT have entertained reconciliation with his own spouse had there been a single instance of sexual infidelity. Sounds pretty "hard core" to me, even more so than John Michael Kane, who actually contemplated remaining with his ex for his child's sake despite her sexual infidelity.

 

So on the issue "Is reconciliation possible if there is sexual infidelity?" by his actions, Owl is in agreement with JMK. No reason for Owl to suggest or imply otherwise.

 

Same thing for Spark. Now she admits that she actually had to kick her husband out multiple times before he took the situation seriously enough to reconcile sincerely. Kidd also needs to know that. In other words serious consequences must be imposed. Not: "Let's all go out to dinner to have a fun time because the kid got a good report card."

 

 

 

 

The opinions will not benefit him if they are not being presented with sufficient context to understand them. It's a copout for someone like spark to suggest "Well he is free to read all my posts." Most people are not going to do that to find out the relevant backstory.

 

Owl's opinions about reconciliation have to be read in the context that what he is talking about SOLELY applies to emotional infidelity, only. In the context of sexual infidelity Owl agrees with JMK--take a hard line and kick the cheater out, reconciliation is not possible. At least that's what he said he would have done in his own situation. How is that kind of a backstory NOT relevant?

 

 

 

 

 

I disagree. The people who want to believe they have successfully reconciled but may have lingering doubts about that often come off as biased cheerleaders for reconciliation. Any WSs certainly don't have the same interest in seeing that kidd is not deceived by his spouse. They want to say happy happy joy joy because they want to believe they are living happy happy joy joy.

 

How ridiculous is it that kidd's wife is relying on her OM to set her up in a new job in the same company? What kidd should have done is go to OM's supervisor, demanded that his wife get a transfer (telling the supervisor why), or there would be a lawsuit, and keep the OM out of that decision making process.

 

As it stands, OM's supervisor is involved anyway. That means he's either been told about the affair, or that OM and kidd's wife are actively deceiving the OM's supervisor about the real reason for the transfer request. In other words they are probably conspiring to engage in a cover up for their own benefit.

 

And if so the evil conduct inherent in deceptive affair behavior continues. Kidd's wife participates with her OM in deceiving the employer to get something she wants--a transfer. This is completely inappropriate and acquiescing to continued deceit and lying for her own advantage, will not aid kidd's recovery efforts.

 

Kidd advocated "radical honesty" by giving lip service to it, but is doing little to actually make it happen.

 

 

 

 

 

That's entirely up to Kidd so there I must disagree. He's perfectly entitled to post or not post or PM as he sees fit. What he's not entitled to do is to publicly post but expect to only get opinions that encourage him in a pattern of behavior that someone else might disagree will be helpful to him.

 

 

 

 

"Scorched earth"? You mean like when spark kicked her husband out, or perhaps you mean like when owl told his spouse that if she got on the plane to visit her OM, much less have sex with him, she shouldn't bother coming back?

 

That "scorched earth" techniques seems to have worked fine for both spark and owl.

 

Yeah, Owl and I are heinous thread-jackers who live in total, blissful, denials with our lying, treat-us-like-scum WS. We attack others and Never entertain varying opinions.

 

We report people to get their threads shut down.

 

Ahahahahaha!

 

Why is it SO personal for you two? Was OWL and I able to accomplish something you were never given the opportunity to do? Like reconcile?

 

...just asking....

[John Michael Kane]

Then let's get it back on track. Kidd needs to know up front that Owl for one would NOT have entertained reconciliation with his own spouse had there been a single instance of sexual infidelity. Sounds pretty "hard core" to me, even more so than John Michael Kane, who actually contemplated remaining with his ex for his child's sake despite her sexual infidelity.

 

So on the issue "Is reconciliation possible if there is sexual infidelity?" by his actions, Owl is in agreement with JMK. No reason for Owl to suggest or imply otherwise.

 

Same thing for Spark. Now she admits that she actually had to kick her husband out multiple times before he took the situation seriously enough to reconcile sincerely. Kidd also needs to know that. In other words serious consequences must be imposed. Not: "Let's all go out to dinner to have a fun time because the kid got a good report card."

 

 

 

 

The opinions will not benefit him if they are not being presented with sufficient context to understand them. It's a copout for someone like spark to suggest "Well he is free to read all my posts." Most people are not going to do that to find out the relevant backstory.

 

Owl's opinions about reconciliation have to be read in the context that what he is talking about SOLELY applies to emotional infidelity, only. In the context of sexual infidelity Owl agrees with JMK--take a hard line and kick the cheater out, reconciliation is not possible. At least that's what he said he would have done in his own situation. How is that kind of a backstory NOT relevant?

 

Yup.

 

 

 

 

 

I disagree. The people who want to believe they have successfully reconciled but may have lingering doubts about that often come off as biased cheerleaders for reconciliation. Any WSs certainly don't have the same interest in seeing that kidd is not deceived by his spouse. They want to say happy happy joy joy because they want to believe they are living happy happy joy joy.

 

How ridiculous is it that kidd's wife is relying on her OM to set her up in a new job in the same company? Exactly how ridiculous is it. Kind of reminds me of that movie Along Came Polly where he caught his wife cheating and then he had got a ride with the guy to the airport who was screwing his wife. What kidd should have done is go to OM's supervisor, demanded that his wife get a transfer (telling the supervisor why), or there would be a lawsuit, and keep the OM out of that decision making process.

 

As it stands, OM's supervisor is involved anyway. That means he's either been told about the affair, or that OM and kidd's wife are actively deceiving the OM's supervisor about the real reason for the transfer request. In other words they are probably conspiring to engage in a cover up for their own benefit.

 

Kidd needs to expose this affair to OM and his wife's superiors.

 

And if so the evil conduct inherent in deceptive affair behavior continues. Kidd's wife participates with her OM in deceiving the employer to get something she wants--a transfer. This is completely inappropriate and acquiescing to continued deceit and lying for her own advantage, will not aid kidd's recovery efforts.

 

Kidd advocated "radical honesty" by giving lip service to it, but is doing little to actually make it happen.

 

 

 

 

 

That's entirely up to Kidd so there I must disagree. He's perfectly entitled to post or not post or PM as he sees fit. What he's not entitled to do is to publicly post but expect to only get opinions that encourage him in a pattern of behavior that someone else might disagree will be helpful to him.

 

 

 

 

"Scorched earth"? You mean like when spark kicked her husband out, or perhaps you mean like when owl told his spouse that if she got on the plane to visit her OM, much less have sex with him, she shouldn't bother coming back?

 

That "scorched earth" techniques seems to have worked fine for both spark and owl.

 

Seems to have worked fine but both seem to still be in a little denial.

[John Michael Kane]

Yeah, Owl and I are heinous thread-jackers who live in total, blissful, denials with our lying, treat-us-like-scum WS. We attack others and Never entertain varying opinions.

 

Thanks for being honest.

 

We report people to get their threads shut down.

 

Thanks for being honest.

 

Ahahahahaha!

 

Why is it SO personal for you two? Was OWL and I able to accomplish something you were never given the opportunity to do? Like reconcile?

 

...just asking....

 

It's nothing personal to me, as I have already moved on. YOU and OWL on the other hand, have unfinished resentment about your situations you two need to conclude, without resorting to calling others who moved on and found someone better.......bitter.

[John Michael Kane]

This is what I mean by miserable:

 

The How to stay sane while wife is making decision? thread.

 

1,485 posts and COUNTING.

 

Views: 55,981.

 

Every day he's here talking about how his spouse is abusing him in some kind of way, not to mention she's still cheating. Practically EVERYONE on LS gave him some kind of advice, telling him to just leave her, yet he refuses to do it, after months and months of abuse. You'd think he was training to be a Delta Force operator as much abuse this guy takes.

 

Kidd you seriously want to end up like this guy? Months and months of moaning about the same thing while your wife is steady hurting you?

[Spark1111]

Thanks for being honest.

 

 

 

Thanks for being honest.

 

 

 

It's nothing personal to me, as I have already moved on. YOU and OWL on the other hand, have unfinished resentment about your situations you two need to conclude, without resorting to calling others who moved on and found someone better.......bitter.

 

Wait...you moved on and found someone better? So you are happy? In a new relationship with a better woman? C

That's great news! Divorce did wonders for you, yes?

 

Why does that not come across in your posting style? If you are in a better place with a better person, then why are you still so angry at your xWW? At all cheaters? At all who attempt to reconcile with them and some do find happiness?

 

Didn't her affair liberate you to find someone better? Someone to be happier with? So why do you still seem so so so angry at the happiness of other's? Maybe they didn't divorce, but still found happiness? Some even through reconciliation?

 

I dunno. Something doesn't ring true here. Usually happy people wish other's happiness too, no matter where they find it, or how they got there.

 

Right now, Kidd wants to find happiness with his wife, and I wish him all the best. If he cannot and decides to divorce, then I wish him all the best. Like I would you, to find someone better.

 

You sure you are happy? Cuz I do not get that warm, fuzzy, I am happy in a new relationship vibe from you and your posts.

 

Not ringing true for me. So I'm outta here. Have a hot date with a great guy...my H...and I am happy 'bout that.

[Spark1111]

Not by me. Owl threadjacked kidd's thread; then when he was challenged on some of the things he wrote in his threadjack, Owl suggested a new thread be started, rather than respond to the legitimate criticisms he received.

 

JMK did exactly that, he started a new thread as suggested by Owl on the subject of Owl's threadjack. When Owl couldn't cogently respond to the debate, he departed the thread implying he would be trying to get it closed down.

 

And he did, evidently, either by directly contacting a moderator or by the very fact that he suggested it needed to be closed within the thread, obviously he knows a moderator's going to be reading it.

 

 

 

Believe what? Owl has a habit of making statement, pronouncements and arguments that he can't back up, instead, he gets "offended" and then leaves the thread or causes it to be closed.

 

If he wants to explain why he wouldn't have tolerated sexual infidelity in his own marriage as allowing reconciliation, but recommends others should tolerate it, including kidd, I'll wait to hear what that explanation might be. If he wants to explain why he participates in threads involving sexual infidelity, when he has previously stated he has no experience with that, and has criticized others for being involved in threads involving situations in which they lack personal experience, I'll be happy to hear his explanation for that, as well.

 

 

 

Stick with the issue which is that you and others need to think twice about not being upfront about how hard it is to reconcile and what types of measures are necessary.

 

OH PULLLEAZE...you are delusional. Owl leaves when the lunatics take over the asylum. As does Spark, unless an undeserved attack on a respected poster takes place, like now.

 

Owl cannot get a thread shut down. He wouldn't bother. Only the mods can shut down a thread if it violates TOS. I guess it did.

 

Owl is smart, happy, confident, and supportive. He has been posting here for years and everyone respects him. He isn't going to waste a minute of his time justifying or defending anything to the likes of you.

 

Neither am I. Outta here.

 

Kidd, you want to talk? PM me. I don't have to be right. But I always try to be kind. And I've walked three years in your shoes and have emerged on the other side, happy. Really happy.

[John Michael Kane]

Wait...you moved on and found someone better? So you are happy? In a new relationship with a better woman? C

That's great news! Divorce did wonders for you, yes?

 

Yes it's nothing new, Spark. You know this.

 

Why does that not come across in your posting style?

 

It actually does if you are not so objective.

 

 

If you are in a better place with a better person, then why are you still so angry at your xWW? At all cheaters? At all who attempt to reconcile with them and some do find happiness?

 

If you are in a better place with your husband, then why is it you call others bitter? At those who moved on? At all men who decide not to put up with a woman's whining and disrespect? Why do you still post about trying to deal still deal with your insecurities? Why are you still unhappy?

 

Didn't her affair liberate you to find someone better? Someone to be happier with? So why do you still seem so so so angry at the happiness of other's? Maybe they didn't divorce, but still found happiness? Some even through reconciliation?

 

Why are you still in denial?

 

I dunno. Something doesn't ring true here. Usually happy people wish other's happiness too, no matter where they find it, or how they got there.

 

It's not happiness if one is still with their cheater, and still struggling to stuff down their resentment to no avail. And I do wish others happiness but I also warn them to put love themselves first before pleasing someone else.

 

Right now, Kidd wants to find happiness with his wife, and I wish him all the best. If he cannot and decides to divorce, then I wish him all the best. Like I would you, to find someone better.

 

But you obviously see his wife is unremorseful so that's moot. And he obviously needs to move on before he loses his mind.

 

You sure you are happy? Cuz I do not get that warm, fuzzy, I am happy in a new relationship vibe from you and your posts.

 

You do not get that vibe because you're still trying to deal with your own emotions.

 

Not ringing true for me.

 

Yes it does.

 

So I'm outta here.

 

Okay........................

 

Have a hot date with a great guy...my H...and I am happy 'bout that.

 

Really? Then why the need to call others bitter?

[2sunny]

You are making a huge mistake in not telling the OM's wife. It is clear that your wife is doing everything she can to protect the OM. Her story to you is ridiculous. They each wanted to work on their marriages but every time there was some problems at home well they just had to go have sex in a hotel for up to 30 times. She is in total damage control. By not telling the OM's wife then there is no problem in the future for it starting up again. Again you must tell the OM's wife or their simply are no consequences to their actions. You are sending a horrible message to him. All 4 of you need to be tested for STD's.

 

i agree with this. your W still holds ALL the power as long as she is calling any of the shots.

 

she gave up the right to make any requests when she betrayed you by being emotionally and physically connected to her OM...

 

tell the W of her OM today! exposure helps... having any secrets reinforces the excitement - expose, expose expose! she did this = she could have considered the consequences many, many times... but she only considered her best interest all those months... and she's STILL considering her best interest... so i don't believe she's being honest at all... just better at covering up.

 

expose to the other man's wife today.

 

she deserves to live with the actions she created.

[John Michael Kane]

OH PULLLEAZE...you are delusional.

 

He's not, you are.

 

Owl leaves when the lunatics take over the asylum.

 

Yea someone's a lunatic because they started a thread that differs from your demented sense of morality.

 

As does Spark, unless an undeserved attack on a respected poster takes place, like now.

 

You talk about "attacks," and here you are calling those who left, bitter and lunatics.

 

Owl cannot get a thread shut down. He wouldn't bother. Only the mods can shut down a thread if it violates TOS. I guess it did.

 

It did not. Obviously he wanted it shut down because he couldn't handle and argument and the moderator agreed with him.

 

Owl is smart, happy, confident, and supportive. He has been posting here for years and everyone respects him.

 

Everyone does not "respect" him. Posting for years means nothing compared to the real world.

 

He isn't going to waste a minute of his time justifying or defending anything to the likes of you.

 

Yet he tried to, and failed because he couldn't explain his argument correctly. It's simple debate tactics, not rocket science. You act like you're so superior because you're still married.

 

Neither am I. Outta here.

 

That's the second time you said you were leaving. Obviously the "date" you're going on, isn't going to be a good one.

 

Kidd, you want to talk? PM me. I don't have to be right. But I always try to be kind.

 

Right, and those who haven't reconciled are not nice, eh?

 

And I've walked three years in your shoes and have emerged on the other side, happy. Really happy.

 

You sure about that?

[2sunny]

keep the PI on your wife and have her take a lie detector test.

[RepairMinded]

OH PULLLEAZE...you are delusional.

 

With respect to yourself, all I did was point out that in order for you to reconcile, it was necessary to apply stern measures and boundaries to your own wayward spouse, which included actually kicking him out and being ready to move on with divorce if he didn't get with the program. You did not achieve reconciliation by any coddling. That's not delusional, that's the facts that you've presented in prior posts.

 

If the idea of posting here is to help someone else like kidd successfully try to reconcile, then why are you encouraging him on a path that did not actually work for you? I think my question is legitimate and entitled to a reasonable answer, rather than the manner in which you have responded.

 

 

Owl leaves when the lunatics take over the asylum.

 

No, in this case anyway, Owl "left" because he has no explanation to offer for why he repeatedly advises victims of some pretty serious sexual infidelity to pursue reconciliation despite the fact that for himself, he regarded any sexual infidelity--indeed any actual contact between his wife and the OM--as an absolute deal breaker from which there could be no reconciliation.

 

He also has absolutely no explanation for his assertion that everyone in the world is as equally likely to cheat in the future as his wife is, an obviously fictitious statement.

 

 

 

As does Spark, unless an undeserved attack on a respected poster takes place, like now.

 

No one is attacking except maybe you.

 

 

Owl cannot get a thread shut down. He wouldn't bother. Only the mods can shut down a thread if it violates TOS. I guess it did.

 

No it didn't. It was Owl who wanted it started. His parting statement as he left was "gee I better leave because I think this thread is going to be shut down" or something to that effect. He was fine with starting the discussion and participating in it when he thought he could dominate it and did not think anyone would actually challenge him to explain the basis of his views.

 

 

 

Owl is smart, happy, confident, and supportive.

 

This is just as irrelevant to the validity of his viewpoints as are your accusations of "delusional" to the viewpoints of people you disagree with.

 

Stick with the basis of his viewpoint. This is a man who 1) chastised others for posting about situations they have no personal experience with yet 2) repeatedly posts in sexual infidelity threads--a situation with which he has no personal experience. That's a contradiction right there. Owl bowed out and had the other thread locked when he was asked to explain this discrepancy.

 

Owl has also failed to explain why any sexual infidelity was a complete deal breaker in his own relationship, yet he is counseling others to try to reconcile from sexual infidelity. Again he bowed out with no explanation and suddenly the thread was locked.

 

 

 

He has been posting here for years and everyone respects him. He isn't going to waste a minute of his time justifying or defending anything to the likes of you.

 

He doesn't have to do anything but I am permitted to point out the fallacies and contradictions in the points of view he is expressing and the advice he gives to others who may not be aware of these discrepancies.

 

 

 

 

Neither am I. Outta here.

 

That's your choice.

 

Kidd, you want to talk? PM me. I don't have to be right. But I always try to be kind. And I've walked three years in your shoes and have emerged on the other side, happy. Really happy.

 

Kidd if you PM spark please ask her why she felt she had to kick her husband out in order to achieve reconciliation, and why she doesn't think you should at least give serious consideration to exactly the same tactic. I haven't seen her explain the discrepancy anywhere here.

[RepairMinded]

IT'S KIDD'S DECISION.

 

Of course it is his decision. All we can do is try to be honest with him. The simple truth that reconciliation is VERY difficult under the best of circumstances, and "soft" or "coddling" methods simply are not the way to go.

 

He at least needs to be aware of what actually worked for people like Spark and Owl in their reconciliation efforts, and if they are going to encourage him to reconcile, they owe it to him to give him the reality of what worked for them, not wishful thinking.

[Mz. Pixie]

 

Owl is smart, happy, confident, and supportive. He has been posting here for years and everyone respects him. He isn't going to waste a minute of his time justifying or defending anything to the likes of you.

 

Neither am I. Outta here.

 

What really is bothersome is the fact that you seem to be following him and attacking him. Which is sad.

 

You said "Owl has a habit of saying....." when you have been here what a month?

 

Kidd- some of us are concerned about your marriage- feel free to PM us.

[John Michael Kane]

What really is bothersome is the fact that you seem to be following him and attacking him. Which is sad.

 

Nobody is "following him and attacking him." He's "attacking" those who speak the truth and calling those bitter because they didn't stay with their cheater.

 

You said "Owl has a habit of saying....." when you have been here what a month?

 

So what if I've been here a little over a month on an internet forum. Big deal.

[Kidd]

Repair minded and JMK, I'd appreciate it if you posted elsewhere. Your opinions have been heard and found lacking. You fail to realize that your approach leaves you isolated and ineffective. I am not unaware of your perspective. Your mindless repetition makes you irrelevant and a distraction from moving the conversation forward with people that can elevate the conversation beyond the obvious. Gosh, you know I never considered that she might still be emotionally connected to him because they havent implemented a strict NC policy to get thru the withdrawl period. You act as if I am unaware of the possibility that the affair might continue, or that it may reignite later, or that she might be fantasizing about him, blah, blah, blah. I have plenty of an imagination about all of the worst case possibilities. They are clear and distinct because I have been recently betrayed. Do you seriously think you are enlightening me about things I haven't considered? Find someone new that isn't aware of the basics. Dale was probably the single most offensive poster I could have ever conceived at the beginning of this thread. It's unreal that the thread still makes any sense as so many of them were removed. Yet, he has the wisdom to know that the time for that has passed and he respects at least that I have been made aware and will make my own decisions from here. I hope it is also a sign that he has found some measure of healing over this last week.

[Kidd]

As for an update...I shared this thread with the OMW so that she could understand more from my own words throughout. Interestingly enough, she forced the OM to read thru it all. Not so sure I was ready for my most intimate thoughts to be read by OM but, well, that's the internet for you. I have also shared this thread with my WW as part of my attempt to be radically honest. By the way, I understand radical honesty to be sharing everything with your spouse, not with Facebook. So, I welcome the OM, OMW, and my WW to LS. I hope that sharing this creates understanding. I must say it is liberating. We had 16 good years and one bad one. I see many more good ones ahead. We control our destiny from here. We are not destined to be the statistics represented. This year does not have to define who we are. In fact, our history tells a different story about what is likely to come...one that is destined to defy the odds that would bind us. I took me a while to know that only the two of us can understand why there is more hope than despair even in this situation. Well, several others understand, too. Some think that history MUST repeat itself; I'm glad that we actually get to decide instead.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Repair minded and JMK, I'd appreciate it if you posted elsewhere. Your opinions have been heard and found lacking. You fail to realize that your approach leaves you isolated and ineffective. I am not unaware of your perspective. Your mindless repetition makes you irrelevant and a distraction from moving the conversation forward with people that can elevate the conversation beyond the obvious. Gosh, you know I never considered that she might still be emotionally connected to him because they havent implemented a strict NC policy to get thru the withdrawl period. You act as if I am unaware of the possibility that the affair might continue, or that it may reignite later, or that she might be fantasizing about him, blah, blah, blah. I have plenty of an imagination about all of the worst case possibilities. They are clear and distinct because I have been recently betrayed. Do you seriously think you are enlightening me about things I haven't considered? Find someone new that isn't aware of the basics. Dale was probably the single most offensive poster I could have ever conceived at the beginning of this thread. It's unreal that the thread still makes any sense as so many of them were removed. Yet, he has the wisdom to know that the time for that has passed and he respects at least that I have been made aware and will make my own decisions from here. I hope it is also a sign that he has found some measure of healing over this last week.

 

There is an ignore button. Failing that... just don't read or respond to it. Often times giving it attention just fuels the fire.

[John Michael Kane]

Repair minded and JMK, I'd appreciate it if you posted elsewhere. Your opinions have been heard and found lacking. You fail to realize that your approach leaves you isolated and ineffective. I am not unaware of your perspective. Your mindless repetition makes you irrelevant and a distraction from moving the conversation forward with people that can elevate the conversation beyond the obvious. Gosh, you know I never considered that she might still be emotionally connected to him because they havent implemented a strict NC policy to get thru the withdrawl period. You act as if I am unaware of the possibility that the affair might continue, or that it may reignite later, or that she might be fantasizing about him, blah, blah, blah. I have plenty of an imagination about all of the worst case possibilities. They are clear and distinct because I have been recently betrayed. Do you seriously think you are enlightening me about things I haven't considered? Find someone new that isn't aware of the basics. Dale was probably the single most offensive poster I could have ever conceived at the beginning of this thread. It's unreal that the thread still makes any sense as so many of them were removed. Yet, he has the wisdom to know that the time for that has passed and he respects at least that I have been made aware and will make my own decisions from here. I hope it is also a sign that he has found some measure of healing over this last week.

 

You say you're aware that the affair might continue or reignite later, when the affair is still going on. You're trying to avoid the reality that your wife is still hurting you. Kidd you're confused and hurt and that's okay to acknowledge. Just don't lose yourself over someone who is unremorseful for their actions.

[John Michael Kane]

As for an update...I shared this thread with the OMW so that she could understand more from my own words throughout. Interestingly enough, she forced the OM to read thru it all. Not so sure I was ready for my most intimate thoughts to be read by OM but, well, that's the internet for you. I have also shared this thread with my WW as part of my attempt to be radically honest. By the way, I understand radical honesty to be sharing everything with your spouse, not with Facebook. So, I welcome the OM, OMW, and my WW to LS. I hope that sharing this creates understanding. I must say it is liberating. We had 16 good years and one bad one. I see many more good ones ahead. We control our destiny from here. We are not destined to be the statistics represented. This year does not have to define who we are. In fact, our history tells a different story about what is likely to come...one that is destined to defy the odds that would bind us. I took me a while to know that only the two of us can understand why there is more hope than despair even in this situation. Well, several others understand, too. Some think that history MUST repeat itself; I'm glad that we actually get to decide instead.

 

I must comment that you have made a big mistake showing this thread to your wife. Now she's going to use your inner most thoughts to her advantage to keep her affair alive.