what to do?

[Jack]

Ok me and my girfriend broke up. She actually broke up with me and said I needed to change some of the things of how I acted toward her and treated her before we could ever get back together. I am 22 and she is 18. I kept my distance for a while to try to not show her it upsent me too much. We both work at the same place though, a supermarket.

 

After our breakup I immediatly noticed she would go out of her way to avoid me, we would walk right by each other and she would not even make eye contact. I want to get back together with her, and I even have to admit maybe the breakup was good because I was not treating her with any kind of respect and didn't realize it till things ended.

 

Things have gotten to the piont at work when we see each other now where we don't talk, but she is not totally avoiding me. I have gotten comfortable with that. A few days ago I was getting a drink of water at the fountain and she came up to me and just said hello. I said hello back and we talked for about 20 seconds.

 

To anyone who can help my question is this: Since that quick hello, she has not said anythign to me since and I have not to her either. Would it be right for me to maybe walk up to her one day and just say hello to her now? Or am I better off just ignoring her totally like I have been?

[Paulie]

If the issue was really that she thought you were treating her poorly, then I think that it's up to you to show her that you realize this, and wish to turn yourself around. What was the behavior that she didn't approve of, exactly? Her willingness to at least say hello to you at the water fountain at least shows that she's willing to speak to you.

If the issue had been that she needed space, wanted to see other guys, or wasn't attracted to you anymore, I'd advise you to stay the hell away. But in this case, it just seems to me that if it's indeed the case that she broke up with you because you were a jerk, then I would definitely suggest that (if you're sure you're capable of changing your behavior) you try to make ammends.

 

Maybe state it in a letter, and tell her that you'd like to talk to her outside the element of work.

[Jack]

The issue was not that I was a jerk, but rather I would tell her what to do, would always question her to what she did with her time alone, and wanted to make sure I knew everythign that was going on in her life, to put it in a nutshell. Hope that helps.

[Paulie]

Do you think there was a legitimate reason for your controlling or demanding behavior? In other words, was she always flirting with other guys, playing games with you, giving you reasons not to trust her, etc.?

 

If so, then maybe it's better that you reconsider getting back together with her.

 

If your controlling behavior was based on your own insecurities, thenyou've got to be sure that you've overcome these before you jump back into anything again.

 

I'm sure you still have feelings for this girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't even be here. However, you've got to take a step back, as a MAN, and look at the situation objectively. Is this a relationship that could work out? Has anything changed between us since the breakup. Nobody can tell you what to do...YOU have to decide these things for yourself...just do it as a MAN...and don't let your emotions get in the way of what is logical, smart, and prudent.

[Deejette]

i think you should go up to her and say you were sorry for your past attitude and that you will honestly work at changing it. Ask her to give you one more chance and let her know how you will change. Give examples of how you will change. Tell her you won't question every little detail, will trust more, and that you really, really want to make it work and love her.

If so, then maybe it's better that you reconsider getting back together with her. If your controlling behavior was based on your own insecurities, thenyou've got to be sure that you've overcome these before you jump back into anything again. I'm sure you still have feelings for this girl. Otherwise, you wouldn't even be here. However, you've got to take a step back, as a MAN, and look at the situation objectively. Is this a relationship that could work out? Has anything changed between us since the breakup. Nobody can tell you what to do...YOU have to decide these things for yourself...just do it as a MAN...and don't let your emotions get in the way of what is logical, smart, and prudent.