how do i respond to an ex emailing me wishing me luck in finding a new man?

[batsheba]

Hello LS.

 

Been strict NC for 76 days. It was sort of a vague/confusing break up, but nevertheless it happened. Been together for almost a year, friendly at first and hurting and feeling abandoned for the most part of it. The last phone conversation I had with him was him cussing me and telling me I was the one with a problem and not him. I cried and told him I was afraid he will leave me too like the others did. In hindsight, I knew this is a big turn off but hey, its that part of you you want to share with your loved one so they can help you cope with it.

 

He stopped talking to me for about 5 days. At which time I decided to send him a snail mail saying I need to move on, it wasn't working out for me and I have become toxic because of the relationship and that no further contact to me will be made. He respected that.

 

Up until 10 days ago when he sent me 2 emails. One at 957pm and another one at 430am. I have yet to reply as I thought I can go past it. I would like to seek your opinion on it.

 

The first email said something like - i wish for you to be happy and i am happy for you (redundant but maybe he was sleepy while typing)

 

The second email said something like - i am sorry for what happened between us and that i hope you find true love and someone who will take care of you and your kids.

 

I have not replied but should I and if I do, what kind of reply is expected? A courtesy acknowledgement that yes, I received your email and thank you?

 

I do have stuff that are still with him of value to me that I wish to have back, although I didn't pursue it cause of my strict NC. I simply let those go, but here is an opportunity to retrieve them. Should I take this opportunity?

 

Right now all I can say is NC did its work for me. I am feeling released and renewed. I do still care about him but I am afraid that opening communication will open up the hurt again.

[Hopeless_1116]

Hello LS.

 

Been strict NC for 76 days. It was sort of a vague/confusing break up, but nevertheless it happened. Been together for almost a year, friendly at first and hurting and feeling abandoned for the most part of it. The last phone conversation I had with him was him cussing me and telling me I was the one with a problem and not him. I cried and told him I was afraid he will leave me too like the others did. In hindsight, I knew this is a big turn off but hey, its that part of you you want to share with your loved one so they can help you cope with it.

 

He stopped talking to me for about 5 days. At which time I decided to send him a snail mail saying I need to move on, it wasn't working out for me and I have become toxic because of the relationship and that no further contact to me will be made. He respected that.

 

Up until 10 days ago when he sent me 2 emails. One at 957pm and another one at 430am. I have yet to reply as I thought I can go past it. I would like to seek your opinion on it.

 

The first email said something like - i wish for you to be happy and i am happy for you (redundant but maybe he was sleepy while typing)

 

The second email said something like - i am sorry for what happened between us and that i hope you find true love and someone who will take care of you and your kids.

 

I have not replied but should I and if I do, what kind of reply is expected? A courtesy acknowledgement that yes, I received your email and thank you?

 

I do have stuff that are still with him of value to me that I wish to have back, although I didn't pursue it cause of my strict NC. I simply let those go, but here is an opportunity to retrieve them. Should I take this opportunity?

 

Right now all I can say is NC did its work for me. I am feeling released and renewed. I do still care about him but I am afraid that opening communication will open up the hurt again.

 

I would advise not to respond at all. It WILL open up the hurt again. In a lot of cases, the ex is just wanting to see if you're still available to them. Probably looking for an ego boost or some guilt relief (or both).

 

Recently I broke NC after two months with my ex. I initiated the contact as I was technically the "dumper" in this case; although, it was brought on by his lack of commitment to the relationship (hot/cold behaviour). What I found was the same man I had broken up with almost 4 months earlier. People rarely change, and if they do they have to WANT to change. I regret having gotten back in touch with him. It just made me relive the whole break up all over again and remember all the hurt and pain he caused me. Time heals these wounds and that's why we tend to forget the bad, but if you open the lines of communication for any other purpose than reconcilliation when you're not completely over him you will find yourself back at square one.

 

Unless your ex is telling you that he made a mistake and wants to work on your relationship because he loves you, please do yourself a favour and don't respond. I would let him have whatever it is that he has of yours and just move on. He is throwing out breadcrumbs, probably hoping for something along the lines of "I don't want another man to love me, I want you". Don't give him the satisfaction of having you respond to him - even a negative response would feed his ego because he would know for certain you re still hurting.

[novus69]

His sincere remarks seem a little late at this point....he's just trying to sneak his way in for whatever selfish reasons. I went through the same thing. I answered, a mistake every time. You've come this far and done very well, don't go there, just leave it alone, is my advice.

[Tayla]

Only you can say if his attempt at a sincere well wish is worthy of a response.

 

I can say that years down the road when you actually say to yourself "What was I thinking??Dating a guy like him" can you look back and wonder...should I have at least wished him well and closed that door ?

 

Guy "A" in my past who did no good in the end, I had nooo problems going NC and sticking to it. He made it sooo easy for me to NOT wish him well.

 

Guy "B" who broke up, I did indeed wish him well afterwards and after much solice time, we grew to regard each other in other ways. Ohh we still joke that we were soo not meant for one another.

 

So which guy was yours? A or B. Then decide.

[Hopeless_1116]

His sincere remarks seem a little late at this point....he's just trying to sneak his way in for whatever selfish reasons.

 

Whether he's being sincere or not only you can decide as you know your ex and we don't. I am skeptical though....I am with Novus that he is trying to sneak his way back into your life for selfish reasons. I don't think replying to his well wishes would do you any good. You've come so far and you stress in your post how NC has really helped you to heal. Think about where you were 76 days ago and then decide if responding is really worth going back to that because opening up the lines of communication will most likely bring you nothing but pain and sadness.

[leoc1973]

I agree with hopeless, As a man I know that he is just throwing out his fishing hook and seeing if you bite. If you still want him back then wait a few days and see if he contacts you again or if he was just drunk. You could even send him something really really short like Thanks or maybe a smiley face. I know that would drive me nuts cause I would think you already have. Then you will see him grovel. And if you do want him back make him work for it. I think a lot of times when we love someone we look at them and don't want them to hurt so we don't make them work as hard as we should. I did it with my ex and she ended up dumping me 4 days later after I broke up with a really nice girl. Good luck!

[RIO5]

You could play it like this: 'Thank you very much and yes I already found someone. In fact he is on his way to pick me up for a date tonight.' That would send a clear message to him that you moved on and he should do the same. Remember the comments he made. He could of explained his disagreements with you by not calling you names. That is possible. This is a time where you gotta draw the line and make clear how things are going to be. If you really need those things back then tell him the situation. Be firm and direct about it. Make it clear that you do not want anything else...you just want your stuff and that's it. If he wants to be friendly and you dont want that...then tell him to kick rocks and make a new friend somewhere else. You are a strong person...dont let this guy break you down.

[batsheba]

thank you all for taking the time to respond. i feel much better!

hopeless1116 is right, any attempt to make contact will potentially open up old wounds. in fact, i was composing several replies knowing not to send them, sort of journaling, and i am shocked to see how angry i still am. in one of my journals i was suggesting to speak to him in person, and exchange stuff altogether. but that is too much of a risk to take.

leoc1973 might be right too that a simple curt reply might drive him nuts. i do still love him, but want him back, i am not sure really. what i know is that i am tired of feeling worthless and meaningless.

as for my stuff, i would love to have them back. and i expressed that in my break up letter. sometimes i wonder why he is still hanging on to them, or perhaps threw them away. i will never know. ill reach out for them at a later time when i am ready.

 

thanks guys!