The fact that I keep to myself sometimes gets me in trouble

[DontWorryBHappy]

A bit of irony in that title I think, because I mean, it seems like you'd expect the OUTGOING people to get into more trouble (not that I would know). But let me explain.

 

I am an introvert through and through. If I choose to try to be more outgoing I can be a bit better, and sometimes if I'm in an especially good mood I can appear a little more approachable. But for the most part I appear extremely unapproachable (by choice). I hold my head down, keep my hand propped up against me face looking down at the ground while on public transportation, at the bus stop, or other places. I go out of my way to AVOID looking at other people and it bothers me when I feel people staring at me. I dont know if it's necessarily a matter of being shy or scared, because most often I actually dont WANT people to talk to me.

 

I'll say that I am considered a bit above average looking (I dont think this even matters much in this post, except for what I'll say next) and sometimes men will try to say hello to me or talk to me (definitely WAY moreso than women). When they say hi to me I just flash a barely interested smile, and then feel like a bitch for that, but I just dont really want them to talk to me.... However, I also feel like an outcast for not wanting to be talked to... because everyone else seems to be outgoing. Does that make sense?

 

Today I was at the bus stop and this guy came up and asked if the bus was coming soon. I wasn't sure so I just said, "I hope so." Him and another girl were chatting a bit, and he asked what time it was. She didn't really say anything because i guess she didn't know, and I was just standing there with my phone. And suddenly she said, "Well she isnt gonna tell you what time it is, and look she even has a phone! She's so scared she wont tell you". She was talking about me... I just said, "It's 5:30..... You didn't ask me." And she said, "Well you have a phone...". The thing is, I just dont really say anything to people unless they ask me something. It wasnt that I was purposely trying to be rude, I just didnt want to get involved, but maybe that DID make me as ass?? And then a few minutes later some lady came to the bus stop and asked me for a hug. And I'm just thinking to myself, "I would have to be a TOTALLY different person to even consider giving a hug to a stranger, unless I was wearing a "Free Hugs" sign".

 

In the end, sometimes I actually feel exhausted due to trying to avoid looking at or conversing with people. I feel like an alien. Can anyone relate to this at all?????

Edited June 15, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy

[HopelessR]

You sound just like me, EXACTLY like me. I try but I don't put in much effort, for me it's because when I do try and form friendships, I get screwed over so I don't even bother anymore - I know, not a good reason but true.

 

As for your bus stop fiasco - I think that girl was being RUDE, not you! I don't talk to strangers and certainly don't give random ones hugs!! Weird!!

[huddylods]

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[betterdeal]

Just be madder than the mad people. It really freaks them out and, best of all, gets them to f*ck off. If some nutter stands up on the bus and says he's a fish, stand up and say, loudly, you are the queen of the fish and you order him to get off the bus or face the tribunal of the grand school of the fishes.

 

If a nutter asks for a hug, tell them you have scabies but what the hell, let's share, then go open armed to them.

 

Rude about the phone? Yes, I do, it's a nice phone, isn't it? I really like it. I really really like it. It makes this noise and when I pick it up, I hear voices...

 

Practice mad eyes (make sure the whites of your eyes show above the irises) and you'll be having a right laugh in no time.

[Eve]

What? Why did the person ask you for a hug? Where do you live? Who does that?

 

I think people who are confrontational will always pick up the scent of someone who they perceive as being less confrontational/reserved or whatever. In this light you may have to make some slight changes to how you carry yourself. I see the girl at the bus stop as being one of these types.

 

I can do both but my main leaning is to be an introvert. I love my own space! I think you have to face up to finding a way to deal with these sorts of people otherwise this issue will follow you.

 

Then again, in time you may just naturally find your own way..

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Ross MwcFan]

I agree with Eve. It seems your body language shows a lack of confidence, and will make you seem like an easy target/vunerable to others. Therefore making it more likely, for idiots like that girl at the bus stop to pick on you/be rude to you.

[betterdeal]

Sometimes pigs are pigs.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Thanks so much for the responses everybody.

 

HopelessR: I TOTALLY relate to what you said about being screwed over when you try to form friendships. I recently tried to befriend a girl in my class, but got the feeling that she only wanted me around as a study buddy, or a person to get class notes from. The class ended just a couple days ago. And today I sent her a text asking what she's up to. NO response. Maybe she just is busy, but then again, I don't know.. I'm no good at this stuff!

 

Betterdeal: I like your suggestions

 

Eve: I think it was because I was in a downtown area where some poorer people frequent. And that meant I was exposed to a wider variety of people (like weird ones that want to hug strangers). It was kind of ... odd. She literally just came up to me and said, "Can I please have a hug?"

 

I assume I'll continue to discuss this issue with my therapist... and maybe getting involved in more things will help. Tonight I'm alone in my apartment with the tv on, made some pasta, just chillin on the net. And I like having my alone time. I may entertain myself by doing a little art and more job-searching. I do like to hang out with people on occasion though, and wouldnt mind it happening a little more often.