NC and affirmations

[Amour7]

For those that have followed my difficult story, and those who haven't, I wanted to give an update. Today marks four weeks of NC. This is the longest stretch of NC in our (xMM and me) 2.5 year history and it certainly feels final. I have done just about everything I can to prevent him from contacting me, and more importantly, I have done everything I can to heal and move forward.

 

Just tonight, I had a missed call on my phone from a number from the out-of-state area code of his brother, and my mind raced right away wondering if it was xMM, if he had tried to call from his phone and got the message that I had blocked him, and he was trying through his brother's phone... For a few seconds, I contemplated calling the number back, but then I came around quickly and realized it didn't matter either way. I've made the decision that if that number calls again, I won't answer it, and I will block it, too. I can honestly say today (no guarantees for tomorrow, but today) that I know nothing he could say would change anything for me. I can't trust him and I need to move on.

 

One thing that has been incredibly helpful for me is listening to an affirmations CD. This was suggested by my therapist, and it felt a little hokey at first, but the words are just what I have needed to hear as I try to "reprogram" my mind. I won't lie- I still think of xMM during nearly every idle moment, so I have kept really busy and I listen to these affirmations when I am struggling with my thoughts or as a prophylactic measure. Sometimes it's once a day; in the first two weeks, sometimes it was was four times a day. It's not a cure-all; for me, it's a complement to everything else I've been doing (going to therapy, exercising, eating well, crying, shopping, sharing with a trusted friend, focusing on work, etc. Nonetheless, I wanted to share some of the affirmations in the hopes that it might help someone else.

 

This CD is by Bellruth Naparstek; I don't have the name of this series of affirmations, but she has a variety of themes, and they all seem good. You can also download MP3s online. Listening to her voice is great for me, because if I would have just tried to read them to myself, I wouldn't have believed them. She has a very reassuring tone that makes me receptive to the messages. Anyway, here are a few that have really "spoken" to me:

 

• I know there are times when I become angry… or sad, and I accept what I feel as my inner truth of the moment.
  
• I know that the more that I can acknowledge and accept my feelings, without criticism or blame, the more I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• More and more, I can release the thoughts and feelings that disturb my inner peace. I can send them out with my breath in the interest of my own well-being.
  
• More and more, I can let go of worrying about things I cannot control and focus on my own inner peacefulness.
  
• I know that when I can forgive myself and others for errors of the past, I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• I understand that the time to be motivated by guilt, or fear, or mindless pressure is over. Now is the time to do things out of love, celebration, and the joy of self-expression.
  
• I call upon my intention to bring more calm and well-being into my life; I engage my powerful will to help me with this.
  

OW/M, BS, WS, alike, I think these thoughts could be powerful for any of us.

[Amour7]

Thank you for sharing. We are about even in the NC time frame and today was especially hard (for no particular reason) for me.

 

You chimed in at just the right moment for me. You give me hope.

 

Stay strong, and thank you..

 

I'm sorry you're having a hard day. I have those, too. But they pass. I haven't read all of your thread, but I suggest that whatever you are doing to get yourself through this, do something more! Even if it's a little thing, like taking your lunch outside, buying a new perfume, etc.

 

Keep posting and stay strong and focused on what you want.

[MissBee]

For those that have followed my difficult story, and those who haven't, I wanted to give an update. Today marks four weeks of NC. This is the longest stretch of NC in our (xMM and me) 2.5 year history and it certainly feels final. I have done just about everything I can to prevent him from contacting me, and more importantly, I have done everything I can to heal and move forward.

 

Just tonight, I had a missed call on my phone from a number from the out-of-state area code of his brother, and my mind raced right away wondering if it was xMM, if he had tried to call from his phone and got the message that I had blocked him, and he was trying through his brother's phone... For a few seconds, I contemplated calling the number back, but then I came around quickly and realized it didn't matter either way. I've made the decision that if that number calls again, I won't answer it, and I will block it, too. I can honestly say today (no guarantees for tomorrow, but today) that I know nothing he could say would change anything for me. I can't trust him and I need to move on.

 

One thing that has been incredibly helpful for me is listening to an affirmations CD. This was suggested by my therapist, and it felt a little hokey at first, but the words are just what I have needed to hear as I try to "reprogram" my mind. I won't lie- I still think of xMM during nearly every idle moment, so I have kept really busy and I listen to these affirmations when I am struggling with my thoughts or as a prophylactic measure. Sometimes it's once a day; in the first two weeks, sometimes it was was four times a day. It's not a cure-all; for me, it's a complement to everything else I've been doing (going to therapy, exercising, eating well, crying, shopping, sharing with a trusted friend, focusing on work, etc. Nonetheless, I wanted to share some of the affirmations in the hopes that it might help someone else.

 

This CD is by Bellruth Naparstek; I don't have the name of this series of affirmations, but she has a variety of themes, and they all seem good. You can also download MP3s online. Listening to her voice is great for me, because if I would have just tried to read them to myself, I wouldn't have believed them. She has a very reassuring tone that makes me receptive to the messages. Anyway, here are a few that have really "spoken" to me:

 

• I know there are times when I become angry… or sad, and I accept what I feel as my inner truth of the moment.
  
• I know that the more that I can acknowledge and accept my feelings, without criticism or blame, the more I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• More and more, I can release the thoughts and feelings that disturb my inner peace. I can send them out with my breath in the interest of my own well-being.
  
• More and more, I can let go of worrying about things I cannot control and focus on my own inner peacefulness.
  
• I know that when I can forgive myself and others for errors of the past, I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• I understand that the time to be motivated by guilt, or fear, or mindless pressure is over. Now is the time to do things out of love, celebration, and the joy of self-expression.
  
• I call upon my intention to bring more calm and well-being into my life; I engage my powerful will to help me with this.
  

OW/M, BS, WS, alike, I think these thoughts could be powerful for any of us.

 

Looove this post

 

I'm happy for you and proud of you! Goes to show that it's not about perfection or you being some extra special human but a normal person who had a weak moment (or series of moments) but finally made the CHOICE to do something different and go in a different direction with your life, even though it is difficult. 4 weeks is still pretty short but still a long way and once you can do 4 weeks, you can do 4 more...and another 4...and another until you are totally over your ex, you don't think about him in idle moments and you gain so much perspective and your self esteem sky rockets as you realize you've accomplished a goal that was HARD and you took control of yourself. It's an amazing feeling! Keep it up Amour

[Amour7]

Looove this post

 

I'm happy for you and proud of you! Goes to show that it's not about perfection or you being some extra special human but a normal person who had a weak moment (or series of moments) but finally made the CHOICE to do something different and go in a different direction with your life, even though it is difficult. 4 weeks is still pretty short but still a long way and once you can do 4 weeks, you can do 4 more...and another 4...and another until you are totally over your ex, you don't think about him in idle moments and you gain so much perspective and your self esteem sky rockets as you realize you've accomplished a goal that was HARD and you took control of yourself. It's an amazing feeling! Keep it up Amour

 

Thanks, Miss Bee I know 4 weeks is too early to call "Mission Accomplished," as I've learned enough to know the process is unpredictable. It might be hard to get out of bed tomorrow; who knows? But I do feel like I have armed myself with some powerful supports, so that when I have the low times, I can call upon something to nudge me to a slightly better place.

 

I am looking forward to where I'll be in 4 more weeks.

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

[MissBee]

Thanks, Miss Bee I know 4 weeks is too early to call "Mission Accomplished," as I've learned enough to know the process is unpredictable. It might be hard to get out of bed tomorrow; who knows? But I do feel like I have armed myself with some powerful supports, so that when I have the low times, I can call upon something to nudge me to a slightly better place.

 

I am looking forward to where I'll be in 4 more weeks.

 

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

You're welcome!

 

The rollercoaster is the worst...feeling amazing one day then in tears and almost wanting to break NC and say eff it the next. But it's like a diet. Some days you have great days and you're eating right and in the gym and some days you can't bother....but when you persist and see your body changing and you're getting stronger and can work out longer and lose the taste for unhealthy food you feel SOOOO accomplished! It then becomes a lifetime and you're not just faking it to make it anymore...

 

You'll get there!

[Crazy chick1]

Good for you, 4 weeks is brilliant. I wish I'd continued with my NC instead of caving in when my MM came back to me. If you're ever tempted to break NC try to remember how far you have come & be sure that to break it will cast you right back to square one.

[TigerCub]

For those that have followed my difficult story, and those who haven't, I wanted to give an update. Today marks four weeks of NC. This is the longest stretch of NC in our (xMM and me) 2.5 year history and it certainly feels final. I have done just about everything I can to prevent him from contacting me, and more importantly, I have done everything I can to heal and move forward.

 

Just tonight, I had a missed call on my phone from a number from the out-of-state area code of his brother, and my mind raced right away wondering if it was xMM, if he had tried to call from his phone and got the message that I had blocked him, and he was trying through his brother's phone... For a few seconds, I contemplated calling the number back, but then I came around quickly and realized it didn't matter either way. I've made the decision that if that number calls again, I won't answer it, and I will block it, too. I can honestly say today (no guarantees for tomorrow, but today) that I know nothing he could say would change anything for me. I can't trust him and I need to move on.

 

One thing that has been incredibly helpful for me is listening to an affirmations CD. This was suggested by my therapist, and it felt a little hokey at first, but the words are just what I have needed to hear as I try to "reprogram" my mind. I won't lie- I still think of xMM during nearly every idle moment, so I have kept really busy and I listen to these affirmations when I am struggling with my thoughts or as a prophylactic measure. Sometimes it's once a day; in the first two weeks, sometimes it was was four times a day. It's not a cure-all; for me, it's a complement to everything else I've been doing (going to therapy, exercising, eating well, crying, shopping, sharing with a trusted friend, focusing on work, etc. Nonetheless, I wanted to share some of the affirmations in the hopes that it might help someone else.

 

This CD is by Bellruth Naparstek; I don't have the name of this series of affirmations, but she has a variety of themes, and they all seem good. You can also download MP3s online. Listening to her voice is great for me, because if I would have just tried to read them to myself, I wouldn't have believed them. She has a very reassuring tone that makes me receptive to the messages. Anyway, here are a few that have really "spoken" to me:

 

• I know there are times when I become angry… or sad, and I accept what I feel as my inner truth of the moment.
  
• I know that the more that I can acknowledge and accept my feelings, without criticism or blame, the more I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• More and more, I can release the thoughts and feelings that disturb my inner peace. I can send them out with my breath in the interest of my own well-being.
  
• More and more, I can let go of worrying about things I cannot control and focus on my own inner peacefulness.
  
• I know that when I can forgive myself and others for errors of the past, I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well.
  
• I understand that the time to be motivated by guilt, or fear, or mindless pressure is over. Now is the time to do things out of love, celebration, and the joy of self-expression.
  
• I call upon my intention to bring more calm and well-being into my life; I engage my powerful will to help me with this.
  

OW/M, BS, WS, alike, I think these thoughts could be powerful for any of us.

 

That in bold shows just how far you've come.

It shows so much strength, so much determination.

 

Be very proud of yourself!!

I'm happy that you're finding you peace Amour :bunny:

[26pointblue]

Thank you Amour for the helpful post. I am so glad to hear you remain NC & have blocked all ways for him to contact you. You & I are at similar NC timelines & all I know is that it does get easier with time. I rarely think of xMM with the intensity & pain that I used to . . . if anything, it's like now I'm facing other issues I have, & realize xMM was just a symptom, & THAT is painful but at least now that he's out of my life I can stop the distraction & actually focus on the issues. When I think of him I have a random menagerie of emotions & thoughts, ha ha. Sometimes I think he is cowardly & he hurt me by using me. [This is true.] Other times I think he truly loved me & finally let me go so that I can find real happiness instead of being tied up with him. [i [u]think[/u] this is true, but maybe just thinking it helps me deal with it, Idk. I do believe he loved me even if it was a selfish or not-enough kind of love.] Sometimes I think that if he ever contacts me I will tell him to go to hell & other times I think I will just wish him well & ask him to please leave me alone because I've moved on. It bothers me that I still even think about him contacting me, but, it is what it is. And as long as I stay in this city & this career there is a huge chance I will run into him, so, maybe it's my mind's way of mentally preparing itself, Idk.

 

Anyway sorry to ramble but I just wanted to share where I'm at & say I can relate. I like affirmations & I have found that focusing on myself & building my self-confidence has been a huge help to me in moving on from xMM. So I know exactly where you're coming from. Thanks so much for the positive & helpful post.

 

:-)

[Amour7]

Wow! Thank you so much for posting. You ladies really impress me with your grace

Grace? Really? Aww, thanks

That in bold shows just how far you've come.

It shows so much strength, so much determination.

 

Be very proud of yourself!!

I'm happy that you're finding you peace Amour :bunny:

Thanks, Tiger Cub. So glad to be in a better place right now.

 

Thank you Amour for the helpful post. I am so glad to hear you remain NC & have blocked all ways for him to contact you. You & I are at similar NC timelines & all I know is that it does get easier with time. I rarely think of xMM with the intensity & pain that I used to . . . if anything, it's like now I'm facing other issues I have, & realize xMM was just a symptom, & THAT is painful but at least now that he's out of my life I can stop the distraction & actually focus on the issues.

 

Yeah, I can completely relate to this, 26. And, I saw your thread; I relate to the loneliness. I know I have a deep fear of being alone for the long haul. I see old couples and I think, "That won't be me. I won't find someone to love and who loves me forever." My therapist tells me I have terrible predictive power, because many of my fears have not come true, but I can't help but ruminate on being old and alone sometimes But, I'm not paralyzed by the fear of being alone anymore; and I'm not paralyzing myself by being "committed" to an unavailable man.

 

Sometimes I think he is cowardly & he hurt me by using me. [This is true.] Other times I think he truly loved me & finally let me go so that I can find real happiness instead of being tied up with him. [i [u]think[/u] this is true, but maybe just thinking it helps me deal with it, Idk. I do believe he loved me even if it was a selfish or not-enough kind of love.] Sometimes I think that if he ever contacts me I will tell him to go to hell & other times I think I will just wish him well & ask him to please leave me alone because I've moved on. It bothers me that I still even think about him contacting me, but, it is what it is. And as long as I stay in this city & this career there is a huge chance I will run into him, so, maybe it's my mind's way of mentally preparing itself, Idk.

I think it's natural to have bitterness and anger, even if you are on the path to peace and healing. I was reading something about the power of assuming "positive intent", and there was a story about a woman whose father hadn't been involved in her life. She assumed he didn't love her. Years later, after his death, she was processing some things from her past, and she did an exercise where she turned her thought around to "He did love me, and he didn't know how to love me." It was a turning point for her and she was able to release so much anger. As for my xMM, I've been trying to practice this a little. "He is a broken man and he loved me in the way he was capable of loving me." I want to still be pissed at him a lot of the time, but I don't think the anger is serving me any longer. It helped me make an emotional break, and now I'd like to be able to release some of it. I don't expect this will happen quickly, but it is something I intend to work on. Back to the affirmations, "I know that when I can forgiveness myself and others for errors from the past, I allow myself to be peaceful, calm, and well."

 

Thanks for your post, hon. Take care. Plan a self-indulgent weekend, ok?

[Amour7]

A7--

 

I really look forward to your words and great insight. You have helped me more than you'll ever know.

 

Thank you

 

Thank you, WiserNow. You have the power to help you, too- you really do- and you showed that yesterday.

 

Take care, my dear!