ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (The title is meant to say boyfriend not boyfriends) This is the first time ive ever come on and done something like this but i feel like i need to get this sorted! Ive been with my current boyfriend for two months now, but i seriously cant stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, i even dreamt about him last night! Even though he cheated on me, then told me he didnt love me anymore and finished me, which absolutely broke my heart. I cried for weeks over him, and still would probably love to get back with him even after everything hes done to me and we always argued. My ex was a virgin before he met me, and he was so shy and innocent. But i seemed to have turned him into a cocky slag :/ i hear so many stories about the different people hes slept with since me! My current boyfriend is the nicest person ever and i dont really want to finish him, alls i want is to get over my ex. Someone help, and give me some advice?! please lol! xx Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 my personal take on this is to treasure your relationship with your current bf and do your best not to think of the past anymore. Past relationship is long over Look at what you have now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I know I should but I just cant get my ex out my mind, everyday something will pop into my hed ! Just want to stop thinking about him x Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Really not fair to the new guy is it? One broken-heart is going to set off a chain reaction of them. This will eventually get messed up when your feelings for your ex get in the way, new guy will have his heart broken, he'll go date someone else while still thinking about you, on and on. Dating is a good way to help move on but we should not enter into relationships until we truly have 100% of our heart to give again. You may WANT to stop thinking about your ex very badly, and you may WANT to be able to just focus on the new guy, but obviously you can't right now. You gotta get it together quick and decide if you can get over this ex, or this new guy deserves to go find someone who has him in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I cant help it though, I don't want to finish with my current bf im going on holiday with him soon too, all I want is to stop thinking about my ex. I cant not get on with my life just because I still think about my ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 And also I think considering you dont even knnow me you've been a bit full on n harsh.... Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 The ex broke up with you & it doesn't sound like you gave it time to complete emotional closure. You where sad, heart broken but probably never really ticked off at the jerk for it! Let yourself be angry. You have the right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 That's true someone else told me that! Because he finished it n I didn't want it too end I had no closure. Suppose I just got to go with the flow n let myself get over him properly in time , thanks Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Really not fair to the new guy is it? One broken-heart is going to set off a chain reaction of them. This will eventually get messed up when your feelings for your ex get in the way, new guy will have his heart broken, he'll go date someone else while still thinking about you, on and on. Dating is a good way to help move on but we should not enter into relationships until we truly have 100% of our heart to give again. You may WANT to stop thinking about your ex very badly, and you may WANT to be able to just focus on the new guy, but obviously you can't right now. You gotta get it together quick and decide if you can get over this ex, or this new guy deserves to go find someone who has him in mind. Yup. Can't say it any better myself Link to post Share on other sites
Ghosst Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I agree with the other comments made in this thread. It was not good for you or your new boyfriend to have started something before you had dealt with your feelings of your breakup. I feel sad for your new boyfriend but perhaps he likes broken-winged birds I think every time that you think about your former boyfriend you should remember the most painful memory you can imagine.....then take it a step further. For example, if he cheated on you, remember the pain you felt and then imagine if you had gotten back together and had come home and walked in on him having sex with someone...once a cheater always a cheater. Remember the tears, the heart wrenching, the fact that you were not even worth his respect, and that he could not have cared less about your feelings or pain. Then look a picture of your new boyfriend, on your phone, etc., and remember why he is a great guy, remember great moments like when he made you laugh so hard your cheeks hurt, or the hazy first good morning kisses, imagine a future with him, think of all the good things you have with him. Spend more time with these positive thoughts than you did with your negative thoughts. The power of positive psychology is a wonderful thing. If that doesn't work get yourself an elastic band to wear on your wrist and snap yourself every time your ex crosses your mind....because pain is the only thing you are going to feel if you ever let your ex back into your life in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you feel like you are still thinking of your ex. why not think of this. "Why do I even want to think of him." You will stop thinking of him when you start to think you don't need to think of him. (whoa i use so many think in this reply) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Not got anything positive to say pleasedont say it ! Don't u think its already hard n conffusing enough for me already I asked how I can get over my ex, thanks to you nice guys Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ehl, I hope you understand that we meant it in a good way even if we come across harsher to you. And I believe you also felt that thinking of your ex is not going to do good to your current bf, which is why you decided to post here for help. While I am a strong believer in forum etiquette, I do know that if I post a new thread, I'm prepared for all kinds and sorts of comments/advices/opinions from people. This is the internet world. With regards to thinking of your ex still, we can understand that it takes time to get over and stop thinking. How long you want to continue thinking strongly depending on how long you want do your best to stop thinking. All the best to you and your current bf Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 It is normal to have occasional thoughts about a past relationship as you enter a new one. Mental comparisons and unhelpful intrusions into your feelings for your new partner do happen. However, there is a slightly frantic, confused tone to your writing that says to me that these are not idle, inconvenient thoughts but real unresolved feelings. Slow things down, and I suggest even talk to your current boyfriend about it. It doesn't sound like full-blown rebound but it does sound like it's too soon to move on. Even if you've jumped the gun this may yet work out, but slow it down, talk it over, let time heal and be prepared for that healing to involve another break up and another clean start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 fufu I wasnt referring to you I appreciated your comments and yeah I got to expect it. Had another dream last night, but I think its because im worrying myself too much about thinking about him. I'm going through exams at the moment n im dead stressed, im just hoping it'll all get better and I've spoke to my current BF about it already, hes ok with it, he obviusly doesn't like it. Don't really know what elsei can do or say now x Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 All the best to your exams I have 1 coming up and I can certainly understand the pressure... Perhaps, it's the stress of exam that indirectly cause you to think of him? I'm glad you are honest with your current bf and he's okay with it, seems like the both of you are on the right track. All the best to your exam and don't over think too much Link to post Share on other sites
Author ehl Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Maybe because I remember me n my ex were going through troubles at the time of my last exams n I was worrying way too much then lol! I've got one today, Tuesday and Friday cant wait for them be over. Good luck for yours too Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 It is normal to have occasional thoughts about a past relationship as you enter a new one. Mental comparisons and unhelpful intrusions into your feelings for your new partner do happen. However, there is a slightly frantic, confused tone to your writing that says to me that these are not idle, inconvenient thoughts but real unresolved feelings. Slow things down, and I suggest even talk to your current boyfriend about it. Although I'm a firm believer in open communication in a relationship I don't think this conversation can go well. He will just begin to wonder, whenever your together, if your thinking about your ex. No, this is your problem NOT his. Link to post Share on other sites
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