A messed up situation

[1Dunno]

Hi Everyone!

 

First post so please be easy on me ☺

 

So I guess I’ll start at the start. I met a girl some time ago. She lives next door to me as we work in a remote location (and she happens to work at the same place as I do)… We spent a fair bit of time together getting to know one another, and ended up seeing each other / dating for about 2 months. We had some fun times together, camping, chilling out, cooking together, etc. I'm 25, she's 23.

 

When we first started seeing each other she said that she just wanted to see what happened and that she didn’t want anything serious as she had dated a guy throughout high school and uni for 5 years. I did take this with a bit of caution as know that this can be girl code for “I’ll hang out with you until someone better comes along”, but said I was cool with it.

 

By the end of our time together, I had begun to develop feelings for this girl (yes I know, I’m a sucker… it was only 2 months after all).

 

Then she went on a holiday for 4 weeks. Just before she went away she suggested meeting my parents. I kinda blew it off (said they were busy) and said maybe another time. The following night we had plans to go out to dinner, but she wanted to catch up with some guy friends (ex flat-mates) that she hadn’t seen in some time. I said I was cool with it, but deep down I would have liked an invite (perhaps selfishly). The following night when I took her to the airport (for her 4 week holiday), I said that it would have been nice if she had invited me, but I didn’t want to make her feel bad for not inviting me at the same time. She said that she was sorry. Probably a bit of a mistake in hindsight even mentioning it. Anyway, she left on what I thought were good terms (kisses and cuddles all round).

 

As she was in another country I could only contact her via email. We sent each other a few emails while she was away. In her last email before she came back she gave me the old “wasn’t sure if what we were getting into was what she needed at this stage in her life” BS.

 

I responded saying that I was ok with her decision and that I didn’t want to pressure her into anything. Which was BS really, as it did hurt. When she came back we had a discussion about her decision. She used a lot of cliché excuses such as “we’re not 100% compatible”, “I thought love was supposed to be head-over-heals”, “I’m a bit worried about what other people at work may think”. I asked her at the end of the conversation if she thought we should see other people. She said she wasn’t sure, and asked me what I thought. I said I wasn’t sure myself (with the naïve hope that there was still a chance between us). Then she said she was OK if I wanted to see other girls as it was only fair, but that she wasn’t interested in anyone at the moment. I regretfully told her that I had met another girl while she was away (which was true, but it was after she has sent me the break-up email, and this other girl doesn’t mean anything to me), but told her that I didn’t plan to see this other girl. She said that she wanted to think about it and that we should have a chat in a week or so.

 

Since our conversation about 3 weeks ago we have been quite distant from each other, seeing each other occasionally at work, with generally polite gestures of hello. I have had a few reasonably light-hearted conversations with her, but didn’t dare to venture back to anything too heavy about our ex-“relationship”. There has been a growing tension between us however, with some evil looks exchanged by her to me from across the room at a party we were at (when she was talking to one of her good girlfriends).

 

In the meantime, she has been spending an increasing amount of time outside of work with another guy we both work with.

 

There is a lot of tension between this girl and I, and for the most part communication between us has ceased. It really doesn’t help that we live next door to each other and work in the same place… in retrospect perhaps a big mistake. Pretty f**ked up situation to be in, and in one way I blame myself, although I shouldn’t.

 

I am having a really hard time moving on given the circumstances, and keep telling myself that there might still be a chance at reconciliation / to get back together. I know I need to try and keep busy and to keep my mind off her, but having to both live next door and work at the same place as her she always creeps back into my head, thinking about the fun we had together.

 

I’m trying to put the brave face on when I’m around her and try to be happy, but it doesn’t always work as she seems quite serious and hardly bothers to crack a smile. I’m also trying not to go out of my way to initiate contact with her as much as I can, to try and give her some space (and I don’t want to come across as desperate).

 

Is there any chance of getting back with this girl, or is it a lost cause? How should I play this one out? If it is a lost cause then how do I move on easier when I have to see her so much? At the very least I wish there wasn’t any tension between us, but I guess it’s just something inherent after a breakup.

 

Thanks in advance

Edited June 16, 2011 by 1Dunno