broke NC... and it went well.

[NSDNQ]

I posted this in second chances but it got one reply and I really need advice on this before I contact her again, or respond if she contacts me.

 

randomly decided to to message the ex after losing count on NC (somewhere around a month). currently in a relationship now. not sure why the hell i did it. just out of the blue typed one up and sent it before the thought: "hey I'm breaking NC" ocurred to me.

 

anyway heres the convo:

 

Me: sorry about your shorts

 

Her: Its whatever, I pretty much said goodbye to them when you took them.

 

Me: okay

 

Her: k bye

 

Me: peace

 

Her(ten minutes later):

i just want you to know, that i truely miss hanging out and just being with you. not the sex or the dating or anything like that. we both have major issues, but you were a good friend to me. thanks for the unforgettable months

 

Me: miss it too. I just forced everything way to much. I was never gonna be your Mr. right and it was stupid of me to try. just made a fool of myself several times in the process. all the big problems stemmed from that.

 

it truely was one hell of a ride. great pic btw

 

Her: absolutely no doubt about that. congrats on the new sunshine btw and thanks

i think the main issue was, where everything stemmed from, that we didn't even get to know eachother

 

Me: thanks, but sunshine isn't some generic nickname I hand out to any girl I care about lol.

 

Her: i figured your new girl got it since she qouted the you are my sunshine song on a picture of you two. sorry

 

Me: dont have to say sorry. and no, I've never called anyone sunshine but you.

 

Her: well you look happy. congrats is all i wanted to say on the subject

 

Me: totally, same to you and travis

 

Her:

yeah

 

Me: oh yeah, guess where I have to take an EMT course becuase I failed the combat medical test lol

 

Her: oh boy, where?

 

Me ********

 

Her: summer or fall?

 

Me: fall

I'm still on suspension for the summer

 

Her: thats handy. more bikini cookouts for you lol

and maybe i'll see you around campus

 

Me: right? I've been banished to paradise

 

and yeah, maybe

 

Her: lmao, doesnt sound that they planned that one too well lol

then again i only have to be on campus three days a week, but two are from 8am to 6pm. our paths probably won't cross so SCORE awkward moment avoided lmfao

 

 

Me:actually they did. with the suspension I can kiss my special operations dreams goodbye. and yeah sooo dont need anymore akward moments for awhile lol

 

Her: oh... that is really bad. and lmfao, you know life is built for awkward moments, you can't avoid them for life. besides, sometimes they can be great. i've seen a few

 

Me: eh. I'm over it, I got accepted into flightschool so by this time next year I'll be flying medivac choppers. and really? name one.

 

Her: LMAO there is no way you are going to flight school. and one time with Jeremy a few days after he dumped me, we had to see each other to exchange stuff and i thought i would die from the weirdness in the air and I ended up tripping from not paying attention and it broke the awkwardsness completely

 

don't try to call my bluff man, cause i never bluff its why i'm so good at cards

 

Me: what? you want to see my orders? says right on them. I dont bluff either not anymore anyways lol

 

Her: don't try to avoid awkwardness because i honestly think it is always for the best in the long run. it's why i am friends with so many people i hate

and that is just hilarious! lmao no way you could stop bluffing

 

Me: im usually comfortable in awkward situations, you know theres not alot of things i let get under my skin girl

 

and the last time I bluffed was... well when i got suspended lol

 

Her:

honestly i don't know. and smooth

 

Me: okay. how bout the akward moment when we where on the way to the party after i stuck half my body outside the window goin down the highway? you and katie here looking at eachother like i was a lunatic and i was just like 'which one of you has a lighter?

 

Her:

that was hilarious

 

Me:

almost as funny as when you spelled couch as "cowch" in your letters lol

 

Her:

thats my style of U's. I know how to spell couch ass.

 

Me:

ahuh. blame it on the handwriting

 

Her:

and you spell 5X worse than me!

 

Me:

whatever

 

Her:

absolute truth man

 

Me:

NO COUNTING THE FEW MONTHS BEFORE I FIGURED OUT HOW TO TEXT IN T9!!!

 

Her: umm... still sucked.

 

Me:

 

I'll pass up the opportunity to turn that into a dirty joke.

 

Anyway I gotta go. I'm already running late and I have someone expecting me. It really was great talking to you saydee, we should do this again sometime

 

Her:

 

ok

 

 

***

 

so that went better then expected. way better. is it just my vanity kicking in or does it sound to you guys like shes not over me? or have I just gained membership to "club ex"?

[Steve11]

Sounds like friends to me. But then I wouldn't have a clue. 2 weeks nc today for me! Fun!

[giuliano-3]

Eh, difficult to say. Ego is a hell of a thing. It tells you things that you want to hear about yourself. But, there's always a chance.

 

The real questions are : do you like this new girl? If so, why would you want to jeopardize it? Does she know about the ex? Is this fair to her? If you could choose one of the two, which would it be?

[flitzanu]

sorry, i stopped reading at the first "lol" in the convo.

 

did she ever say "hey i want to try this relationship again and give it a serious effort"?

 

if not, then you're her safety zone and friend, and that's it.

 

from the tone and the NC it sounds like she dumped you, so until you hear HER say she wants back with you, then NOTHING she says means ANYTHING other than literal superficial conversation. don't read into something that's not there.

 

(i know from experience)

[giuliano-3]

sorry, i stopped reading at the first "lol" in the convo.

 

did she ever say "hey i want to try this relationship again and give it a serious effort"?

 

if not, then you're her safety zone and friend, and that's it.

 

from the tone and the NC it sounds like she dumped you, so until you hear HER say she wants back with you, then NOTHING she says means ANYTHING other than literal superficial conversation. don't read into something that's not there.

 

(i know from experience)

 

yeah, the safety zone isn't really all that fun. The convos are pretty stale and superficial usually, dancing around issues and beating around bushes. My ex never directly said the words "I want a chance to come back and be with you" nor did she ever beat down my door. But for 6 months I let myself believe the things she was saying like "I don't love my new bf the same way I loved you" or "wish you were here to cuddle under the covers" or "when I get back from [foreign country] with [new bf] I'm going to come see you" - I took those things as meaning she wanted to get back with me.

 

6 months of being totally strung along, I can tell you, is the opposite of fun/worthwhile. It is out and out torture. I'm not going to tell you what to do. No matter what, you are going to do what you feel you gotta do. Just be warned, life usually does not imitate art. We are programmed to think that ex-lovers are going to one day run through a rain storm and jump up into our arms because crappy movies (and some really good ones) have told us this is what happens. Maybe your love was one in a million, though, who knows.

[RuinedLife]

Yes if your ex doesn't say the words-

 

"I want to try this relationship again"

 

"I love you and I want you back"

 

"I now realize how much I need you and want us to get back together"

 

Then dismiss it as friend-safety zone chitter chatter.

[Karala]

Er... Did you say you were in a new relationship? I don't get it.

 

Sorry if I sound judgmental, because this is how I feel. I just don't get you people. But maybe I'm just jealous that I'm not over my ex enough to even think about being with anybody else.

 

I also think that she's stringing you along.

[radiodarcy]

don't read into something that's not there.

 

(i know from experience)

 

agreed. not sure if by saying the conversation went well you meant that you were both civil towards each other and didn't argue. or if you meant that you feel it means there may be a chance at reconciliation. if it's the former i would agree with you - - yes it went well. if it's the latter and you were hoping for more, i wouldn't be inclined to agree - - sounds like she just wanted to tie up loose ends and make sure everything is cool, but that's about it.

 

it's normal to want to read into things that aren't there it gives us hope. i did it for two and a half years but after awhile i realized that i was only making it easier for him to string me along.

[ehl]

dont mean to be rude or anything but whats NC ?

[radiodarcy]

hi ehl,

 

NC = No Contact

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281193/

[ehl]

ahh thankyou i was seeing it on quite alot of threads and couldnt understand what it meant lol. Thanks

[radiodarcy]

lol.. no problem

[Graceful]

I saw your other post, but didn't have time to respond earlier today, and just saw you're here, so I'll stay right here, too.

 

It's great to see you, BTW.

 

Not sure what you're looking for or what you're asking, or what you want. She's still dating her guy, you're dating someone new who you like and don't want to hurt, so what's on your mind?

 

If this is the first time you've had a civil conversation since the breakup, then leave it alone. You left off on a nice note, you didn't argue about anything trivial, you were able to kid around -- what more could you possibly want? Are you testing the waters for friendship or more? We've already discussed the idea that you're not going to date her if she's seeing someone else, and you're not taking back up.

 

So unless you can clearly articulate why you will contact her again, why not just enjoy the peace you and she seem to have made? This is what NC, distance, the lack of tension, and just going with the flow will do, so be proud of yourself.

 

There's no second chance on the horizon, you know. Ain't gonna happen any time soon. Just enjoy what you have. Enjoy the moment you're in. It's a nice one.

[NSDNQ]

well I didnt get the chance to log back on here until we continued talking.

No real arguements. she didnt seem to happy to see that I set a few boundries with her now. but she seems over it now.

[NSDNQ]

I saw your other post, but didn't have time to respond earlier today, and just saw you're here, so I'll stay right here, too.

 

It's great to see you, BTW.

 

Not sure what you're looking for or what you're asking, or what you want. She's still dating her guy, you're dating someone new who you like and don't want to hurt, so what's on your mind?

 

If this is the first time you've had a civil conversation since the breakup, then leave it alone. You left off on a nice note, you didn't argue about anything trivial, you were able to kid around -- what more could you possibly want? Are you testing the waters for friendship or more? We've already discussed the idea that you're not going to date her if she's seeing someone else, and you're not taking back up.

 

So unless you can clearly articulate why you will contact her again, why not just enjoy the peace you and she seem to have made? This is what NC, distance, the lack of tension, and just going with the flow will do, so be proud of yourself.

 

There's no second chance on the horizon, you know. Ain't gonna happen any time soon. Just enjoy what you have. Enjoy the moment you're in. It's a nice one.

 

Becuase I miss her grace.