his lack of a past is a bit of a turnoff

[Ginger Beer]

People are all different. Those who are more different tend to scare those who want everyone to be carbon copies of each other.

 

One of my good friends is 33 and is a virgin. He is marrying his fiance, who is also a virgin, in 2 months and they are out of this world in bliss. He's different than many other men.

 

Why?

 

Cause even though he's incredibly hot, charismatic, and a superb athlete (he's into soccer and extreme sports), he has always had this desire to only be with one woman... like some animal species only have one mate for life. When he found his fiance, he was head over heels and knew she was the one. I don't know their future of course, or any issues that might arise between 2 virgins, but I am confident that they will work everything out and have an awesome life together.

 

Your boyfriend might be like my friend, a highly successful, amazing man who dedicated his life before you "conquering" sports or work or art or music... until you came along, or he might be a virgin for other reasons. It wouldn't hurt to ask why he's a virgin.

 

I respect this man and woman but isn't this risky? I mean, if it doesn't work out or one of them cheats, doesn't it make the break up 100 times worse if you both believe in 1 partner only?

 

I also share their belief but this does worry me that putting all your eggs in one basket (if that makes sense) could go very wrong?

[BetheButterfly]

I respect this man and woman but isn't this risky? I mean, if it doesn't work out or one of them cheats, doesn't it make the break up 100 times worse if you both believe in 1 partner only?

 

I also share their belief but this does worry me that putting all your eggs in one basket (if that makes sense) could go very wrong?

 

Yeah it is risky.

 

He's into risks though... he does helicopter snowboarding, which to me is really risky, so I guess waiting for the woman he decided is right for him is just one more risk that he considers worth taking.

 

I am not as good of a friend with his fiance, but from what I see of her, she is worth the risk and is very similar to him in many ways, so that's cool.

[Untouchable_Fire]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything has been great, at first he was somewhat shy and reserved but then he opened up and became more outgoing. Yesterday he revealed to me that I was his first girlfriend, first girl he ever kissed, first girl he did anything with. I’m really confused now. I mean what kind of guy doesn’t date at all until they’re 25? I mean he’s good looking, in shape, smart, funny, has his own place…he is a really good guy. Still though his inexperience is really giving me second thoughts. Am I wrong for feeling really turned off by this or thinking it’s a huge red flag?

 

You must be super bored. Holy Freaking Hell... that's really digging deep to find something to create drama.

[musemaj11]

This is one of the toughest things in being a guy.

 

Even to your supposedly most intimate partner, opening up your deepest feelings and secrets could lead it to being seen as a weakness that degrades your value in front of her eyes.

 

I have learned that as a guy, I can pour my heart out to a female friend, but not to a woman that I have a romantic relationship with. Very ironic and unfortunate.

 

So guys, keep your weaknesses to yourself. Never share it with anyone. Not even the person who supposedly loves you the way you are. Women want a man they can lean on, but you are mistaken if you assume its a two way street.

Edited June 18, 2011 by musemaj11

[somedude81]

Why in freaking hell would any man want a relationship like this? If the woman is that shallow, then dump her.

What makes you think the guy would be the one to dump the other?

 

What musemaj11 is saying is that after the guy fully opens up to the girl, she may think he is weak and lose interest in him.

 

And since this is a guy who has had no relationship history, who knows how long it will be till he finds another woman that is willing to date him?

 

For a man who does poorly with women, it's the same thing as trying to get a job in a bad economy with really high unemployment. It's best not to take any risks or and be very careful about what he says and does.

[Disillusioned]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything has been great, at first he was somewhat shy and reserved but then he opened up and became more outgoing. Yesterday he revealed to me that I was his first girlfriend, first girl he ever kissed, first girl he did anything with. I’m really confused now. I mean what kind of guy doesn’t date at all until they’re 25? I mean he’s good looking, in shape, smart, funny, has his own place…he is a really good guy. Still though his inexperience is really giving me second thoughts. Am I wrong for feeling really turned off by this or thinking it’s a huge red flag?

 

He might have been an undercover CIA agent. Ya never know...

[fortyninethousand322]

What makes you think the guy would be the one to dump the other?

 

What musemaj11 is saying is that after the guy fully opens up to the girl, she may think he is weak and lose interest in him.

 

And since this is a guy who has had no relationship history, who knows how long it will be till he finds another woman that is willing to date him?

 

For a man who does poorly with women, it's the same thing as trying to get a job in a bad economy with really high unemployment. It's best not to take any risks or and be very careful about what he says and does.

 

Precisely. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I ever get so lucky as to actually get a girlfriend it would take a whole lot before I dumped her, especially since I knew it would be near impossible to find another girl. Probably means I'll be taken advantage of, but aside from staying celibate for life there's really no other choice.

[Reddog7]

Honestly when I hear about men being rejected because they have a lack of experience, it disappoints me. I like many men took a long time to figure out who I was and find my own self confidence and that was only possible by trying to make things work with strong women and being rejected several times. Had one of those girls taken the chance to believe in me and see that people only grow with time, I would have been a stronger person sooner. Give him a chance, tell him how you feel, and be patient. He is likely more caring and willing to be with you long term than most other guys you know.

[musemaj11]

Why in freaking hell would any man want a relationship like this? If the woman is that shallow, then dump her.

 

I understand that it's hard for a man to show weakness, but when you're in love, then you need to TRUST and rely on each other for support.

You wouldnt understand unless you were a man.

 

Every man in this world has learned to put on a mask in public. The only time he takes it off is when he is alone by himself.

[Floridaman]

Honestly when I hear about men being rejected because they have a lack of experience, it disappoints me.

I like many men took a long time to figure out who I was and find my own self confidence and that was only possible by trying to make things work with strong women and being rejected several times.

 

Had one of those girls taken the chance to believe in me and see that people only grow with time, I would have been a stronger person sooner.

Give him a chance, tell him how you feel, and be patient. He is likely more caring and willing to be with you long term than most other guys you know.

On another board, I have been going round and round with a couple of virgin men in their late 20s who haven't even kissed a girl yet....

They're scared most women will LAUGH at them and intimidate them if they discover they're virgins.

 

Thread: Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170081&p=4684773&viewfull=1#post4684773

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...380575&page=10

 

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age.

 

At 26-27, I dated a couple of 29 and 30 y.o. virgin women and knew guys who remained virgins into their early 30s.

 

I had limited sexual experience before I met my future wife at 30. 3-4X in HS at 17-18 with same girl, then 2 separate encounters 25-26, but lived like a virgin (mostly by choice and opportunity) through most of my 20s.

 

So..... bec. I had sex too early at 17, that somehow makes me better than a 26-30 y.o. guy or gal who hasn't?

 

Me having the "I've Had Sex" membership card makes me a better dating prospect?

 

13 y.o.s now have sex. So they're better than someone at 26 who hasn't given themselves to someone else yet?

 

 

Virgins aren't necessarily better than non-virgins.

Those who have had sex aren't automatically superior to the virgins.

 

It's all a matter of opportunities and life choices .... and the kind of person one is.

[Floridaman]

I am a 28 year old virgin who has never kissed a girl, and my problem is shyness.

 

I've had plenty of girls go after me, but haven't sealed the deal.

 

I suppose to the OP, I'm a freak. Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

 

ProjekctionMan,

 

Don't feel bad about not responding to women that offered themselves to you. Have heard that's common, esp. among us who consider ourselfs "Good Guys." (not only after sex...).

 

I too turned-down a couple of casual sex offers in my late 20s, though I was lonely and wanted some sexual satisfaction.

I'd had casual sex and knew it doesn't make you feel any better.

 

 

On getting that first kiss and finding a woman you can enter a loving dating relationship with,

Take a look at this thread.

For those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269779/

Read some of the advice given and chime-in with some questions.

 

It could help you.

[ice salamander]

Do you know why it is a turn off?

 

I'll tell you why. It's because you think that he is undesirable. The fact that he has not had another girlfriend besides you means that there is something wrong with him. (Speaking from a woman's mindset)

 

ALL women want men who are wanted. This is why jealously works out so well. Your boyfriends' value just plummeted because nobody else wants him. You're dating the kid that got picked last in recess for kickball.

 

You're better than that right? You don't want to settle for some schmuck that nobody wants.

 

Women, they're all the same. You're most likely going to end up cheating on him or using him and then dumping him once you've found someone better.

 

Then this new guy will have lots of women going after him, he'll flirt and cheat but you won't care.

 

Why? Because at least other women want him. Your ego is now sated. You beat the competition, you won. He is actually a prize that you had to work hard for and earn.

 

Years later you'll only get heart broken. Pretty soon you'll realize that you're not getting any younger and your market value is spiraling down at a rapid rate. You call back your boyfriend that now has much more experience since he's all of the good things aforementioned above.

 

You'll try to get him back but now he'll see you as the one with no intrinsic value. Then that is when it is game over. You'll marry some guy that you've only been dating for 3 months and BAM. You're going to look back and think...

[alexlakeman]

Nobody is ever happy, lol.. too much of a past history and it's bad..

Too little history and it's bad, lol..

 

It is different though:

 

• Women prefer the guy to have some mileage and bring the experience into the relationship..
  
• Guys want women with the least mileage possible
  

[Floridaman]

Do you know why it is a turn off?

 

I'll tell you why. It's because you think that he is undesirable. The fact that he has not had another girlfriend besides you means that there is something wrong with him. (Speaking from a woman's mindset)

 

ALL women want men who are wanted. This is why jealously works out so well. Your boyfriends' value just plummeted because nobody else wants him. You're dating the kid that got picked last in recess for kickball.

 

You're better than that right? You don't want to settle for some schmuck that nobody wants.

 

Women, they're all the same. You're most likely going to end up cheating on him or using him and then dumping him once you've found someone better.

 

Then this new guy will have lots of women going after him, he'll flirt and cheat but you won't care.

 

Why? Because at least other women want him. Your ego is now sated. You beat the competition, you won. He is actually a prize that you had to work hard for and earn.

 

Years later you'll only get heart broken. Pretty soon you'll realize that you're not getting any younger and your market value is spiraling down at a rapid rate. You call back your boyfriend that now has much more experience since he's all of the good things aforementioned above.

 

You'll try to get him back but now he'll see you as the one with no intrinsic value. Then that is when it is game over. You'll marry some guy that you've only been dating for 3 months and BAM. You're going to look back and think...

That's well-stated and describes the OP here and her unreasonable demands she has on her less experienced BF.

She clearly doesn't love him and is holding his past against him.

 

OP never did tell us her and her BF's ages. He could likely be 19 and look at how she DEMANDS he have all this experience....

[fortyninethousand322]

 

OP never did tell us her and her BF's ages. He could likely be 19 and look at how she DEMANDS he have all this experience....

 

Actually she did:

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything has been great, at first he was somewhat shy and reserved but then he opened up and became more outgoing. Yesterday he revealed to me that I was his first girlfriend, first girl he ever kissed, first girl he did anything with. I’m really confused now. I mean what kind of guy doesn’t date at all until they’re 25? I mean he’s good looking, in shape, smart, funny, has his own place…he is a really good guy. Still though his inexperience is really giving me second thoughts. Am I wrong for feeling really turned off by this or thinking it’s a huge red flag?

[Joe Normal]

Hey, what a coincidence, I have the exact same problem, except I'm a guy. I recently met a 24 year old virgin, we've been dating a couple of months. She's 5'8 with model looks, went to a top university, her parents are loaded, we even have the same taste in music. Every occasion we go out we have a great time, and she's a great kisser too. In the last week or two she has been dropping strong hints that she can't wait to have her first time with me.

 

Should I dump her for being inexperienced?

[Sanman]

Hey, what a coincidence, I have the exact same problem, except I'm a guy. I recently met a 24 year old virgin, we've been dating a couple of months. She's 5'8 with model looks, went to a top university, her parents are loaded, we even have the same taste in music. Every occasion we go out we have a great time, and she's a great kisser too. In the last week or two she has been dropping strong hints that she can't wait to have her first time with me.

 

Should I dump her for being inexperienced?

 

 

Yes, you should! First though, could you pm me her phone number?

[Tailspin]

**update**

 

I know it's been weeks since I posted, but this forum really gave me a lot to think about. Me and my boyfriend had a long talk about how I felt about his inexperience. I told him it made me uncomfortable when I found out but I understood why he never told me. He asked me if I would have felt different if he had told me sooner, and I told him I honestly didn't know. We had another talk about that, but in the end we decided that we really cared about each and we're staying together.

 

He's going on a week long business trip tomorrow so I won't see him for a whole week. But otherwise things are good (much better than when I made this thread).

[fortyninethousand322]

**update**

 

I know it's been weeks since I posted, but this forum really gave me a lot to think about. Me and my boyfriend had a long talk about how I felt about his inexperience. I told him it made me uncomfortable when I found out but I understood why he never told me. He asked me if I would have felt different if he had told me sooner, and I told him I honestly didn't know. We had another talk about that, but in the end we decided that we really cared about each and we're staying together.

 

He's going on a week long business trip tomorrow so I won't see him for a whole week. But otherwise things are good (much better than when I made this thread).

 

Well, I guess this gives guys like me some hope then. I'm glad things worked out for you both.

[conehead]

Well, I guess this gives guys like me some hope then. I'm glad things worked out for you both.

 

FYI to give u more hope, I myself have been dating a 33 yr old virgin for 2 months...im the first girl he claims he ever kissed. All is good except he rarely calls me

[fortyninethousand322]

FYI to give u more hope, I myself have been dating a 33 yr old virgin for 2 months...im the first girl he claims he ever kissed. All is good except he rarely calls me

 

Well hopefully I won't have to wait until I'm 33, but this is good news regardless.

[Sanman]

I'm glad it is working out for you and you chose to talk to him rather than simply dumping him.

[Floridaman]

FYI to give u more hope, I myself have been dating a 33 yr old virgin for 2 months...im the first girl he claims he ever kissed. All is good except he rarely calls me

How did this come up in conversation?

many guys wouldn't be willing to share their virginity early, afraid thye'll be intimidated or mocked.

[conehead]

How did this come up in conversation?

many guys wouldn't be willing to share their virginity early, afraid thye'll be intimidated or mocked.

 

It came up a month into dating. He asked me about my thoughts on physical intimacy, i said i wait awhile, he said he doesnt mind waiting, i asked him how many girls he's been with and he said 'honestly, i never been with anyone'. I only asked because I regret not asking a guy once...only after sleeping with him did i find out he's been with many many girls...i just wanted to be mentally prepared thats all and get good protection haha

[FitChick]

Nothing to worry about unless the guy is over 40. The 40 Year Old Virgin seems to be a documentary. I even met a man who was 55 and a virgin. He had recently dated one woman who left him after three months. The extent of their intimacy was lying next to each other naked in bed. He said he didn't find her attractive. She wasn't fat or ugly either. Most hetero men would continue having "ready-sex" while looking for someone better. This particular man was very passive in his career as well.

 

Having said that, there are plenty lousy lovers who have had many, many women and who have even been married so they have no excuse for being crap in bed.