depressed, dont have any friends :( girls especially don't like me

[ScarletteLN]

I've been extremely depressed for a long time. I just dont seem to have any friends since the age of 14 onward till now 23 years old. Family and people who know me say that i'm a very good person, very friendly, talented, ambitious, etc...and that's what i think i am as well, i always try to be open and friendly to people, good listener, pay genuine compliments, act interested in people. I really want to make friends and that what i've been doing for such a long time. I usually dont have problem with making friends for the first few weeks but for some reason i can only keep friends for 1 or 2 months, i feel people just dont want to continue to be friends with me, i'm always nice, friendly and good overall, smiley and every advice books and media suggest but it doesn't work. It's like after 1 or 2 months the friends i make just seem to usually choose others instead of me. I sometimes feel like people's saying bad things about me and i can't understand why (

The other reason is i particularly can't keep girl-friends after 2 or 3 times of meeting.

 

 

Some of the reasons for this is 1) sometimes i expect people to love me or atleast really like me after a few times because i've been used to that since i was little (spoilt kid with alot of attention) so i dont take it very well when someone doesnt show me they 'love' me2) my boyfriends says sometimes that i'm paranoid of people not liking me and talking bad about me because i keep relating current time to the past when i have had a bad experience at high school when a bunch of girls did that to me 3) i don't have most thing in common particularly with the girls, as the girls i meet have always been non- talented, housewives who does nothing with their days, have nothing to talk about apart from the gym and complaints about their days, they are jealous of my look, that i can get a job faster than they did, they are scred that i can steal their boyfriends and husbands.

 

I generally have a better record with male friends but still they either want to date me or not.

 

 

I just can't have anyone!! i've tried everything, i've recently moved to a new city and also started work, i've actively participated in events but still, i just feel like sometimes im not special enough for people to like me, either im too fake, too pretty/sexy, too smart, too friendly/desperate, if im too myself then im too comfortable to fit the environment etc..

 

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, IM CONTINTUED TO BE DEPRESSED, IM A LEO, AN OUT GOING PERSON BUT WHO CANT KEEP FRIENDS ;(((

[Maoky]

You seem too stuck inside the idea that you need to be nice to everyone, and be a good friend. I know this is really vague advice, and it's not something you can just turn on and off, but stop caring so much. You seem like a decent person, and everyone feels lonely on and off at some points in their lives. Instead of acting interested in people, and paying them compliments, have you opened up to them of your own vulnerabilities?

 

People don't tend to reciprocate unless you give them something to reciprocate to. And, if you keep closing off how you feel to others then you can't expect any different in how they will treat you.

[Staci]

Wow, I read your post and can totally relate. It is the exact way I am feeling and have been feeling. I seem to make guy friends so easily than with girls. With guys, it's so hard to find a true friend because they want more than that. The female friends I have now are mostly just co-workers. It gets very depressing when I see girls with groups of friends. I don't understand how to find the time to maintain so many friendships and be close with so many people. The way people perceive me isn't the way I would like. It is very hard for me to be vulnerable with people. I am just not sure how, to be honest. I am persistent and if I knew the skills or maybe what to do, I would utilize them. I wasn't taught social skills at all growing up. I pretty much raised myself in terms of relationship skills. When I was in relationships with men, It was very hard to open up and be vulnerable. I always thought that they would leave me if they found out the real me. I also have a hard time believing that when people are nice with me, I think it is just a front and that they really talk negatively behind my back. It has gotten a lot better because when I have those thoughts I try to ignore them but deep down I feel that behind my back, they don't like me. I am kind, friendly, attractive 23 yr old woman. I try to be an active listener when people are talking, I give compliments, and I am caring. I feel the exact same way when you said you meet girls and after the first few encounters, they seem to become better friends with other people. Like maybe there is just something not appealing with me or I am not fun to be around. When I was highschool, I had many friends and was the popular girl. People wanted to be around me. Now, I have to actively seek out the few friends that I have to hang out with. One friend of mine only calls me when it is convenient for her. She never hangs out when I ask but I will hang out with her when she wants company. She is a good listener but when I am in her company she talks bad about her other friends. It just makes me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. To be quite honest, she is the only real friend that I can confide in right now and I am only friends with her because of that. I see a therapist bi-weekly and he says I am normal but have a very low self-esteem. I am working on it daily. I just hope one day I can be the girl people want to be around.

Edited August 5, 2011 by Staci

[soulwise]

Wow, I read your post and can totally relate. It is the exact way I am feeling and have been feeling. I seem to make guy friends so easily than with girls. With guys, it's so hard to find a true friend because they want more than that. The female friends I have now are mostly just co-workers. It gets very depressing when I see girls with groups of friends. I don't understand how to find the time to maintain so many friendships and be close with so many people. The way people perceive me isn't the way I would like. It is very hard for me to be vulnerable with people. I am just not sure how, to be honest. I am persistent and if I knew the skills or maybe what to do, I would utilize them. I wasn't taught social skills at all growing up. I pretty much raised myself in terms of relationship skills. When I was in relationships with men, It was very hard to open up and be vulnerable. I always thought that they would leave me if they found out the real me. I also have a hard time believing that when people are nice with me, I think it is just a front and that they really talk negatively behind my back. It has gotten a lot better because when I have those thoughts I try to ignore them but deep down I feel that behind my back, they don't like me. I am kind, friendly, attractive 23 yr old woman. I try to be an active listener when people are talking, I give compliments, and I am caring. I feel the exact same way when you said you meet girls and after the first few encounters, they seem to become better friends with other people. Like maybe there is just something not appealing with me or I am not fun to be around. When I was highschool, I had many friends and was the popular girl. People wanted to be around me. Now, I have to actively seek out the few friends that I have to hang out with. One friend of mine only calls me when it is convenient for her. She never hangs out when I ask but I will hang out with her when she wants company. She is a good listener but when I am in her company she talks bad about her other friends. It just makes me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. To be quite honest, she is the only real friend that I can confide in right now and I am only friends with her because of that. I see a therapist bi-weekly and he says I am normal but have a very low self-esteem. I am working on it daily. I just hope one day I can be the girl people want to be around.

 

I Think that if You can both relate and communicate maybe you will both have a new Friend each and promote wellness in each other as you both wish for each other to be better you release energy to each other building and developing steadily...And Your Friend who may speak about You

to Others is following a popular trait theses days, it is You by being different that is attractable to Her and also by being different Your actually making a difference...Take Best Care...OneLove SW

[St.Rosa]

I am kind, friendly, attractive 23 yr old woman. I try to be an active listener when people are talking, I give compliments, and I am caring. I feel the exact same way when you said you meet girls and after the first few encounters, they seem to become better friends with other people. Like maybe there is just something not appealing with me or I am not fun to be around.

 

I feel the same way!

It feels as if people already have their set friends, and they don't want to bother making more? I don't know but it's tough, recently I've been more comfortable talking to guys, but I haven't made any friends with guys either really.

 

I can be a great friend but I guess I'm not attractive enough as a friend? I don't know. I'm tired of being friendless though. sick and tired.

[dizy]

It was the same for me for a very long time. Especially after high school. But I realized that in order to get Girl-friends, you just have to talk about things that they (or even better you too) are interested in. I am a future engineer. No need to mention how few girls are interested by this field, so i never really talk about that with my female friends, it's all about how i had a crush on a certain guy of my class etc. I know it's sad, but I guess I just came to the realization that not everyone wants to know my dreams, my ambitions =(. It is VERY rare to find someone who share every single one of your interests. It's all about talking about different things with different people. Hope this helps.

[Lucky_One]

 

Some of the reasons for this is 3) i don't have most thing in common particularly with the girls, as the girls i meet have always been non- talented, housewives who does nothing with their days, have nothing to talk about apart from the gym and complaints about their days, they are jealous of my look, that i can get a job faster than they did, they are scred that i can steal their boyfriends and husbands.

 

 

Really? REALLY? You think that much of your looks that you believe that every woman you meet is jealous of them? You think that these women are truly scared that you will steal their BFs or husbands? You think that they are non-talented women who do nothing with their days?

 

I can tell you EXACTLY why you can't keep friends.

[bigflirtindia]

You shouldn't be depressed buddy! There are many like you don't have friends. Why don't you join them, you can be friends then. There are many friendship websites on web.

 

You can just go, register and find some new friends online to chat and hangouts.