sleinad Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Hey all; I'm new to the forums, but hoping for a bit of insight here. I am a recent University graduate (26 y/o) who spent 3 years post-grad working in a small office, knowing I was not likely to move around in the company... but it was a job. Towards the end of my tenure there, I met my boyfriend (29 y/o). We started dating, all was well, and we ended up getting a place in the city and moving in together after realizing that we were literally inseparable. When we first moved downtown, I got a job in another small company where I knew I wouldn't get anywhere. During my time with this small company, I began looking for jobs elsewhere and ended up getting a FANTASTIC position in the alcohol industry where endless possibilities lay ahead of me. I have honestly never been so happy. I am able to utilize the skills I learned in University and for the first time I feel as though my work is actually appreciated! I feel so fulfilled and I know that this is my calling. Now, the problem lies with my boyfriend. He is unhappy with his job and is intimidated by my schooling and career (he attended a 1-year college course, whereas I have a University education). He has absolutely no concept of the separation between work and home, and thinks that I should include him in everything work-related (ie. work events where it is strictly no-spouse, after-hours events, etc). If I try to tell him that I can't include him, he gets mad that my job is taking precedence... but if I do include him, he finds a reason later to not like it (ie. we had a no-spouse conference last week, but I was able to get him in to take photos for our awards dinner - which I thought would make him happy since I was including him even though I shouldn't have. He is now complaining that he felt "used" since he hasn't gotten a thank-you yet). I feel as though I can't win! We are constantly fighting about it and he just can't grasp the concept that these conferences, parties, events, etc are all for WORK and that I'm not out having a blast and getting drunk and whatever else (ironically, I don't drink). I just have no idea how to handle this situation. I love my boyfriend and want to get married and start a family, however I feel as though he is literally JEALOUS of what I do! How do I get around this without hurting him, but also without jeopardizing my career? I am so happy during the day, but then I get home and am made to feel so guilty for it. I would really appreciate any insight/help/opinions/etc... thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Millard Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Don't stay with a man who can't stand you having a better job than you. Eventually, he'll start blaming you for his faults and will never strive to do better for himself Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Why do you waste your youth on losers? Don't you have some kind of father figure to talk some sense into you.? You only live once. Make it count sweetheart. Link to post Share on other sites
Deanster Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 He sounds insecure, petty, and like he's on a path to nowhere career-wise. He's emotionally blackmailing you, instead of helping you to be the most successful you can be. This is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT the man you want to marry and have babies with. I promise you. You note that he has 'no concept' of what it means to be a working professional... think about what this means. That strongly suggests that he has very little exposure to a professional lifestyle of any sort. He's not only going to have a really hard time getting or holding a professional job of his own, but he's going to be an ongoing problem in yours. I'm sure he's a decent guy, etc., but he's NOT a life partner for you. You're an educated young professional. Career-wise, he's one year out of high school, and doing NOTHING to move his situation forward, while trying hard to keep you from succeeding in your new job. I'll bet cash that I'm not the first person who's said this to you. Have your family and friends asked why you're committed to a guy who has no education or prospects? Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 One would think that instead of acting like a needy little schoolgirl, he'd be out in the world actually bettering himself by furthering his education. Just because HE has no ambition doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to his level. Aim higher. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Tell him to quit being a Nancy boy and shut up about it. If you love him stay with him, but have no sympathy for his girlie emotions. Man up is truly the appropriate response. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I agree with Woman in Blue and Shadowman. There is no reason whatsoever that you should accommodate such BS. If he doesn't get it, I strongly advice you to move on. Not understanding work/private life distinctions has nothing to do with level of education, IME. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hey all; I'm new to the forums, but hoping for a bit of insight here. I am a recent University graduate (26 y/o) who spent 3 years post-grad working in a small office, knowing I was not likely to move around in the company... but it was a job. Towards the end of my tenure there, I met my boyfriend (29 y/o). We started dating, all was well, and we ended up getting a place in the city and moving in together after realizing that we were literally inseparable. When we first moved downtown, I got a job in another small company where I knew I wouldn't get anywhere. During my time with this small company, I began looking for jobs elsewhere and ended up getting a FANTASTIC position in the alcohol industry where endless possibilities lay ahead of me. I have honestly never been so happy. I am able to utilize the skills I learned in University and for the first time I feel as though my work is actually appreciated! I feel so fulfilled and I know that this is my calling. Now, the problem lies with my boyfriend. He is unhappy with his job and is intimidated by my schooling and career (he attended a 1-year college course, whereas I have a University education). He has absolutely no concept of the separation between work and home, and thinks that I should include him in everything work-related (ie. work events where it is strictly no-spouse, after-hours events, etc). If I try to tell him that I can't include him, he gets mad that my job is taking precedence... but if I do include him, he finds a reason later to not like it (ie. we had a no-spouse conference last week, but I was able to get him in to take photos for our awards dinner - which I thought would make him happy since I was including him even though I shouldn't have. He is now complaining that he felt "used" since he hasn't gotten a thank-you yet). I feel as though I can't win! We are constantly fighting about it and he just can't grasp the concept that these conferences, parties, events, etc are all for WORK and that I'm not out having a blast and getting drunk and whatever else (ironically, I don't drink). I just have no idea how to handle this situation. I love my boyfriend and want to get married and start a family, however I feel as though he is literally JEALOUS of what I do! How do I get around this without hurting him, but also without jeopardizing my career? I am so happy during the day, but then I get home and am made to feel so guilty for it. I would really appreciate any insight/help/opinions/etc... thanks. I don't see him being "jealous of what you do", as nothing implies that he wants to be anywhere near your place of employment were you not in the picture. Given what you've shared, it is appropriate that YOU just draw a big, black LINE that separates your work and work responsibilities from your relationship. IF work takes up one or two of your evenings, then make direct efforts to spend entire evenings with your boyfriend intermittently. With those big, black lines of separation, YOUUUUUUUUUU need to drop all of your guilty feelings, no matter what he says!! Even when the likes of Liz Taylor was married to Larry Fortensky (sp?), they each owed it to themselves to compartmentalize, and to be on equal footing during some/most facets of their relationships EVEN THOUGH her public life was far, far more important to both of them than was his job. But y'know, some of this is on you for not defining and separating the situations while not letting yourself feel guilty based on his manipulations. It is a grand comfort that you don't drink... Link to post Share on other sites
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