The ex of the boyfriend?

[imfrantic]

Ok, someone tell me how to choose between two special men. Last year I was dating a man; he needed to deal with some issues, so we broke up. This year, i started dating a new man - we've been together for about 5 months or so. Now the ex is back and i don't know what if I should dump the new boyfriend and give the ex another chance or just keep things as they are? The new boyfriend is THE sweetest, sensitive man on earth, emotionally. He would probably chop off a finger if he thought it would help me...but he wants to do the marriage/kids thing and I think he's a little more emotionally invested than I am . The ex doesnt show his emotions too often - he's cynical and a wise-ass, but it covers a lot of intense stuff. He's been fixed, so no kids from him. I just need to get a handle on this whole thing. Anybody got any hints, advice, etc?

[Tony T]

Stick with your current situation. If you are dating someone and they have to break up to deal with issues, they aren't worth your time. Someone who cares for you will communicate with you and ask you for your help in working through lifes down times without splitting. That's what loving relationships are all about. Forget the ex.

 

Now, as far a your current guy goes, your post implies you don't want to do the marriage/kids thing. Do you know how many millions of women are looking for a guy like this??? If you don't want him, free him up to move on a find someone with the same life goals as he. He sounds like a real winner in most ways. You will most probably regret passing him up now, if you do, but you have to please yourself now and if his goals are not compatible with yours, move on.

 

You need to find someone you have a lot in common with, who has similar goals, someone who can show his emotions, someone who is not a cynical wise ass (that's cute for a while but it gets old), someone who won't split when the going gets tough for him...basically someone who is a better match for you than both of these guys.

 

Of course, the above is based on my assumption from your post that you are not interested in marriage and family. If you are, there is no question you current guy is at the top of the class.

[Deejette]

If you go back with the ex, you will have a lot of heart ache. He doesn't sound too stable. But maybe you are not looking for stability in your life. Just think of how much it will hurt the new boyfriend when you tell him you want to go back to the old one. On the other hand, since it's only been 5 months, it's better to give him the news now than let it drag on longer when he really will be hurt.

Stick with your current situation. If you are dating someone and they have to break up to deal with issues, they aren't worth your time. Someone who cares for you will communicate with you and ask you for your help in working through lifes down times without splitting. That's what loving relationships are all about. Forget the ex. Now, as far a your current guy goes, your post implies you don't want to do the marriage/kids thing. Do you know how many millions of women are looking for a guy like this??? If you don't want him, free him up to move on a find someone with the same life goals as he. He sounds like a real winner in most ways. You will most probably regret passing him up now, if you do, but you have to please yourself now and if his goals are not compatible with yours, move on. You need to find someone you have a lot in common with, who has similar goals, someone who can show his emotions, someone who is not a cynical wise ass (that's cute for a while but it gets old), someone who won't split when the going gets tough for him...basically someone who is a better match for you than both of these guys. Of course, the above is based on my assumption from your post that you are not interested in marriage and family. If you are, there is no question you current guy is at the top of the class.

[imfrantic]

I know - that's what I'm worried about - the heart ache. It hurt a lot when he left me. But he isn't really ( I don't think) unstable. He had a LOT going on the first time - sick parents, one brother recently deceased, another brother diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of days after burying the first one. One of the things that is going on is a trust thing. The ax dropped in a painful way with him the first time - I keep imagining what it'll be like this time ( if it happens)and basically waiting for it to happen.

 

I know the new boyfriend is probably going to get hurt the worst in all of this. If I'm gonna do it, I should do it ( breaking up I mean). But I keep holding back - I'm afraid I'm going to make him cry and turn him off women ( he's shy around women - I'm his first girlfriend in a long while).

 

So...basically no clue what's happening or what to do, not sure when I lost control and thinking of joining some strict religious order where stuff like this doesn't happen. Isn't love fun?

If you go back with the ex, you will have a lot of heart ache. He doesn't sound too stable. But maybe you are not looking for stability in your life. Just think of how much it will hurt the new boyfriend when you tell him you want to go back to the old one. On the other hand, since it's only been 5 months, it's better to give him the news now than let it drag on longer when he really will be hurt.

[Deejette]

Being in love is tough and rough. That is why I keep coming back to this site, so I can at least feel that other people are going through the similar confusion and heartache. Somewhere up in the messages, The Great Tony says you have to be strong to deal with love and deal with the consequences. That is true and I gain strength and inspiration from what you and others are going through.

I know - that's what I'm worried about - the heart ache. It hurt a lot when he left me. But he isn't really ( I don't think) unstable. He had a LOT going on the first time - sick parents, one brother recently deceased, another brother diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of days after burying the first one. One of the things that is going on is a trust thing. The ax dropped in a painful way with him the first time - I keep imagining what it'll be like this time ( if it happens)and basically waiting for it to happen.

 

I know the new boyfriend is probably going to get hurt the worst in all of this. If I'm gonna do it, I should do it ( breaking up I mean). But I keep holding back - I'm afraid I'm going to make him cry and turn him off women ( he's shy around women - I'm his first girlfriend in a long while). So...basically no clue what's happening or what to do, not sure when I lost control and thinking of joining some strict religious order where stuff like this doesn't happen. Isn't love fun?