Feeling Inferior

[RetroFan00]

I've always been late to accomplish certain goals. I received my high school diploma when I was 19, and I'm now in my 20s and close to receiving my associate's degree in Graphic Design. My sister had already accomplished both her diploma and her degree in her teens and then in her early 20s. She has always been on track, and has never allowed anything to stop her from progressing. During childhood and our teenage years, she resented me. I have no idea why because she was always ahead of me, and always had her stuff together. She seems so secure within herself not to allow anyone to use her or disrespect her. Meanwhile, I was dealing with someone for 2 whole months and it went sour. It ended with him dumping me after I had dumped him for a second time due to his controlling ways and anger issues. I started to miss him and even asked him to give me another chance, but I guess he took advantage of that and used it against me in order to feel that it was all me, and that I blew it.

 

I have my off-days where I simply wallow in self-pity, and wish I could turn back time to go about certain situations differently. Then on other days, my outlook is positive and I feel as if I can tackle anything in which I set my mind to. As for today, I feel like a total loser and that I have no place in life. I'm not even sure I understand what life is about. Sometimes, I worry about ending up alone with nothing.

 

Anxiety overwhelms me at times, and I panic to the point where I feel as if I'm going to lose my mind. It scares me and I've tried to discuss it with my parents, but they both seem to think that receiving my degree will cure that. They think it'll help solve my problems as well as my negative perception about myself. Even when I received my diploma I felt depressed. Right now I just feel as if it won't get better, and I won't progress regardless of how hard I try.