dale_gribble Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." Oh really, then why did you keep ****ing him stupid BIATCH. Like if that is supposed to make me feel better. Do you think they do this because they REALLY mean it, or because they want to break-down their AP for our(BS) benefit. Whatever the reason, its just more bull****, in my opinion... what do you guys think. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." Oh really, then why did you keep ****ing him stupid BIATCH. Like if that is supposed to make me feel better. Do you think they do this because they REALLY mean it, or because they want to break-down their AP for our(BS) benefit. Whatever the reason, its just more bull****, in my opinion... what do you guys think. It's simple: Because they are unremorseful and selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I had a revenge affair so I think the AP could have been anyone in my case. My XAP was a co-worker and we were friends before we embarked on the affair. When I first met him (pre-A) I had no attraction whatsoever. It wasn't until my D-day with my H and confiding in my co-worker that the slippery slope began. From then on it was a fog, it wasn't real, but damage was done regardless. Once enough time had passed and I could see the A for what it was and what kind of friend:sick: my co-worker had been to me, it looked ugly and so did he. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." I'm not a betrayed spouse, but I often read other infidelity boards and I can't help but laugh everytime I read a post by a betrayed wife who actually believes the bullsh*t her cheating husband spoonfed her after he was caught having an affair. Pure crap such as, "I wasn't able to have sex with her - I couldn't maintain an erection." Yeah, sure he couldn't. Or that trite and overused, "she came after ME because she knew I was vulnerable due to the rough patch we were having." LOL. Such freakin bullsh*t. Oh and of course, I'm seeing ALOT of the newest excuse out there, "I have a sex addiction - it's not my fault!" People need to own their shi*t, pure and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think there are probably numerous reasons, but what most of them boil down to is that they want their life back. They want to diminish the AP (and the AP's importance to them) to hopefully encourage the BS to forgive. The sad thing is that usually they were busily diminishing the BS to the AP during the height of the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I think there are probably numerous reasons, but what most of them boil down to is that they want their life back. They want to diminish the AP (and the AP's importance to them) to hopefully encourage the BS to forgive. The sad thing is that usually they were busily diminishing the BS to the AP during the height of the affair. They don't want their life back, they just want to save their own behind. Seriously cheaters who say they "hate" their AP and all that other stuff are not saying it because they so kindly and dearly want their life back. Because if they actually wanted it they would've never cheated in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 That would be even worse. It would mean they threw away what we had over something not even that good. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 They simply are in damage control and do not wish to lose the type of life they have been accustomed to. They pick apart the other person for show to the married partner that they are over them. Cheaters are great actors and actresses and they put on a great show for the betrayed spouses. It is all an act to make sure the betrayed spouse does not kick them out. They generally believe it is easy to manipulate their betrayed spouses as well. Link to post Share on other sites
aeh Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 My H never really diminished his AP after DDay. I mean, he said it was "just sex" and since he wasn't getting it at home and was easy, he went for it. But he never really threw her under the bus in the sense that he said anything disparaging about her looks or the way she dressed (and believe me, there's a lot one could say!!). I have a few friends who have seen her picture and they were in disbelief. I was in disbelief, too, when I saw who she was. It used to really bother me that he didn't criticize her more. He is clearly remorseful and has gone to the moon and back to show me that but criticizing her was something he never really did. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Dale, that's a bloody good question and one that I would love to have answered myself. It seems VERY common for the WS to 'downgrade' in their choice of AP. Not sure what that means to be honest. I know that I have chosen to believe almost NOTHING that I could not directly prove. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." Oh really, then why did you keep ****ing him stupid BIATCH. Like if that is supposed to make me feel better. Do you think they do this because they REALLY mean it, or because they want to break-down their AP for our(BS) benefit. Whatever the reason, its just more bull****, in my opinion... what do you guys think. No disrespect intended - but - Would it have made you feel better? (or made any difference) after you found out about your wife's affair if she would have poured out her undying love for her XAP? Or if she would have told you what a wonderful guy he was? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." Oh really, then why did you keep ****ing him stupid BIATCH. Like if that is supposed to make me feel better. Do you think they do this because they REALLY mean it, or because they want to break-down their AP for our(BS) benefit. Whatever the reason, its just more bull****, in my opinion... what do you guys think. In some cases maybe they do mean it.... so many different situations its hard to say definitievly.... But I'm sure in most cases its likely to appease the BS and their hurt feelings. What good do you think it would have been to you if after you confront her she goes on about how good the d*ck was? Whats that supposed to do aside from make a bad situation worse?...and for what exactly? I personally dont think its a good move to rail on the AP after the fact because it appears as disengenuos and could also make things worse....but you'd be surprised to know that it does actually for for some....its a hail mary move. I personally would advse to stay mum in the AP and just face the music Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 O.K. Here's a qusetion- Why is it that after the exposure infidelity either by "finding-out" or "coming clean" does WS realize what a total mistake the affair person was after all? They start picking apart AP by saying stuff like he/she wasn't even that good looking; or he/she was a real dumbass, and we had nothing in common; but my favorite, and one my wife used was "he had bad breath..." Oh really, then why did you keep ****ing him stupid BIATCH. Like if that is supposed to make me feel better. Do you think they do this because they REALLY mean it, or because they want to break-down their AP for our(BS) benefit. Whatever the reason, its just more bull****, in my opinion... what do you guys think. Of course they are trying to tell you what you want to hear. It may even be true (like he has bad breath) but certainly it is only a way to deflect attention/blame from the BS himself/herself. While you don't buy it, it is not clear to me that this tactics does not have its intended effects. At least it is better than praising the AP to heaven (and in those cases, the WS probably just want to rub it in and then leave.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author dale_gribble Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 "The sad thing is that usually they were busily diminishing the BS to the AP during the height of the affair."- Good point. I've heard that this happens alot. That is why the`seek other "satisfaction" elsewhere. In answer to you query Kansas- It's not that that I want to hear HIS psoitves or negatives- I just don't want you to tell me that HE was so bad becauase it insults my intelligence. If it was so bad why did you keep going back? He must have been doing something right, or you wouldn't be swallowing his come, right? Its just so disingenuous. Its like her now wanting to have sex with me all the time now... why now? This is out of pity for my feelings... a mercy ****. That's why I don't give in to her advances and the idea of hysterical bonding- it seems so fake. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 "The sad thing is that usually they were busily diminishing the BS to the AP during the height of the affair."- Good point. I've heard that this happens alot. That is why the`seek other "satisfaction" elsewhere. In answer to you query Kansas- It's not that that I want to hear HIS psoitves or negatives- I just don't want you to tell me that HE was so bad becauase it insults my intelligence. If it was so bad why did you keep going back? He must have been doing something right, or you wouldn't be swallowing his come, right? Its just so disingenuous. Its like her now wanting to have sex with me all the time now... why now? This is out of pity for my feelings... a mercy ****. That's why I don't give in to her advances and the idea of hysterical bonding- it seems so fake. Well, not all BS has intelligence. This certainly *can* work on some of them. I remember a poster a while back keep on telling how she wants to forgive her husband, and how she wants to beg him to come back DESPITE all the advice given here. A very good example of why cheaters would try these tactics first. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Well, not all BS has intelligence. This certainly *can* work on some of them. I remember a poster a while back keep on telling how she wants to forgive her husband, and how she wants to beg him to come back DESPITE all the advice given here. A very good example of why cheaters would try these tactics first. All BS have intelligence. Cheaters? None. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I would've been quite thankful if I had heard some of the above from my XH. All I got during my bouts of rage (when badmouthing her) was, "You're mean, nasty, unfair. She never said anything bad about you, so why do you have to be so spiteful.....yadayada". He ALWAYS defended her and never said one bad word about her. Somehow he couldn't be compassionate for me, but for her he could. Very frustrating indeed. And hurtful. I know she owed me nothing, and the vows were between me and him only, but every time I directed the slightest sign of anger at her, he would immediately take her side. Which is sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dale_gribble Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 ^Please don' tell you're still with this DOUCHE-BAG 'cause a virtual 2x4 is in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Of course not! I'm still devastated though. I still can't believe his ****. What's a virtual 2x4? Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 All BS have intelligence. Cheaters? None. Now we are getting totally illogical. For example, how was the pleading woman (someone dig up the thread?) who ignoring all the advice here has any intelligence? And whether the BS has intelligence is independent of the cheater. If even the cheaters have none, that does NOT imply all BS has it. Or are you so irrational regarding the issue of cheating that every BS must be saints and einsteins, and every WS must be an invertebrate? That is just laughable. Are you now going to accuse me of "justifying" cheating??? You really need to develop some ability to reason, instead of just ranting on the evils of cheating (which of course is abundant, but that is not the point). Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Many cheaters are very intelligent. They have no scruples but they do have brains. You don't need to have morals to be smart. They are just simply out for themselves and don't care if they hurt another person or not. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Many cheaters are very intelligent. They have no scruples but they do have brains. You don't need to have morals to be smart. They are just simply out for themselves and don't care if they hurt another person or not. This ^^^^^ Well said. At least not everyone is totally illogical on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Now we are getting totally illogical. For example, how was the pleading woman (someone dig up the thread?) who ignoring all the advice here has any intelligence? And whether the BS has intelligence is independent of the cheater. If even the cheaters have none, that does NOT imply all BS has it. Or are you so irrational regarding the issue of cheating that every BS must be saints and einsteins, and every WS must be an invertebrate? That is just laughable. Are you now going to accuse me of "justifying" cheating??? You really need to develop some ability to reason, instead of just ranting on the evils of cheating (which of course is abundant, but that is not the point). Fact: Cheaters are dumb. Doesn't matter if they're the richest in the world or the POTUS. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Fact: Cheaters are dumb. Doesn't matter if they're the richest in the world or the POTUS. Says you? Really, being cheated on is a bad, heart breaking experience. I get the pain and trauma. But that also affects your ability to reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Harris Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Says you? Really, being cheated on is a bad, heart breaking experience. I get the pain and trauma. But that also affects your ability to reason? It affects a cheater's ability to reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts