How do you know they're the one?

[girlygirl100]

I am just curious how you know you found the one you're going to marry.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now and I feel as though we could move in that direction. I am 28, he is 31. We don't live together yet but have had conversations about our future. Neither of us are in no means super eager to get married. Of course when I see my friends getting married I get that 'want' feeling, but it lessens after a few days.

 

He is a confident person all around and feels very secure in our relationship. He has told me he thinks we are perfect for each other. I on the other hand am insecure at times and question our relationship. I often get nervous as to if there is someone else out there. This is my first serious relationship (he has had others) and at times I just let my mind wander and over analyze. I can't seem to live in the moment and appreciate what we have now. It's enough to drive a person crazy.

 

So, how did you know? Did it just click one day? Did you EVER have a sliver of doubt? I guess what I am trying to figure out is if these feelings I have from time to time are normal. I blame silly romantic comedies that make everything look like a freaking fairy tale.

[Afishwithabike]

If you have doubts then don't get married. You need to be sure you want to get married. Don't get married because he wants to or because your friends are getting married or whatever. Those are all poor reasons to make such a commitment.

 

My answer to this question is the same as what I posted here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t280592/

[Linda9999]

There is no 'one'. There are many. There really is no need to get married. Be with him for now, have fun, you have found one who you can enjoy for the moment. If it lasts longer that's great. Do not rush it.

 

If I had it all to do over I wouldn't get married the first time let alone the second. My view has radically altered in the last 18 months. I would just be with whomever I was with, we might commit in some way that was easily dissolved if we both wanted to later, but not a legal marriage.

[Lauriebell82]

If it's your first serious relationship, then I can understand why you would wonder what else is "out there."

 

I personally think that relatlonships aren't always like a fairy tale, there are ups and downs. There is a difference between "fleeting doubts" and major doubts over whether the relationship could work.

 

The way I classify whether someone is "the one" is to ask yourself: Can you imagine your life without this person?

[sunshinegirl]

There is a poster on this site (Art_Critic) who has a fantastic signature line that reads: One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else..

 

Until I met my H I thought this was a romantic, if a bit pie-in-the-sky, view of relationships. After meeting my H, I understood exactly what Art_Critic meant. I knew very very early in our relationship that he was the man for me.

 

That being said, I was 35 when we met and had four significant relationships under my belt at that point. As a result, I never had a sliver of doubt; I knew I had hit relationship gold in terms of what I needed and wanted in a life partner. That wasn't true of any of my prior relationships...either they didn't progress toward marriage, or I harbored doubts of one kind or another.

[Afishwithabike]

There is a poster on this site (Art_Critic) who has a fantastic signature line that reads: One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else..

 

Until I met my H I thought this was a romantic, if a bit pie-in-the-sky, view of relationships. After meeting my H, I understood exactly what Art_Critic meant. I knew very very early in our relationship that he was the man for me.

 

That being said, I was 35 when we met and had four significant relationships under my belt at that point. As a result, I never had a sliver of doubt; I knew I had hit relationship gold in terms of what I needed and wanted in a life partner. That wasn't true of any of my prior relationships...either they didn't progress toward marriage, or I harbored doubts of one kind or another.

 

I also had previous relationships where the thought of marriage didn't even enter my head. I liked those guys. I had fun with them. I felt affection for them, but when I met my husband, it was a very different feeling. I never had doubts about marrying him. I remember someone asking me on the day of my wedding if was nervous and I truly wasn't. It just felt right. Eleven years later I still feel the same way.

 

I don't believe people have soul mates. I think there are probably a number of other people out there in the world I could have married had their paths crossed with mine. It just so happened that I found one of those people in my husband.

 

I got married in my later twenties. I think getting married later is a good thing for anyone. You have a better idea of who you are, what you like, and what you can offer to a partner. In my early twenties I was just too immature and too self-centered to be a good spouse.

[denise_xo]

I don't think there is 'the one', there are only degrees of compatibility. I did have doubts, both in my current and previous relationship. I take that to be normal. I was just more inclined to try than to not try, to put it very simply.