Men, if you're an older virgin, lie to her and pretend you're experienced

[carhill]

Dickinsider = intercourse

 

Show of hands who thinks intercourse is the only kind of sex a man can have with a woman.

 

One can have a lot of 'experience' with a woman without intercourse. Follow that path and the woman will never guess one has never had dickinsider. IME, even women with large partner numbers, if they're relationship minded, won't focus in on it.

 

It's really easy to spend time with a girl you like and pretend that she's a guy. I've done that for several years and it really doesn't get you anywhere.

 

Yes, my experiences concur. I think the thread is about spending time with a woman and treating her as a woman one finds attractive without her being aware of one's virginity. That's a different path.

 

In the OP, the referenced thread is about a woman who is in a LTR and is having sex with a guy who admitted she was his first 'everything' and she apparently is having second thoughts about this dynamic, even though things are going well. All those issues reside within her. The man should look at this as great information about who she is and decide if that person is healthy for him. If he had 'lied' and she never heard those revelations, does it follow that sometime, somewhere, somehow, she would conjure up thoughts of something to sabotage an otherwise mutually satisfying relationship? Forget virginity. His prior virginity is the least of his issues with that particular person.

[welikeincrowds]

A wise man knows never to expose his shortcomings.

 

Heh, "shortcomings"

 

But on the contrary: the wisest man knows how to present his shortcomings as assets.

[gorilla07]

Yeah, and she'll probably even lie about the numbers lol

when i told my ex that i was a virgin she thought it was cute in which she made even more of an effort to help me lose it lol

[gorilla07]

How old were you? Less than 25?

yes, she was maybe 4 years older..i was 22 she was 26

[Disillusioned]

Heh, "shortcomings"

 

But on the contrary: the wisest man knows how to present his shortcomings as assets.

 

Agreed. I've never heard of a virgin with the clap.

[irc333]

Since there is less cultural and financial pressure in westernized nations forcing people to pair up and get married, people have created all sorts of nutty criteria needed to get into a relationship. The truth is that 50 years ago this would have not been an issue anywhere as people rarely dated until 30 years of age and this whole sleeping around thing is a recent phenomenon. Most people's grand parents were married by 23 and thus fewer options and sleeping around.

 

Good point, people sometimes even married younger than that, and waiting until you were 23 to have sex....well, people were willing to wait a few more years.

 

Now with this, "I must have sex before marriage in order to find out if we're sexually compatible" as an excuse to HAVE sex is popular these days, and of course people are marrying at a later, and less likely willing to hold out.

 

I had recently met a Christian woman in her 40's, and she had gotten out of a 5 year relationship with a man she's been having pre-marital relations with......I'm not entirely experienced myself either, but sometimes I pick Christian women because they might NOT take issue with my lack of experience and the willingness to "hold off" until it's special.

 

But since she had an ongoing 5 year relationship where she was sexually active with her boyfriend, I'm starting to wonder if she'd be okay or think it's great that I'm not a player like her ex was.

 

(he even cheated on her, they had been broken up for a year)...so I figured with her bad experience with a boyfriend that slept around, she would find my attributes attractive. I hadn't mentioned anything about my lack of experience in that department....but her having been in a more secular relationship with a man, I'm not so sure.

Edited June 20, 2011 by irc333

[kiss_andmakeup]

I just feel like this stuff shouldn't even be discussed in the early stage of a relationship.

 

In my last R, we laid everything out on the table at the early on - under the pretense that we were both so open and carefree that we could take it - from number of sex partners to bad exes and on and on. It created an underlying jealousy and animosity between us that I believe was still lingering 3 years down the line when our relationship ended. Not good, IME.

 

I've been dating someone for around 6 weeks now and have no clue how many partners he's had. He has no clue how many I've had. Neither of us have asked and quite frankly it's really nice. We have both indicated that we've had long-term (2+ years) relationships in the past, but that's it. And actually, if I were to find out now that he was a virgin when I met him (though I think it's pretty unlikely), I really wouldn't care.

 

Discussing romantic/sexual history early on (beyond the mandatory, I.E. informing someone if you have a STD) doesn't accomplish anything positive. I don't really want to think about someone I'm really into being with a bunch of other women, and he probably doesn't want to think of me being with other men. Best to just keep those negative thoughts out of the relationship at an early stage.

[irc333]

These days even many religious women want a "healthy amount" of previous experience.

 

Probably from a previous marriage. (So many divorcee's, even Christian ones). Too bad even Christian women cannot see the nobility of being chaste.

[Floridaman]

I had recently met a Christian woman in her 40's, and she had gotten out of a 5 year relationship with a man she's been having pre-marital relations with......

 

I'm not entirely experienced myself either, but sometimes I pick Christian women because they might NOT take issue with my lack of experience and the willingness to "hold off" until it's special.

That's an interesting take.

You'd think they'd be more understanding, esp. the virgin ones, or ones with very limited experience (i.e. one - three TIMES, not partners).

Christian women are people too and have physical needs like anyone else...

As women get into their 30s, they too want to experience a little of life, so I'm not gonna condemn them for having experience, Christian or not..

But since she had an ongoing 5 year relationship where she was sexually active with her boyfriend, I'm starting to wonder if she'd be okay or think it's great that I'm not a player like her ex was.

 

(he even cheated on her, they had been broken up for a year)...so I figured with her bad experience with a boyfriend that slept around, she would find my attributes attractive. I hadn't mentioned anything about my lack of experience in that department....but her having been in a more secular relationship with a man, I'm not so sure.

Can't tell you what she'd think.

All I can recommend is talk with her about it... but not early in the relationship. Wait until feelings develop and you've dated for some time.

 

Ideally, I'd like to think women of faith are a little more understanding, and certainly not so judgemental of men they meet who aren't virgins.

Was of faith myself, but understood people have pasts, esp. as they get older...

 

A 30 y.o. Christian virgin I dated at 26, she judged me harshly when I told her the truth: 3X in HS with same girl (wasn't a Christian then) and all of 2X through my 20s....

Guess Tammy thought that made me promiscous.

 

She came to tears. Funny how she was so "chaste" yet so "politically liberal" and supposedly "tolerant" of everything -- except me.

 

*** I really should have walked away, like I'd likely do now that I'm older and wiser about women and the "bad guys" they prefer to date than us "good guys" who would treat them well...

 

This was my first real relationship, so I didn't always say the right things either. Funny how once she turned 30, everything went downhill quickly and there wasn't anything she couldn't find wrong about me....

Edited June 21, 2011 by Floridaman