I'll just say it... Im scared.

[Winherback]

Almost 3 years and we have been off and on. Plenty of reasons were thrown at me each time with a text message break up a couple of times. Im always the one to reach back out and open communication and at first she thanks me for not giving up, telling me not to hold back... its what she wants to see. She feels it was all about the lack of true inner deep romance and connection. Its called her being so inverted and bottling everything up until she throws it in my face. Speed up to now. I court her and we get back together last month, she says she is in it to win it, will communicate no matter what...like ok, we are ready to really do this. I take it slow.... maybe too slow I guess? then the first sign of trouble over something stupid and she gets cold feet again.... and eventually ends it. I continually keep the door open for whatever reason. Hoping she will see the light, grow up, and come to her senses. But I am in day 4 of NC... knowing what is really going on and losing hope of reconciliation. Its starting to take its toll.

 

I am 33 years old, and never been married. All I want is a committed sidekick to kick some ass in life with me till the end building a family for life. Yet, I keep going for these insanely beautiful women who are emotionally immature. I know that reflects on myself. Its like I go after something that I know is damaged, ignore all the warning signs, yet I want this girl so badly to be my wife because of what I think she COULD be in the end. Then, because of my past of being hurt.... I allow them to walk all over me by getting too hung up because of how big my heart is.... AFTER I put my shield up while they are all over me which only amplifies the problem. Its like I walk on egg shells trying to be this perfect guy who everyone would want to marry,and not being myself in the process. I am a good looking guy, have my own house, solid job.... but now, I am getting older and all my friends are all pretty much married and moving into the kid stage. I am scared I am still not even close to progressing towards that. My window for finding her is closing in on me I feel. Dating in your 30's is different, and its a rough sled. I already blew my chance with this new girl by not making any effort. I am worried I might be 60 when my kid graduates college I am scared of all the work I still have to do with myself. I am scared that I may never find her at all. I cant even fix myself right now emotionally which is amplifiedby my age. I am starting to let all of this get to me in a bad bad way. Is this just the normal process of the NC?? My age? Am I over thinking this part too much? Its a rough night for me for sure.

[wilsonx]

Keep looking bro, Im 29 and still looking. I know you want marriage, kids and the whole nine yards but you cant force your wants on the people you are with.

 

My boss told me this one day at work because hes going through the same **** that everyone on this board is... his wife of 12 years is leaving him and taking his 3 kids.

 

You know what he tells me when I ask him for advice, take it one day at a time. Seriously one day at a time. Dont worry about 20 years from now, worry about today and tomorrow and I promise you everything will work out

[AlisaMarie]

I am 33 also, and I understand how you feel! I do have a teenage daughter but never that whole "family" situation. Dating is terrible! My last boyfriend was much younger than me and I actually saw a future with him because of my delusional dreams to be married and happy forever. Reading all the posts and stories on her kind of makes me feel like that will never happen. What's wrong with just being in love?

[lovesickmonkey]

Holy crap. Your story is so much like mine that I just read it aloud to my Mom. All the same ingredients, except I've been carrying on for ten more years. Don't be like me. Just change your formula. The woman who just walked out on me was 25 years old and had the looks of a model. Really! And, like you, I ignored all the obvious warning signs (she's so young and beautiful!) of her emotional immaturity. And of course, to keep her I did everything to conform to my idea of what she wanted. Then she threw me out with the trash. A drive-by dumping. Your battle is half-won by knowing what you're doing wrong. Look for more important qualities: emotional maturity, empathy, intelligence. I wish I had ten more years to play with. You are actually the ideal age to find a serious mate. Good luck.