I really can't do it anymore.

[Tara_Turmoil]

I am sorry if this is super long.I just have alot on my mind and need to get it all out.

 

Let me start out by saying me and this guy were amazing with each other. We hardly ever argued we always talked either on the phone or by text. He would come stay with me on his days off. I am the first girl to meet his family.We would always make each other laugh.He called my son his son.When we would go to bed hed tell me to lay my leg over his and put his arms tight around me because he knew that way I wouldn't run away while he was asleep. He wanted to marry me and have a huge family.He always told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him.

 

Now on to what is going on.

 

Basically, since November me and my now ex haven't seen one another or really got to talk. He was preparing for a new job and working at his old one and his car broke down. I was preparing for school doing my mommy thing and my car was broke down. We still called one another and texted he only lives about an hour away but neither of us are very big on friends so we had no way to see one another.

 

He broke up with me in January because he was worried that if he got the job he was going for that if it came to him being relocated I wouldn't want to move [ I currently live with my parents and they are very attached to my toddler] because I wouldn't want to hurt my family. I told him I am big girl I can make my own choices and I will go where ever he is I can always transfer schools not a huge deal to me plus I like to move.He finally came back around. I wanted time to think because I was scared he would leave again. It is my only regret in life. After that we had a small argument and he decided he was done.

 

It got to this point after he got turned down for the job he was going for.I know it hurt him and I was supportive of him through it. I encouraged him to not give up and go for it again cause I know he is an amazing guy and can do it.I am trying to be understanding because I am sorting mine out as well.

 

I have never lied or cheated on him.I am supportive of him.I don't whine or nag. I am understanding. I am kind and caring. We love pretty much all the same things. I have never wronged him in any sort of way.

 

We still talk he tells me he loves me and misses me.He just needs to sort his life out and that he is really stressed out and when he is stressed he can be really mean and doesn't want to say something that will hurt me. I have told him nothing he can say can hurt me as much as what he is doing to me now.

 

I just miss him so much. I try to not text or call him. I try to keep myself busy with my son or with school.I can hardly eat, I cry myself to sleep every night and when I do sleep it isn't very long or good I normally wake up crying. It isn't just that he doesn't know if he can be with me or doesn't want to be with me at the moment. It's also that he has been my friend for such a long time and knows how badly guys have been to me in the past and been there for me through two really bad break ups.I felt things for those guys but I never felt real love til I met him. It's also the broken promises that he would never do to me what they had done and that is what he is doing to me now.I just want him back I love him so much. I get suicidal from time to time but my son and the small hope that maybe he will come back keeps me going.

 

I told him tonight I was going to do my best to move on because he is making it pretty clear he has no intention of taking me back and that I know no matter what I will never stop loving him or ever really move on. I have no interest in other people. He is all I have ever wanted and will ever want.

 

I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't know what to do to get him back and I don't want to move on. I just want it to stop hurting. I can't take it anymore.Please help me.........

[Badenov]

This is a tough one. No one wants to give you false hope. On the other hand, there are some very cynical people who'll say you're in denial.

 

Either way, there's not much you can do. It sounds like he just needs his space to get his s**t together. Offer to be supportive, but get on with your life. You sound like a real great girlfriend. If/when he realizes that, he'll come back. If he doesn't, then he never deserved you in the first place.

[Tara_Turmoil]

He knows I support him he at one point said us being together would distract him from doing the things he needs to do in order to get the job he wants. I told him do what you need to baby I know how much you want that job I will be here for you no matter what.

 

Only now we have gone back to the not really talking thing this last week. I have tried to somewhat move on or just ignore it until he comes around. We went from being best friends to nothing and it's killing me.

 

I have guys who like me and want to hang out or take me on dates but I'm just not into it. They aren't who I want to be with I don't feel anything for them. Not even slight interest in a possible relationship. Except one guy and I really think it's because he looks and acts alot like the guy I am waiting for.

 

I have never been one to sulk over a break up I will be a little sad for a week maybe and then I am off to find someone new. I haven't even really left my house since he left. Other then school I am home. I don't want to be around people unless it is him.

 

I keep sitting here wondering what the hell did I ever do to deserve this. Why does the person I love not want me anymore and people who treat relationships like a joke and lie and cheat have someone who loves them and stays with them when I don't do those things and he just leaves like I don't matter. How can he tell me all of those things and then just leave and act like I was never there. I can't wrap my mind around any of this.

 

So I told him today I don't know what else I can do. I don't know what I did so wrong to you that you won't have anything to do with me or try to fix this mess you have created. I am going to go out with my friend tonight to dinner and see a movie.Text me or call me if you want to. I love you.

 

I hate my life.

[Nantucket1984]

He knows I support him he at one point said us being together would distract him from doing the things he needs to do in order to get the job he wants. I told him do what you need to baby I know how much you want that job I will be here for you no matter what.

 

Only now we have gone back to the not really talking thing this last week. I have tried to somewhat move on or just ignore it until he comes around. We went from being best friends to nothing and it's killing me.

 

I have guys who like me and want to hang out or take me on dates but I'm just not into it. They aren't who I want to be with I don't feel anything for them. Not even slight interest in a possible relationship. Except one guy and I really think it's because he looks and acts alot like the guy I am waiting for.

 

I have never been one to sulk over a break up I will be a little sad for a week maybe and then I am off to find someone new. I haven't even really left my house since he left. Other then school I am home. I don't want to be around people unless it is him.

 

I keep sitting here wondering what the hell did I ever do to deserve this. Why does the person I love not want me anymore and people who treat relationships like a joke and lie and cheat have someone who loves them and stays with them when I don't do those things and he just leaves like I don't matter. How can he tell me all of those things and then just leave and act like I was never there. I can't wrap my mind around any of this.

 

So I told him today I don't know what else I can do. I don't know what I did so wrong to you that you won't have anything to do with me or try to fix this mess you have created. I am going to go out with my friend tonight to dinner and see a movie.Text me or call me if you want to. I love you.

 

I hate my life.

 

Hey Tara,

 

I feel your pain. I ex gf left me 2 months ago because I hid my pill addiction from her throughout our 6 month relatonship. she would ask if I was using and I lied to her face about it.

 

I think about what I did to her everyday and its not getting better. I cant eat or sleep. Ive lost weight and I am already skinny. I cant focus at work or on my goals. I dont want to really go out with friends and I dont want to meet anyone else. All I do is work and when I am home I am on this forum trying to read something that will help me out.

 

I get advice that temporarily makes me feel better but in the end I am still hurting. The only way I will feel better is if she gives me a second chance. I just want you to know that I understand what you are going through, I really do. Everyone keeps telling me it till take time and patience and I dont have any of that.

 

My ex gf is actually a single mom(very young she is 19). Can you read my story and offer me your advice. It may help me coming from a female that has a child as well. Here is the link. Look forward to your thoughts/advice.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282230/

[Tara_Turmoil]

I have never lied to him about anything ever. I have no reason too. It hurts worse because my son calls him dad and he has been there with me and my son since he was 5 months old (he is 17 months now). I know how you feel I can't eat or sleep and I wasn't fat or anything before I had a little baby fat left but now I am just nothing everyone jokes that I look like a zombie now.I don't want to go anywhere if I do it is school and then home and I am lucky if I focus in class. I either want him back or I want it all to just go away. I am hanging on by a thread.

[Tara_Turmoil]

Let me also add at the start of our relationship we DID have problems but we worked through them I was still very scared of being hurt by him I had never had such strong feelings for someone before. I eventually got over it and loved him like I had never been hurt before. I gave him every bit of my heart and soul and he did exactly what I was scared of in the start and just destroyed me.