What's this even mean?!

[Mikau]

Recently I admitted to a friend that my feelings of friendship might be evolving into something romantic. She replied something along the lines of

 

"I'm flattered, but I'm currently head over heals about X (whom we both know doesn't feel the same about her). I do like you as more than just a good friend though, but I'm not sure if it's romantic feelings. I felt the same about X before I fell in love with him. Not trying to give you hope but wanted this to be said. I'll let you know when X gets out of my head."

 

I really don't get why she would even say this, especially the bolded part. Is she hinting at the possibility of something more once "she gets over X" (her words) or is she just turning me down kindly? If she's just turning me down and wants to be final about it, why not just say something like "I love you as a friend, but I don't want to pursue anything romantically"?

 

I really don't get women sometimes, it seems like there's always ambiguity about everything they say.

Edited June 17, 2011 by Mikau

[MistaDynamic]

Recently I admitted to a friend that my feelings of friendship might be evolving into something romantic. She replied something along the lines of

 

"I'm flattered, but I'm currently head over heals about X (whom we both know doesn't feel the same about her). I do like you as more than just a good friend though, but I'm not sure if it's romantic feelings. I felt the same about X before I fell in love with him. Not trying to give you hope but wanted this to be said. I'll let you know when X gets out of my head."

 

I really don't get why she would even say this, especially the bolded part. Is she hinting at the possibility of something more once "she gets over X" (her words) or is she just turning me down kindly? If she's just turning me down and wants to be final about it, why not just say something like "I love you as a friend, but I don't want to pursue anything romantically"?

 

I really don't get women sometimes, it seems like there's always ambiguity about everything they say.

 

She's not attracted to you it doesn't matter how she said it or what she said. The fact is she's acting towards you like female who's not attracted to you. Women are always intentionally vague about things so you shouldn't pay any attention to what they say only what they do. Limit your time this female and find another.

[Mikau]

I honestly don't believe it's that simple, and experience with a previous crush has proven that what you're saying ins't necessarily the case. Furthermore, this girl has shown that she's usually rather open and forward about what she thinks, so I don't really believe that's different in this case. As I see it (and it's probably completely wrong), there's a couple of options:

 

-She does feel something more than friendship for me but is being intentionally vague about it because I was too ("my feelings might be developing into more"). She doesn't want to admit to a feeling I might not reciprocate.

-She does have feelings for me but doesn't want to because she's in love with X. She doesn't want to rule anything out.

-She's intentionally stringing me along, as an ego boost or as that safe option when X gets out of the picture. (don't believe she would do that, but maybe I don't know her as well as I think I do)

-She was being completely honest. She doesn't know but isn't ruling it out and is still too hung up on X to try and find out.

 

I'm thinking it's probably the last option.

 

I just wonder if there's anything I can do to find out for sure? I'm trying to see her as often as I can to sort out my own feelings, but I also want to be careful to avoid getting into her space too much. I want to try and act as 'normal' to her as possible but also want to push the boundary of our friendship to see what I really feel.

 

Agh, why did I make things so complicated? (again)

[Runforthehills]

It looks like you might be plan B. If somone has feelings for one person (i.e. her for person X) it is unlikely that she will have feelings for another person at the same time (i.e. her for you).

 

Best to back off for a bit and see if she misses you. If she wants you she will let you know after being starved of your company! But you will need to balance this without appearing too cold so don't shut her out completely. Maybe just keep in touch with the odd email, SMS or whatever...

 

 

Good luck!

[Mikau]

I considered doing that myself, but she initiates contact a lot as well. She texts me once of twice a day (and almost each day) and talks to me whenever we're both on MSN or Skype. I could try to distance myself a bit like you said, but that would mean breaking from my regular routine (replying to texts and coming on MSN). Not sure if that would be the best idea, it could be kind of weird if I'd just stopped being there all of a sudden.

 

Though I think you might be right in that it could be a good idea, when I went away for the weekend earlier (before I said anything to her about feelings though) she admitted to have really missed me when I came back.

 

I really think I might have a shot here if and when X gets out of the picture, but I don't want to be that guy that hangs on hoping for something to happen. I would personally be ok with just friendship as well, I just really like this girl. I just kinda want to know what's going on.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Mikau

[jabo0112]

Youre almost in the same place I am when it comes down to it and I know it sucks. You can read all about it in the same form "Friend that could be more"

 

Anyways, what I would do, and by no means am I an expert, is let her do her thing with X and if they do date he'll soon be her ex if you are right about him not feeling the same way. That may not even happen from the sound of it. She already knows you are interested so when that time comes hopefully she will somehow indicate what she wants and if not you can ask again when she has no excuse to answer your question (X isn't there anymore). Then you'll have an answer. If she isn't interested then she'll make up something else and if she is then shes yours.

 

I know waiting sucks as I'm kinda playing a waiting game with someone who just broke up from a long relationship, but I'm going to continue to be on the look out for others and if in a few months she is ready I'm going to make a move and hopefully live happily ever after haha.