Hate to have to be here again...

[AlisaMarie]

Hi everyone. I haven't been here for about 6 months so I am sure there are many new people that are feeling the pain of a break up. I am not going to get into my story again, but let's just say I am alone again. I have been up all night. On and off for almost 2 years. Our longest breakup was for about 5 months but we talked in between.

 

He as been different. When he came home from work I got the "I love you, but not like that" speech. I explained to him that I always wanted to be his friend and there for him, but I can't stand this game of ping pong and I deserve better.

 

The problem is, that I am in love with him. I know all of the cliches- I am just sick of being the giving loving top notch girlfriend that isn't worthy of being in love with. I was good enough to be his maid, and his nanny and love a 2 year old with all my heart that isn't even mine!

 

There were always other girls that he worked with that I think he wanted to feel out. One of them he had a short relationship with while we were apart. She never left him alone. I have a feeling he wants to hook it up again. I deactivated facebook, blocked his number, and asked his dad to get his stuff.

 

Can everyone just give me some support in my NC venture? The longest I ever went was 3 weeks but I never blocked the digits. I want to shake every thought of him and RID him from my life. The problem is, I am a creeper. I almost like to find out things but I can't do it anyone. HOW DO YOU NOT CARE? How do you turn it off. How do you just act like the past 2 years of your life didn't happen? HELP.

[Steve11]

I've been nc for a little over two weeks. I've stopped getting those knots in your stomach when you look at your phone & there's no text from her. I still think of her time to time, but nothing like the first week of nc. It does get easier.

 

I've deactivated my facebook account so she can't see what I'm doing & visa versa.

 

I'm just concentrating on working on my house, gym, swimming etc

 

I'm going to have a great life, if she doesn't want to be part of that then it's her loss.

[Arikel]

Firstly, take away anything you can that will remind you of him, or give you access to him (eg FB, IM's etc etc). Then try to do something else with your time, maybe go out, go to the gym, cook, watch tv, but keep the laptop/smartphone away from those sites. Figure something out to look at, read LS, forums, ebay, anything as a distraction

 

Its hard, I know, but I also know it IS possible. You just have to build in a new reflex for when you feel the urge to peek.

 

I hope you feel better soon

Edited June 17, 2011 by Arikel

[Steadfast]

It isn't realistic to think you won't care or feel love for someone...even knowing you can't, or don't want to be with them. It's the old head and heart game; both are telling you something different. Love can't just be turned off.

 

I think most everyone posting here can relate. I've been split from my ex for three-years. Of course I love her, but my heart and my head have come closer together to realize she doesn't love me the same, and -even if she wanted it- life together wouldn't be happy. Not with the wondering, worry, and the nagging doubt of being used or not being loved the way I deserve.

 

When you come to a solid decision that you want to be happy, and not dependent on someone making you happy, you grow into a person that's not only ready to love again but knows exactly what they will, and will not tolerate. True love needs you to have a whole, healthy love for yourself.

[WTRanger]

Actually, love can be easily controlled. It's the annoying Ego in all of us that keeps the fire going. The old, "What? They don't love me? Well, I prove to them that they should love me! I'll do anything to prove to them! I'm worth their love! Oh why won't they love me?"

 

You only stop caring about people like your on-again off-again ex when you start to care about yourself. When you finally look in the mirror and tell yourself that you won't be second best to someone. You are finally fed up with being an option. When you hit that point, you have all the strength in the world to block someone.

[stace79]

Do you have a friend or family member to share this with? Somebody you can call when you get the urge to call him? Somebody you can write when you want to email him or look him up online?

 

There's no harm in asking for help. You are doing soemthing good for yourself and people who really love you should want to help you do it.

 

It's definitely not easy. Keep your head up. You DO deserve someone who will put you first!

[Steven T]

You only stop caring about people like your on-again off-again ex when you start to care about yourself. When you finally look in the mirror and tell yourself that you won't be second best to someone. You are finally fed up with being an option. When you hit that point, you have all the strength in the world to block someone.

 

Very true.

 

Thank you.

[AlisaMarie]

Thank you everyone. He came to get his things today and it was just ridiculous! The hatred he focused at me, he ripped up pictures and blamed everything on me. I have to stay strong because I know this things aren't true. Still hurts, I have that headache with a big old knot in my stomach. I need to rid myself of these memories and fake love... because that's all it was... was fake.

[Arikel]

Actually, love can be easily controlled. It's the annoying Ego in all of us that keeps the fire going. The old, "What? They don't love me? Well, I prove to them that they should love me! I'll do anything to prove to them! I'm worth their love! Oh why won't they love me?"

 

You only stop caring about people like your on-again off-again ex when you start to care about yourself. When you finally look in the mirror and tell yourself that you won't be second best to someone. You are finally fed up with being an option. When you hit that point, you have all the strength in the world to block someone.

 

Absolute truth