tennisgirl12 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I have no one to really talk to and I need some advice. I am 28 and the guy is almost 30. I've known this guy for almost 10 years. We met back in 2002 and broke up 3 years later. In that 3 years we were madly in love we were engaged to be married and we were both young and dumb and it just fell apart. Over the past 10 years we have grown up a lot and have remained friends. We have talked several times about getting back together but we were afraid that if it went south again it would ruin our friendship and then we would never talk to eachother again. A month and a half ago I get a text message from him and he says he is dating someone and that he just wants to remain friends. The tuesday after memorial day I get a call from him because he needs to talk, hes upset because he can't get ahold of his girlfriend and she left her kid (from another relationship) with him and he had to call off of work because he couldnt get a hold of her. A week after that he calls me again and says he wants to go have some drinks and talk because his girlfriend broke up with him because she is still in love with her ex (who is a women). Last weekend she tells him that she is pregnant. He tells me and I am absolutly devistated. He is a stand up guy and he will take care of the kid and he wants to work it out with her. Which I commend him for. I wanted to talk to him about this face to face and he says he doesnt have time for me anymore and when i tell him how hurt i am and how much i love him and how i feel he says i am being selfish. It's his firrst child. He says he wants to be there everyday for this child and not just a weekend dad. But I feel she is going to hurt him. She is very young only 21. Shes hurt him before. And she wont allow him to talk or see me. He texts me while hes at work so she doesnt know. I love this man with all of my heart. I would move mountants and take a bullet for this man. I was the one that should be married and haveing his kids. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 You've probably spent too long not committing fully to other relationships because this guy was always around as a fall back, and you're bound to feel a little lost now he's no longer available, but this is a good thing in terms of making you free to have a relationship with someone else. You already had a relationship with him and it didn't work out. You had opportunities to get back together but chose not to. Now he's having a child with someone else; this seems to be your cue to draw a line under this relationship and move on. If this other woman hurts him, that's his problem, not yours - he's committed to raising a child with another woman, and you need to let him go and move on. If he was that keen to be with you, he wouldn't have been with this other woman in the first place. You deserve someone who loves you and will never let you go, not someone who strings you along for a decade and then gets another woman knocked up. Link to post Share on other sites
LC1976 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 You've probably spent too long not committing fully to other relationships because this guy was always around as a fall back, and you're bound to feel a little lost now he's no longer available, but this is a good thing in terms of making you free to have a relationship with someone else. You already had a relationship with him and it didn't work out. You had opportunities to get back together but chose not to. Now he's having a child with someone else; this seems to be your cue to draw a line under this relationship and move on. If this other woman hurts him, that's his problem, not yours - he's committed to raising a child with another woman, and you need to let him go and move on. If he was that keen to be with you, he wouldn't have been with this other woman in the first place. You deserve someone who loves you and will never let you go, not someone who strings you along for a decade and then gets another woman knocked up. First let me say that this must be a incredibly difficult thing to go through. I couldn't imagine something like this. But I do have to agree with the poster above. You need to work on healing and moving on. This guy sounds like he is in reaction mode and not thinking anything through. Does he want to get back with this girl because he knocked her up? Or because he loves her? This just seems to be a crazy mess, and not a place where you would want to be. Remember you should never allow yourself to option #2, because that only leads to heart ache. Link to post Share on other sites
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