tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 My ex and I dated for a year before she said that I stopped trying and I took her for granted (gotta admit to those accusations). 2 months after that break up i find out she's already in another relationship. I didn't get hurt as much because I was kind of over her. Is this a rebound relationship? These past few days I've been sleeping with her almost everyday (2 times drunk and 3 times sober). I told her that her current boyfriends deserves to know about this but she refuses to tell him so i just dropped it and pretend like nothing happened between us. This is not the thing she would do as I was her first and this is the first time she's cheated. She said that it just felt right everytime and she was comfortable. Any insights on this? What should I do? What should she do? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 two wrongs dont make a right mate, try to imagine how you would feel to be on the receiving end of it all.... Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 i don't like to preach or tell people what to do. but since you asked: i would advise that you break off all contact with her and request that she do the same with you - - if you're truly are over her, as you said, then this shouldn't be a difficult thing to do. you're allowing her to have her cake and eat it too and that's not fair to you (especially if you still have feelings for her) and it's certainly not fair to her current boyfriend. if she doesn't know what she wants (and it doesn't sound like she does) then that's a problem she's going to have to figure out on her own - - without dragging other people into it (namely you and this other guy). she really does need to let her boyfriend know what's going on so he can decide if he wants to be in a relationship with her after hearing about this. cheating is never something i can quite wrap my head around; if someone isn't happy in a relationship and wants out all they need to do is say so... Link to post Share on other sites
Net Jedi Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Radiodarcy is totally right. Definitely cut bait and get out. I went through the same thing with an ex of mine. It only made things that much more complicated. If she was your first then it only makes sense that she has those lingering thoughts and feelings of comfort with you. In the end this will not lead to anywhere healthy for either of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 yea it's not fair to all of us and she gets mad everytime I tell her that she should tell him. She keeps accusing me of trying to sabotage her new relationship but I'm just saying that if she has some respect for the guy that she should tell him. Everytime we're together alone she just gets so sexually attracted to me (not bragging) that she wants to have sex. I have no problem sleeping with her cuz i know i'm not gonna catch feelings but the fact that she has a man is what's messed up. So I guess NC is the way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Also, I don't think it's possible to go completely NC as we see each other every week. Our parents are REALLY good friends and they always plan trips for our families. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) yea it's not fair to all of us and she gets mad everytime I tell her that she should tell him. She keeps accusing me of trying to sabotage her new relationship but I'm just saying that if she has some respect for the guy that she should tell him. Everytime we're together alone she just gets so sexually attracted to me (not bragging) that she wants to have sex. I have no problem sleeping with her cuz i know i'm not gonna catch feelings but the fact that she has a man is what's messed up. So I guess NC is the way to go. not sure where she got that one from i mean - - you were in the wrong for helping her cheat too. but you've owned up to that by telling her she needs to tell her bf and putting an end to the sex (which hopefully you've done by now or will be doing soon). if she's worried about sabotaging the relationship with the new guy she's already done that by cheating on him. the least she can do is take responsibility for her actions, be honest with him and see if they can work things out. also, it's great that you're going NC but she needs to do the same with you as well. i understand where she's coming from, though. my ex that i am NC with was my first as well. and even though things ended months ago; we stopped having sex last year. and i haven't been with anyone else since. because i still love him and it's going to be very difficult for me to open up to someone. but the last thing i need to do is get into another relationship until i've healed that wouldn't be fair to the other person. Edited June 17, 2011 by radiodarcy Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 i kept bringing up the fact that she should tell him and she thinks i'm forcing her to tell him :S Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Also, I don't think it's possible to go completely NC as we see each other every week. Our parents are REALLY good friends and they always plan trips for our families. not sure how old you and your ex are but is there any way you can bail out of those family get togethers with each others families? if not - - then do your best to avoid her - - see if there are other people within the family you can hang out with - - siblings, cousins whatever. not sure if your folks know what's going on. but at the very least if they know you're broken up (and i'm assuming they do since she's with the other dude) then i don't see how it would be unreasonable for you to not be there. i mean - - this isn't about a spat you had over a game of freeze tag where they can tell you to work things out and forget about it. it's a situation that adults go through too - - and most adults wouldn't want to be around their ex in such a situation either. i would think they would understand. as for her blaming you that's pure rubbish. she knows what she needs to do; she simply doesn't want to. i can't say i blame her, it's going to be an ugly scene but it's one of her making so she needs to see it through. you may want to stop telling her to tell him. if she does tell him she may try to make it so you take the blame and i'm not sure how this guy is going to re-act when he find out. so i would just stop saying anything to her about it for now. in fact, i would stop saying anything to her at all. go NC and let her decide how she wants to handle it. but you've done your part. it's up to her to do hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 we're both 20 and it's easy for me to be around her as i don't feel anything for her anymore. In fact, I just met up with her today and she was with her boyfriend. I thought I would feel super depressed after meeting him but I don't feel anything. I dunno if I'm supposed to be sulking in bed right now but I'm not. So NC would be a really good idea but is it necessary given the circumstances? Cuz I can easily go NC but at the same time I wouldn't mind not going NC. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 if you care anything about her well-being yes. while you don't have feelings for her. it sounds like she still has feelings for you. i would be very hurt and confused if my ex continued to hang out with me knowing that he felt nothing for me while i still had feelings for him (for the record i'd feel worse if he continued to have sex with me as well). in fact that's exactly what he did -- which is why i went NC. have you thought about sitting down, having a talk and telling her that you don't feel anything for her anymore? i know it sounds harsh but it's like ripping off a band aid. at least she'll be able to deal with it and can concentrate on either making her relationship work with this other guy or taking time out from relationships altogether and healing on her own. what you're doing now (continuing to hang out with her all the while knowing you can either take her or leave her) is dangerously close to stringing her along and that hurts much much more. besides what happens when you meet someone else? you may be ok with her having a boyfriend but is she going to be ok with you seeing someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I personally think the feeling is mutual, neither one of us has feelings for each other. We just have this sexual connection that won't leave. She even said that this guy made her happy and bubbly so I'm guessing she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. But i can see where you're coming from by going NC Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 i mean in that case if the feeling is mutual then i guess it's not a big deal. it would be a good idea to know for sure. but i guess if there aren't any feelings on either end having a formal conversation about it could be awkward. i guess the only way you would know is if another girl does come into the mix, if she's ok with it - - great. if not, then there's potential drama to be had. at the very least it wouldn't hurt to go NC until this hook up you two had is over. it seems like the boundaries between you and her and pretty vague. neither knows where the other stands. i mean i know you don't feel anything for her anymore but wasn't it weird meeting her boyfriend knowing that he doesn't know about the hook up you and her had? and it must have been weird for her too. and if he does find out, imagine how he would feel. just seems like it would be a good idea to lay low for a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tRRixZZ Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 yea it was kinda weird. The guy seemed like a good guy that would take care of her too but if she wants this relationship to get serious she can't be holding this luggage of lies with her. She has to tell him. A little bit of respect for him is all it takes to tell him. And if he's willing to stick with it then that's good for them. I feel like telling him then going NC but that is the biggest ******* move a guy could do. The relationship she has now will go nowhere if she doesn't tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 yea it was kinda weird. The guy seemed like a good guy that would take care of her too but if she wants this relationship to get serious she can't be holding this luggage of lies with her. She has to tell him. A little bit of respect for him is all it takes to tell him. And if he's willing to stick with it then that's good for them. I feel like telling him then going NC but that is the biggest ******* move a guy could do. The relationship she has now will go nowhere if she doesn't tell him. I say you keep sleeping with her, but she will NEVER want to stop having the best of both world, she will never tell her bf. If you stop sleeping with her, she will just sleep with someone else and still not tell her bf. For his sake, I think you should tell him. he needs to know who she really is. She will be coming back to you for sex anyway, so you dont lose. She isnt really attached to him, so she wont be mad for too long, but give him the heads up, she will never do it. Its not a d1ck move, she needs to learn not to do this sort of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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