I just want to know he's ok...

[skibum]

Wow this post really tocuhed a nerve with a lot of people and I have to say I was hit hard by it as well. Its an interesting side if the breakup since, as mentioned previously, most people here are dumpees. Therefore there will be a lot of people against what you did.

 

I agree that if a relationship is failing because neither is working at it then it shouldnt go on. However, I have always thought that love is hard work, not easy, and that there will always be tough times. Now here is my side of the story so you see where Im coming from:

 

When my gf of 5.5 years broke up with me she told me that it wasnt my fault, that I did everything right, and that she just couldnt do it anymore because she had grown apart from me. Well s***, it would have been nice to know beforehand. I had been extra nice for 6 months at the end because I knew she was stressed and needed support. We were long distance and I knew that we were at a tough point and I was trying my hardest, she even said that I was being super great. Turns out there was another guy that she had a crush on and started seeing within weeks of breaking up with me. Yes it as hard for her, she cried, she did not take the decision lightly. However if the other guy had not been there then I think she would have been willing to make the extra effort. Her excuse was that we were growing apart and that is complete BS. She grew apart from me towards this new guy while I did everything to try and maintain love in the relationship. That is akin to cheating emotionally and I do not respect that.

 

This is where I kind of have a gut reaction of disgust towards what you did (please dont take this as me attacking your decision or you as a person I am only talking about the situation). Relationships are hard, especially after 5 years, and if a guy comes in and gives you that lovey lusty feeling then its easier to say "hey! i have a backup option now so I dont have to be lonely!" and then you make the ex lonely at the hardest time in his life while you have a new ove right away. And that to me is an extraordinarily selfish thing to do. Breaking up a long term relationship because of a fallback guy in the picture is vastly different than breaking one up because of growing apart and then taking a while off of relationships.

 

So I would say dont contact him. Your reasons are selfish I think and you would only be opening up wounds for him. Now your situation may be different from mine given that you say he wasnt trying either, but I still think that as the dumper you should not talk to him unless it is to apologize and ask for him back.

 

I tried not to sound to mean and I hope you are happy with your new bf and that everything works out in the future for you. Just remember that true love isnt a gut feeling, its a helluva lot of hard work.

[wilsonx]

Wow this post really tocuhed a nerve with a lot of people and I have to say I was hit hard by it as well. Its an interesting side if the breakup since, as mentioned previously, most people here are dumpees. Therefore there will be a lot of people against what you did.

 

I agree that if a relationship is failing because neither is working at it then it shouldnt go on. However, I have always thought that love is hard work, not easy, and that there will always be tough times. Now here is my side of the story so you see where Im coming from:

 

When my gf of 5.5 years broke up with me she told me that it wasnt my fault, that I did everything right, and that she just couldnt do it anymore because she had grown apart from me. Well s***, it would have been nice to know beforehand. I had been extra nice for 6 months at the end because I knew she was stressed and needed support. We were long distance and I knew that we were at a tough point and I was trying my hardest, she even said that I was being super great. Turns out there was another guy that she had a crush on and started seeing within weeks of breaking up with me. Yes it as hard for her, she cried, she did not take the decision lightly. However if the other guy had not been there then I think she would have been willing to make the extra effort. Her excuse was that we were growing apart and that is complete BS. She grew apart from me towards this new guy while I did everything to try and maintain love in the relationship. That is akin to cheating emotionally and I do not respect that.

 

This is where I kind of have a gut reaction of disgust towards what you did (please dont take this as me attacking your decision or you as a person I am only talking about the situation). Relationships are hard, especially after 5 years, and if a guy comes in and gives you that lovey lusty feeling then its easier to say "hey! i have a backup option now so I dont have to be lonely!" and then you make the ex lonely at the hardest time in his life while you have a new ove right away. And that to me is an extraordinarily selfish thing to do. Breaking up a long term relationship because of a fallback guy in the picture is vastly different than breaking one up because of growing apart and then taking a while off of relationships.

 

So I would say dont contact him. Your reasons are selfish I think and you would only be opening up wounds for him. Now your situation may be different from mine given that you say he wasnt trying either, but I still think that as the dumper you should not talk to him unless it is to apologize and ask for him back.

 

I tried not to sound to mean and I hope you are happy with your new bf and that everything works out in the future for you. Just remember that true love isnt a gut feeling, its a helluva lot of hard work.

 

i agree with this post 100%

[D-Lish]

Don't reach out to him, it's not a good idea.

 

All this wanting to know if he is doing well is something that you want- but the contact is probably something he might not need. It definitely might open up old wounds for him.

 

If you care about him and wish him well, it's best to leave him be. It's a little selfish to want to reach out to someone you broke up with just to make yourself feel good knowing they are okay (and I don't mean that in a mean way).

 

If my ex contacted me to see how I was doing, it would set me back big time. I'd also be insulted if my ex just wanted to make sure I was okay.

That's why I'd advise you to leave it be.

[replicator]

I also have to say that you shouldn't reach out to him - unless you want to get back with him. Otherwise, it'll be more painful for him to get over you.

 

I was in the same boat as your ex - and the wound even after years have passed, is still very deep. I've forgiven, but it's not really a choice to forget.