dreamscape123 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 They should be open and honest with everything. yet, they hide it from you. We should have been talking our problems out and perhaps we could have reached a solution before it was too late. Oh well, I consider it her loss now... Not mine. I agree totally... Its so frustrating... and if she had communicated her worries , fears etc then we could have tried to work throught them and would possibly been still together now .... Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I agree totally... Its so frustrating... and if she had communicated her worries , fears etc then we could have tried to work throught them and would possibly been still together now .... Exactly my friend. Exactly. Oh well... WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA, it's too late now. Like I said, her loss, not mine Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Exactly my friend. Exactly. Oh well... WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA, it's too late now. Like I said, her loss, not mine That is exactly right, and the best way is to look to the future... perhaps one day, in all our cases they will look back and see what they have lost, in my case she had G.I.G.S for sure, but " IF " she ever comes to her sences, it will be too late.... And you are right mate... It IS their loss Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 *gives all a hug* Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 That is exactly right, and the best way is to look to the future... perhaps one day, in all our cases they will look back and see what they have lost, in my case she had G.I.G.S for sure, but " IF " she ever comes to her sences, it will be too late.... And you are right mate... It IS their loss It appears that every girl has GIGS at some point. Just about every story I read on this site is almost a carbon copy of every other story to come degree. My ex definitely had it as well. At least the symptoms seem to match up. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wow the same thing is happening with me as well. I find it so interesting that this is happening to quite a few people. I feel as though it might be a case of GIGS. Once the dumper gets dumped you'll see who comes crawling back. Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wow the same thing is happening with me as well. I find it so interesting that this is happening to quite a few people. I feel as though it might be a case of GIGS. Once the dumper gets dumped you'll see who comes crawling back. Don't be surprised. I definitely won't be. If it does so happen to be the case, I suggest you leave them be unless you want to go through all of this BS all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Don't be surprised. I definitely won't be. If it does so happen to be the case, I suggest you leave them be unless you want to go through all of this BS all over again. That is good advice..... , also like you said, it does seem as though it happens to most people at some point, just part of the growing process I guess.... With summer here now too, seems to increase the number of cases that we are seeing on here right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Gack Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I saw this status on msn and i did not talk to her. Just ignore her and talk to other friends. Her status is like Don't leave me i promise i'll always be with u, trust me. I felt irritated. It like she is so clingy to the guy and that feels like the 1st year we were together. Her being insecure. I wonder if by putting this mean that the guy is scare she might leave him to come back to me. It stupid because it like she cheated on me to be with him and now he is scare he will get cheated on. Or maybe she is insecure he gone back to sch and today she came to find him in his school which is around where i stay. The way she is so clingy to him and the trust me she says after that is like saying she won't ever come back to me trust me on that. Goddamn it. I hope she doesn't give her body to him to make him stay. Yeah i know i should not bother about her anymore. But i'm thinking about this now so it kinda will pass soon. I feel that their relationship seems shaky even though they spent alot of time together. Maybe she keep getting emo over me and he is done comforting her? I dunno, can you all tell me the good and bad points of this. I still will be maintaining NC so don't worry about me losing it. I'm pretty calm. It just that my analytical brain wants to know more that all. I would know to hear more opinions please. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I saw this status on msn and i did not talk to her. Just ignore her and talk to other friends. Her status is like Don't leave me i promise i'll always be with u, trust me. You seriously need to just delete her on MSN and everything else for that matter. I left no traces of my ex that I could visit and the others, I really don't want to visit. Because to tell the truth, I don't even want to know what she's up to. I know that just doing the smallest amount of research and finding the smallest amount of information will just ruin my day and cause way too many issues. Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 That is good advice..... , also like you said, it does seem as though it happens to most people at some point, just part of the growing process I guess.... With summer here now too, seems to increase the number of cases that we are seeing on here right now.... Well think about it. Even if you two got back together, the odds of you breaking up again are seriously stacked against you. You're more that likely going to go through all of this again next summer if it didn't happen the next month. If she can run off once, she can do it again and again and again. Just leave her be and you won't have to worry about it ever again. Find someone who won't run at the first sign of trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Yes yes, delete her! I've changed my IM id, deleted old e-mail accounts & got new ones. Woah Speaking of... when I first came here I was surprised as well to see so many similar stories. Not to mention so many cases of similar behaviors (I'm generally talking about the dumper's mentality). Link to post Share on other sites
gothowitz Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Man, I'm going through the same thing. No warning to the breakup. Out of the blue like you. My girl was seemingly content with just being with me. Not partying or drinking or anything. So why all of a sudden do they now think it was all a mistake? You were fine with it then, if you weren't why didn't you voice your problems at ALL? Now they're out partying and drinking. I would have loved doing those things with her but she made me feel like it was all okay, stuck in our rut. I feel exactly how you feel. How were we supposed to know? Because it sure as hell could've been different had they thought about maybe TALKING to us about some of the problems. Amazing how they can change into completely different people, with completely different plans in a matter of days. Makes you wonder if they were ever really sincere with anything they said. These questions are swirling around in my head right now. He disappeared out of the blue, without so much as a, "Hey, there are things about our relationship that I'm not happy about. Can we talk about them?" Link to post Share on other sites
Gack Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Don't worry it doesn't affects me. I accepted it. But i'm just a curious mind wanting to know how things work. I wanted to study psychology but too bad i'm based on IT lol. Anyway she initiated contact even though i did not do anything. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3506154&posted=1#post3506154 Opinion would be nice. Both good and bad sides. I want to learn more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGuy88 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 So I haven't been around for a while but I guess with Valentine's Day looming on the horizon, my emotions have started to get the better of me once again. I have kept up No Contact ever since everything happened last May, so it's about 8 months of complete NC. I haven't heard anything from her since. Not a word. I had a small breakdown and checked her facebook for the first time in 8 months yesterday and she is still with the guy she left me for and I guess the two are already (or about to be) living together in the same apartment. Of course every single picture and album of us and our trips together are deleted and it's as if I never existed. It still crushes me. I thought it would be easier at this point but it's not really proving to be the case. I know I should not have checked but the silence has been deafening. I see other people who at least get a breadcrumb here or there, at least an acknowledgement that their ex has thought of them, but I guess I don't even deserve that after 4.5 years...It's like she just turned off and is gone forever. I'm having a really hard time seeing how she could just pretend I never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
padparadscha Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I wish you so much luck in getting through this. I know so much how you are hurting. What your posting is similar to what I just posted. The only real difference is that it was not out of "no where." I thought it was until I went to give him back the keys to his apartment. In less than 7 days of us breaking up over something that made no sense to me, he had moved a fat African woman into his apartment he gave me keys to. This woman I am certain was his wife. He told me he had no wife. Showed me divorce papers. Yet his actions and everything about the woman made me realize all this time he had a wife living in Africa and he finally flew her in which is why the sudden out of no where fight we had that caused the breakup. Like you I thought from all he told me that we were getting married. This type of nonsense makes no sense and if you and I were not stronger people we would be BROKEN. I wish you luck in your recovery. I am here on this site trying myself to get advice on how to mentally move on and get him out my head. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I was following your story in the summer and was excited to read your update hoping you'd have good news! Sorry you're going through this, it hurts to know someone has moved on. You would think shd'd have the courtesy to check up on you. Facebook really is a slice of hell is it not? Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I see other people who at least get a breadcrumb here or there, at least an acknowledgement that their ex has thought of them, but I guess I don't even deserve that after 4.5 years...It's like she just turned off and is gone forever. I'm having a really hard time seeing how she could just pretend I never happened. Trust me, Ive been there with the breadcrumbs for months, you DONT want the breadcrumbs. You dont want to know if she thought of you. It just prolongs the suffering by making you hang onto hope. She turned off to you long before she broke it off, and she NEEDS to erase you from her mind to move on. Plus, if she could turn off to you way before she broke it off, she didnt need to erase you from her mind, she didnt want you in her mind anymore, and she wanted to move on. So you need to do the same. Just start talking to women where you can. You will find that there are better ones out there than her. Also you need to be able to notice when your woman is distancing herself, and how to keep from losing her attraction to you. Obviously you did some things in her mind that turned her off, and you need to learn from them, and have a better relationship with a new woman. But it will only get easier if you work on moving on with someone new. Otherwise you will always be thinking of your ex, wasting time. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I definitely am sympathetic to your situation. It is like someone else said not morally correct. Unfortunatley there are a ton of self centered people out there that do this sort of thing. I had something fairly similar happen to me. Mine was my ex-fiance bought me an engagement ring AND the wedding ring and inflates me up then dumps me after the wedding ring is sized and sent out and in route back to jewelery shop. He was engaged to someone else prolly within 2 months. (divorced 2x over now) I would not have seen it back then but is truly a blessing. Sometimes we dont realize blessings at the time. It was very cold of her to do that. I know I could NEVER do that to someone. IMO it is enstilled in most of us in our upbringing. My heart really goes out to you. Try and do things that make you happy and I hope you have atleast one friend that can be there for you. I wont lie but there will be some VERY low times....but they slowly get a little better....baby steps....then before you know it you have taken thousands of the "baby steps". Your days and especially nights seem more normal again. Also you realize the world is still revolving and there is plenty of joy to be had by you!! Now I am almost getting my degree and found the true love of my life from grade school. There is magic somewhere there waiting for you when you are truly ready. Also wanted to note this forum helped so much plenty of lonely nights. If not posting....just reading and seeing that I was not as alone as i felt at the time. I wish you only the best in your life and with love...remember you deserve it!!! Hold your head up high!!! That's a nice, heartfelt post. Congratulations to you on finding your true. I thought I found true love. He turned out to be a vile pile of trash. I still have hope for the future, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Glove_slap Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Alright confused guy, this is what i'm going to tell you. Since it's only been a month you STILL have a chance to get her crawling back to you. The problem is that there is no clear method of doing so. Sometimes on and off communication works, sometimes no contact works, sometimes the jealous factor (I recommend you NEVER do this) but most of the time nothing works. She may have already been eyeing someone but disregard all of these things and focus on yourself. Play hot and cold, and keep the conversation smooth without bringing in any heavy topics (unless she does FIRST). Show her that you intend on bettering yourself not for her sake but for yourself. I can't guarantee that this will help you get her back completely. My ex did the same thing to me and I had her crawling back to me but I messed up by cracking and pouring all my feelings. Play it cool. In the end even if you don't get her back you'll still be in a better position to move on than if you've just cried yourself to sleep for the past month. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Your story sounds so much like mine. I never got any ounce of contact either. I feel pity for their current SO, what makes them think they'll be The exception? Maybe if they knew what these people were really like, then they wouldn't want to date these people! I wouldn't even want to give this girl a second chance. She has a new victim now, to use. These people can repeat this sort of Behaviour in each relationship. I've seen it happen. I wouldn't want to ever talk to this callous girl again. I'd meet new women if I was you. Dating new people is heaps better, than seeing what your jerk of an ex is up too on online. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I would deletethis girl completely. She doesn't deserve you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGuy88 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Alright confused guy, this is what i'm going to tell you. Since it's only been a month you STILL have a chance to get her crawling back to you. The problem is that there is no clear method of doing so. Sometimes on and off communication works, sometimes no contact works, sometimes the jealous factor (I recommend you NEVER do this) but most of the time nothing works. She may have already been eyeing someone but disregard all of these things and focus on yourself. Play hot and cold, and keep the conversation smooth without bringing in any heavy topics (unless she does FIRST). Show her that you intend on bettering yourself not for her sake but for yourself. I can't guarantee that this will help you get her back completely. My ex did the same thing to me and I had her crawling back to me but I messed up by cracking and pouring all my feelings. Play it cool. In the end even if you don't get her back you'll still be in a better position to move on than if you've just cried yourself to sleep for the past month. Well it's been 8 months, almost 9. We've had no convos so I can't really play hot & cold since I don't want to break NC. I don't know, I just feel like all our time together meant absolutely nothing to her. I guess I was hoping deep down inside that the 6 month honeymoon stage with the new guy would wear off and she would start to wonder about me since she broke everything off so abruptly. I've read that many times, people who are unsure of their decision to break up at least try to remain civil or friendly to remain on good terms for the future. The fact she did nothing like that makes it all the more real. I just can't believe that's all I get. Not even as someone who was in her life for so long, but simply as a human being I believe I deserve something more. It's also terrifying to think that after being with her for so long I never thought she could ever be this cold. What will this mean for my next relationship...Do you need to date someone for at least 5 years to begin to get to know them? Life is only so long.. Sigh... As far as the breadcrumbs go, I know they aren't good to have because they make you hold on to hope but at least they show you meant something to your ex. I feel like they would make me feel one step above trash instead of just trash. But thanks for the responses and support everyone, every bit helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Dodgerblue55 Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 ConfusedGuy, First, lemme just tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this. Although I'm dealing with a different set of circumstances regarding past infidelity of my now wife, I ended up on this thread, and it really hits home. My best friend had his wife of nearly 7 years leave him in a very similar fashion to how your GF left you. After a seemingly happy marriage, she just turned ice cold towards him. Just like that, she would barely speak to him, didn't want him in the same bed, just totally cut him off from her life. He tried everything he could just to try and get her to at least talk to him, but she wouldn't. After 2 weeks of that, she said she was going on vacation to the beach with her family, and when she came back, she wanted him out of the house, and that she wanted a divorce. He pleaded with her just to sit down and talk with him - have the courtesy to tell him why, or explain what changed, but she wouldn't. She left the day before his birthday, and left a birthday card saying "Sorry for the crappy birthday, please be gone when I come back", and that was it. I told him "f her I wouldn't leave if it were me. It's as much your house as it is hers." He said he couldn't stay there cause he'd end up doing something stupid. I helped him move out of his own house on his birthday. This happened the summer of 2005, so almost 7 years ago. That first year was absolute torture for him. She didn't communicate at all with him except through her divorce lawyer. Went from being an unconditional loving wife to total stranger. I wanted to hunt her down and choke her out, so I can't really imagine how he stayed sane. He would just ask me what he did wrong, and how someone who loved you could just "throw you away like trash." I never had a good answer to that. The stress of everything literally put him in a hospital several times. He was diagnosed with Chrons Disease, which can be triggered by stress, and the pain of it can apparently debilitate a person. Sometime in late 2006 he ran into her in town, and surprise, surprise, she had a man with her. He'd heard she had left him for another man, but never confirmed it. Of course she acted like she didn't even see him, but he said it took everything he had not to get medevil on both of them right then and there. But that encounter is really what helped him move on with his life. He at least knew now, why she left. It was still tough on him, no doubt, but he at least was starting to function again. He was in no hurry for fear of getting hurt again, but eventually he started dating some, and in 2010 he met a girl that he really liked. They hit it off, and I was the best man in their wedding a couple months back. I tell this long story, just to tell you that it will get easier for you man. I know right now that seems unlikely or impossible, but it will. What your GF did to you after 4.5 years was dirty and cold as can be. You'll probably never understand it completely, but eventually you'll come to accept it. Doesn't make what she did right, and just like my buddy, you deserve better than that, but some people, no matter how much you know them, do things you can't comprehend. Just be glad that you don't have the coldheartedness that your ex does. Hang in there man. Things will probably be tough for a while, but it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Dodger- I was hoping that The cruel dumper woman in your story got screwed over by someone else. What an Ahole. I guess she was onto her next victim then? Some people deserved to be screwed over eg this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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