reimeivn Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 I feel like this place is the only place that people actually listen to me, and share with me. I dont have many friends, and lot of them are unable to be there for me. Today I found out that one girl that my ex sort of dishones to me with, defriend me on fb. She has always been acting weird toward me. I feel uncomfortable. I talked to my mom and how many people seemed to dislike me. I feel like because of dating my ex, many people did not like me. They gave me dirty looks, and he never stuck up for me. He even yelled at me and made me cry because I did not have fun being around those people. My mom criticized me for not moving on yet. She told me that I cared to much about all that stuffs. I know I am trying I havent talked about this to anyone but her. Now I just feel like I just dont have anybody to listen to at all. This is my first ex, first everything, I am away from home, and I just feel so much pressure to move on. 6 weeks and I dont cry anymore, sometimes I have to bottle up my feelings. I feel bad about myself, I feel like a loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Hi reimeiven, sorry you are feeling so low. Breakups are difficult and it takes time to get over them. 6 weeks in't that long - you might feel sad for a while longer. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you weren't good friends with the girl who de-friended you on fb then don't get too upset over it. Too often people use FB as a place to act out drama. Its okay to be uncomfortable around new people. It takes some people longer to get to know new people. You mentioned that you were away from home - it can be hard to get used to a new place and try to find friends when you're a bit uncomfortable around people. Not everyone is outgoing - I'm certainly not. When I was younger it took me a long time to make friends because I was quite shy and people thought that I was being a snob because I didn't talk a lot. It took time for me to become more confident in social situations. I am sorry that you are having a hard time. Don't worry about what people thought of you because of your ex. If he made you feel bad about yourself that you are better off without him. A boyfriend/girlfriend should make you feel good! They should encourage you and support you, not bring you down. First breakups are hard! But you will meet someone else. Maybe not right away, but it will happen. In the meantime, focus on the good things about yourself. Do the things you like to do and that make you happy. If you are happy with yourself it's easier to be confident meeting and talking to people. Link to post Share on other sites
calndn Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Well said Finch!! My ex was my first bf and I can tell you it's been the hardest thing I've had to go through, we haven't experienced it before so it's going to be that little bit harder. I'm 7 months out now, but really I let him back in my life so actually only 3 months since I last hung out with him properly, I've seen him twice since that. First time we chatted second just a hi. I've been nc for 7 weeks really i suppose since I chatted to him in the pub but 3 months since I txt/called. I feel better but.... ...I've had 10 weeks of counselling because I felt I had noone to talk to. She has been amazing I tell her everything. It's not for everyone but I got to a point where I was so low I wanted to kill myself. You may be far far from that point but still, counselling is a great way to get things off your chest and I feel so much better. I have twinges of course still but I'm beginning to feel that I'm starting to not care anymore. Bottling things up only makes the process longer....let them out to someone!!! It will make you feel better!! X Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 My mom criticized me for not moving on yet. She told me that I cared to much about all that stuffs. I know I am trying I havent talked about this to anyone but her. Now I just feel like I just dont have anybody to listen to at all. This is my first ex, first everything, I am away from home, and I just feel so much pressure to move on. 6 weeks and I dont cry anymore, sometimes I have to bottle up my feelings. I feel bad about myself, I feel like a loser. Don't take your mom too personally, rei. This is just a reaction based on her experiences and above all as a parent, she dislikes how her baby is hurting. She deals with things differently, as you do as well. My mom was surprised to find out just a few days ago that I'm still affected by the memory of my ex. But her experiences are different from mine: she's lucky in that my dad became her only boyfriend and got married. She never had to deal with the pain of break-ups. Meanwhile, my dad has offered his support because of his previous rejections with other girls before he met my mom. Have you thought of speaking to your dad? He may have great insights since he can relate to how boys are. My dad's been that for me. Take your time to move on. It sounds like you're in school since you're away from home. If you don't have anyone that you can confide in, you may consider going to the counseling center at your school. I know that there still exists a social stigma against counselors, that the "only" people who see them are "crazy" or are "too weak to deal with their problems on their own." No. They're there to help. And with break-ups, you need as many people on Team Rei as possible. You have this forum and if you see the counselor, you'll have him/her too. I feel like this place is the only place that people actually listen to me, and share with me. I dont have many friends, and lot of them are unable to be there for me. Today I found out that one girl that my ex sort of dishones to me with, defriend me on fb. She has always been acting weird toward me. I feel uncomfortable. That's because they probably don't know how. I don't mean to sound patronizing at all, but I'm offering a different perspective. When we're younger, we really don't know how to communicate well with peers. What socialization skills we have, we model it from our parents or other important role model figures; the rest, we sort of pick up on with guidance and while playing it by the ear through practice. Perhaps they're unable to be there for you not because they don't want to be, but because they don't know how. And that's not their fault either because they haven't had the opportunity to learn. The other side is, they're unable to because they're really busy or they're that selfish. You have to decide that for yourself and if you have selfish "friends," then they're not much of friends at all, are they? So you have to disengage yourself with negative people like that gradually and surround yourself with positive people. I talked to my mom and how many people seemed to dislike me. I feel like because of dating my ex, many people did not like me. They gave me dirty looks, and he never stuck up for me. He even yelled at me and made me cry because I did not have fun being around those people. Here's the silver lining in this, and it's okay that you won't appreciate this until later on: you have the opportunity to better yourself from a hurtful event. Most people will be bitter from their break ups, but you don't have to go that route. You can choose the high road: learn the lessons that you can and be a better person. The ex that left you has qualities you will avoid in future relationships, friend or romance. The people who dislike you, you will avoid their qualities in new people that you meet. You can take the time to get to know new people and when you see the "red flags" that you saw from those people who didn't like you, you know not to invest any more time and energy on those folk. Then you can move on to others who will be better friends for you. You'll be kinder. Because you know how hard it is to have your heart broken and to have to let go of someone you considered a best friend. You'll cherish relationships more. You'll become a better friend and a better girlfriend to the ones who deserve a chance. And when you have to bid goodbye again, you'll know how to recover with grace and maturity. These are the things that I can see happening. Good people are attracted to good things, rei; I know you want good things for yourself and you will make it happen because that's the only way to live a happy life. Good things. Take it one step at a time and let no harsh words towards your healing affect your pace - everyone recovers differently. When bad things happen, people who know that the good will come out afterwards recover in a much healthier way. They seek help, they better themselves... you'll do that, too. Use LS as your venting space. You know we're on Team Rei. Link to post Share on other sites
JR2315 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Im in a similar situation as you. So I met my ex during my first year of university so sadly i didnt put myself out there as I should have and didnt really make a lot of friends. It sucks when im all alone I have no one to talk too and its really depressing. Its been over 2 weeks of NC now and im starting to feel a lot better. I find that when I socialize with people that I end up boosting my self esteem. My parents are the same as yours, they just dont think my problem is as serious as it should be because they believe that i'll find someone else. I wish i was as optimistic as they are... Hang in there plz, Im sure youre a wonderful person in your own right and there are people out there who are willing to befriend you! Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 I can totally understand how you feel. I had no one to talk about breakups either. My parents just got angry and everyone else I know just doesn't understand or is happy in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
replicator Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Hey reimeivn... I've read some of your posts - and you have a great head on your shoulders. It sounds cliche, but you definitely DO deserve much better than someone who doesn't stand up for you when it counts. This relationship is over, because it wasn't meant to be - and now you're free to work on yourself, and open for new relationships when they come your way. Take the good things you experienced and learned from your relationship so you don't make the same mistakes. Don't look in the rear-view - keep looking forward. Things can only get better Link to post Share on other sites
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