Anya P Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 About ten years ago, I was sort of seeing this guy in my neighborhood. However, my family soon moved from there, and with that, we lost all contact with each other. Now, after so many years, the wonders of technology have got us in touch with each other again. He was so surprised to hear my voice and there was an instant reconnection. We began the whole texting, talking phase etc. He asked me if I was single and if I wanted to get together. I said I'd like to see where this goes. That night he called and he said that he would prefer to have a fwb relationship with me, because there was somebody that his parents wanted him to be with, and that he would have to look at her as a possible long term partner. In his own words he said "When i told you I was single, what I meant was that I'm single, yet unavailable." You can imagine how that crushed me. It took me all the effort in the world to tell him that it didn't affect me. I didn't want to scare him away by insisting on a something serious. So he calls everyday, and texts, and he likes me... and we still haven't had sex yet, but I know it will happen soon! I really like this guy, and I think fate is just a b**ch for weaving such complicated situations around it. What do i do? Because I am going mad here! Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 I don't think you should have sex with him. It'll only hurt you in the end, since you really seem to be into him. He's just looking to have his fun with you without being committed to you. If you weren't looking for anything except some fun, then it would be cool, but that's clearly not how you feel here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anya P Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I guess my feelings for him are, well, deep... but there must be some way to spark some feelings in him... I am going to try! Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I guess my feelings for him are, well, deep... but there must be some way to spark some feelings in him... I am going to try! Feel free to do as you wish. Just don't fall into the trap that so many others seem to end up in. "He's so great, I can change him into what I want him to be." You can't, he has to change himself. And if he doesn't, it's going to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anya P Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well let's assume that he is from a country where parents can arrange marriages. In spite of knowing that, if I still go after him, then that would make me the biggest fool on the planet... the rational thing to do would be to tell him that I don't want to be just something he can use and throw... So easy to type/write/say; just so hard to do! But, I think I am going to muster all my strength and tell him so upfront! Thanks a lot for all your suggestions... sometimes, when these silly emotions take over, it's so hard to gain any kind of clarity! Thanks once again; your comments have been invaluable and extremely helpful! Anya Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 The pain you may feel now from cutting off this blossoming 'relationship' and protecting yourself against further pain will be far, FAR outweighed by the pain of sleeping with this guy, allowing your feelings to develop further and knowing you can't have him/it isn't exclusive and so forth. You can't 'spark' feelings like that in a person, and if they're not there right now, chances are they won't be. He knows quite a bit about you, he knows you like him, and at this rate he's gonna add to that list the fact that you're willing to sleep with him as fwb when you'd truthfully like a relationship. That doesn't send out a good message to him. If anything at all could give him a chance to 'come round' to wanting to be with you seriously, holding out might be it. But I guarantee you are going to get hurt if you **** him. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Don't. Im so over this whole FWB thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 He's been straightforward with you. If you have sex with him, you're doing so on the "FWB" terms. Don't feel sad or bad about that, since you're going into it absolutely well informed. Or, find a different guy who wants to have a relationship with you. If that is your preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well let's assume that he is from a country where parents can arrange marriages. In spite of knowing that, if I still go after him, then that would make me the biggest fool on the planet... the rational thing to do would be to tell him that I don't want to be just something he can use and throw... So easy to type/write/say; just so hard to do! But, I think I am going to muster all my strength and tell him so upfront! Thanks a lot for all your suggestions... sometimes, when these silly emotions take over, it's so hard to gain any kind of clarity! Thanks once again; your comments have been invaluable and extremely helpful! Anya Judging by your name, I'm assuming you are eastern european. What is his background? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anya P Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) @in absentia - telling him that I'd like to be friends for now would be a better option? @feelsgoodman - my dad's English and mum's from Poland... as for him, he's originally from India, but born and raised in UK Also, it's been a week since we got in touch with each other... He keeps wanting to see me, and I'm frankly running out of excuses to keep from seeing him... I've become a wreck, and I don't want to see him right now - for two reasons 1. I might say something that I would later regret - worried that my emotions will be too transparent 2. I might just end up sleeping with him... and that is really the last thing I want to do now You might ask - don't I have any self-respect? Well, I do... but with this guy it's just a bit different. I become an emotional fool! There's too much of a history for me to ignore; to pretend that I don't cherish that little experience I had so many years ago with him... basically, he was my first lover... and... I never really got over him... In these ten years, I always thought of him as the perfect guy for me - just that I had found him too early in life! Edited June 22, 2011 by Anya P Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 He's been honest with you and made it clear that he is NOT willing to even consider an actual relationship. He just wants sex. Now it's time for you to be honest with yourself and admit that you are NOT willing to be used for sex. So don't be. Find something else to occupy your time.... Link to post Share on other sites
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