jealous of boyfriends ex

[cheekime]

Hey everyone, new to this site so hi!!

I have a huge problem with being jealous about my boyfriends ex girlfriend.

We got together in December 09 and i asked him about his last girlfriend and also asked if he had her as a friend on facebook. and he did! so later on my own i was foolishly nosy and had a look at her profile. although it pains me to say it she was a heck of a lot prettier than i expected,she's on there with a good job,good social life, lots of pics from nights out. anyway kept quiet for a while then April last year i got upset and he defriended her, it turns out he didn't really speak to her and she had cheated on him while they had been together, yet i didn't get why he would still want anything to do with her and all his friends on fb are friends with her?!!

I'm thinking of breaking up with him, she seems so much more prettier,popular and successful than me, it makes me feel worthless. however when i am on my own i feel really good about myself!!?? i don't get it?

and i must add my boyfriend is wonderful, he has been nothing but patient and kind to me. yet i think he must want her and think he has the booby prize with me!!!! hate the way this is making me feel any advice please???!!! xx

[thatone]

so what you're saying is you're determined to lose to the girl he had before?

 

and you're going to make it happen if it doesn't happen on its own, because you have decided to lose and are gonna stick with your decision?

[Pianiste]

He is with you for a reason, and moreover has put up with your insecurities, for 1,5 year now.

 

If anything I think an unfaithful person is the true boobyprize.

[jazzbee]

First of all you need to stop being so down on yourself. I use to be like that your boyfriend doesn't wanna hear that or see that in you. You should be confident he is with you, you are the one who has him sure him and her had a thing in the past but its the past he has a present with you. I am sure you are a beautiful person thats why he has stuck by you, Don't give up your relationship because of his ex be confident in yourself i went through this i think you should talk to your boyfriend get some reassurance from him and you'll see

[cheekime]

Thanks to yous for replying, after having some time away and doing some thinking, i don't think the main problem is her. i think what has happened is i am feeling unsure about the relationship as a whole and looking for distractions so i don't have to deal with it.

and besides i didn't know him then anyway so it's reall not my damage!! now just to figure out the unsure feelings!!

take care cheekime x

[honeybeez]

Hi Cheekime

 

This has been a recurring theme through all my relationships, I think it's a self-esteem thing. I always feel secure for the first few months or so, when I'm really wrapped up in someone and they're giving me lots of attention back. As things calm down and real life starts to creep back in, and I start to learn more about my partner and his past, I go through times when I feel really insecure about ex girlfriends and partners

 

My head tells me not to be silly, it's me he's with now, and those ex's are ex's for a reason but my heart still aches with self doubt. As I've got older and it's happened so often I've come to realise this is my problem to deal with, I seriously doubt any man could give me the attention I would need to stop this happening

 

Years ago things were maybe easier in that there weren't the opportunities to look ppl up on the internet etc. I remember taking a dislike to a jacket an ex of mine told me he'd worn one evening when he'd ended up having sex with someone before I even knew him! Ludicrous, or what? But I tortured myself imagining what they'd done together and if she was better in bed than me

 

And another partner and I found a soppy record his ex fiancee had given him (shows how long ago this was lol) with a message written on it. He'd forgotten he had it and just casually said oh yeah, she was quite romantic. I used to look at it, it was like a magnet to me, that she had the confidence to open up like that

 

But with my current partner it's a whole different ballgame! He's got LOTS of ex's and is still friends with lots of them. But there's one he nearly married and she's on facebook (he's not friends with her atm - I don't think he realises she's on there) I look at her photos on there and just get so sad that they had a better sex life than he has with me (I know that's true)

 

Every bit of information guys give me about their lives with ex's just seems to burn itself into my memory, I sometimes wish they wouldn't tell me stuff! But I try to control these feelings and resist the urge to ask them about their past as it's such a nightmare. I just have this terrible habit of comparing myself to other women and finding myself lacking every time, I wish I knew how to stop it

 

So, sorry I can't really help you, but you're not alone

[Leigh 87]

My current boyfriend had an absolutely GORGEOUS ex girlfriend.....

 

I have a good body but his ex had a much, MUCH, prettier face than me; honestly, her face was STUNNING; she was model material. Absolutely BEAUtiful to look at. There is no way my face could ever compare to how pretty hers is.

 

What's more, is that she is also a great person... she is smart and speaks 4 languages, and like my boyfriend she loves to party and they both met while travelling.

 

They met while travelling and tracelled together and had the times off the lives together; the ONLY reason they parted ways, was because they bothy live on different sides of the world.

 

They would no doubt be together and be in love still if they had not had to leave one another..... SO: she was prettier than me, had a body as good as mine, and was just as much of a good person as I am.

 

Yet, this only serves to drive me to better myself; she may be pretty and more beautiful to look at than I am, however, there is only one me. She is her, I Am me, and while she would have made him just as happy as I make him, at the end of the day, he is with me and not her.

 

It is hard to deal with an ex who is far more beautiful than you are! I hate it! However, I have finally accepted the situation. I wanted to break up with my boyfruiend over it too! I just felt bad that he had to setle with a less attractive girl like me at first.....

 

HOwever, my boyfriend told me that I make him happy and that he likes me for who I am. He thinks I am attractive and good looking still, andI am mamking him just as happy as his ex made him, but in my own way.

 

 

Sure, it is a big plus for a guy to have a girl he loves who is also beautiful to look at; it is one advantage beautiful people have over regular or less attractive people like us.

 

HOwever, if you really are a great person and you try to work on being the special, individual person you0 are, then a guy can genuinely be JUST as happy with you, as he would be with a more attractuve girl!

 

I am not deluding myself, of course; the harsh truth is, a beautiful girl is better to look at than girls who are less attratcive; however, you truly can make a guy just as happy to have you, if he falls in love with you as a person.

 

 

I made peace with his ex, by contacting her; my boyfriend is going through a hard time, and I reeached out to her and asked her for advice ( she meant more to him than any other person he knew, and they had dropped contact as she uis busy studying).

 

Any way, it turns out this girl is a very, very sweet person, and she was happty for my boyfriend to have me. Although it still hurts to know she is far nmore beautiful than I am, I feel at peace knowing that I am now amiable with her, I face faced my worst insecurity, and feel better for it.