All dumpers have something in common

[mmiller5373]

Selfishness. Seriously. Every thread I read on this board reeks of selfishness on the dumper's part. They care nothing about anyone but themselves. The months leading up to the breakup. Selfishness. The breakup. Selfishness. The texts messages saying "I miss you" after the breakup. Selfishness. The lies. Selfishness. The blaming. Selfishness.

 

Every story on this website is the same.

 

The dumpees seem to have something in common too. Heart. We truly seem to care for other people.

[WTRanger]

Selfishness. Seriously. Every thread I read on this board reeks of selfishness on the dumper's part. They care nothing about anyone but themselves. The months leading up to the breakup. Selfishness. The breakup. Selfishness. The texts messages saying "I miss you" after the breakup. Selfishness. The lies. Selfishness. The blaming. Selfishness.

 

Every story on this website is the same.

 

The dumpees seem to have something in common too. Heart. We truly seem to care for other people.

 

Oh come on. Of course it seems like dumper has no heart. What would you rather do, have them stay in a relationship they are not happy with? Just for you? Just because you care? Doesn't that now make you the selfish one?

 

For what it's worth, you are doing a good job of blaming the dumper in your case. A no, it's not selfish to put yourself first. It's incredibly selfish to put others before your own Self, then expect them to pander to your every need just because you supposedly "care" about them.

 

There's only one person's happiness that you need to be concerned about, and that's your own. If you have to break someone's heart, then so be it.

[GreenPolicy]

The only thing all dumpers have in common is they don't want to be with their dumpees anymore. Some dumpers are cruel, selfish jerks and some have acted with integrity. Every relationship is different.

[mmiller5373]

While I agree with a lot of what you've said, there is a right way to break up with a person. Especially a person who put a lot of time, money, and love into the relationship. Simply breaking up with a person without talking about it (or worse, knowing the relationship isn't what you want and waiting till someone else comes along) isn't the way to do it. It's selfish. And sadly, most of the threads on this site are breakups that occur that way.

[USMCHokie]

There's only one person's happiness that you need to be concerned about, and that's your own. If you have to break someone's heart, then so be it.

 

Quoted for truth. You make it seem like selfishness is an absolute bad thing...

[USMCHokie]

...there is a right way to break up with a person.

 

I'm kind of curious now...what is the right way to break up with someone...?

[denise_xo]

While I agree with a lot of what you've said, there is a right way to break up with a person. Especially a person who put a lot of time, money, and love into the relationship. Simply breaking up with a person without talking about it (or worse, knowing the relationship isn't what you want and waiting till someone else comes along) isn't the way to do it. It's selfish. And sadly, most of the threads on this site are breakups that occur that way.

 

On a site like this you only get one side of the story. Failed relationships are often the work of two people.

[WTRanger]

While I agree with a lot of what you've said, there is a right way to break up with a person. Especially a person who put a lot of time, money, and love into the relationship. Simply breaking up with a person without talking about it (or worse, knowing the relationship isn't what you want and waiting till someone else comes along) isn't the way to do it. It's selfish. And sadly, most of the threads on this site are breakups that occur that way.

 

So you're saying because you (or someone) spent a lot of money, time, etc that the other person owes you something? Hello!?! That's awful selfish of you (or someone), isn't it?

 

What did you do those things for? So you'd have an ace up your sleeve? So that you could Lord those things over the other person? If you really did it for love, you wouldn't hold that over their head. You'd do it because you cared about the other person, and if that other person just doesn't see things working out between you two then you don't go holding your actions over their heads.

 

If you know of a way to break up where no one get's their feelings hurt, I'm all ears. In fact, I'll nominate you for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

And the stories you hear on this site are slightly skewed to the poster's perspective. It's a lot like Fox News or a Micheal Moore documentary. Yeah, there's threads of truth, but there's an awful lot of slanting going on.

[Mr.Harris]

On a site like this you only get one side of the story. Failed relationships are often the work of two people.

 

Not true. Sometimes it could just be one person who acted like a loser in the relationship. The innocent ones just decided to pull the plug after being hurt for so long. All relationships are different, and while I agree a lot of dumpers are selfish cheaters/losers, some of them simply want to keep what sanity they have left and move on to someone who will treat them correctly.

[Ajax]

It's arrogant and a little naive to believe that all dumpers are selfish.

 

Some can be. Some can be downright mean. Others are careless about how they treat their former partners. And still more are dishonest in their reasons for breaking up.

 

But some dumpers were abused. Some did everything they could to salvage an already sinking relationship.

 

Some of them are us.

 

The fact is that most of us have been both dumpee and dumper at some point in our lives.

[denise_xo]

Not true. Sometimes it could just be one person who acted like a loser in the relationship. The innocent ones just decided to pull the plug after being hurt for so long. All relationships are different, and while I agree a lot of dumpers are selfish cheaters/losers, some of them simply want to keep what sanity they have left and move on to someone who will treat them correctly.

 

Of course it can, sometimes. I said 'often', not always. And I stand by that.

[Mr.Harris]

Of course it can, sometimes. I said 'often', not always. And I stand by that.

 

Stand by it, but it isn't true. It's not usually two people at fault.

[denise_xo]

Stand by it, but it isn't true. It's not usually two people at fault.

 

I somehow doubt you can prove that.

[Kilty]

Generalisations are usually a lot of rubbish and the original post confirms that.

 

Of course a percentage of dumpers are selfish and it's about what they want.

 

But what about the people that dump their partners because they were cheated on or abused - are they being selfish too because they cannot be with that person anymore because they cant trust them ?

[GreenPolicy]

Keeping in mind that we're only getting one side of the story, in a lot of the stories I read on this board, the dumpers are downright cruel, selfish jerks. This is the first failed relationship that I've ever felt the need to seek out answers and post on a relationship message board.

 

I've read WTRanger's story. His ex is a jerk. I've read Ajax's story. His ex is a jerk. In my opinion my ex dumped me in a heartless and cruel way. Nevertheless, she is doing what she feels is best for her, and so I have abided by her wishes. On my side of the street I am trying to do my best to move on and learn what I can, own what is mine that contributed to the demise of the relationship and take care of myself. That's all I can do.

[batsheba]

Not true. Sometimes it could just be one person who acted like a loser in the relationship. The innocent ones just decided to pull the plug after being hurt for so long. All relationships are different, and while I agree a lot of dumpers are selfish cheaters/losers, some of them simply want to keep what sanity they have left and move on to someone who will treat them correctly.

 

my two ex's this was my case as mr harris states.

the most recent ex, i just had to, or else i will be hating myself this day because of what he made me believe myself to be. now after 79 days of BU, i am back on track i believe but still a work in progress. so on a technicality, yes breaking up is sort of kind of a selfish act but almost always for the better of each of us.

[mmiller5373]

So you're saying because you (or someone) spent a lot of money, time, etc that the other person owes you something? Hello!?! That's awful selfish of you (or someone), isn't it?

 

What did you do those things for? So you'd have an ace up your sleeve? So that you could Lord those things over the other person? If you really did it for love, you wouldn't hold that over their head. You'd do it because you cared about the other person, and if that other person just doesn't see things working out between you two then you don't go holding your actions over their heads.

 

If you know of a way to break up where no one get's their feelings hurt, I'm all ears. In fact, I'll nominate you for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

And the stories you hear on this site are slightly skewed to the poster's perspective. It's a lot like Fox News or a Micheal Moore documentary. Yeah, there's threads of truth, but there's an awful lot of slanting going on.

 

Yeah, actually I am saying that. If a dumpee treated the dumper with respect throughout the entire relationship, something should be owed to the dumpee.

 

How about a f*cking explanation without any BS or lies. Are you serious WTRanger? So after everything the dumpee has done for the dumper, it's okay for the dumper to just take off with another person without talking about it? Nothing's owed??? It's okay to just leave?

[GreenPolicy]

Yeah, actually I am saying that. If a dumpee treated the dumper with respect throughout the entire relationship, something should be owed to the dumpee.

 

How about a f*cking explanation without any BS or lies. Are you serious WTRanger? So after everything the dumpee has done for the dumper, it's okay for the dumper to just take off with another person without talking about it? Nothing's owed??? It's okay to just leave?

 

That person is actually kind of doing you a favor by leaving you if your relationship ended under those circumstances. Would you want that person back in your life?

 

Maybe you might want an apology, but does that change what happened? How would you know the apology is one of sincere contrition, and not self-serving to let their guilty conscience off the hook?

 

My heart sometimes wishes I could wave a magic wand and go back to the good times, but my ex revealed a lot of unsavory character traits by the way she dumped me. I should not want to be with a person like that. I just wish the pain would go away.

[mmiller5373]

Keeping in mind that we're only getting one side of the story, in a lot of the stories I read on this board, the dumpers are downright cruel, selfish jerks. This is the first failed relationship that I've ever felt the need to seek out answers and post on a relationship message board.

 

I've read WTRanger's story. His ex is a jerk. I've read Ajax's story. His ex is a jerk. In my opinion my ex dumped me in a heartless and cruel way. Nevertheless, she is doing what she feels is best for her, and so I have abided by her wishes. On my side of the street I am trying to do my best to move on and learn what I can, own what is mine that contributed to the demise of the relationship and take care of myself. That's all I can do.

 

Yes. While the topic of my post is a very generalized statement, when you read through the threads on this board, you get the overall feeling that the dumpers are just really selfish people who care about nobody but themselves.

 

I've had failed relationships in the past as well, but I've never felt like I needed to post about it on a board. I've been the dumper as well. In fact, just recently I was dating a girl for a month and I had to cut her loose. What did I do??? Just text her or email her that it's over, and that's it? Hell no. I talked about it with her in person. She asked some questions and I answered honestly. She asked what she did wrong and I told her. I also told her I'm not seeing anybody else, but that I'm looking. It was the RIGHT thing to do. Most of the dumpers here are cowards and honestly don't want to face the dumpee. That's just not fair.

[Kilty]

Well in my case i was the dumper and i guess i am a cruel selfish jerk too then ?

Our relationship was going downhill as both of us couldnt talk about important things - neither of us brought the big talk up and we got into a rut - basically the two of us had been in bad relationships previously.

 

I realised she was unhappy (as was i) but for a long time, right from the start of the relationship i felt i could have been just about anyone and that she wasnt with me for the right reasons.

 

There was very little passion or emotion right from the start and the closest we came to real talking was when i told her 6 months before the break up that i felt there was no spark on her part.

 

But we journeyed on and things just got back into the same rut quickly.

 

Eventually i walked away and told her that i would just make her unhappy.

 

I guess i was hoping for a bit of fight from her, a bit of emotion but she accepted it with little questioning.

She did try to talk to me the day after it but i was still raw and needed space.

 

2 weeks after the breakup i was in the process of attempting a reconciliation as i had been gutted since the days following that and knew i had been wrong how i handled things and doubted my decision, but found out she was with someone else - and within 2 months of being with this new guy she was engaged and is getting married in 6 weeks time.

 

I tried to get her back and failed miserably.

 

So am i the cruel heartless pig dumper - or was i right all along about the relationship and correct to end it considering what she done so quickly ?

 

Im the first to accept i had nobody to blame but myself and still have regrets but in no way am i looking for sympathy.

 

But there is a situation for you to ponder as to whether all dumpers are heartless selfish ratbags !

[mmiller5373]

I'm 9 months out of my failed relationship and I can say without a doubt, I'm in a much better place now then I was in while I was with my ex... but I can also say this...

 

I'm now an extremely bitter person. I just don't believe in love anymore. Maybe that feeling will go away? Maybe it won't.

 

I'm happier without my ex. She wasn't the right one for me and I know it. She made the breakup even harder for me though.

 

If she had just said, "Hey, look, I met somebody else. I'm sorry it ended this way" it would have been a lot harder on me at first, but at least I would have known. Instead she says, "I don't think this is going to work right now. Maybe it will work in a year. No, there's nobody else. I promise." <--- extremely selfish. And guess what, most of the threads on this board are similar to that. Everyone's situation is different, yes. But as I read through the threads here and see what people are going through, it's nothing but pure selfishness.

[Loni]

That is absurd. Why stay with one whom you don't love? Why do you want to be with someone who does not love you? You really expect someone to stay with you because their leaving will hurt you?

 

There is nothing you can do to make someone love you.

[Loni]

Yes. While the topic of my post is a very generalized statement, when you read through the threads on this board, you get the overall feeling that the dumpers are just really selfish people who care about nobody but themselves.

 

I've had failed relationships in the past as well, but I've never felt like I needed to post about it on a board. I've been the dumper as well. In fact, just recently I was dating a girl for a month and I had to cut her loose. What did I do??? Just text her or email her that it's over, and that's it? Hell no. I talked about it with her in person. She asked some questions and I answered honestly. She asked what she did wrong and I told her. I also told her I'm not seeing anybody else, but that I'm looking. It was the RIGHT thing to do. Most of the dumpers here are cowards and honestly don't want to face the dumpee. That's just not fair.

 

I am sure that made your dumpee feel just splendid.

[Pikachu]

Ones happiness is important but treating someone you love or once loved with respect says alot about a persons character. If your not happy with the way the relationship is going then I feel you owe the other person a chance to hear and understand what you are thinking and feeling. Of course their is no good way to breakup with someone, but we all know the bad ways of doing it. Selfishness isn't always a bad thing but treating people like trash isnt right either. I just know I would have a hard time sleeping if I knew my happiness came at the cost of someone I loved sanity.

[stray]

I think it boils down to a matter of respect. When you've shared so much with somebody, they should show you enough respect to break up with you in a straight forward, civil way.