carhill Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 What do you expect to achieve by taking out a billboard? That's not a loaded question. What positive result do you expect to come of this prospective act? I don't see it as right or wrong. It is what it is. The consequences will be what they are. If you can see concrete beneficial positives for yourself and your children, list them for discussion. Plenty of people have disclosed and can offer their perspective. Have you noted any differences in how people treat you/talk to you which would indicate to you that he has been sharing 'his side'? If so, what? TBH, all this social hacking will just prolong the pain and suffering and expense for everyone. Find a different path, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
monik Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I know you want to hurt him the same way that he hurt you, but I really don't think it does any good to publicize that he is terrible and that he's been cheating on you. Since he is living with the OW, the people will see for themselves that he is doing this, so they will know that he was/is having an affair. You also have to think about the kids. This is probably tough on them, so having to deal with a bitter divorce with both of you doing mean things to each other won't help them one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensima Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Hi all, thank you for all your input...decided that I wouldn't let my emotions get the best of me by announcing all this to everyone. I am a very level headed person and want to hold on to my dignity knowing I stayed classy through this ordeal. It was one of my emotionally low moments when I was so sick of the manipulation. But i guess his actions will eventually reap some consequences on their own. Meanwhile, trying to choose happiness for myself Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I am a very level headed person and want to hold on to my dignity knowing I stayed classy through this ordeal. It was one of my emotionally low moments when I was so sick of the manipulation. But i guess his actions will eventually reap some consequences on their own. I think that's wise. A good friend once said, 'We seldom regret the things we didn't say.' All the old idioms fit; two wrongs don't make a right, etc. My ex and I lived in a small town when she ventured into the cheating lifestyle. Add in the fact she has a very large family meant the radar was on full and the drama meter was pegged when it all came down. I was sicked further knowing someone was gaining entertainment at my suffering, but whatever was said came from somewhere else; not me. It was hard to image then just how powerful a statement that made to my ex and her family. Now, many of them tell me how much they miss me and admonish her for letting me get away. Funny how things work sometimes. Cheaters trade down sweetie, and yes; the consequences of his actions will be severe. The less you have to do with him, the most powerful the effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensima Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Steadfast, thanks for your insight. It definitely helps make me feel better about this extremely painful time. I am doing well with no contact and feel good about that. I just have to learn to quiet the thoughts in my head from obsessig on our old love and him loving a new person over me. I'll take all the pointers you all can give me to help me get past these emotional lows. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 ensima, Good choice on remaining "civil" in this. Take the higher road, be the better person. Other people will see that and, they will also see the new situation and realize the truth of what happened. And, it may help to take some solace in this situation the way I have in mine, your husband has done you a favor. You don't deserve to be with a cheater, you deserve someone better. The OW did you a favor as well and now, she has put herself in a situation with someone who will cheat on her as soon as things aren't perfect and the situation presents itself. He's already proven that. Make up a list of everything he did that bothered you or that you didn't like about him and refer back to that sometimes during the low times. Remember that OW will get to learn all of those things about him. Remember that they're in the "honeymoon" phase and that will end soon enough. He didn't learn anything from your marriage, he just jumped right into another relationship and is using that to help him deal with the emotional loss from leaving you. You, on the other hand, are dealing with your emotions, learning from the experience and you will be better off in your next relationship thanks to him... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensima Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hi all, just wanted to update you all... I just recently realized I am dealing with a narcissist in my STBXH. Since confronting him about his affair he has become extremely violent and threatening. It is like I am dealing with a stranger. I have no contact with him unless he initiates it via text regarding the kids. It is a surreal world that I am living in right now as I cannot imagine how my life has taken just a great turn in only 8 weeks time. It baffles my mind how he can justify to himself all of his ridiculous actions! It also disgusts me that he has the audacity brings my kids age 4 and 2 around his mistress! He has since been excluding my 14 year old daughter from activities because she is obviously old enough to know that he is having and affair. So he tries to compensate by just bringing her to the movies so she never goes to the mistresses house. I want lightening to strike his ass just for having my little boys around the mistress! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 yea, that's horrible. i only have 1 kid and our divorce is going to be finalized in august. it is going to be a long time before i ever introduce any new woman to my child. not only would it be disrespectful to my kid's mother, but also terribly confusing to my child. pssssst... she's gonna introduce your kid to another man asap and guess what, she's not gonna care if its disrespectful to your OR confusing to your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_H Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hi all, thank you for all your input...decided that I wouldn't let my emotions get the best of me by announcing all this to everyone. I am a very level headed person and want to hold on to my dignity knowing I stayed classy through this ordeal. It was one of my emotionally low moments when I was so sick of the manipulation. But i guess his actions will eventually reap some consequences on their own. Meanwhile, trying to choose happiness for myself I am VERY proud of you. You are going to do great! I can tell by reading through this, you are a strong level headed woman. Shame on him and yes he will reap consequences. Keep striving for your happiness, work for it everyday. Focus on yourself and your children. You have already made strides. Good luck to you and congratulations on taking control of your life! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 outstanding post. i guess i should just totally stoop to her level then. To be fair, I don't think that was MM4 point. Just be the best dad you can. I am of the same opinion as you. Any future girlfriend will be carefully vetted for months before they get anywhere near the kids. The kids come first. Link to post Share on other sites
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