bentnotbroken Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Thats very wise. Who knows whether he is confused, whether he may leave in a year or 5, whether he is using you. We have no idea. What we do know is that he is sitting there with you denying your existence and asking you for more time to work on his marriage. You are doing the right thing walking away. It takes time to get over people. Give yourself a head start. If he comes back great if he doesnt you have started the healing process. Read her next post. She gave all her power away. She is right where she wants to be. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Read her next post. She gave all her power away. She is right where she wants to be. Ah thanks Bent. CC you will leave in time. Its awful to want more and not get it. It will eat at your self esteem. The fact that you were in tears and you feel demoralized is just the beginning. It doesnt get any better than that. But I understand what you are saying when you say you arent ready. You have to be ready to pull away. Listen to him when he says he doesnt want to hurt you. He knows he is hurting you. And honestly he will wonder why you are hurting you. I know its wildly disappointing but at least he is being respectful and not encouraging you to hang on to the relationship since he isnt planning to leave. Have to give him credit for that. Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 This is not possible for you, because you are not done with this relationship. Trying to force your hand doesn't work. Make a conscious choice today if you want to stay or go. If you decide you want to stay, make the best of your relationship, just like you would have if he had been a single guy. Don't beat yourself up, don't feel defeated, accept that this is a choice you have made because this is what you most desire. And when tomorrow comes, you can revisit your choice and see if you want to make a different one. Feel free to give us an "update" any time you want. You are struggling. You are trying to make sense of what is going on. It takes time to find a balance in your life once again. Please do stick around and read and post. You will learn a lot. I agree with above post. You arent ready and thats okay. If you beatyourself up for not being ready, you will just lower your self esteem even more. Get some counseling, start reading about relationships and empowerment, take baby steps. It sounds like you've got some work to do and when you are tired of the pain, you will do what you need to do. This is in no way a judgment, we've all been in low places or difficult situations in our lives, so no one has a right to judge you. As another poster suggested, view this as a choice, which is much more empowering of a viewpoint and then take it from there. You can always choose again. Big hugs and please hang in there and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Firstly, thankyou to all you lovely members on LS. You have offered me great advice & largely I have gone against it. This is the last time I will be posting on here as I am simply wasting your time. I tried to end it this afternoon, but ultimately I ended up in tears unable to accept that me & MM would never speak or see each other again. He told me that he didn't want to let me go, but would for my sake if it was what I really wanted. He is adamant that he loves both me & his W & that deciding to stay with her was the hardest decision of his life. I realise that we both have qualities & offer different things to him & I can understand why he stayed with her. I guess the day will come when I can no longer bear being in this A, but I love him completely & just don't know how to find the strength to go NC. I also know that the longer this situation continues, the worse it will become. I feel defeated right now & realise the hold MM has got over me (& know also that he realises too). How I wish I'd never become embroiled in this mess. Thanks again for trying to help me. I remember this feeling. I remember my ex telling me that he wanted us both, me and his other girlfriend. I didn't know who she was, but I knew he had another somewhere. I will never forget how rejected I felt that he refused to be exclusive with me. That's what you are feeling right now, rejection. Its not enough to be told that you have a backup spot on the team. We all want to be captain and will continue to fight to get that spot in most cases. My ex and I went back and forth for years, until I finally was fed up with him vacillating between me and his other main gf, and finding out that there were others besides us. If I didn't get off that ride, we'd still be on it because he wasn't going to do it. You will end this when you are ready. And you already know that you don't want to share him with his W. This will end. I just hope it ends before something truly irreversible happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ditto to everything... Crazychick is indeed living up to her name. Her life is a hot mess and her sense of self and boundaries is non-existent....some women seem to have a semblance of having it together in their OW situation (albeit most times it is just an appearance of it) whereas she is the classic example of a woman being used, abused with no mind of her own to even make decisions about what to do for herself and her situation. 45 different threads about the same thing, all the while belittling herself and placing everything on the shoulders of this man and then at the same time admitting she is insane and foolish... It is very sad. I really do hope though that after she flogs this dead horse to a bloody pulp, she sees how ridiculous the entire thing is and takes the leap to get her self esteem and life in order. If CC needs a boost to her self-esteem as you say, this and some other posts definitely aren't going to help! Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 His W called whilst we were there & accused him of being with me, which obviously he denied. I'll never be able to wrap my brain around a woman who can be in the company of someone this incredibly low and skeevy and have NO problem with being completely devalued like that. You went from being someone this jerk supposedly "loves" to a NON-ENTITY in 2.5 seconds. Yeah, I can see why you can't let go of this prize. Link to post Share on other sites
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