RuinedLife Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ok so its been over 5 months since my break up as many of you know. And I've analyzed my relationship and its demise in every which way you can possibly imagine and yet... I STILL can't seem to... A) Accept that its irreversibly over. B) Forgive myself for causing the break up C) Stop obsessing about the break up or my ex D) Accept the commitment phobic nature of my ex (even though this part of his nature is blatantly clear!!) E) Accept the truth that the love he felt for me was shallow and that he saw me as disposable F) Believe that I will ever meet anyone else that I will click with on as many levels as I did with my ex G) Accept that my ex now has little to no respect for me and is happier without me and has long since moved on from what we had (as I still feel like the break up happened yesterday when in reality its been over 5 months!!) H) See a point to life without my ex I) Stop waiting for my ex J) Stop loving my ex What the hell is wrong with me? I'm insane right? Clinically insane!! Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Nah, RL. Clinically insane people are in mental wards getting help, jailed for crimes they committed, or they're still a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I agree that the healing takes a slow process. If we knew what makes each break up worse or "better" than another, we wouldn't have break up resources for support because it's been figured out. Be kind to yourself. It is hard but we'll get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
jacksonBrown Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 hi ruined have you tried therapy, i'm seeing someone this week i've also been reading alot of motivational books they help, but really you just have to tell yourself that you accept that its ova and do your best to move on you'l soon see that life really isn't that terrible with out them, Date! Tony robbins 'Awaken the Giant Within' is great i'm reading it now he really has some great ideas made me feel better Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Nah, RL. Clinically insane people are in mental wards getting help, jailed for crimes they committed, or they're still a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I agree that the healing takes a slow process. If we knew what makes each break up worse or "better" than another, we wouldn't have break up resources for support because it's been figured out. Be kind to yourself. It is hard but we'll get over it. Well.. I came close.. it was suggested that I be taken away by men in white coats... Yes I really hope so. I don't want to feel like this forever. Its like time, for me, was frozen at the point of the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
bboy Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ok so its been over 5 months since my break up... What the hell is wrong with me? I'm insane right? Clinically insane!! Nope not at all. It's a good health sign actually what is happening. But you might not think so. You're starting to get fed up with this yourself. It's your own normal you that is wakening up and poking on the bathroom door wondering why the hell it's taking such time in there I think you showed a little insight in what you wrote. But you're still lacking hope for a better future. But this can also start happening when you give yourself opportunities to actually grab on to a different future than the old one that you still dwell in. It's not a linear or quick progress but in another 5-6 months I doubt you'll even let these things intervene with your life and goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 They say the truly crazy don't question their own sanity... they think they are perfectly normal. So the fact that you have your faculties about you enough to realize that what you are doing is pretty crazy... means you're quite sane. I've said it in many of your threads so far, you just need to get out and find some other enjoyment in life. Use a website like Meetup to find a group of people who share a common interest and go meet some people. I believe you said you've mostly be lying around the house and talking to a doctor every few days (I apologize if I'm thinking of someone else but I'm pretty sure it was you). Seeking help is great but you need to help yourself as well. I'm a total loner, total homebody, hate going places with a bunch of annoying people, but I've forced myself out of my comfort zone lately. I've let me friends take me to bars even though I completely hate the bar scene. Had a few drinks and ended up having a great night. I've gone to concerts with friends even though I've kinda outgrown being in crowds of people... again once I got over my initial anxiety I ended up having a really good time. I've met new people and I have something to distract myself from my pain. Tonight everyone was busy and I couldn't get out, and it sucked, but I'll just try to get out later today. I hated having to be home for one night... so I can't imagine being stuck in a rut of staying home all the time obsessing. The only thing you can do for an obsessive mind is give it something else to think about. I'll try telling you as many times as you need to hear it... you need something else in your life. New hobbies, new friends, something. Think of how much you tell yourself you love your ex, and instead give that love to yourself for an evening. Get yourself your favorite food, rent a movie that you'd like to see, take a relaxing bath, have a glass of wine, and try to get a good nights rest. Here's the worst part of your situation... say your ex came running back to you, or say someone else amazing came along and made you forget about your ex. Having that security and happiness of a relationship again would make you forget all your troubles, but you'd still be this same person and all your happiness would be dependent on this person in your life who pays attention to you. A returning ex is not the cure you need. You need to cure yourself, and unfortunately that is a much harder road to take. But it is the only way you will break this cycle. You need to learn to love yourself. Would you forgive someone you love for making a mistake? I'm sure you would. Yet for 5 months you have not been able to forgive yourself. If your ex came running back asking for another chance, with the state you're in now, you really should say "no way, I've realized there's a lot I need to work on by myself, having you back would be the easy way to ignore my problems". You have got to find some happiness and value in your life while being single. Every thread I tell you... read a book, rent a movie, start a fitness program, go out in nature and take pictures, have you tried any of it? I know the fears... you think you'll try going for a walk alone and something will just remind you of your ex, or you'll wish they were there, and you'll be miserable. And sometimes that does happen, but you still end up enjoying yourself. The very first thing I started doing for myself was just going for drives, and yes many things happen where I wished my ex was in the seat next to me, I'd see a pretty sunset or a deer in the woods, and I would miss her, but the end result was still that I enjoyed the fresh air and the drive by myself, and I realize my ex was dumb for not wanting to be there to enjoy it with me. And now I've carried that over into going out with friends and going to concerts, I wish she was there having fun with me but it's her own choice not to be. I've been working out and getting in shape and guess what, now my ex has said things to me like "why do you have to be so hot, this doesn't make it any easier to be apart from you". Start taking care of yourself and be an attractive person who has their life together! Attraction goes much deeper than physical appearance, I mean be an exciting interesting person mentally, not being broken and sad. Andrew W.K. is such goofy music and doesn't fit into my normal musical tastes but this song is awesome for what we are all going through. Read along with the lyrics under the video. Wishing you the best.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Thanks Exit. Yes I'm trying to focus more on all the things I used to enjoy and that I love doing now. i.e. watching lots of comedy movies, writing funny fan fictions, and funny youtube videos. Unfortunately, my physical health is still pretty bad which is why I've been stuck in bed or on the sofa most of the time. But I'm trying my best not to let that stop me from enjoying myself, at least some of the time! Andrew W.K. is such goofy music and doesn't fit into my normal musical tastes but this song is awesome for what we are all going through. Read along with the lyrics under the video. Wishing you the best.... Great motivating video!! Love it!! Thanks!! I found version too, with lots of funny video clips interspersed through out, which is funny too, was trying to find one with lyrics but I couldn't so I will Google the song. Thanks so much again. I really hope I can start moving on, find some new sense of hope and meet some other people (even if its just online) who I can connect with). Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 The one I originally posted has the lyrics, you just have to click on "show more" under the video and they are all there. The one you found with the video clips is great!! Oh I didn't know it was your physical health that is actually keeping you in the house. Bummer. Well, do what you can to take care of yourself! Get out for some fresh air when you can at least! Keep watching movies and feeling better. That was another of the first steps I took to feeling better, one night I found a movie on TV I wanted to watch and I realized I could enjoy it by myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 So much of what you say is exactly what I'm feeling, RL. And, I imagine, most of us. I STILL can't seem to... C) Stop obsessing about the break up or my ex I still feel like the break up happened yesterday when in reality its been over 5 months!!I'm the same, and it's just gone 7 months. It's weird, things that have happened in the meantime have faded and seem like ages ago, whereas the relationship and the break up stay so fresh in the mind, and are such intense and clear memories. I occasionally think of things that haven't crossed my mind since we were together, and the memory feels like it was yesterday. It's horrible. Its like time, for me, was frozen at the point of the break up. I know that feeling. I've struggled so hard to accept things and move on, but it's hard when you imagine (or witness in my case) them having a lively, fun life, while you can barely get out of bed in the morning to face another day. It feels like life is leaving you behind. Just try and accept that you're not alone with these feelings, accept them as part of the process, something we're all going through. I love Exit's positive attitude, I know I should take on board a lot of that advice... I would love to have a social circle to distract myself from all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I love Exit's positive attitude, I know I should take on board a lot of that advice... I would love to have a social circle to distract myself from all this. Haha I do my best to be positive but trust me I have my weak moments too! I went out with friends last night and had a great time and still found myself crying before I fell asleep early this morning. If you want a social circle, create one! I only have like 2 real friends and I'm an anti-social S.O.B., but I went out this weekend and ended up adding like 8 people to my Facebook from one night out. Are they dear life-long friends? No, but it's nice to make new contacts. It's easier than ever these days to find new people thanks to technology and everything. Or just get out in your community and volunteer or do something to meet people. Nobody gets a social/support group out of nowhere, even popular people have to work at it and put themselves out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuinedLife Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Haha I do my best to be positive but trust me I have my weak moments too! I went out with friends last night and had a great time and still found myself crying before I fell asleep early this morning. If you want a social circle, create one! I only have like 2 real friends and I'm an anti-social S.O.B., but I went out this weekend and ended up adding like 8 people to my Facebook from one night out. Are they dear life-long friends? No, but it's nice to make new contacts. It's easier than ever these days to find new people thanks to technology and everything. Or just get out in your community and volunteer or do something to meet people. Nobody gets a social/support group out of nowhere, even popular people have to work at it and put themselves out there. Very true. I wish I could go out and meet new people, make new friends in the "real" world and realize that there are others out there who will appreciate me and who I can enjoy my life with. But the best I can really do for now is make new online friends, which is why all you guys at LS are so dear to my heart now. You are my social/support group. You are my friends. And I'm so glad we have this place where we can help support each other through these hard times Thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
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